Chapter Twenty-Three

This was definitely the right thing to do, Lane decided, as Mia kissed them. Her mouth was hot and hungry and Lane remembered what it was like to make out with someone sexy without having to see them at breakfast every morning. Without knowing what they looked like when they were pissed off or sleepy, or what kind of movie made them cry. Without worrying about whether they succeeded in their dreams or if they ever really saw you back.

Hooking up with Mia was easy. Lane knew they'd both get their itches scratched, so to speak, then go back to their lives unchanged and unscathed, no different than they'd been before they'd slept together. Which was what they both wanted, when it came down to it. This was their comfort zone, after all, casual and no strings attached. Really, they should hurry this up and get into it.

They kissed Mia harder and she moaned, loudly. Performatively? Lane wasn't sure, but her tongue was in their mouth so they were pretty sure she was into this. Unbidden, as if she were in the room, Lane heard Cassidy's ragged gasp, the tiny sounds of heat that escaped her as Lane melted into her body and they jerked back from the kiss.

"Don't stop now," Mia panted, and they stared at her. Her dark eyes sparkled and her full lips parted. Mia. Lane kissed her again, trying to lose themselves in the heat of her mouth. Some floodgate opened in their mind, bright and vivid. Cassidy, still a stranger, weeping in their arms over her sister on the stage; Cassidy in a dark alleyway in Nashville, eyes sparkling with adventure; Cassidy on horseback, laughing at Lane for almost announcing they could, one day, maybe love her.

Lane pulled back so fast they almost leaped off the couch. Mia looked startled.

"What's up?" she asked. Lane tried not to panic. Cassidy was not in this room. Cassidy was living her life, not tied down by Lane's conflict and confusion. Cassidy hadn't kissed them in months or even looked at them in any way that made Lane think she thought twice about them or what they'd been together, what they could have been.

"Nothing," they managed. "Do you think we could maybe take this a little slower?" Was that the right thing to say? Did that make it sound like they wanted to pursue a relationship with Mia? By the startled look on their classmate's face they wondered if she was worrying the same thing. She frowned, but shrugged.

"Sure," she said. "Want to watch a show or something?" Lane got up and switched on a lamp, chasing the memories back into the shadows. They flicked on the TV and the two of them hung out, Lane's eyes on the screen, but their thoughts thoroughly elsewhere.

It was a weird week. Savannah was slowly back in the world - Lane had even heard her humming in the kitchen as she cuddled Emmeline close - and the entire household was breathing a sigh of relief. Cassidy, though, seemed somewhat withdrawn, avoiding their eye contact, leaving every room they were in, so obviously that Lane almost confronted her about it. In the end, they didn't, reminding themself it was none of their business. Cassidy was none of their business.

Mia texted. Actually, Mia texted a lot. Some of it words, some of it selfies, the kind that were a tease for what they both assumed would be the real event that weekend. After a few days of Cassidy ignoring them and Lane lecturing themself about not getting hung up on the past, they'd asked Mia if she wanted to hang out at their place again. She did. This time, Lane was adamant they'd get past whatever was tripping them up. It was just sex, for crying out loud.

That Saturday was bright and warm. Mia arrived and for a moment Lane considered taking her directly to bed, like sex was a bandaid you could rip off. They found themself hesitating yet again; even they had to acknowledge that maybe wasn't the right headspace to be in.

"Want to grab a swim?" they asked instead and Mia ducked into the bedroom to change, coming back out in her bikini, her flirtatious eyes daring Lane to look away. "I'm just gonna make us some drinks. And…some snacks," they added, still feeling like they wanted some space. Mia flicked her eyes down over them.

"Don't take too long." She smiled, and wandered outside to the pool.

Lane pulled out a bottle of vodka and began cutting up some limes on the kitchen bench.

"Oh!" They heard Mia's voice drifting in through the open window from the pool yard. "I didn't realize you were here." Her voice didn't sound exactly pleased.

"I mean, I live here," they heard Cassidy's voice reply. Lane went still. This wasn't an ideal situation. "I didn't know you were here either." Her voice was flat.

"Oh? I'm here with Lane." Lane could hear the trace of smugness in Mia's tone, even without seeing her face. "On a date."

There was a silence for a moment and Lane felt stuck. Should they go out there and smooth this over? What in the hell would that look like?

"I guess you'd like me to go then," Cassidy said slowly. "Don't want to be a third wheel."

"No, that would be a bit weird," Mia agreed. "Don't worry, we won't be in the pool long." The insinuation in her voice was clear. "You know what it's like, when you first start seeing someone."

"Is that what you're doing?" Cassidy's tone got slightly high. "Dating Lane?"

"Honestly?" Mia mused. "I'm not sure if we're going to date. We're definitely about to start having a ton of sex though."

Lane dropped the knife on the cutting board.

"Is that all you want from them? Sex?" There was some kind of warning note in Cassidy's otherwise calm tone.

"What else?"

"I don't know, Mia, you tell me. Just seems like Lane is worth a little more than that."

"Why are you always acting like some kind of jealous girlfriend around them?" Mia snipped.

"Because I am one!" Cassidy cried. "I mean… I'm not their girlfriend," she amended. "But I am jealous. I'm jealous they're wasting their time on just sex with you when I want… more."

Lane's eyes went wide.

"Oh wow, wasting their time on me." Mia matched her sharp tone. "Please. Coming from you? Aren't you, like, literally a straight girl?"

"How is that remotely your business?" Cassidy's voice got even tighter.

"It's my business because every time I'm here with Lane, you're here too. Like you're kind of all over them. So to me, it's relevant as fuck if you're actually queer."

Lane stood frozen. Their brain had jammed still on Cassidy being jealous, but now it jarred back to life at the idea of the girl they knew being forced to defend her sexuality, way before they knew she would ever be comfortable.

"I like masculine people," Cassie said, her voice perfectly calm. "I don't care how they identify."

A flood of warmth hit Lane's chest as Cassidy stepped all the way out of the closet without so much as a flinch. But she wasn't finished.

"The thing is, it doesn't fucking matter either way. Lane is fucking sexy because they're Lane." Inside the guest house, Lane's heart started to pound. For a moment, there was silence. When Cassie spoke again, her voice had lost the heated note, becoming tremulous like she was on the verge of tears. "And because they're funny and patient and thoughtful and loyal and probably the best person I've ever met. So yeah, Mia, I am jealous, because I swear to god you don't see them the way I see them."

"How would you even know how I see them?" Mia's voice had an edge and Lane realised they could not fucking stand there doing nothing for a second longer.

"Uh…hey…" they said, as they tumbled into the pool yard, feeling slightly short of breath. Both women turned to stare at them, Mia frowning hard, Cassidy flushed pink with tears. "I, um…" Lane's eyes skittered from one to the other. "Mia, can we… um, can you come back inside?"

Cassidy froze still and Lane could not take their eyes off her. They'd never seen her look so miserable.

"Sure," Mia said. Her eyes flicked from Lane and then to Cassidy, where they settled in a quick blazing stare that Lane could not interpret. They didn't miss the extra sway Mia put into her hips though, as she turned her back on Cassidy and walked across the warm stone tiles to Lane, or the hand she placed low on the bare skin of their back as she all but pushed Lane back through the door, closing it behind her.

"Um," Lane started. They looked down at their bare feet and then up again. They did not know how to say the thing they really needed to say. Mia just huffed. Then, a small smile hit her lips.

"It's okay, Lane," she told them. "I'm leaving. It's pretty fucking clear what I've walked into here."

"Shit.Mia… I'm sorry," Lane managed, but Mia was already grabbing her bag, not even bothering to get changed from her bathing suit.

"I mean, yeah," Mia agreed, "you should be fucking sorry. I'm a human being, not a distraction just because you can't get your shit together."

"Fuck." Lane's shoulders scrunched almost to their ears. "I wasn't…" They paused. They met her big brown eyes and reached out to grab her hand. "You're right. You definitely deserve better. So much better."

Mia squeezed their hand back and sighed as she dropped it.

"Listen," she said. "That girl-" she jerked her head toward the pool yard, "she's right. I'm not in love with you or anything, so you can calm down." She rolled her eyes. "But maybe you should stop jerking around with her, too?" Her tone was pointed. "Pretty sure she was three seconds away from drowning me in the pool." With that, her eyes sparkled, and she gave Lane a kiss, on the cheek this time. She raised her hand and tapped her pointer finger. "Firstly, go fuck yourself. Secondly," she tapped her second finger, "go get your fucking girl."

Then she was gone. Lane waited barely a polite second to let her leave, then bolted out the front door.

Cassidy had disappeared. Her pool lounger lay abandoned under the mid-afternoon sun and there was no one in sight. Lane swore. They jogged across the pool yard and opened the gate, looking left and right for her. They looked frantically up at the main house but quickly discounted it. They knew exactly where Cassidy would go if she was upset.

"Cassidy, wait!" Lane caught sight of her, already halfway down the lawn. She looked small, still in her bright red bikini, even though she was clearly on her way to go and cry on a horse. Cassidy didn't pause for even a second. "Cassie," Lane tried again, but Cassidy only sped up. She was almost at the back gate by the time Lane caught up to her. They grabbed her wrist to stop her and she whirled around.

"No,Lane!" she all but yelled. Her face was flushed with emotion, her tone half anger, half misery. She took a deep breath, and with great care, lowered her voice. "Go back to your new girlfriend," she said quietly, her voice cracking. "I don't need a consolation speech," she told them, glaring through her tears.

"Cass-"

"Listen, this is humiliating enough as it is," Cassie sniffled, jerking back again as Lane tried once again to reach for her. "Like how many different ways do I need to hear it, before I fucking get it?" She clapped her hand across her eyes.

"Cassie-"

"Oh my god, Lane!" Her hand dropped and her eyes blazed. "I'm telling you, I don't want to talk about it! You've made your choice," she cut her eyes derisively toward the guest house, her gaze crackling with fire.

"You're right," Lane finally managed to interject. "I have." They caught her hand, slipping their fingers through hers. Cassidy looked outraged and tried to pull back. Lane didn't let go. She shook them loose and Lane stepped in closer. They gazed at her, the girl they could never get out of their head, finally almost in their reach. Cassidy's glare faltered as Lane refused to step back, confusion flickering in her eyes. "I've made my choice," Lane repeated, heart racing, reaching out tentative fingers to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. Oh shit, she was so soft.

Cassidy jolted at the touch, her lips parting.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was low. Lane saw the fine quiver in her body as she struggled to keep it together. It felt a little like approaching a frightened alley cat. Lane slowly reached out, stroking her fingers again, taking her hand.

"I know who I want," they told her. They'd never felt more sure or more vulnerable in their entire life. "If you… if you still want-" Lane swallowed, their mouth going dry.

Cassidy made a strange gulping sound. She seemed frozen, her eyes wide. With a sudden jerking motion she stepped in, pressing her hot face into their bare chest, just beneath their chin.

"I…why?" she managed, her voice ragged. "Why now? I don't…" She swallowed. "Why?"

"Because I just…fucking like you, so damn much." Lane spluttered out a small laugh over the ache in their chest. They carefully wrapped their arms around Cassidy. Had they ever hugged? Even once? Lane was pretty sure they hadn't, because if they'd ever felt this feeling, they would neverhave been able to let her go.

Cassidy didn't seem to know what to do. She stayed pressed into their chest without moving, until slowly her hands came up. One rested almost experimentally on Lane's upper chest. The other wrapped around their waist, her grip featherlight at first, then clutching almost painfully tight. Lane's entire body flooded with warmth and they had to scrunch their eyes tight against the intensity of the emotion, slightly afraid they might be about to cry. When they opened their eyes again, on the blazing cobalt of the sky and the deep jade of the grass, they couldn't stop smiling.

It was a while before they could trust themselves to speak. Lane took a breath. They looked down. They could only really see the top of Cassidy's head, her face still pressed into their chest.

"Cassidy?" they asked after a moment.

"Mm?"

"Are you planning on coming out of there anytime soon?"

"No," she said into their skin, her voice slightly muffled. "I'm scared if I let go of you, you're going to disappear and this won't be real."

"Okay." Lane kept holding her. Another minute passed. "I don't want to rush you or anything," they said after a while, "but I've been wanting to kiss you for months-"

Cassidy kissed them.

Lane kissed her back. They kissed each other for a long time under the warm sun, Lane sliding their fingers into her hair, Cassidy's hands flat on their chest, Lane remembering the shape of her and how she tasted, their breath becoming shorter and shorter until Lane was gasping. They pulled back and looked at her. Her blue eyes were hazy but somehow serious, her lips bitten pink and soft.

"Do you-" they started and stopped. "It's okay if you want to like, go slow-"

"Lane, no!" Cassidy sounded horrified. "Please be joking right now," she breathed, her eyes wide and Lane grinned.

"You're saying you would be okay with me inviting you in right now?" they confirmed.

Cassidy looked a little wild.

"I swear to god if you aren't offering to take me to bed right now, after all this time-"

"I'm not sure we're going to make it to bed," Lane told her and heard her breath escape sharply from behind them as they took her hand and pulled her urgently up over the lawn, the two of them breaking into a run as they skirted the pool yard.

"Lane,"she admonished as it took them two goes to open their own front door, before tugging her in with them and kicking it closed, already pressing her up against the wall, their kisses hot and hungry.

Cassidy clutched at their body, those sounds already escaping her when suddenly she pulled back and looked at them.

"Please don't toy with me anymore," she whispered. "I'm not your plaything."

Lane stared at her, past regret slamming up against a new determination to make everything up to Cassidy and more.

"Cassie," they said softly. "I promise I'm not going to stop this time. Not unless you tell me to."

Cassidy all but melted against them, her eyes dark and imploring. Lane managed to move them about three feet before their eyes met again and Cassidy's back hit the other wall, Lane licking into her mouth, Cassidy gasping and pulling them into her body. As she writhed against them, they couldn't resist a single second longer from tugging the strings of her bikini top undone.

"Oh, fuck." The body that had been tormenting Lane's mind for so long was even sexier than their memory had done justice and Cassidy was already moaning as Lane pressed her back, needing to get their mouth on her like they couldn't believe. She cried out and Lane felt their body clench hard at how sensitive she was, listening to her moans become ragged as they lightly ran their tongue over her fiercely hard nipples.

"Lane," she gasped, sounding desperate, but Lane couldn't bring themself to stop just yet, not while every lick and suck and scrape of their teeth ratcheted her higher and higher. "Lane, please." Her voice was thin, her hips pressing hard against their body and Lane, barely believing this was their real life, took hold of the little red tie on her hip that held her bikini bottoms and tugged it loose.

Their eyes met hers as the scrap of fabric hit the floor. Cassidy was almost hyperventilating, her whole body bare and exposed, her eyes begging. They were still in the damn hallway. There was not a chance Lane could stop now. They slid to their knees. Cassidy gasped. Lane almost stopped breathing at the sight before them. Cassidy was entirely bare, just a tiny tease of blonde hair as if to mark the way. Lane groaned and pressed their face in to kiss her just above it and she quivered, her legs trembling.

"Wait." Her fingers found their chin, stopping them. "Believe me when I say I want you to do that so badly," her voice was shaking, "but the first time…" her words petered out, "I want you here. Holding me."

Lane stood up and kissed her, something squeezing hard in their chest.

"I've got you," they whispered, pressing back in against her, their hand slowly drifting down her body, feeling her tremble harder as they softly slipped between her thighs. Cassidy choked, her head snapping back as Lane's fingers stroked over achingly soft skin, burning hot and immensely wet. "Oh fuck, Cassie, you feel so good." Cassidy whimpered, the sound almost a whine of need. Lane stroked her again. "You're dripping," they whispered in awe, their fingers slowly slipping in wet heat to explore.

"I like it soft," Cassidy breathed, whisper-quiet against their lips. "And in circles." Lane groaned. They remembered telling her to touch herself for them, and knowing she did exactly what they asked made them throb so hard they wondered if it was possible to come just from touching someone else. They followed her instruction, slipping their fingers around and around her soft wet lips and tiny tight bud, listening to the gasps and cries as they worked her higher.

"Can I go inside?" they whispered, and she whimpered, nodding fast, her head snapping back again as Lane slipped two fingers just inside. Her moans deepened as they gently pushed all the way inside her body before slowly curling their fingers back and forth in her molten heat. Two fingers felt snug and Lane groaned at the sensation. Her hips bucked against them and Lane braced their feet for balance as their left hand snaked down between their bodies, their fingers flat across her pubic bone so their thumb could softly circle her needy clit as their other hand began to firmly fuck her.

"Lane-" Cassidy sounded almost panicked and Lane met her eyes. Her hips were rolling faster against their fingers and her lips were parted, her pupils dilated and her back arching against the wall. The look in her eyes - wild with desire, desperate for release - was so sexy Lane felt themself spasm in what felt like the precursor to an orgasm themself.

"I've got you." They watched her face, the rapid flicker of her eyelashes as the heat overwhelmed her. "I'm gonna hold you while you come," they promised. Cassidy's eyes flashed on their face for just a second of pure excruciated heat before they scrunched tightly closed. She thrashed hard against their body, Lane not letting up the gentle swirl of their left hand or the hard push of their right as she cried out and rode their fingers deeper, clenching tight around them, her whole body shaking and her cries ragged.

"Lane," she gasped, as her hips slowed, then her head fell back and her mouth dropped open as her muscles squeezed tightly again, aftershocks making her tremble. "Oh god-"

Lane kissed her, waiting for the spasms to die down before they slowly dragged their fingers out from her body, a hungry delight filling them at her sharp gasp of protest at the loss. She was limp against their body, her thighs still trembling as Lane all but held her up.

"That," they breathed into her neck, inhaling her scent, "was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. God, Cassidy, you know I'm going to need to make you do that again and again and again."

Cassidy's breath hitched.

"I'm not sure I'd survive that," she said softly. They pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were sparkling. "Though if you give me a minute, and maybe a fucking bed Lane, I'm willing to try." They grinned and kissed her. They took her hand to lead the way.