Chapter 25

chapter 25

CEPHARIUS

What in the depths had I been thinking?

I had a feeling that I'd just ruined things with Elle, which was why I'd swum so far away I could only barely feel her.

I knew I had come on too strongly. She'd only been beneath the waves for maybe two of her air-days, and now she was frightened. I could feel it when she was staring out at me.

She liked me, yes, but not to the degree that I liked her.

That I wanted to care for her.

That I would now yearn for her, until the end of my time.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, sending up soft clouds of silt all around.

Something about being soft with her at the wall earlier had tricked me—made me think that we were closer than we were. Or maybe it took two-legged longer to feel a mating? Had I ever heard of any stories of their mating one another? There were trickles of love stories all over Elle's mind, but none of them were real, they were all movies, books, or her TV.

And none of them called it what it was .

But they didn't use the same word we did—and they didn't have the same concept.

Other monsters understood, I knew, having conversed with them before.

But humans?

How could anyone be mated to one? They were shallow and fickle and oftentimes disastrous.

Except for Elle.

Who was not.

Who was perfect for me.

I just didn't know if she would ever realize it—and there was no one else around who could help.

For the first time in my long absence away from my people I missed the 'qa. Because if I'd been closer to another kraken, I could've reached out, and they would've shared my burden. Given me advice, or quiet understanding.

I wouldn't have had to suffer like I currently was, alone.

I looked back into the darkness, where I knew the lab to be.

Was Elle also hurting?

Thinking that she was going to have to say cruel things to me?

Pain was the knife with a million different blades. Was my affection cutting her as well? Was she weighed down by the knowledge that she needed to speak to me?

I both wanted to swim closer to hear her thoughts, and wanted to swim far enough that I'd never be hurt again, which was why I'd gone up to the Cold Upper Sea to begin with.

If only Balesur had left me there—but then I wouldn't be here, with my heart in my hands, holding it out to a human.

I loved her.

And I was mated, even if she was not.

Mates did not run away.