13. Rayna

CHAPTER 13

Rayna

A m I really feeling jealous? This isn't like me at all, and moreover, I can't believe I'm jealous of Janta. Logically, I know I'm being an irrational person right now.

However, there's something that still bugs me and won't let me accept the fact that he can talk to whoever he wants and I'm not in a position to ask him deep detailed questions.

Jealousy is a mischievous demon, whispering insidious doubts that feed on my deepest insecurities, but I shouldn't let it take over me.

"Get a grip Rayna," my inner voice speaks to me with anger, but it's drowned by a chorus of doubts.

This overwhelming sense of mistrust isn't like me at all. I've never been the jealous type.

I can't shake the image from my mind—Janta and Claire, heads bent together, lost in conversation as their children play. A strained laugh escapes Claire's lips, and Janta flashes that warm, genuine smile that I thought was reserved just for me. My stomach twists into a knot, a familiar ache spreading through my chest.

In the days that follow, the scene replays on a loop, taunting me. Every casual touch, every shared glance takes on a new, sinister meaning. I find myself scrutinizing Janta's every move, searching for clues that my darkest fears are justified.

As we settle onto the couch after dinner, Janta reaches for the remote, but my eyes are drawn to the way his fingers linger on Claire's name in his phone contacts. Is that a new inside joke they've shared? A private message, disguised in seeming innocence?

"Everything okay?" Janta's voice breaks through my reverie, and I realize I've been staring.

"Fine," I lie, forcing a tight smile. "Just lost in thought."

He nods, seemingly satisfied, and turns his attention to the television. But my mind is elsewhere, replaying every interaction, every laugh shared between him and Claire. Surely, I'm just imagining things—Janta would never betray me like that. And yet, the doubt persists, a poisonous seed taking root.

Later, I lie awake, my thoughts a tangled mess of insecurity and doubt. What if he's losing interest? What if Claire offers something I can't? The questions swirl endlessly, taunting me with their endless possibilities.

Deep down, I know this jealousy is a beast of my own making, a desperate attempt to find meaning where there is none. But still, it claws at me, whispering that even the smallest glances harbor deeper meaning. And as the distance between Janta and me grows, I can't help but wonder if this is how it all begins to unravel.

The doubts fester, an open wound that refuses to heal. Each sidelong glance, every muffled laugh shared between Janta and Claire, feels like a dagger to my heart. I can no longer suffer in silence.

One evening, as Janta settles into his favorite chair, I steel myself, drawing a steadying breath. "We need to talk about Claire."

He looks up, brow furrowed. "What about her?"

"Don't play dumb," I snap, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. "I've seen the way you two act together—the inside jokes, the lingering touches. Is there something going on that I should know about?"

Janta's eyes widen, and he lets out a surprised chuckle that only serves to stroke my anger. "Rayna, you're being ridiculous. Claire and I are just friends."

"Oh, really?" I challenge, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. "Because from where I'm standing, it seems like more than that."

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know what you want me to say. We chat at the playgroup, that's all. You're reading way too much into this."

"Am I?" I counter, sensing the desperation creeping into my voice. "Because I can't shake this feeling that you're keeping something from me."

Janta rises from his chair, closing the distance between us. "Rayna, listen to me." His hands find my shoulders, firmly steadying me. "You have nothing to worry about, okay? Claire is just a friend—nothing more. I promise."

I search his eyes, aching to believe him, to silence the doubts that threaten to consume me. But the demon of jealousy has sunk its claws in deep, whispering that his reassurances are just empty words.

"I don't know," I murmur, pulling away from his embrace. "I just... I need some space to think."

As I retreat to the bedroom, Janta's pleading voice follows me, but I can't bring myself to turn back. Not until I've untangled this mess of emotions, laid bare the truth that hides beneath the surface.

The bedroom door slams behind me, but the sound does little to drown out the rising voices from the living room. Janta's footsteps follow, heavy and insistent.

"Rayna, will you just listen to me?" His voice is laced with frustration as he bursts into the room. "I've done nothing wrong!"

I whirl to face him, my chest heaving with barely contained emotion as months of pent-up frustration threaten to boil over. "That's just it, Janta. You never think you've done anything wrong!"

His brow furrows, confusion and anger warring on his features as he tries to make sense of my outburst. "What's that supposed to mean?" he counters, his voice edged with a defensive bite.

The words come tumbling out, unleashed after so long kept bottled up inside. "It means you've been so wrapped up in your own world, you've been blind to how much you've been neglecting us!" I gesture wildly between us, the motion fueled by a desperation for him to finally understand.

Janta regards me in stunned silence, his jaw working as he struggles to formulate a response. Then, with a shake of his head, he lets out a mirthless chuckle that sends a chill down my spine. "You're unbelievable, you know that? All this over a few innocent conversations."

"It's not just about the conversations!" I cry out, my voice cracking with the weight of my anguish. Hot tears prick at the corners of my eyes as the dam finally breaks. "It's about the late nights at the office, the way you've been slowly pulling away. And I can't keep pretending like everything is fine, because it's not!"

Janta's shoulders slump, the fight seeming to leave him all at once as the truth of my words settles over him like a shroud. "What are you talking about!" He yells before composing himself. "Rayna..." he says firmly before trailing off, shaking his head slowly, his expression a tumultuous mix of guilt and sorrow. "I had no idea you felt that way."

A bitter laugh escapes my lips, the sound laced with equal parts pain and disbelief. "Well, I do."

The heavy silence hangs between us like a leaden weight, pressing down until I fear it might crush me entirely. Janta's gaze remains guarded, a tempest of emotions swirling just beneath the surface that I can't quite read.

"Say something," I plead, my voice barely above a whisper.

For a long moment, he doesn't respond, and dread coils like a vice around my heart. But then, in two strides, he's before me, calloused fingers grazing my cheek with a featherlight touch.

"Rayna..." he murmurs, his deep baritone sending an unexpected shiver down my spine. There's a raw vulnerability in his expression that I've never seen before, not even in our most intimate moments.

I open my mouth, but the words catch in my throat as his thumb brushes away the stray tear that spills over onto my cheek. Suddenly, the air itself crackles with an energy I can't quite put a name to, rendering me utterly breathless.

"I'm sorry," he rasps, his gruff voice rough with emotion. "I've been such a fool, I didn't know you were jealous and that I was hurting you when you're the only thing that makes sense in my world."

A strangled sound escapes my lips as I search his eyes, seeing the depth of feeling shining back at me. This isn't about endings, but new beginnings forged in the fires of our turmoil.

Janta's hand cups my cheek, his touch featherlight yet laden with a tenderness that steals what little breath I have left. "You deserve everything, Rayna. And I promise, from here on out, I'll spend every day showing you how much you mean to me."

I want to respond, to give voice to the torrent of emotions swirling within me, but all thoughts flee as his next actions render me speechless. With an urgency that sets my pulse thundering, his mouth captures mine in a searing kiss.

It's desperate and messy, laced with months of unspoken longing and a passion I didn't realize I'd been craving until this moment. I cling to him, pouring every ounce of my love, my hurt, my hopes into the heated embrace.

When we finally part, my legs are trembling, my heart racing as if I've run a marathon. Janta's eyes are bright with unshed tears that mirror the dampness on my own cheeks.

"Why now?" I manage to rasp out, struggling to make sense of the whirlwind thundering through me.

He lets out a shaky breath, his thumb tracing the line of my cheekbone. "Because I finally saw the truth. I've been so caught up in my own head, I couldn't see what was right in front of me."

His words hang in the air, driving the breath from my lungs as their meaning blossoms in my mind. All this time of doubt and fear...and he's been harboring the same feelings I have.

"Janta, I..." My voice cracks with the intensity of the emotion coursing through me.

But he silences me with another soul-searing kiss, leaving no more need for words. In this endless stretch of moments, our hearts have finally intersected on the same path forward – one paved by an all-encompassing love reborn from the ashes of our arguments.

And as his arms envelop me, the jagged shards of hurt and doubt are washed away by a profound sense of rightness. Of coming home, at last, to the place I've belonged all along.