Chapter Fourteen

It was early the next morning when Lane entered the main house, realizing they were out of milk for their coffee. They were still in the boxers they used as pajamas, a loose tank top thrown on in case Annabelle was already in, but as they entered the kitchen, the only person there was Cassidy.

"Morning," they said, their voice slightly gruff, making her turn from where she was heaping sugar into a steaming mug.

"Morning," she said back, her eyes flickering over them. Her hair was still damp and fragrant, straight out of the shower, her creamy skin a little flushed. She wore a short white robe, tied at the waist. Clearly, she'd planned to take the coffee back to bed.

Lane remembered what they were doing there and opened the fridge door to grab a spare carton of milk. When they closed the door, Cassidy was leaning against the bench, her eyes still on them, her coffee untouched beside her.

If things were normal, they'd be making small talk, perhaps teasing each other, perhaps spiky and annoyed at each other's presence. Instead, the loud silence roaring between them was far more telling.

Lane had gone to bed horny and woken up horny. It seemed to be their new default setting. Seeing Cassidy in a small flimsy robe, smelling like shampoo and warm skin, her eyes raking down Lane's torso… god it was too much first thing in the morning.

They had got what they came for and it was definitely time to go, but Lane hesitated, just a second longer than necessary, and Cassidy's mouth moved in a small smirk.

"Fuck," they breathed and dropped the carton on the counter, giving up and letting themselves just stare. Cassidy stared back.

"How'd you sleep?" she asked knowingly.

"Like a baby." Lane narrowed their eyes.

"Liar."

"I'm gonna go," Lane tried.

"No, you're not." Cassidy bit her lip. She was right. Lane was already moving toward her. A small smile of satisfaction lit up her face as Lane's hands found her hips and pressed her back against the bench, their eyes roaming.

"Goddamnit, Cassidy," they whispered. "Are you wearing anything at all underneath this thing?"

"No," she murmured back. She slid her hands under Lane's tank top, her thumbs tracing their lower abs. She raised her lashes and gazed up at them, her blue eyes serious. "I'm quite naked."

Lane groaned. They slipped one hand under the robe, trailing their fingers slowly up the back of her thigh, then higher, inhaling sharply as they found nothing but more bare skin. They traced lightly over the curve of Cassidy's beautiful ass and she shuddered at the deliciously intimate touch, her eyes dark with want.

"Lane," she breathed, her thumbs still stroking just above their boxer shorts. "Come back upstairs with me. Come to bed. I'll let you have me," she murmured softly against their ear lobe and Lane convulsed. They could see it so clearly, the two of them entwined in Cassidy's still warm bed sheets, Lane using their mouth to make her cry out in the early morning light. And then…

"And then what?" Lane asked bluntly. "What happens after that?"

Cassidy blinked. She hesitated.

"I…" her voice trailed off.

"You see my point?" Lane said plainly. "We live together. Your actual, literal family are my only family. You can't use me to scratch an itch, Cassidy, and I can't use you."

"Tell that to your hand right now." Cassidy's voice was sharp and Lane swore softly, jerking their hand back from under her robe.

"Sorry," they apologized. Cassidy's face was flushed.

"No Lane, you're right," she said shortly. "No one here should be using anyone." She grabbed her coffee and abruptly left the kitchen.

"Cassidy-" Lane called after her, but she was gone. "Fuck," Lane berated themself, and slapped their forehead.

Cassidy did not come down for breakfast. Brynn disappeared to the studio for the day, so Lane assumed Cassidy had gone, too. They went about their day feeling some weird combination of justified and irritated at Cassidy for not seeing how right they were, and yet totally regretful of their own stupid mouth.

"This shit is fucked."

Lane and Mia looked up across the study room table at Aria's uncharacteristic swearing.

"I mean, yeah," Lane shrugged at her, but Aria was looking furious.

"I mean, who on earth decided having a vulva meant you had to love pink and unicorns and having a penis meant you liked blue and trucks and then decided it had to be enshrined in law? Even if you're two years old. Even if you're a fetus."

"Are you literally just discovering the gender binary?" Lane asked wryly and Mia laughed.

"Straight people," she scoffed. Aria rolled her eyes.

"No," she said. "Obviously, I understand the concept. It's just the more I read about it, the more asinine it becomes. And then you look at all this-" She lifted her phone and flashed them a headline about Republican laws forcing transgender children from their supportive families under the guise of child protection laws, her eyes flashing with rage. "You just wonder what the hell they're so afraid of that they can't even let little children be themselves."

"They hate anyone they can't control," Lane said evenly. "Women, queer people, anyone even slightly non-binary. The right pretend they care about children. They hate children. People like that have been trying to destroy me since I was in kindergarten."

Mia grabbed their hand and squeezed it fiercely. Lane let her, for a moment, before carefully disentangling.

"I get that," Aria said softly. "They especially hate children if they're Black. We're not even allowed to be children in their eyes, just already culpable, disposable and dangerous by the time we can walk."

"Fuck conservatives." Mia squeezed her empty hand into a fist on the tabletop. "They're poisonous. If you're not white, straight and cisgender, they'd rather you died."

"I don't know," Lane said softly. They thought of Cassidy, the bullet points she spoke sometimes about higher education, about gender, about sexuality. They thought of her dating some guy for almost a year who never once cared about her pleasure. They thought of her face as she tried to deny that anyone had hurt her, about her split-second instinctual street smarts in the face of aggressive men. "I think they'll hurt you even then. I think they can make you hate yourself, no matter who you are."

The three of them worked on in silence for a while.

"Do you guys want to get burgers?" Aria spoke up as she checked the time. Lane glanced at the library windows in surprise. The shadows were growing long. They'd been happily absorbed in the work, side-by-side with Mia and Aria, for once not trying to escape at the earliest possible second. Was Lane… making friends with early childhood students? Mia stretched and gathered up her notes.

"Can't," she said with a slightly smug smile. "I've got a date." Lane looked up. She was watching their face, eager for their reaction.

"Cool," they said, aiming for nonchalance.

"Yeah." She got to her feet, tucking a lock of soft green hair behind her ear. "Figured I'd spend some time with someone who isn't all hung up on some blonde straight girl." She picked up her bag and blew them both a kiss. "Just for now, of course," she threw over her shoulder with a confident smirk and a little finger wave before she flounced off. Lane could only stare.

Aria laughed

"Did she just dump you?" She raised her eyebrows. "Guess you're going to have to up your game. What do you reckon, just you and me?"

"Thank you for the offer," Lane said, actually meaning it, "but there's somewhere I need to be."

"Mm, I'll bet." Aria smiled.

When they got home, Lane looked for Cassidy everywhere. She wasn't sunning herself by the pool, or reclining on a sofa in any of the living rooms. She wasn't hiding in her room even though Lane peeked, just briefly, when their knock went unanswered, the sight of her unmade bed and rumpled sheets doing something weird to their insides. She wasn't curled up in the music room or helping herself in the kitchen. Brynn was home, laughing with Savannah in the singer's study, so she wasn't staying late at the studio. They walked out to the horse paddocks. She wasn't there either. Then Lane blinked. Neither was her horse friend.

Shit. The sun had already sunk behind the hills and the sky was rapidly darkening. They quickly checked the stables and sure enough, there was a saddle missing. Lane swore again, their heart rate climbing as they surveyed the surrounding fields. They couldn't see a returning rider anywhere. Goddamnit, Cassidy didn't know the territory; there was no mobile reception after you left the back paddock and Savannah's rule of no solo rides for newbies was for a solid reason.

Lane's vision was already filled with a crumpled body flung off under the trees or crushed under a ton of silly equine as they grabbed another saddle and bridle and jumped the fence to the next paddock where the big dappled gray Misty stood. She stepped sideways, not liking Lane's agitated movements, dodging the bridle twice as they reached for her.

"You know you kind of suck with horses," came the observation from the other side of the fence. Lane whirled around, just in time to see Cassidy climb down from Jasper's back and lead him into the stable to unclip his saddle. She must have snuck from the Western path, the final stretch approaching from behind the Linden trees. Lane grabbed their own bridle and saddle and marched into the stable, where they shoved them roughly back into place. Cassidy was briskly brushing Jasper down in the gloomy light, talking to him softly.

Lane went back outside into the dusk and took a moment to kick the shit out of a small mound of packed dirt, before forcing themself to take deep slow breaths.

"You good?" Cassidy asked warily, leading Jasper around them and back to his own paddock, where she slipped off his bridle and let him go. Lane followed her around to the fence line. "What?" Cassidy sounded exasperated when they stopped beside her, trying not to lose their mind.

"You can't ride alone," they started, their tone as mellow as they could possibly make it. Cassidy's head snapped up, two blotches of pink appearing on her cheeks.

"Oh, for crying out loud! Savannah told me my only option was to ride with you, and that's clearly not an option at all-"

"Why not?" Lane was aggrieved. "I would ride with you. You haven't even asked me!"

"I don't need to ask you!" Cassidy cried. "First you didn't like me, then you decided we were using each other. I don't know what you're doing here, because we clearly shouldn't be around each other at all."

"Cassidy." Lane took a breath. "I'm sorry. I misspoke."

"Whatever." She looked at the ground. "You clearly meant it. Let's just let it go." She turned to walk away.

"Do you want to know what I'm doing here?" Lane called after her. "I was terrified you were lying hurt somewhere out there-" they gestured wildly at the dark trees and hills all around them, "and I was about to get on a horse and fucking ride everywhere I could think of, in the dark, to come find you."

Cassidy stopped walking. She turned around slowly and looked at them.

"So you're a decent human," she said quietly. "Thanks for caring if I'm dead."

"Oh, for god's sake!" Lane strode up to her. "I clearly care about you, okay?"

Cassidy looked back at them. Whatever she saw in their face and agitated movements made her shoulders drop. She nodded.

"Okay. Thank you, I guess." They looked at each other for a beat. "Well, I'm going to go," she said awkwardly, turning again. Lane rolled their eyes - at themself, at the situation, at the world - before all but flinging themself after her.

"Cassidy, would you just please stop?" they pleaded. "Let me just talk to you, for like, a single second."

Cassidy stopped. She looked at them for a long moment, then with a sigh, stepped off the walking track and flung herself down on the soft cool grass. Lane joined her, sitting a foot away, trying to gather the thoughts that had felt so clear before they'd laid eyes on her again and everything had gotten hazy.

"This morning," they said. "It came out wrong. My brain was literally not functioning because my hand was on your ass." They whispered the last part with the reverence it deserved. Cassidy spluttered out a surprised laugh.

"Not your finest moment," she agreed wryly.

"No. But here's what I was trying to say. I didn't mean that you were using me. I meant that as far as I see it, you're pleasure seeking." Cassidy blinked at them. "You've been…freed, I guess, from your previous life, and you're trying out all kinds of new ways to be and new experiences to have. It's not a bad thing; actually, I think it's fucking wonderful. You should have new experiences. I love that for you. Then you figured me for someone who was great in bed-"

"I did think that, but now I've spent more time with you I've revised it to merely adequate." Cassidy raised her chin.

"You're such a liar." Lane found themself grinning, but Cassidy didn't give an inch. "Look: I'm around, we obviously have chemistry-" god, that was an understatement, "-and we started to cross some lines. To scratch the itch, as I so gracefully put it. It happens."

"And as for you, using me?" Cassidy looked at them flatly. She couldn't seem to let go of that. God, Lane was a dick.

"For me," they hesitated, "it's a slightly different situation. I've had different experiences. I also have different, uh, potential outlets. You've been pretty much marooned here since you got here. I have social circles and a life outside this house."

"You have all the Mias," she translated flatly.

"Well, yeah," Lane admitted. "If I need to scratch an itch, there's pretty much always an option."

Cassidy looked the opposite of impressed. The gaze she gave them was straight up withering.

"That's so great, Lane," she said sarcastically. "So why have we been fooling around, exactly?"

"Because I can't stop thinking about you!" Lane burst out. "Because you're so fucking beautiful, I turn into a sex-crazed idiot around you. God, Cassidy, the problem for me is that you are the itch."

Cassidy's lips parted in a slow intake of breath. She stared. Lane stared back, their face hot.

"Oh," was all she said.

"And," they quickly added, "you're my employer's little sister. And we live together. And," they looked down at the grass, "you're right, in that sometimes I'm not even sure we like each other. We're so damn different."

Cassidy digested that for a while. They sat in silence, the darkness creeping, the crickets and the frogs starting to sing.

"You're wrong about one thing," she said eventually.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I've been asked out twice this week," she informed them. Something in the pit of Lane's stomach twisted, hard. "A bartender, while I was out with Coral, and one of the sound techs at the studio."

"That's great," they said automatically. Why did that feel like actual pain? Just a bit?

"Yeah," said Cassidy. "I didn't take either of them up on it, because of how I was already sneaking around with someone hot, but it sounds like I probably should."

No, you shouldn't,Lane shouted, but just in their brain.

"Probably," they just about managed, frowning down at the grass between their shoes.

"Okay then," Cassidy sighed. "To summarize." She leaned back on her hands and looked at Lane. "You want me, but it's too complicated and you think I'm a jerk."

"I-" They frowned. "I think we're different," they corrected. She gave a small smile.

"Mmhmm," she continued. "You have other options to fool around with, and you think I should go out there and find some, too."

"I-" The words literally stuck in their throat. Cassidy raised her eyebrows. "I mean-" Lane could not make themself say it.

"Spit it out, Lane." Cassidy looked at them calmly. "Tell me to fuck other people."

Lane stared at her. They opened their mouth, then closed it again. Cassidy watched, her head slightly cocked, waiting.

"Argh!" Lane threw up their hands. They leaned all the way in and kissed her, hard. She let out a quick surprised breath then kissed them right back; within two seconds she was pushed flat in the grass, Lane's body pressing her down as they kissed each other desperately. Cassidy's hands clung tight to their body, clutching their back, slipping up their shirt and down inside their shorts, her hands more than getting their own back for Lane's indiscretion in the kitchen earlier. Little gasps and moans spilled from her mouth - oh god and from Lane's mouth too - as they ground down into her, wanting to melt all the way into her warm, yielding body.

The feeling of her drove them wild: the soft breasts pressed against their chest, the tight hips pushing up against their own, the heat of the mouth they couldn't stop tasting. Lane could not get enough of her. With a desperate internal struggle, they pulled back, the two of them panting, staring, fingers clutching tight to the other. Cassidy's lips were kiss-swollen and shining in the dark.

"Fuck, Cassie." Their voice cracked. "Everything I just said, I still stand by. But…I can't tell you to fuck someone else. I'm… I'm-" They felt crazed. "I'm so fucking into you."

"I know." Her voice was breathless, her blue eyes wide. "Me too."

Lane stroked back her hair, tucked it behind her ear, cupping her face before their hand drifted slowly away. Cassidy's lips parted, neither of them used to tenderness sneaking in. Lane was about to kiss her again, almost to distract from the softness of their touch, when Cassidy's hand came up and pressed back against their chest to stop them.

"To summarize," she said again, and Lane smiled. "You're into me. So into me." Cassidy's lower lip quirked. "And you don't want me to fuck other people. But you're not sure you actually like me and our lives are too mixed up together for us to go any further."

"Yes." That really did about sum it up.

"So, on balance, we really should stop fooling around." She looked up at Lane, her skin still flushed from their kisses, her lips full and pink even in the dim light.

"Probably?" Lane was still on top of her. They ran their hand down the side of her body, so reluctant to let go. Cassidy smiled.

"Okay. Well." She cocked her head from where she lay, her golden hair spilling around her into the dark grass. "On the count of three, perhaps?"

Lane took one last longing nip of her soft lower lip, then pulled back and looked her in the eye.

"Okay."

Cassidy counted. On two, she firmly squeezed Lane's ass one last time in farewell, but on three she let go. Lane rolled off her and gazed up at the first stars gleaming into view They lay side by side in silence for a long moment, just breathing together, before Cassidy sat up.

"I'm so glad we had this talk," she said, her voice light. Lane rolled their eyes into the darkness. They got to their feet and reached down a hand to pull her up. They didn't want to let go of her fingers, but after a few seconds, they did.