Chapter 18

Chapter

Eighteen

The cabin was every bit as charming as Aelin remembered, and that made it frustratingly difficult to be angry. The dark wood floors creaked under her feet, and light filtered in through the picture window, making the whole living room look like it had been dusted with gold. The walls were covered in old photos of the lake, and the kitchen still looked like the seventies threw up on it.

She loved it. Every last avocado green appliance and laminate countertop.

It was cozy. Charming. And it was also small.

"Mariah, why the hell didn't you give me a heads up? We could've brought sleeping bags or something," she hissed through her teeth.

Mariah threw out her hands. "I only found out yesterday. It was a last-minute thing. I guess Bob texted Leo, and he said, "The more the merrier!"

Aelin crossed her arms over her chest, checking to see if Ryan or the girls were coming inside with their things yet. "More is not merrier in this particular circumstance. We have four people, Mar. There are only three beds."

"And a couch." She said it like a question and winced .

Aelin lowered her voice. "I don't know him that well." She scanned the room, trying to figure out a situation where she wouldn't be leaving her daughter upstairs with her friend's dad sleeping in the room below.

"I'm really sorry about this. I thought about other possible sleeping arrangements, but those kids are so much older than your two girls. That would be weird, and Leo would divorce me if I suggested he share a room with a random guy?—"

"No, I get it. I'm not saying we need to do something like that." She pressed her hands into the counter. "It just would've been good to know before we left."

Ryan didn't seem like a dangerous person. But neither had Clark in the beginning.

"You could go to the store? I'll pay for you to get some sleeping bags or?—"

Amaya and Bailey rushed in, their eyes lighting up when they saw the loft. Bailey found Aelin, her hands clenched with excitement. "Do we get to sleep up there?" She bolted up the stairs before Aelin could stop her, Amaya close on her heels.

"There are TWO BEDS FOR US!" Bailey sounded like she was at an Olivia Rodrigo concert.

Aelin blew out a breath. "Yeah. Looks like that's not happening." How could she tell the girls they were going to have to sleep on the floor? Or share the bed so she and Ryan could each take a tiny bed? She'd barely fit in those at sixteen when they'd come here for the first time, and Ryan was more than a head taller than her.

Ryan walked in carrying three bags and her laundry basket. Aelin rushed to the door to take something.

"You didn't need to bring everything in at once." She took the basket and set it by the door.

"More efficient." He set the suitcases down, and Amaya's footsteps pounded on the stairs as she descended to retrieve her things .

"Thank you so much for bringing us. Ugh!" She grabbed her small suitcase and hauled it back up to the loft.

Mariah looked between the two of them. "Think of it this way. You get to split the cost of the week. That saves you a thousand bucks?"

Aelin drew a breath and slowly exhaled. "That. Is true."

"True enough that you don't hate me?" Mariah's face pinched.

Aelin grabbed her suitcase and slid it away from the door. "I don't hate you."

Mariah gave her a quick hug and patted Ryan on the shoulder like he was a puppy, then escaped through the front door.

Aelin bit her lip and wrung her hands. "I'm so sorry." She kept her voice low so the girls didn't hear over their excited chatter.

Ryan shrugged. "It's fine. I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

Aelin glanced at the leather sofa. "Ryan?—"

"It's fine. I'll go grab the last of our stuff."

"No, stop. I don't mean—it's not about the couch. The girls are going to be sleeping right up there."

Ryan frowned, then sucked in a breath when he realized what she was getting at. Aelin waited for him to snap at her. To tell her she was being overprotective or anxious. But instead Ryan nodded and said, "Yeah, of course. I could sleep in the car?"

Aelin blinked at him. "You'd do that?"

He nodded. "Definitely. I wouldn't want my daughter sleeping in the same place as a random guy." He ran a hand over his jaw. "We'll figure something out."

When he finished unloading the car, Aelin was writing down the last few items on her grocery list. "Anything you want to add?"

Ryan walked into the kitchen and stopped next to her, glancing over the notepad. He reached out and took the pen from her. She pulled her hand back a little too quickly when his thumb brushed hers.

His brow furrowed as he leaned over and added popcorn and English muffins to the list. As he straightened, the girls ran down the stairs, already dressed in their bathing suits.

Ryan's mouth quirked, and he looked at Aelin. "Do you want store or lifeguard duty?"

"You go to the store, Dad." Amaya grabbed his hand, leading him to the door. "Make sure to get distracted like you always do in the snacks aisle."

He scoffed. "I don't get distracted."

Amaya giggled as he put on his shoes. He gave Aelin an amused look, then stalked out to the car.

"Okay, girls, just give me a few seconds here." Aelin dragged her suitcase to the small master bedroom. The door opened with a creak, and she stepped inside, moving her suitcase into the corner. The room was just as she remembered, with its rustic wooden furniture and floral curtains.

Ryan's stuff would need to go in here, too, so it wasn't cluttering up the tiny living space. She took out her clothes and toiletries and claimed one side of the dresser and a section of the washroom counter, then shoved her suitcase under the bed.

She wasn't going to make him sleep in the car. It got cold there at night. But then . . . what? Aelin scanned the room. She would give him the bed, but she knew he wasn't going to take it.

The floor?

She stood and her brain flashed with one ticker tape after another. Ryan was going to be sleeping in the same cabin as her. Ryan was going to be brushing his teeth next to her. Ryan's clothes were going to be in the same dresser.

It was fine. They were adults, and they could figure out how to be roommates for the week. Extremely platonic, professional roommates. They'd already survived a few weeks of seeing each other every day. How much harder could this be ?

She mentally plugged her ears and hummed as her heart tattooed lies on the back of her ribs.

Aelin threw on her swimsuit, a sporty bikini that was so comfortable, she had it in two colours, and paused a second to assess herself in the mirror.

It wasn't that she didn't like her body. After being pregnant and nursing, she felt pretty damn good about how she looked. But she'd always been curvier. Even in high school when she was swimming every day, she was the one with hips and a chest. Most boys had liked it.

Until Clark.

He'd made it clear that he preferred her with less. Less weight, less personality, less opinions. Less of everything that didn't give him exactly what he wanted when he wanted it.

The barbs he'd thrown at her began cycling through her head. You're a prude. Did you see how much your thighs jiggled when you did that? That should be an advert for why women need boob jobs.

She shook her head and turned from the mirror. Rule #1 of being at the lake: Clark didn't get to come that year, in her head or otherwise.

Aelin threw on an old T-shirt and walked down the hall to check on the girls. "You two ready to get in the water?"

Amaya and Bailey squealed.

They all slipped on sandals and abandoned the cabin for the pebbled beach. The sun was warm on Aelin's skin as they walked down to the dock. The lake stretched out before them, so dark blue, it felt as if it would stain. Aelin felt a rush of nostalgia as Amaya pointed to the shallows.

"There's fish!"

Bailey grabbed her hand. "That's a minnow. They like to swim close to shore. There are so many more over there."

The girls ran across the beach, their laughter echoing across the water. Aelin followed at a slower pace, taking in the familiar sights and sounds. The dock creaked under her feet, and she breathed in the scent of pine and humidity .

Amaya and Bailey waded into the shallows, and Aelin sat on the edge of the dock. She dipped her feet into the water and took off her T-shirt. The water was still a bit chilly. She'd have to put on her big girl panties to dive in and ski.

Aelin leaned back on her hands, letting the sun soak into her skin. She closed her eyes and listened to the gentle lapping of the waves against the dock. It was so peaceful here. So different from the constant hum of the city.

"Mom, come in!" Bailey called, and Aelin opened her eyes. Both girls were up to their knees in water, splashing each other.

"Okay, okay." Aelin stood and walked back up the dock and onto the beach, dropping her sandals in the rocks. She gasped as the cold hit her, but she forced herself to keep going until she was waist-deep.

The girls seemed elated at her obvious discomfort. Aelin couldn't help but laugh with them. Aelin trailed her fingers across the surface. The sky was a brilliant blue with only a few wispy clouds drifting by.

Her skin prickled, and she turned. Ryan stood on the dock, holding the grocery sacks, his eyes locked on her.

Aelin curled her toes against the rocks. He'd seen her in a towel, but with him watching her like that, she had never felt more naked. Especially since the water was cold.

Ryan gave a small wave and turned back to the cabin. Aelin waited for her heart to jump start.

"Mom, look!" Bailey ran up the beach, holding something out. "I found the perfect wishing stone."

Aelin inspected it. The rock was grey with a white line etched in a perfect, unbroken circle. "Wow, yes you did. What are you going to wish for?"

Bailey scoffed. "I can't tell you."

Amaya picked her way across the beach, and Bailey showed her the rock, instructing her on how to find one for herself. Then Bailey walked to the edge of the lake, clutched the rock to her chest and closed her eyes, then threw it out into the water. What she wouldn't have given to listen in on her daughter's thoughts for just a moment.

She let the girls play for another twenty minutes, then brought them up to dry off and get ready for dinner when her mom texted saying they were getting the fire started.

Ryan had already put the food away by the time Aelin and the girls were back from the water. He'd also taken his suitcase into the bedroom. She wanted to walk in and see what his clothes looked like next to hers. What products he used in his hair and on his body.

"Hey."

Aelin jumped at the sound of Ryan's voice, nearly dropping the glass she'd pulled from the cupboard. She clutched it to her chest and turned.

Ryan leaned against the fridge. "Anything I can do to help with dinner?"

Aelin glanced at the buns now sitting on the counter. "We just need to bring these down to the fire pit. My parents have the hot dogs."

He nodded, and his eyes dropped a fraction. "Are you going to change?"

"You don't think this is good dinner attire?" She looked down at her bikini.

Ryan's neck turned pink. "I was wondering if I needed to get on my suit. If you were going to swim again."

The corner of her mouth lifted. "I'm done. The girls may still want to get in." She walked toward the bedroom and slid past him, her body all too aware of how little space there was between them. "I'll be right back."

Aelin changed into shorts and a hoodie, and the four of them walked down to the fire pit between their cabins. They'd rented out the whole place, and this was precisely why they'd chosen these cabins over the other options around the lake. It was private without paying a premium price for a massive house.

Her parents were there, hauling out chairs and a cooler. " There you are!" her mom called. "We were about to send out a search party."

Aelin grinned. "We were just getting settled."

Her dad stood and walked over to the picnic table next to the fire pit. "I started the fire, but you can take over from here if you want." He clapped Ryan on the shoulder.

Ryan shot Aelin a look, and she shrugged with a laugh. He was going to have to get used to that. Everyone here jumped in, even if they weren't on a first-name basis.

"Mom, Dad, this is Ryan." Aelin motioned to Amaya, who had already crouched next to the flames with Bailey. "That's his daughter, Amaya."

"So nice to meet you. Here, let me help with those," her mom reached out to take a few packages of the buns from their hands. "I'm Molly, by the way." She held out her hand to Ryan, who took it with a smile.

"Dave." Her dad adjusted the waistband of his pants.

Aelin set the rest of the buns on the picnic table as gratitude swelled in her chest. Her parents were good people. Welcoming. Loving. They'd always been supportive, even when she and her sister had made stupid decisions. Like drinking their whiskey or driving her car through a puddle that turned out to be a mud pit. Or, you know, marrying Clark.

Her dad walked back to the fire pit. Aelin grabbed a roasting stick from the bucket next to the picnic table and handed it to Ryan.

They speared up dogs for the girls, then showed them where to hold it over the fire.

"So, how was the drive?" her mom asked, sitting down in one of the camp chairs.

"Pretty uneventful."

"No traffic at the border?" Her dad looked skeptical. Ryan shook his head."That's good. It's always a crapshoot, especially on a weekend. You shall not pass! "

Aelin laughed and glanced at Ryan. She'd forgotten to prepare him for the excessive nerd energy he'd be encountering. "Dad, you've driven over the border exactly once."

He waved her off. "I've heard stories."

Ryan crouched down to help Amaya rotate her dog, and Aelin noticed how the light played off the curve of his lips. She forced her eyes back to the table and pulled the sleeves of her hoody over her hands.

"You started without us!" Mariah called.

Aelin turned to see her sister and her friends walking down the path from the cabins. Somehow, they all knew exactly who Ryan was. Mariah introduced her husband, Leo, and their kids, Tucker, Alicia, and Mary. Their friends introduced themselves next, and Aelin tried to keep track of names even though the teenage boys moved as a pack straight to the food.

They laughed and ate around the fire as the sun dropped closer to the horizon. The girls played in the water, grabbing pool noodles and floats to play some game involving mermaids.

Ryan leaned over as the sun was setting. "Should we get them cleaned up?"

Aelin nodded, laughing at Mariah trying to wipe ketchup off her ankle after dipping a bare dog on her friend Malcolm's plate of extra condiments.

They helped put the rest of the food away, then called to Amaya and Bailey. There were no complaints once they reminded the girls that they'd get to do the same thing every day for a week. Aelin never made plans for this vacation. She liked soaking it in, enjoying every second on the water.

"You four want to take first shift with us on the boat in the morning?" Her dad asked as they started back toward their cabin.

Aelin looked at Ryan, and he nodded. "Sure. What time?"

"Eight o'clock okay? The water will be glass."

She smiled. "Sounds great. Thanks, Dad."

The girls showered and got into PJs while Aelin made them each a piece of toast with a fried egg for a snack. She looked up and noticed Ryan eyeing the plate.

"You want one, too?"

He glanced up. "I wouldn't turn it down."

Aelin grinned and cracked another egg in the pan. It was quite possibly the perfect afternoon, which felt miraculous, considering the way it started. She kept waiting for Ryan to snap at her or go into hiding like Clark used to. To say something like, "Your family is a lot," but he hadn't.

He sat at the fire surrounded by perfect strangers and joined in the conversation like he was a regular. In the past few weeks, she hadn't seen him get testy once besides that first day on her doorstep. Either he was putting on an excellent show, or she'd met him at his worst. And if that was his worst . . .

Bailey sat at the table first, and Amaya was quick to follow. Ryan offered to deliver the plates, but she waved him off. She brought their food and did a double take when she saw Bailey reach over and pull a piece of egg white hanging off the edge of Ryan's plate and pop it in her mouth.

Ryan glanced up, and she turned back to the kitchen to grab water glasses. When they finished, Amaya cleared all three plates, and they all walked up the stairs to the loft together.

Aelin pulled their copy of Little House on the Prairie from Bailey's bag. "We're reading this one. Do you want to hear a chapter?"

Amaya nodded, then settled herself on the edge of the bed. Ryan dropped to the floor in front of her, and she pulled out his elastic. It looked like a choreographed routine, so smooth and practiced. Amaya separated his hair into halves, then started a French braid on one side.

"Mom?" Bailey tapped her shoulder.

She cleared her throat. "Right, sorry." Aelin opened the book to chapter four and started reading. She instantly regretted her decision when she remembered she'd started the book using different voices for each character and now had to maintain that level of performance for triple the audience.

Her cheeks flushed when she dropped her voice for Pa. When she finished the chapter, she set the book down and turned to Bailey's bed fast enough, she didn't have to meet Ryan's gaze.

Aelin kneeled, tucking the blanket under Bailey's chin. "Sweet dreams, babe." She smoothed the hair off her forehead, then turned to Amaya. "Goodnight."

The loft was warm and cozy, the soft glow from the kitchen light filtering through the rails on the far wall. Ryan stood and planted a kiss on Amaya's forehead, his hair elastic on his wrist.

Aelin turned and descended the stairs. She walked into the kitchen, hunting for something to do so she could look busy when Ryan came downstairs. What happened next? All day, they'd had things to keep them busy. Distracted. Now it was just the two of them in a very quiet, very dreamy cabin.

Ryan padded across the living room and leaned against the counter. He pulled the wash rag from the sink and wet it under the faucet, then wiped down the kitchen table. As he replaced it, he asked, "You okay?"

Aelin nodded. "Of course. Why?"

Ryan tapped his finger on the counter. "Uh, you haven't looked at me in approximately three hours?" He exhaled. "Just . . . wanted to make sure I didn't do something?—"

"You didn't do anything." She placed a soap tab in the dishwasher, and her hand shook as she pressed start and closed the door. "It's been a busy day." She forced her chin up and met his eyes head-on.

Her stomach felt like it had just been thrown in the blender. She let out a soft "hmm" then turned and opened the cupboards. "Looks like you got everything on the list. Thank you for doing that, by the way."

"Of course. "

She felt like she'd just slammed an espresso. "Mmkay, I'm going to?—"

"I thought I'd make some tea. You want some?"

Aelin paused, forcing her lungs to expand. No. She should say no and disappear into the bedroom until the girls were awake and she could have anything else to look at besides him. "Sure."

He rounded the counter, and his hand grazed her hip as she sucked in her stomach and moved past him to take his spot at the counter. He filled the kettle and pulled out the new box of tea bags. Peppermint.

Aelin swallowed hard.

After turning on the gas burner, Ryan turned to face her and leaned against the counter. "What if this is about us?"

Aelin's heart stalled in her chest. "Hmm?"

He folded his arms. "What if we didn't want to be two sad people anymore?"

She stared at him like a deer in headlights. What was he talking about? She remembered her depressing monologue at the park, but she was not following this train of thought. Probably because Ryan's hair was still hitting his shoulders, and his arms looked like they could crush walnuts.

"What would you tell your best friend if she were in your position?" he asked.

Aelin drew a breath and held it. "That she should shave her head, smuggle her daughter out of the country, and never talk to anyone that could get word back to her asshole ex. Especially after seeing how easy it was to get across the border. I could forge a notary stamp."

Ryan raised an eyebrow, and she exhaled. "Okay, fine. I'd tell her that she'd already wasted twelve years of her life being sad because of said asshole ex. She couldn't do anything about that now, but she could enjoy the next twelve. What about you?"

Ryan wet his lips. "I'd tell him that . . ." His jaw worked. When he spoke again, his voice was raw. "That I don't think marriage was meant to be a death sentence."

Aelin gripped the edge of the counter. "It's so much easier to give advice than to take it."

Ryan huffed a laugh as the tea kettle started to whistle. He turned and pulled two mugs from the cupboard and poured boiling water into them.

"You know when I went on that date?" she asked.

Ryan's hand stilled, then continued on to pick up the tea bags. "Mmhmm."

"I had this weird moment."

"If this is a sex thing?—"

Aelin snorted. "Not a sex thing." Was it just her, or did Ryan's shoulders drop a smidge? "We were walking around the park, and there was music playing, and I felt like I was floating above myself or something. Like my personality had been erased. There was nothing that existed anymore. I was just an empty shell. A robot trying to figure out how to be human."

Ryan handed her a mug. "That's bleak. Even for a first date."

"Hence the reason I haven't gone on a second." She leaned over the counter.

He lifted his mug. They were only two feet apart now, the thin strip of island the only thing between them. "Maybe it wasn't the right guy."

She gave him a look. "I think I'm the anti-hero in this story."

"Why?"

Aelin scoffed. "I don't know. Maybe because every time I tried to be myself with Clark, he found a way to make me feel like crap about it. Twelve years of that makes for a fairly thorough brainwashing."

His lips twitched. He glanced down at his mug, then back up at her, his dark lashes brushing his cheek. "How often is Clark right about things?"

"When it's not about making money? Never."

Ryan set his mug down on the counter. "I rest my case. "

She leaned forward, the counter biting into her hip bones. "Again. Easier to give advice than take it."

Ryan nodded, his thumb tracing the handle of his mug. "I don't want to be Sad Ryan anymore. I want to be Fun Ryan."

She fought a smile. "I bet we could find the mothership. Tweak both our operating systems."

His nostrils flared. "Maybe this place counts." He lifted his mug, blew on his tea, and took a tentative sip.

"What are you proposing?" That word sent a zing through her centre, and she quickly took a drink, flinching as the hot liquid burned her bottom lip.

Ryan studied the surface of his tea as if reading the future. "What if we forgot about life back home for the week. What if we let ourselves be different?"

Aelin let his words settle over her. Was it possible? Could she ignore the emails from her lawyer, the searches for house listings, the potential passive-aggressive texts from Clark? Could she just . . . be? "This would have to go away." She lifted up her phone.

Ryan opened up the kitchen drawer next to him. He pressed the power button on the phone until his screen went blank, then dropped it in.