CHAPTER 39

AUREN TURLEY

I shake my head, trying to roll around the information so it will settle and make sense. Slade is rigid with fury, his eyes narrowed and jaw muscles jumping.

But Wick looks at me with dueling expressions. One side guilt, and the other side resolved, like that part of him already knows the outcome of this talk.

"You were there that night? When Bryol was attacked?" I ask. Though he already admitted it, I can't believe my ears.

"I was. My family had come to visit yours. Our two households were the last of the Turley family, but my parents and I lived in a place called Dramor. Without a fairy ring, it was a three-week journey for us to get to Bryol. The last time I'd visited, I didn't even remember. You were just a baby, and I was a toddler."

My heart pounds. "Keep going."

Wick flattens his hands on the table like he's bracing himself. "I was jealous of you."

I rear back in surprise, and my ribbons skitter against the floor. That's not what I was expecting.

"My parents doted on you. Everyone did. Everyone called you little sun . The entire city was smitten." His mouth pulls into a tightened, shameful grimace. "You probably don't remember, but I locked you in a closet once. You cried until your father found you. My own father lectured me for hours about it—about the importance of family. Of loyalty, kindness. And you…I thought you were going to hate me, but you just smiled and asked if I wanted to play. You forgave me, forgetting it before I even got done being lectured."

I shake my head, feeling bewildered. "I don't remember any of this."

"You were barely five years old," he says. "I was nearly eight by then. And horribly jealous."

"You were just a child."

"No excuse," he says bitterly. "Especially when that jealousy led to such horror."

My pulse quickens, anxiety filling my stomach with stones.

"When our parents realized that the city was under attack, they had a feeling it was timed that way because we were there visiting. After all, we'd traveled for three weeks across Annwyn. There was plenty of time for the monarchy's spies to inform them we were heading for Bryol. Our parents hadn't considered the risk of all of us being together in one place. But that night, they realized their mistake. Soldiers came with blades and magic to destroy the city so that it could look like an insurgent attack instead of an execution of a bloodline."

My throat gets tight, and I slip my hand through Slade's, needing his touch. His grip tightens around mine, keeping me steady while my world spins.

"I had snuck out of bed to grab food from the kitchen, and I heard them talking. Heard the commotion from the Vulmin at the front door. Our parents soon figured out what was happening and why the city was under attack. They wanted to protect us, so they used a few Vulmin guards to sneak out all the children on our street. They were going to hide us outside the city walls until it was safe. But our parents…they were going to turn themselves in. Exchanging their capture with a cease of hostilities. To spare the lives of everyone else who lived in Bryol."

My eyes go wide. It feels like a fist just grabbed hold of my heart and burst it open.

"Of course, they lied to our parents. Accepted the exchange but then killed them in cold blood. Then they still destroyed the city and nearly everyone in it."

"What about us?" I ask tightly, feeling my eyes swarm with tears.

"Our Vulmin guards never got us out of the city. They were attacked by a group, I don't know who. But while the fighting was happening, everyone was distracted, and I…snuck away. Without you."

He says those words like one would swing an ax. One blow after the other. Hitting in deep. Ready to make something topple.

In this case, it's me.

"You were scared," I offer, though the words feel numb. "You were just acting on impulse."

Wick shakes his head, and his expression turns angry. "Don't do that," he grinds out. "Don't give excuses for my behavior." He looks me dead in the eye, and a tear escapes down my cheek. "I was standing right next to you, Auren. I could've just taken your hand and run. I could've gotten us both away. But I didn't. I looked at you, and I just… went ." His voice rasps. "I left you."

More tears well up in my eyes. And they burn. Right down to my chest.

I left you.

I squeeze Slade's hand hard. He grips me firmly in return. He's the only person who hasn't ever left me. Who's always been here, holding me together through it all.

When Wick sees the agony in my face, his shoulders slump, head bowing from the weight of his shame. "I left you and then tried to find our parents, but I saw them get murdered. Then I ran. I tried to go back and find you, but you were gone. And I knew…"

He chokes with thickened emotion.

I'm spinning, with a ground that won't still. I'm remembering what the ruins of Bryol looked like when he took me there. Filling in the gaps with his words.

"I made it out of the city somehow," he says. "Walked all the way to a nearby village. My father always told me to look for the Vulmin symbol because I could trust them. I found a fae wearing the pin there, and he took me in. But I never told him or anyone else my real name. Never told them I was a Turley. All they knew was that I was an orphan from the Bryol attack. I didn't want them to know anything else. I was ashamed of what I'd done, and I knew that my parents would have been ashamed of me too. That I'd failed them. Failed you."

A tear tracks down his russet cheek, and he digs the heels of his hands into his eyes like he can shove it back in. Shove away the guilt and regret.

It's difficult to imagine what would have happened if I'd been able to sneak away with Wick. Difficult to come to terms with how different my life could have been.

I wipe at my eyes and take a shaky breath. "So that's why you didn't tell me. When we first met in Geisel."

He nods. "Sometimes, feelings build up and become our foundation. Shame and guilt aren't like pages in a book. I couldn't simply turn it over and move past it. This regret…I'll carry it for the rest of my life."

I try to imagine what he looked like as a little boy. Try to jar my thoughts to remember.

But…I did remember something.

When I was falling through the rip, I heard a little boy's voice calling my name. Somehow, with intense certainty, I know that it was him. That it was Wick calling my name. That was us when we were happy and playful, laughing together and untouched by tragedy.

My shoulders tremble.

"When I heard about you in Geisel, I didn't believe it. And then when I saw you…" He trails off with a shake of his head. "I wanted to keep you at a distance. A part of me blamed you—and I know how damn ridiculous that sounds, but it's the truth. I blamed you for my own hate. My own shame that I'd carried around for my entire life. When you showed up, I wouldn't allow myself to think of you as family—as that little girl I abandoned. I only wanted to see you as a good thing for the Vulmin, because that's all my life had become. I've dedicated my entire life to the Vulmin cause. Maybe in some vain effort to redeem myself and avenge our parents."

Now that he's started to get the words out, they're rushing out of him. The floodgate has opened, and he's letting the truth surge. Causing damage in its wake, but no longer holding back.

"Admitting you were anything else to me would've forced me to relive my mistakes all over again, and I didn't want to do that," he admits. "Didn't want to look you in the eye and tell you what I'd done. Because the truth is, I don't deserve to carry the Turley name. Don't deserve to tell you I'm your family. Not after abandoning you. Hell, if most Vulmin knew what I'd done, they'd never have followed me in the first place. And this cause…it's the only thing that's kept me going. When I stopped being a Turley, becoming a Vulmin was all I had."

It's hard to hear.

Every confession from his mouth is another stone tossed at me, landing in my gut. My thoughts and reactions war with one another, and I know it's going to take time for me to pick it all apart. To digest every piece.

He looks at me with wet eyes and rattling desperation. "I'm sorry, Auren. I'm so —sorry."

I take in a shaky breath, and the two of us stare at each other. All the words that poured out now trying to find where to settle.

Devastation has ripped up my roots and left me scattered. There's no denying that.

But I reach across the table to Wick's hand, startling him when I grip his fingers. He looks up at me and flinches, like he's waiting for me to deliver a blow.

"You were a child who made a mistake," I say slowly, and I cut him off before he can interrupt. "Sometimes, our mistakes are so big that when they land, the consequences stretch out farther than you ever could've imagined."

He swallows hard, watching me like he's hanging on my every word.

"What's done is done," I tell him. "What happened that night was a tragedy for us both. We lost our parents. Our homes. Our safety. Our identities…" Grief threatens to strike my tongue, but I push on. "But the two of us have reunited now. I think we owe it to our parents and ourselves to be each other's family. Because you are a Turley. The proof is right there in your veins. And I think we've lost enough. We don't need to add each other to the list."

His jaw muscle jumps, like he's trying to lock down his emotions, though his eyes shine with moisture.

I give him a sad smile for the boy he was, for the terrible regret and shame he's carried that's so obviously affected him. I could yell and scream. I could choose hate. But it's like Wick said in the city square.

We can do better.

I give his hand a squeeze. "You don't just have the Vulmin, Wick. You have me too now."

He looks utterly ransacked. Like he's kept all his emotions and secrets hidden away, and now that they've been dumped out, he's unsure what to do with all the pieces.

For a moment, he just stares at me as if he expects me to change my mind and tell him I hate him and want nothing to do with him.

When I don't, he clears his throat, shaking his head. "You're still the same. Just like when you were a little girl. Forgiving me. Smiling when I deserve to be shunned. No wonder they all called you little sun . You have the warmest heart I've ever known, Auren."

This time, he squeezes my hand back before we let go.

I blow out a big breath and look between him and Slade. "I think that's enough rehashing the past for today," I say, trying to keep the shake out of my smile. "Now let's move on to Vulmin business."

He seems relieved at the topic change, and honestly, so am I. Everything I said to him was genuine. I'm not going to punish his eight-year-old self for a mistake that was made over twenty years ago. It's obvious he's punished himself over that choice plenty. But I also need time to take everything in on my own, and we'll both have to learn what it means to be family.

So for now, we'll focus on being Vulmin.

Wick starts telling us about everything that's happened in Lydia since Slade and I reunited, catching us up on all the details.

"Keeping our control of the capital is vital," he says. "But it's tenuous. The royal guard could storm the city any moment and retake control. I have Vulmin on the move, all the ones trained in combat and willing to fight, but it'll be a couple more days before the first influx arrives."

"But the invasion on Orea has to have greatly depleted Carrick's army," Slade says.

"Exactly. He's stacked the odds by sending most of his forces into another realm. This is the perfect time for us to strike. He's the weakest he's ever been. But if we want to end the Carrick tyranny once and for all, we have to end the king."

"But we still don't know where he escaped to?" Slade asks.

Wick shakes his head.

"Right." I get to my feet, my chair scraping against the floor. "You have him prisoner, I assume?"

Wick knows exactly who I'm talking about, and he nods. "I do. He's down with the Stone Swords we have captured. But he hasn't talked."

"Who?" Slade asks as he also gets to his feet.

I lock eyes with him as I answer. "The fae who betrayed us," I say, but inside, I whisper.

The fae who betrayed me .