23. Hector

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

HECTOR

I f I'd had my way, I would've picked a nearer clan meeting to attend than the one in Vulture lands. If it weren't for bringing the bolt thrower to show the chiefs, it would've been unreasonable for any Crane to make the journey by road to the northernmost clan in Nemeda.

Most of those joining us were flying after us, with only a couple of people heading out first to help me guide the cart to the north. Well, and navigate the land. I didn't know the way.

Killian and Minerva had written back and forth and decided that it was worthwhile to bring the bolt thrower all the way to the north of Nemeda, even though their clans were nearer to one another. With so many hands in the smithy working toward making more of them, it was reasonable to leave this one in the north.

It had been my suggestion, actually.

The Nemedans weren't concerned with Urial. There hadn't been a real conflict between our countries in living memory.

I would feel better knowing the Vulture had some way to defend themselves, though. If a fight were to break out, my family could be at the very center of it. The least I could do was help secure Nemeda's northern border. With any luck, the Vulture would never have to use the bolt thrower.

When Killian climbed onto the front of the cart as we were just tying the last lash, it brought me up short.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to him as Orestes and another locked everything in place.

"Coming with you, obviously."

I scowled. "You can fly with the others. Or catch us up on the road."

Killian arched one of his perfect silver brows. "Nia and Viola have things in hand."

"We'll just be traveling. Slowly. And if we face trouble, I'm sure Orestes can handle it."

Killian... gods, he laughed. It was soft and brief, and my heart squeezed hard. Getting to see this side of him softened something inside me. It made me hope for impossible things.

"I'm almost jealous," he said.

"Almost?"

His lips quirked. "I don't have the luxury of scorning strong allies, so there's no need to elaborate on Orestes's many virtues. Come on. Sit with me." He budged over on the bench beside him. "Won't it be nice to travel together for a couple weeks?"

What could I do, with him looking down at me like that? His sly smile, his sharp gaze, all of him drew me closer. With a sigh, I climbed up beside him.

"I suppose being on the road will give you time to collect your thoughts before the meeting," I mumbled. Surely I wouldn't mind the warmth of his arm against mine as we bumped against each other on the road.

Killian scoffed. "The council would be startled indeed, if I suddenly started thinking before opening my mouth." Before he pulled the reins, he leaned hard against me, nudging me to the side. "They'll think you're having a positive effect on the Crane."

"The horror!" Orestes called from the back.

Heat rushed into my face and I shrugged. "Or perhaps I'm just making him prone to road weariness."

Despite our jibing, we were all eager to get to the Vulture lands as quickly as possible. I was nervous to speak before the council, but eager to see Paris and Helena again.

It twisted me up and made me quieter than I'd been in a while. Only Killian was able to take me out of my twisted worries for a little while, but he let me lose myself in the golden planes of his skin and gave me a thousand other things to think about.

When we finally got to Vulture lands, I'd hardly set foot on the earth again before I heard my name shouted and saw Paris forcing his way through the clusters of Nemedans already gathering for a look at the bolt thrower.

He crashed into me, took me in his arms, and hugged me hard before pushing me back to look me over.

My brother had always been pale, but now his skin was lightly tanned, his arms bare and toned. He had feathers in his hair for Mother and Father, but after so long with the Crane, his hair seemed only sparsely adorned. His smile—it was unburdened in a way I'd seldom seen.

I still remembered Paris the way he'd been in Urial, hopeful, but with all the restrictions and expectations Urial forced upon us to keep him from being fully himself. When I'd stayed in Hawk lands after fleeing Urial, I'd adjusted to seeing him genuinely happy, but it was a surprise after so much time apart, to see him like this.

It seemed something about me surprised him too.

"You look like you've been eating well!" Paris clapped my upper arms and squeezed, beaming at me.

I scowled, battling against the urge to smile. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Paris's eyelids fluttered. "Oh, ah, just... hale. You look good. Healthy. Like you've been active. The last time I saw you, you were still kind of..."

Sallow and sunken, no doubt. I'd been recovering from poison, stewing in my own heartbreak.

When was the last time I'd felt like a failure? In the weeks since installing the first bolt thrower, since taking Killian to bed, I'd almost forgotten how useless I'd felt, not just after fleeing from the only home I'd known, but even coming to the wall and being unable to make myself useful in the ways I'd hoped.

Reminded now, a buoyant lightness suffused my chest, and no amount of angst could drag me down. I'd done something. Killian wanted me, at least as much as he was able to, and even if there were no promises for tomorrow, for the time being, I felt less alone.

A slow grin spread across my face. "I'm teasing you, Paris." Before he could pull away, I dragged him into another hug. "I feel good."

"It's not too much? Being at the border, I mean." He bit his lip. "You know you could return to us whenever you liked. I'm sure Killian wouldn't keep you—" Paris sent a significant look over my shoulder, to where Killian was talking to the Vultures who'd care for our horses.

When I looked back at him, Killian was holding Paris's eye. His chin inclined just enough that I wasn't sure if he was agreeing or simply greeting my brother.

A rush of sourness filled my gut to think he'd let me go so easily.

"I'm happy where I am," I insisted, turning back to my brother. "The work I'm doing is important, and I'm getting to know Nemeda where I'm needed."

Dissatisfied, Paris's lips screwed up. "If you're sure . . . "

"Hector!" Helena cried, sparing us having to argue the tired point again. She threw herself past Paris and wrapped her arms around my side. "I'm so happy you're here."

"Me too, bug." I kissed the top of her head, and the quill of a feather nudged my cheek.

She had feathers in her hair now too, but when I looked down at her, I saw that it was more than just that. Helena stood straighter than she had in Urial. She'd been engaged to a prince, but she'd never looked more regal. It didn't matter that her clothes were plain and dark. It was just the way that she held herself.

As if she knew what I'd seen before I puzzled it out, she ducked her head and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"I've been staying with the Raven," she said softly.

There, between where we stood and where Paris had left Brett behind, there were others dressed as darkly as Helena was. In fact, she fit right among them, and the feathers in her hair were inky black.

"You and Chief?—"

"Minerva, yes," she nodded quickly. "I—we've?—"

"I didn't realize you'd already?—"

They were together.

Helena bit her lip. "It happened fast, and I—I didn't want to worry you." She and Paris shared a quick look. "And Paris and Brett were able to come while I was ill. It?—"

"It was so similar to what I went through," Paris interjected. "We didn't think she was in any danger. If things had changed, we'd have sent for you."

"Of course," Helena agreed with a tremulous smile. Now, she looked more like my baby sister than the Raven's consort. "Everything's fine. There was no reason to drag you in two directions."

Everything was fine. She'd survived Avianitis. She and Paris both were happy and settled with Nemedans who clearly loved them, despite Killian's protestations that love had anything to do with the disease.

I was happy for them.

My bitterness was enough to choke me.

"That's wonderful," I said, pulling her into another hug so she wouldn't see anything in my eyes I didn't want her to. "I'm so happy you're safe and well and Minerva's—" The only things I remembered of her were hazy and came from a time when I'd been too lost to my own failings to pay as much attention as I should've. "I look forward to knowing her better."

Helena brightened at that. "She's here. We'll all—yes, I'm sure we'll make time."

"Right. Yes. Whenever suits," I promised.

"It's only a matter of time before you have wings too," Paris said, some of that same stiff brightness he'd used in Urial's court back in his voice. "There is... Hector, there's nothing like flying. You're going to love it."

My heart sank. There was no way that I'd find a place in Nemeda as easily as they had. With my luck, it'd been their beautiful mother who'd given them the fortitude to survive the illness, and I'd simply wind up dead.

But that wasn't something I ever wanted either of them to worry about, and no, that absolutely was not the same impulse that had led them to leave me in the dark while Helena fought through Avianitis. It was my job to protect them, not the other way around.

"I will," I said with a measured smile. "I'm sure I will."

Never mind that the only person I wanted to give me Avianitis wasn't interested in love or anything half as serious.