8. LEAVING IS SUCH SWEET….AH SHIT

8

LEAVING IS SUCH SWEET….AH SHIT

B y the next morning—and two more steaks later—Richard's leg healed. We found clothes for everyone, though it took me sneaking out and stealing pants and shirts off people's clothes lines, trying not to get noticed because some of the locals would know me.

I'd run the bookstore for ten years after all.

As it was, Richard was wearing a flannel shirt and jeans, Berek had a blue polo and jeans and Ship…well he'd gotten the raw end of the deal with baby blue sweatpants and a tie-died shirt with ‘Hippie forever' scrawled across the front.

I sat curled up in my chair, reading by a single light. We kept lights to a minimum, not wanting to alert anyone that we were here. Because Grant still hadn't called me back .

And Gods only knew who Havoc might have helping him. Or Han. Or Kieran.

"Are you sure? You think you need to find these Norns, you don't think there might be an easier way?" Berek asked the question…again as he paced between the stacks. It wasn't even the second or the third time. More like the third time this morning. Since I'd told them what I had to do, they'd all taken time to argue with me about the fact that I was going to have to leave on my own.

"Berek," Bebe growled, "if you ask her that one more time, I'm going to claw your tongue out myself."

Richard snorted. "Gods, you're a vicious thing, aren't you?"

Bebe snorted right back at him from where she lay draped over my shoulder and the back of the chair. "Someone has to shut him up. He cannot keep asking the same question, over and over. It's stupid and irritating, and he's just doing it because he wants a different answer." Of course, only me and Richard could hear Bebe, so we didn't pass on the message. It was best that way. Because keeping all these werewolves in tight quarters was getting…uncomfortable to say the least.

Berek and Claire were no longer pack. Which set them inevitably against us. No fights had broken out, but more than once the talks had gotten heated. Just like when we'd all been back at the church together.

I'd spent every minute I had researching everything I could on the Norns and where to find them, and I'd employed the others to help me go through all the books we could find throughout the bookstore. Because the idea of the Norns was good and all, but it wasn't like there was a set of directions on how to find them. No GPS, no Google maps.

By all counts, sometimes the Norns showed up on their own, as fate was wont to do. Other times they had to be found, while you fought your way through the worst monsters and realms to get to them. Now call me a glutton for punishment if you will, but the longer we looked, the more I was certain that second option was going to be my path.

Monsters and terror.

Why not?

"Fuck my life," I whispered as I shut the book I'd been searching through.

"Something worse?" Richard didn't even look up from the book he was reading through.

"No, just frustrated. There are no set answers. Nothing I can say this , I'll do this."

Claire whimpered from where she dozed in the corner of the room. She'd been incredibly quiet since we'd arrived, barely speaking, flinching anytime someone moved too fast. Except for Berek, we all gave her space. Whatever she was reliving, whatever she was going through, she didn't want to share.

It was late in the day, and it wasn't long before the others had slid away to their beds, leaving just me and Bebe downstairs.

"What next, girlfriend? I know you have a plan going on inside that head of yours. You wouldn't be you if you didn't have an idea." Bebe stretched and yawned, flashing her tiny canines.

"Yeah…" I muttered. "Or at least someone to ask for help if he'd answer his damn phone." I'd tried calling Grant several times, with no answer. That made me nervous—Grant had never not picked up the phone. Especially when I called from the store seeing as he owned it.

Bebe stretched and yawned. "Try again. Blow his phone up like a psycho ex-girlfriend who can't believe he'd move on."

I laughed and picked up the cordless phone, dialing Grant's number from memory.

A soft breath on the other side as he answered on the third ring. "Cinniúint." Grant's voice was a relief, though I thought I heard something…odd in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

"Man, have you not seen all my messages?" I about strangled the phone.

"I just arrived back in town, not five minutes ago."

I frowned. "You never leave town."

"This was important. Rather fortunate that you are here, I needed to speak to you. Why are you looking for me, Cinniúint? "

I dove into what I was looking for, holding back on the journal to start. That was going to be the tough item. Theodore had been freaking obsessed with it. "I need to get some resources. Information. Maybe weapons. And a map that doesn't exist. Think you can manage all that?"

"Weapons?" Grant laughed and then sobered. "Shit, you aren't kidding. What weapons do you need? Why do you need weapons as a shifter? And you have an inbuilt sense of direction, what do you need a map for?"

I grimaced and shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "I…can't tell you everything, Grant. I don't want you to get caught up in this shit that I'm neck deep in, I don't want my friends getting hurt if I can help it." I banged my head lightly on the wall, wishing I had more answers than questions myself. "And clothes for three guys, about the size of your second in command." Ship especially would appreciate the change of clothes. Richard had been teasing him mercilessly about his hippie shirt.

Grant let out a low sigh. "I can do that. I'll bring the clothes over. The store is closed for the weekend. Bob and his man are gone on some cruise."

"I know." I mean, I didn't know it was a cruise, but I knew they were away. "You okay, Grant?"

"The kitchen is fully stocked in the store," Grant said, ignoring my question. "I'll meet you there in ten minutes."

He hung up and I stared at the phone. "How the hell you going to do that and not get crisped?" The summer sun set for all of thirty seconds this time of year, and while Grant was not a newbie vampire, even he couldn't stand out in the sun fully exposed.

I turned around and headed up the stairs to my apartment.

Berek was sitting on the couch, leaning back, dozing.

Claire emerged from the bathroom, her head low. The last two days she had been…weird. Not that I had a great friendship with her or anything, but this was strange even for what I knew of her.

"What's going on?" I asked her quietly. "Are you okay?"

This low headed behavior didn't seem like her, and I couldn't quite put my fingers on why it bothered me so much. She shook her head, "Just overwhelmed is all. This has been more than I expected."

I didn't buy it, not with the fact that she'd run with Havoc and his pack for years. But I let her keep her secrets, such as they were.

"I have a visitor coming. Someone who can help. Maybe."

Berek's eyes flew open, and Ship stepped out of my bedroom, followed closely by Richard .

"Who?" Richard asked.

"Grant. He's…a local vampire." I wasn't going to lie to them, seeing as they'd be able to smell him the second he stepped into the building.

Ship shook his head. "Is that a good idea?"

"It's all I've got, and him being here helps to hide us. It's a good thing." Whatever fatigue everyone had been feeling seemed to disappear. Which meant one thing.

Everyone here would need to eat to keep going past their fatigue points.

"I'll get some food going downstairs." I turned back around. "He won't be long."

"Can we make requests? Like pancakes and bacon, with maple syrup and whipped cream?" Ship asked, a distinct sparkle to his eyes.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You get what you get?—"

"And you don't get upset," Richard finished for me. He lifted his head, "I'll come help you prep."

As much as the help would be welcome, I wasn't sure how Grant would react to having a whole bunch of werewolves literally on his doorstep. Sure, I'd asked for clothing, but still, this was a lot.

"You stay here, Rich. I'll call everyone when the food is ready, and I've prepped Grant."

He grunted and pushed off the doorframe. "No. You are the one who needs to be watched. To be protected. You are our alpha, Cin." He lifted his chin. "I failed you more than once, little sis, I won't fail you again."

Gods above and below my throat tightened. Not in any world, in any dream, had I ever thought I'd gain one of my brothers back, never mind two of them. It still made me want to sit down and bawl my eyes out.

"He has a point," Bebe said, patting his leg. "You're a draw for trouble, Cin, I can't believe it's been quiet these last two days. I keep expecting a boogeyman to jump out of the closet and grab you."

Her words seemed to still Richard. "Don't say that, Bebe. Words have power."

I snorted, and tried to pretend I didn't feel a chill wrap itself around me but couldn't disagree with her. I'd been expecting something too.

"Look. I'll get food going. Bebe, you come with me. The rest of you stay here. The front of the store has bars across all the entrances for nighttime, so nothing is coming through. Nothing is going to grab me from the closet."

"Havoc is strong enough," Claire said softly.

I looked at her again. She wouldn't meet my gaze, and she'd pulled away from Berek, tucking her hands up into her armpits.

"I'm sure he is, but he isn't here and with Grant hiding us, he shouldn't be able to find us," I said.

Any sensation of the bond between us was buried deep. Whatever I'd done this time was enough to keep things turned down so much so that I couldn't even sense him in the distance. Him or Han.

Good. That was good.

I did not feel bad losing the connection to Havoc. I didn't. And I just needed to keep telling myself that there wasn't a pit in my stomach. Unless…what if he'd closed it down on his side of things? That would have actually helped to erase the connection completely.

But I didn't think he'd get rid of the bond until I was dead. Just a hunch on my part with the thickness of the connection between us.

"He could find you anywhere if he wanted to," Claire whispered. "If he was still bonded to you. There's nothing you could do to stop him."

Her words caused a ripple through the room. Worry spiked in the three I was still tied to. Berek went to Claire.

"Don't say that, Claire. She's safe here."

I turned and headed toward the stairs, unable to keep my face straight, because her words had struck something in me. A question that shouldn't have scared me.

Had Havoc somehow shut the bond down between us?

I reached blindly for the stair railing, at the same time that I reached for the connection between me and Havoc, digging it out of the layers I'd buried it under, almost frantic in my sudden need to see if he'd…

I gasped at what I found.

Or more accurately, what I didn't find. Nothing, there was no more bond between us.

I stumbled and barely caught myself on my knees.

Bebe danced around in front of me. "What's wrong?"

"What happened?" Richard yelled.

"I just tripped on the stairs!" I yelled back. I wanted to say I was irritated, because now I couldn't trace how close or far Havoc was, the way I could with Han. But that wasn't the case at all.

The connection to Havoc had been a lifeline…and with the connection to him gone…I didn't want to feel loss . This was good. Better than good, it meant that he couldn't find me easily. Just like Claire had said.

I made my way to the small kitchen below, stunned by what I'd discovered. Digging through the fridge blindly, I pulled out a stack of steaks that weighed at least ten pounds. I slid them onto the counter and started pulling spices out, seasoning the meat as I struggled to understand just what had happened.

How the fuck had Havoc done it? Or had someone done it for him? No, the truth was that he didn't want the bond to me, and that was what had done it. Even Han hadn't fully released me, it's why we were still bound. I was his fail safe .

But Havoc had let me go.

Sure, it was a good thing, seeing as he was under some sort of spell, and a small part of me thought maybe he'd let me go because he cared. But then again maybe he just didn't like feeling me inside his head…my emotions swirled hot and uncertain.

Maybe he was seeing my memories from my side, like I'd seen his.

"Are you going to talk to me, or am I going to have to claw the words out of your mouth? What happened up there on the stairs?" Bebe sat on the counter, her chartreuse eyes watching my every move. I sighed and pressed my hands onto the edge of the counter.

"The bond between me and Havoc…it's…it's gone. He's taken it from me. Yes, I tried to bury it, but I couldn't shut it down completely. But he did. Which meant that he didn't want it. He didn't want…me."

Bebe tipped her head. "You can't find him now, and he can't find you?"

"Correct." The cap on the spices was loose and the entire container of Cajun BBQ fell onto the pile of steaks.

"That's good, Cin," Bebe pitched her voice to a gentle tone. "You know it."

I swallowed hard, the lump in the center making it difficult. "Yeah, I know."

She walked across the counter to butt her head under my chin. "I know it hurts, girlfriend. Especially when we want those bad boys to prove us right. Or wrong depending on the case."

I sucked in a sharp breath and huffed out a laugh. "Yeah."

It was all I could say around the way my body was reacting to the loss of connection to Havoc.

Her ears flattened out to the side of her head and she drooped a little. "What about your brothers? Did they…let you go too?"

I shook my head, and a smile wobbled across my lips. "They are with me, to whatever end we come to. And of course, you too, Bebe. You're my second in command." I gave her a smile and she bounced up onto her back feet, and reached up with her front paws as if she were praising the gods.

"Damn straight! Bad bitches rule! But we don't need them, the others, do we? Claire has been acting weird anyway." Bebe sat back down, wrapping her tail around her front feet.

"I don't know if we need them, and yes, I noticed that too about Claire. But I cut them both loose. You should be able to sense Richard and Ship, but not the other two." I flipped the first round of steaks onto the frying pan, searing them, then shoving them into the oven to finish, yanked another pan out and repeated the process.

"Oh, dang! I can!" Bebe's eyes went wide and then she closed them. "How do I…turn it off? "

I gave her a quick rundown of how I quieted the bonds. Was it correct? No idea, but it worked for me.

I moved on autopilot. There were frozen gnocchi that I dumped into a pot of boiling water, then dug out four boxes of mac and cheese, whipped those into another pot and while a salad would have been good for anyone else, we needed calories for shifting and healing.

Basically, we were carb loading for whatever was coming.

I left the salad out of the mix, and instead dug around until I found the bag of protein powder. I grabbed the blender and started throwing in raw eggs, bananas, cocoa powder, peanut butter, cottage cheese and far too many scoops of protein powder.

"That's a lot," Bebe kept on saying. "And you made it fast."

"It's what we need. Especially Richard, because even though he's healed, he has a lot of calories to make up for." I grimaced at the steaks. They were overdone, I should have started them last, but…whatever. I needed the protein too. It was easy to forget I'd almost died a few days ago.

I opened my mouth to call up to them, but movement in the back room tugged at my ears. "That had better be Grant."

A figure moved in the shadows and the vampire stepped out. A bag of clothes in one hand, and a small journal in the other. A journal that I'd given to Theodore, the vampire in Portland, for his help. I was more than a little surprised to see it in Grant's hand.

He flipped it onto the table. "We need to talk, Cin, you are in far bigger trouble than you realize."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Oh, I realize, Grant. I realize far too well."

He shook his head. "No…no I don't think you do."