16. Grey

Since that nightwe made love and I told Abigale I love her, she's not said it back. That has me worried that maybe she doesn't feel the same way. With this thought on my mind, I'm quiet on the way to Billings to pick up some supplies Paisley needs at her clinic. She ordered ahead, so it's a quick trip in and out. Spirit stopped trying to talk about five or eight miles ago. I know I'm being a dick, yet again, but too much is running through my head. Finally, I can tell she can't take it anymore. She lets out a long drawn-out sigh before jumping in with both feet.

"Okay, Grey, what's crawled up your ass and died? I mean, you aren't the best conversationalist to begin with but, damn, this is like driving with a corpse. Did you and Abigale have a fight? Maybe you did something and you're arguing and don't know how to fix it? Come on, brother, give me something. I'm going crazy over here."

Her words bring a grin to my face. For all the stories I've heard about Bloody Mary, which was her name in the service, Spirit is truly becoming one of my closest friends. She's like a little sister who can kick my ass, for sure. When I first heard her name, I thought it was a huge exaggeration, but no, after talking to Phantom and Ollie, she's truly what the service made her. What she told me that day a while ago is beyond true; she's exactly like the enforcer Shadow, from the Devil's Handmaidens Motorcycle Club. That's why I believe they formed an alliance, because they share common ground. Spirit told me recently Shadow has called her in for backup on some of her more extreme jobs. From what I understand from Spirit, Shadow has been trying to find someone to train for backup, but the few sisters who have tried can't stomach the extent of the "wet work." Shadow quickly realized that nothing fazes Spirit so now she's been reaching out more, which Spirit explained she doesn't mind as long as Ollie is cool with it. The degenerates Shadow is questioning are all part of either human trafficking circuits or worse, that large group, the Thunder Cloud Knuckle Brotherhood organization. The two motorcycle clubs have been very involved in removing anyone associated with that group from Timber-Ghost recently. Shadow shared with Spirit, who told me, they ain't done yet because the members are able to mix in so easily with the normal folks in this neck of the woods in Montana. There's a huge move in that organization to take over, so no one knows how far up the chain they have their members. That's where both Shadow and Spirit come into play. They have the ability to make people talk. Does it weird me out at times, yeah, because when you look at these two women, they look normal. Well, Spirit more than Shadow with that fucking skull tattoo on her face.

"Hey, Grey, you here with me? Where'd you go just now? Talk to me, will ya? I'm going nuts worrying about you."

"Sorry, Spirit, my mind wandered to the dark alliance you have with Shadow. I don't mean to be a total dick, but I'm struggling with something, trying to get my head wrapped around it. And if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not one to cry about my problems, that just ain't me. I'm no Crowbar, that's for sure. Speaking of that asshole, how's he been lately? Haven't seen much of him around the sanctuary."

"Yeah, well, Ollie had enough of his shit so he sent him and Dog to pick up two abused donkeys down in Utah. From what we've been told, the prick who had them was letting them slowly starve to death. When Dog and Crowbar got there, the place was loaded with injured and dying animals. Ollie called in some favors from someone named Nova, who, from what Paisley shared with me after much prodding on my side, is—no was—huge in the military. When he got out, he formed some kind of an elite team of the best of the best. Ollie met him at his lowest, and Nova and his team helped pull Ollie out of the depths of his own hell. Then when Ollie and Paisley decided to move up here to Montana, Nova backed the move as long as part of the mission for Blue Sky Sanctuary was geared toward ex-military personnel who are struggling. That's how the sanctuary was formed. Nova is the ace in Ollie's pocket.

"Anyway, when Dog called to let Ollie know how bad it was, he reached out to Nova. Now, from what I understand, a caravan of animal trailers is on its way back up here to Timber-Ghost, Montana. And Ollie told a bunch of us that some of the folks driving and helping with the animals are ex-military. Crowbar, being the asshole he is, tried to get close to one of the women and she beat him to within an inch of his life, telling him not only did he need to grow up but learn that his dick is no better than the millions of other dicks out there. He then called her a lesbian, which had her laughing in his face. Guess he went after her and both of her partners—yeah, you heard me right, both of them—two men pulled him off and, if not for Dog and a few others, would have killed his ass. I'm on the fence that maybe they should have but I wasn't there. So for now, Crowbar has his tail between his legs.

"So in about a day or so this caravan is arriving at the sanctuary. We are then taking in not only the animals but the folks coming with them. Nova said that some are from the same team while a few others are Delta Force, SEALS, or Rangers. We'll see though, Ollie has put both Dr. Cora and the two therapists, Dr. Shugratti and Dr. Jones, on call. Nova did share that the team was just released from their service because of an incident the powers that be fucked up. Sound familiar? Oh, another thing, heard from Jeffries that Crowbar was asking questions about Abigale's mom, Trudy. Like her story, if she has a man and stuff like that. So be warned."

"Well, hot damn, just what we need, more fucked-up military people. Like our own demons aren't enough. Thanks for the heads-up about Crowbar, don't think either Trudy or Abigale want him around at all, especially with the two kids there. And you're right, my head is up my ass. I've talked to Dr. Shugratti about this and he said I need to take it as it comes. I told him that was bullshit, and you know what he did? Laugh. What a jerk. I walked out of my session, which he promptly reported to Ollie. Damn, did he rip me a new asshole. What's bothering me, Spirit, is that, shit… can't believe I'm sharing this with you. Better not tell a soul, you hear me? As everyone can see, Abigale and I are getting really close. Well, I might have told her I really care about her and she didn't say a thing back. Yeah, I'm a huge pussy, sad that my girlfriend didn't tell me she loves me. Pitiful, ain't I?"

I turn to glance at her and she's looking out the window, her lips scrunched together. Damn, hope I'm not stepping on one of her own mines, for Christ's sake. Dr. Shugratti told me that everyone expresses their feelings at different times and to be patient. Something I'm definitely not good at. He then went into detail on how much I've grown over the last couple of months and some of that growth, he thinks, is because of Abigale. I tend to agree with him. She's somehow opened me up to letting the sunshine back into my daily life. Before her, I was barely getting by, living in the shadows of my last mission and all that was lost. Not to mention my anguish over the powers that be leaving us out there to die without a second thought or even a tiny bit of concern. That really dug deep into my head and something I'm still dealing with. When in the military, if you can't trust those on your team and above you, then might as well swallow a bullet. And probably why so many soldiers do. What is it they say "every day twenty-two soldiers take their own life" that's how the 22KILL Push-up Challenge was started. I did it for months because it was a way to support my brothers and sisters, and it reminded me not to give into those dark feelings deep inside.

"Grey, remember, we are all different, even though we served our country. We tend to process and handle shit on our own timeline. Just from what I see, you have no worries. Abigale is totally in love with you. Don't you see how her eyes sparkle when you're around or how she literally looks happier in your presence? Not to mention Trudy tells everyone how lucky she is her daughter found you. Give her a break, dude, she's had a lot going on and I don't think she's been involved a lot. From the little Trudy shared, Abigale always put school first. Probably because she was bullied in school so instead of working on friendships and relationships, she put her all into her studies. That's why she was so young when she got her master's degree. Try something very rare for a guy. Talk to her, get a feel for where she's at. And don't get mad if you don't like what she tells you. That's what life is all about, my friend. Now stop worrying, will ya? You're giving me a damn headache."

We both laugh then Spirit turns the radio on and we just chill the rest of the way into Billings. After we pick up Paisley's supplies, I treat Spirit to lunch at the one place she's been talking about for weeks. The surprise on her face that I actually listened to what she was telling me made me feel really good. I need to use these skills with Abigale. That's probably part of my problem. Before we get back on the road, I have Spirit go with me to one of the stores I've heard Abigale talking about to her mom. We walk around for at least twenty minutes before I see the gift that fits Abigale to a T. When Spirit comes by, she totally agrees, so I buy it and have it wrapped. Then we jump in the truck and head back to Timber-Ghost, both of us deep in thought. I've come to really enjoy my time with Spirit. She's easy to be around and very direct. She calls me on my bullshit, which I like, and I try to listen and help her in any way I can. According to Dr. Shugratti, that's what friends are for.