36. April 9th

APRIL 9TH

Kai

It's a damn door,Serrano. Fucking go through it.

She'd been unable to make herself go to the War Room before now, just past midnight. She'd even been so much of a coward that earlier, she'd had Lazarus go in and get her computer and backpack and bring it to her out in the makeup trailer.

Her hand reached out to the doorknob but didn't quite make it to touch it. Her brain was telling her fingers to grip the knob, but they wouldn't follow through, as if they couldn't bear to commit to the action, knowing he wouldn't be there.

He'd never be in that room with her again.

Instead, she found herself stepping up to the doors, placing both hands on the side-by-side panels at shoulder height, and leaning her head against the wood.

A shuddering sigh went through her entire body from top to bottom. "Fuck."

Sucking up as much air as she could, she felt her psyche begin to batten down its shutters to keep the pain inside and hidden away. Her hands slid down to the knobs, and on the exhale, she twisted and pushed the doors open violently.

As she crossed the threshold and stepped through, she noticed immediately that his gear that he left in the far corner was gone. She crossed the damp room to stand before her desk, arms crossed and grabbing her biceps. She simply stared at the empty surface.

She felt empty. Cold. Dead.

She heard the snick of the door. Without looking up from the desktop, she said, "I figured he'd leave you behind."

The Irish accent swept low through the room. "He would never leave you unprotected."

She gave a single nod. "I could fire you."

"But you won't."

His soft Irish lilt was somehow comforting.

"I should."

"Even if you do, I'd stay."

Crap! How did he get behind me so quickly and quietly? They're all freaking ninjas.

"No," she whispered, "I won't." Then she doubled over, sobbing as if she had just heard Waters had died. Demon came around to the side of her, reached down, and raised her to standing, then pulled her tight to his chest. Gently, he stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head as he held her. "Do me a favor. Never tell him I held you while you cried. And if you tell him I kissed your head, he'll go apeshit. He knows a feck-ton of ways to kill me so that no one will be able to tell how I died. Of course, that would mean someone would have to be able to find my body when he was done with it."

A bark of laughter issued from Kai at his attempt at a joke, which probably really wasn't a joke. "Do any of those ways involve a napkin?"

Demon chuckled. "Probably the most dangerous of the ways he knows."

She pulled back from his chest, looking up at him. "I won't see him again. He didn't have to say it. But I'm glad he left you behind, Demon."

He wiped the tear tracks from her face and slid his hands down to rest on her shoulders. He gave them a gentle squeeze. "Go get some sleep, Kubrick. I'll be out here to keep away the angry bird."

She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek, then drew away and went to her bedroom. When she reached the door, she stopped and turned her head over her shoulder. "I love him. I thought I could avoid it."

"He knows you do. And nothing's ever FUBAR, Kubrick. There's always a way. You need to look for it, and then you have to be willing to make it happen at all costs."

She sighed. "I wish I could believe that. Tribe is his life. And I get that. I love that for him. I wouldn't want him any other way. But he'll always have to choose between it and anything else. And Tribe always wins," she admitted, echoing his words. Then she continued into her room and shut herself in.