Chapter Six

Savannah ached. Her feet ached, her legs ached, her lower back particularly ached. She still had almost three months to go. She remembered the neat, cute little bump she'd had when she'd been pregnant the first time, with Tucker. This time around, at the age of thirty-eight and with her muscles already stretched, she felt gigantic. She pushed her way out the glass doors onto the patio and felt the wave of evening warmth rush to embrace her.

"Mama!" Tucker raced up and barrelled into her at top speed, wrapping his arms around her body and pushing his face against the top of the bump. Savannah swayed on her feet to stay upright.

"Honey." She sucked in a breath and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "You gotta go easy on mama remember? There's a big ole baby in here," she pointed to the bump.

"Hi baby!" he greeted, unperturbed. Savannah wondered if he had any idea how much upheaval was coming for him. He'd start kindergarten in the fall, not long after he became a big brother, and would have to start sharing his parents - as well as his beloved Lane - with a small, demanding human. Her heart ached for the small boy who'd been the center of everyone's worlds. She knew it would be good for him, especially in the long run, but in the short term, all she felt was guilt and grief for her first baby.

"Kid!" Lane caught up. "No more jumping on your mama! Jump on me if you gotta jump!" Tucker giggled. "Are you okay?" they asked her, looking concerned. "That looked like a hard hit."

"We're fine," Savannah reassured them, patting her belly where the baby had definitely just woken up. She could feel them hiccuping. They both took a seat at the outdoor table, while Tucker did laps of the patio in the gently fading light, playing some kind of complicated game and chatting to himself.

"How are you doing?" Lane asked. They had treated Savannah like she was made of literal glass as soon as she and Brynn had broken the news to them. From the very beginning, they'd run around opening doors and offering to get her glasses of water constantly, even when all Savannah felt was low-grade nausea and exhaustion. Their solicitousness had only increased as the pregnancy progressed and while the sweetness of it was touching, Savannah occasionally felt like she needed to remind Lane that she was not their job.

"I'm good." She smiled. Lane cocked their head, clearly not believing her and she sighed. "I'm exhausted," she admitted. "Everything hurts and I hardly sleep at night. Then when I do…wild dreams."

Around them the fields were lush and quiet and the linden trees planted as a windbreak along the east of the property whispered softly, their scent filling the air. The sky was streaked with pink and the cricket chorus sang.

"That sucks," Lane said. "Starting T gave me wild dreams. They settled down after a few weeks, but for a while it felt like staying awake would be more relaxing."

"Right?" Savannah emphasized. "I feel like I spend my whole night in some kind of surrealist movie theater. Then I wake up like what is going on with my brain?"

"Are you telling Lane about all your sex dreams?" Brynn arrived, and Savannah turned and shot her a look.

"I was telling them about my crazy dreams," she corrected. "I said nothing about sex dreams!" She noticed Lane looking away and trying not to laugh.

"Mmhmm." Brynn grinned unrepentantly and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. As she took a seat next to her, Savannah caught her mouthing sex dreams at Lane and elbowed her.

Annabelle bustled to the table bringing out piles of BBQ that their chef, Christos had prepared. The delicious smells made her belly grumble, which in turn made the baby kick. She winced. She looked up to see Lane watching her, so she gave them a reassuring smile.

As the meal was being served up, Cassidy materialized as a small figure coming up the track through the fields, then arrived and took her seat at the table.

"Hey," Savannah greeted her sister. "How was your day at the studio?"

Cassidy took a long time replying, and for a moment, Savannah thought she was being ignored.

"Great," she said tightly. Apparently, that was all she had to say on the subject. Savannah dug.

"What did you think of Brynn's track?"

This seemed to give her real pause.

"It was great," she said reluctantly. Savannah had heard early versions of it and knew it was approximately twelve thousand miles past great.

"And what did you think of Greta?" she tried. Cassidy gave her a flat, angry look.

"Great," she almost spat.

"Is something the problem?" Savannah felt beyond weary. She didn't want to fight with Cassidy, or anyone, but her sister seemed as always to be spoiling for it.

"No," she replied shortly. "Just you."

Both Brynn and Lane put down their forks. Savannah sighed.

"Okay," she said, after she'd managed to bite down about eight angry responses. "How have I put my foot in it now?"

"Now?" Cassidy glared. "Really? Aside from point-blank refusing to help out your own flesh and blood? You know what Brynn pointed out today? You haven't even heard me sing. You can't even be bothered to do that."

"Now, wait a minute-" Brynn held up a hand.

"Cut it out!" Lane's voice cut through as they shoved back their seat and stood up, every line of their body tense. "I don't know if you even believe your own bullsh- BS, Cassidy, but I don't think it actually matters." Their usually warm brown eyes were blazing. Savannah was gobsmacked. In the years they'd been together, she had never once seen Lane anything worse than mildly grouchy.

"Oh sure," Cassidy looked slightly electrified. "Tell me what matters," her voice was tight and sarcastic.

"What matters," Lane growled, their voice low, "is that you come here, into Savannah and Brynn's home, where they give you shelter and safety and a place to land, and how do you repay it? You disrespect them, their identities, and their love. You treat your pregnant sister like she's a punching bag. And you do all that in front of their child - your five-year-old nephew. Is that the kind of person you want to be? Because I can tell you right now, that's not the kind of person anyone wants to be around."

Cassidy looked shaken. She lifted her head and appealed to Savannah.

"Are you just going to sit there and let them talk to me like that? The help?"

Savannah sat bolt upright, despite the ache in her spine.

"Lane," she said firmly, "is family. And believe me when I say you better get used to that fact."

Cassidy flushed.

"Great," she said. "They're all your family. Except, apparently, for me." A moment later, the door slammed behind her as she ran into the house.

Lane paused. They stood for a moment longer, wincing and shaking their hands and arms like trying to rid their body of anger. Then they took their seat at the table.

"I'm sorry," they muttered. "I was out of line. I can go try to talk to her?"

"No,"Brynn and Savannah said simultaneously.

"It's cool, Lane," Brynn added. "I know you were just trying to defend us."

"I'm sorry," they said again. "I just get mad when someone messes with-"

"Your family," said Brynn softly. Lane swallowed audibly, biting down emotion.

"Yeah," they said quietly. "I mean, especially when they're pregnant."

Savannah found herself blinking back tears. She knew enough of Lane's story to see the fear that lay beneath the protectiveness. They'd already lost one family; they were terrified of anything that might cause the loss of another. Even just a routine pregnancy. She heaved herself to her feet and walked over to where Lane sat. She leaned down and dropped a kiss on the top of their head.

Then she waddled inside to go and find her sister.

"Cassidy?" She knocked on the bedroom door. "Come on, Cass, let me in."

"Don't call me that," came the low voice from the other side. Savannah decided to take that as an invitation and opened the door and stepped in. Her sister was on her bed, leaning against the wall, curled in on herself. She looked about twelve. Gingerly, Savannah sat on the edge of the mattress.

"What's going on?" she asked as gently as she could. "What happened? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you came to me, but please can you tell me," she practically begged, "what made you leave?"

Tears were sliding down Cassidy's face.

"You honestly can't think of a reason?"

Savannah frowned and shook her head, and Cassidy scoffed through her tears.

"Please. Randy never hit you?" she said flatly. Savannah went rigid.

"Cassie," she whispered. "He hurt you too?"

Her sister looked at her for a beat. Then she lifted the hem of her loose cotton shirt and lifted it. Savannah gasped. In the center of her abdomen bloomed the fading remains of a ferocious bruise, still purple in the center, bleeding to green then red. It was about the size of a large male fist.

"No." Savannah felt her face crumple. She reached for her sister, but Cassidy jerked out of her reach and Savannah's hands fell uselessly beside her. "Honey, I'm sorry," her voice broke, "I didn't know."

"You did though. You talked in the media about him being violent. You knew this whole time what he was like."

"I thought it was because I was his step-kid." She raised her wet eyes to look sorrowfully at her sister. "Cassie, he doted on you as a child. I thought he hit me because I wasn't his, and because he knew he couldn't control me. I never dreamed he would hurt you."

"And when I grew up and I wasn't a cute little toddler anymore?" Cassidy said miserably. "You left me with him. You didn't come back for me."

Tears streamed down her face, a terrible shame ripping through her.

"I- I checked in on you all the time," she tried. "Twice a year I spoke to Mom. I asked her if there were any problems, if you were all okay. She always told me you were doing great."

"You think she would tell you? How stupid are you?"

Savannah had no answer to that.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her heart cracking. She thought of the cute curly-haired toddler she'd been forced to leave behind, then the shy, stuttering teenager she'd seen the last time, when she actually had a choice. Why hadn't she taken her away from the shadow of her parents, gotten to know her, checked on her properly? "I am so, so sorry, Cassie. I didn't know. I should have."

"Don't call me that," Cassidy was crying too. "You can't call me pet names."

"Okay," she struggled to speak. She felt dizzy and numb. "Listen to me." She took a breath. "You're safe now. You can live here as long as you need, forever, if you want to. But no matter what you choose, no one is ever going to lay a finger on you ever again, as long as I'm alive."

Cassidy nodded, sniffling. Savannah took immense comfort in the fact that her little sister at least still saw her as a valid protector, despite how terribly she'd fallen down on that duty.

"It's okay that you're angry with me," she continued. "I get it. I understand why."

Cassidy raised her head.

"You think that's the only reason I have to be angry at you?" Her voice cracked with emotion. "A few fists thrown? Are you fucking serious?"

"What else?" Savannah asked helplessly, miserable to think there might be more.

"Fuck!" Cassidy cried in exasperation, her body unfurling to sit bolt upright. "I can't do this with you right now Savannah, with your perfect shiny life and this… clueless sunshine world you live in. Please, please, can you just leave me alone?"

Savannah reluctantly stood, hurt and fear fighting within her. Her baby sister no longer looked twelve and fragile, but old and immensely weary.

"This conversation isn't over," Savannah said quietly. "I'm going to be here for you, when you're ready to talk."

"Cut the crap," Cassidy said irritably. "Go back to your real family."

Savannah paused with her hand on the door.

"Oh," she said. "You are my real family. There's no way we could hurt each other so damn well if you weren't."

"Baby," Brynn held her tightly as she cried in her arms that night. "You didn't know."

"I should have!" Savannah hiccupped. "Randy is a bully and he hates strong women. Cassidy's strong. She's right, I should have known that once she wasn't a sweet obedient baby anymore he'd try to punch her back into behaving like one."

"You were a teenager when you were forming judgements about why you were being hurt and who was and wasn't safe," Brynn reminded her.

"And I was twenty-five when I saw her again," she said flatly. "And I'd already started working with teenagers escaping unsafe homes. The irony," she said bitterly.

"Sweetheart." Brynn stroked her hair back from her face. "Tell me what you've told me before. Tell me what your mom said to you that week that you saw them again."

Savannah started crying afresh. She hated this. She'd never been good at crying when anyone could see her. Even in front of Brynn, she was pretty good at holding back her tears. Except when she was pregnant. Except when her little sister was hurt.

"Mom said-" she whispered, "Mom said that now that I was straight, I was allowed to be around my sister. As long as I went to church and repented for my sins, I could be part of the family again."

"And when you told her you weren't straight and you weren't sorry?"

"She told me they didn't want my influence around their daughter. That as long as I wasn't seeking forgiveness, I should stay far away from them."

"And you blame yourself for not keeping closer track of a child you'd been banned from seeing?"

"If I'd just tried harder when I'd seen her, seen the signs-"

"What signs? Savannah, you said she just seemed shy. Lots of kids are shy. You think, what, you could have taken her for lunch and she'd suddenly trust you enough to tell you her dad was abusive? You know that's not how kids work."

"I should have been there earlier-"

"Between when they'd kicked you out as a kid and when you got off the street? Or between when you were struggling to make it and when you actually made it? Because it seems to me that just as soon as you were able, you did what you could for them. Despite how they'd treated you."

"Not Cassidy though. She was just an innocent kid."

"Yeah." Brynn gently stroked her face. "You both were."

She pulled Savannah into her arms and held her close as she cried herself to sleep.