15. Lexa

Chapter 15

Lexa

A rim scowled. "That's not what happened."

"Then tell me why you looked at me like that. Tell me why you attacked me and turned away from everything we'd had," I demanded, still needing to make sense of the one event in my life that forced me into a direction I'd never imagined I might take. "Because on that day, I woke feeling loved and wanted. Before night fell, I was taken to Dark Lord lands. To Malern." I hated that place.

"Lexa —"

"Taken by Ini, a woman so vile, she might as well have been a demon herself."

Arim closed his eyes, his jaw tight. When he looked back down at me, I saw a kaleidoscope of color in his gaze, his emotions bleeding into the physical. Heat shimmered off his body, not harming, but comforting, which confused me even as I fought to hold on to the fury I rightfully carried.

He blew out a breath. "I was worried about you when you didn't show up for class. You loved spellcasting, and I knew you'd never willfully miss it. I waited, but when you didn't show at University, I knew something was wrong. When I found you, you were covered in blood."

"From trying to revive my family."

"Your energy was erratic, strong and so incredibly Dark…" His piercing stare burrowed into me. "I believed in you, Lexa. I loved you. I only wanted to ease your hurt. Then you slapped at me with a Darkness so painful I was stunned. Hate and violence swirled around you like a mantle, just like the aura of destruction that had settled over Muri, Esel, and Sercha."

"That's not true."

"That's exactly what happened. I didn't believe you'd done anything, not until you struck out at me. I was stunned and hurt and mostly confused. But if I hadn't defended myself, you might have killed me."

"Killed you too , don't you mean?" I tried to jerk out from under him, enraged he still wouldn't accept the truth. "You and Sin Garu deserve each other. You only see what you want to see. Pain and violence breed so much the same. You arrogant piece of —"

Arim covered my mouth with a hand. "This time you're not going to make me lose my temper. We shared something special once, and whether you like it or not, we still do. I've come to realize my memories of that terrible day aren't perhaps as clear as I thought."

I stopped thrashing beneath his hand. What was he saying?

"Some time ago, we put aside our differences to rid our world of Sin Garu. You let me look inside your mind, and I saw something that confused me."

I glared at him, and he reluctantly removed his hand.

I poked him in the chest. "I knew it! I knew you'd looked into my memories. I only let you into my mind to convince you we needed to stop Sin Garu together."

"Yes, well, that glimpse into your mind was unintentional. I wasn't fully convinced at what I saw, that scene you described as you found your family that day." His voice lowered, brimming with sincerity. "I've been wondering what really occurred and why since the day it happened. But it's been easier to concentrate on other things rather than relive the pain of your betrayal. No," he said quickly, forestalling my denial. "I know you didn't do it."

I opened my mouth and closed it quickly. "What?"

"I've been thinking about it, really thinking about you and the circumstances surrounding that day ever since you stood between me and death at Sin Garu's hands." He ran a finger over my lips, causing me to tremble. "You saved me, Lexa. You put yourself at risk to protect me. All the things you've done to help Tanselm, to protect my nephews and their affai. Hell, you even sacrificed a large part of your strength to heal my sister and without telling anyone about it. I couldn't have been more blind about you, could I?"

He frowned. "My own prejudices shielded me from the truth. I don't know how you haven't killed me when so many times you could have. Why didn't you let Sin Garu take me out? The Light Bringers, the only people you'd ever known, banished you from your friends and life in Tanselm. The man who supposedly loved you rejected you."

Arim kissed me, his sorrow unfathomably deep. My Darkness radiated with his pain.

"I'm so sorry, Blue. You'll never know how sorry I am for what happened."

"You — you're saying you believe me now?" My heart raced, and I told myself not to hope. His belief or disbelief means nothing.

Yet it meant everything .

Desperate not to cling to even a shred of expectation, I tried to rile him. "Wait, this is some ploy to get me to confide in you, right? I'm just supposed to believe that after some hot sex, you now believe me?" I snorted. "Nice try. I don't know a hell of a lot about Sin Garu's plans, so this great big ball of ‘I believe you now' is wasted. Sorry, Arim, but once again you've misjudged me."

"No, Blue. This has nothing to do with Sin Garu unless he's the one who killed your family. This is about you and me. Period."

I swallowed, uneasy that he refused to take the bait. He acted as if he really believed me, as if he wanted my…forgiveness?

I tried to look tough. "So what do you want from me?"

"Nothing. I just want to show you how sorry I am for all that you've suffered. For all that you were made to do." He sounded sad, and my heart dipped.

Hell. A little bit — okay, a lot — of Light Bringer dick and I'd been reduced to a pitiful mass of neediness. I struggled against the urge to tell him to forget the past, to put it all behind us and start over.

I am so weak, it's pathetic .

"Now hold on." I tugged again on my ropes. "Arim, release me."

To my surprise, he did. But he wouldn't budge from his position on top of me.

"What happened all those years ago was tragic," I continued. "But it showed me who I really am and where I belong."

"Oh?" He lifted a brow in that conceited way of his and, like clockwork, had my back up. "So all those rumors about you devouring small children and roasting Light Bringers for fun are true? Do you normally play tug-of-war with the Malinta demons for the souls of those you steal?"

Still such a dickhead. "You are way, way off."

"I know," he said smoothly and kissed the hollow between my neck and shoulder. To my dismay, his touch sent a bolt of lust straight through my body. "I know a woman who hated me, who would love to see me dead, wouldn't have put herself between me and punishment at the hands of a mad Dark Lord. A woman who hated me wouldn't have ignored a chance to humiliate me by outing my sexual deviancy to Tanselm's populace."

I squirmed, wanting him to share those deviant urges with me all over again. How could I be so infuriated and so in lust with him at the same time?

"Arim, let's just forget —"

"No. I don't want to forget a moment with you. Not when we've spent a lifetime apart. I want more, Blue. I need more. I need you. "

I stared in shock, not sure what I saw in his eyes when he took possession of me yet again.

In Arim's kiss, I felt desire, love, and the tendrils of possibilities snaking over my body, heart, and mind.

Not even the demonic curse overshadowing my soul could stop me from reaching out to grasp at a foolish hope so close, and so long denied.