CHAPTER 19

QUEEN MALINA

After walking away from Auren's cage, I shut the door behind me, leaving soft flakes of ice on the knob. I descend the stairs as if I've been encased in plaster, my movements stiff and heart brittle.

When I'm nearly at the bottom floor again, I pause to take a steadying breath. I hold the banister, looking down at the main floor below. From this vantage point, I can see the threshold of the royal dining room. Can hear the subdued chatter of the survivors inside.

At the open front doors of the castle, snow has blown in. Tracks run through it, made by the obvious drag of bodies that were pulled outside. I shudder to think just how many more bodies will be found inside these many rooms. My father must be turning over in his grave.

I hear a noise that tugs at my attention, and I glance around to find the source.

What was that?

I look over my shoulder at the servant's entrance cut into the wall, and see the door is slightly ajar. I walk over and pull it open, glancing inside the narrow corridor, and I hear the sound again. It's a woman's voice.

Perhaps not all the servants have been alerted that they're safe? That the fae are no longer here?

I walk down the corridor, following the sound. When I get nearer, I push open a creaky door, finding one of the servants' shared sleeping rooms. There are several beds inside, all of them built with two layers so one could sleep above the other. The window is open, no curtain in sight, and the room is empty, save for one woman lying on a bed.

She mutters something.

"Hello? Are you alright?"

I receive no clear answer, and my brow furrows as I walk further in. I stop at her bedside, and recognition comes instantly.

Mist .

The saddle woman whom Queen Kaila brought back to Highbell. The woman who…

I swallow hard and glance down at her stomach—at what should be a pregnant belly jutting up. Instead, bloodstains steal my sight. The blood coats the layers of bedding, taking up the expanse from one side to the other.

"Mist?" I call.

My eyes fly up to her face, and her closed eyes flicker, lips uttering something nonsensical. She looks so poorly, skin tone off, black hair limp.

I glance around the room and see bloodied rags on the floor and a tipped-over bowl. Horror washes through me and I latch onto her shoulder and shake. Her skin is searing hot beneath her clothes, nearly burning my icy fingers. "Mist?"

Her brown eyes snap open and she blinks several times, though the bleariness in her gaze doesn't go away.

"Can you hear me?"

She settles her attention on me and frowns in confusion. "The cold queen's in the saddle wing? But she never comes in here…"

"Mist, you're not in the saddle wing. You're in a servant's room and you're…" My words choke off, gaze flicking again to the blood. So much blood. "I'm going to get you help."

The moment I say the last word, her eyes go from dazed to clear, and a wild desperation enters her face that's as jarring as the way she suddenly lashes out and grips my arm. "They came!" she cries, terror bulging the words and making her voice burst with it. "The fae came in—we couldn't keep them out. I hid but I started to bleed… It hurt …"

I swallow hard, my skin pinching where she clutches me. "What happened?"

"My baby." She starts sobbing in earnest, tears contorting her face. "I pushed and pushed. For so long. I was alone." Teardrops fall from her eyes, soaking her shirt, landing on my hand. "I tried to be quiet, but then I finally got him out…"

My throat cinches. Him. A boy .

Her eyes are so filled with tears it's difficult to imagine them not having this depth of misery.

"He was born with sandy hair, just like the king. So beautiful…"

Her wails are torn, ripping right through her, and I'm utterly stricken.

"I tried to wake him, but he wouldn't… He never breathed. And then the fae came and took him out. They took him ."

My hand covers my mouth, tears burning holes in the corners of my eyes as she starts to wail, and my heart breaks.

Devastatingly so.

When Tyndall wrote to me about impregnating his saddle, I seethed. I hated. Both him and her, and even the child who was innocent in it all. When he dared to demand that I pretend it was my heir, I wished every terrible thing on them. Wished for atrocious things because I am atrocious.

I wish I could take it all back.

Her sobs choke out with severed inhales, her frail body utterly spent. "I'm alone," she whispers through exhausted misery. "Queen Kaila said I would get the best care, but she's gone. I was alone the whole time, and I'm alone now."

I sit down on the bed next to her and grip her hand tight. "You are not alone."

A rasped cough escapes her, and she presses her other palm to her deflated middle. "It doesn't hurt anymore," she murmurs.

I'm no mender, but even I know that isn't a good sign.

"You were so very brave," I whisper.

She slumps back, fevered eyes growing heavy. "You won't leave me?" she asks.

It takes everything I have to not allow myself to sob. I shake my head firmly, squeezing her fingers once more. "No, Mist. I won't leave you. You won't be alone ever again."

Relief shudders through her, and she settles against the stained pillow, her wailing going quiet. "He was so beautiful… You'll tell the king, won't you? Midas will be so happy." She lets out another sigh. "I hope I get to hold him soon."

"You will," I whisper as a frigid tear cuts down my cheek. "Rest now."

Mist nods and her expression smooths out, and then her eyes flutter shut.

She doesn't open them again.

I exit the room with a weighed-down spirit. Mist's death, the death of her innocent child, are tragedies. I'm shaken with the fault of them, because both lines lead back directly to me.

Stopping in the corridor, my body slumps against the wall. I place my forehead against it, shoulders curled in, eyelids squeezed tight.

I always wanted to be a mother. Not just because the kingdom expected it, not just to make an heir, but to have a love that could be mine. To love a child, the way my mother had loved me. Yet the Divine gods were right to deny me my wish.

I would've failed at that too.

Ice clinks onto the floor as my frosted breath shakes out. Here in the quiet, I mourn for Mist and her baby. Mourn for everyone who died in Highbell. And just as I said in Auren's room, I whisper out a quiet apology.

" I'm sorry ."

All of it, every death, every fault, it cuts through me with blades, and I bleed. Bleed and bleed onto the gilded floor.

After I wipe my cheeks, exhaustion pulls at me, but I force myself to straighten. I shove my shoulders back as I walk out of the corridor and onto the main staircase. I haven't earned respite or solitude, nor do I deserve to stand here and sorrow, because none of this is about me or my feelings.

Kingdom comes first. Orea must come first.

My feet carry me down the staircase, and I find one of the servants. "There's—" My voice chokes off, but I clear it, forcing out the words. "A woman upstairs in the servant's chambers has died. I will need help taking care of her body."

Her eyes widen. "Of course, Your Majesty. We will see to her immediately."

Before she can walk off, I touch her arm, stilling her. "She gave birth while the fae were here. The child didn't survive, but she said the fae took him away. Can we try to find him somehow? Maybe there's someone here who might know something? So the child can be given a proper burial."

Her expression fills with sadness. "I'll speak with everyone, Queen Malina. Someone must know something."

"Thank you."

With a nod, the woman hurries away, and a weight presses on my chest.

Although I still haven't eaten, I turn for the main castle doors. Outside, the pile of fae bodies are burning, and more are still being added to the pyre. There's a group of my people gathered, watching the flames, perhaps trying to burn away their own inner agonies.

I start heading for Dommik across the way, but my gaze finds King Ravinger where he's securing a saddle atop his timberwing.

Changing course, my steps lead me to him. "Are you leaving?"

He doesn't spare me a single glance. "Soon, yes."

I wring my hands in front of me. "I know you've been gracious to my people, but I would ask more…" He snaps his attention across my face, and I feel the sting of it, though I don't back down. "Please, could you bring them with you? Allow my people sanctuary in Fourth Kingdom? I'll give you anything I can if you send timberwings to take them to your land where they can be safe."

"I'm not going to Fourth Kingdom."

"But—"

"I'm going to Seventh."

I rear back. " Why ?"

He surprises me by actually answering. "Auren is on the other side of that bridge."

Shock pushes into me. " Auren ? She's in… But how?"

"Doesn't matter. What matters is I'm going to find her." His fierce green gaze pins into me. "And do not be fooled, Queen Malina. There is no guarantee that even Fourth Kingdom will be safe, nor any of the others. I suggest you and your people lock your castle doors and hide inside for as long as you can. My power has given Orea a chance by buying you some time, but more fae could still come. This isn't over."

His words are a slap of cold reality. Of course we're not safe. Of course it isn't over. He made Highbell safe, but for how long will that be true? How much more blood will be on my hands?

He's right. Nowhere in Orea is safe. Not with the fae crossing in. Not with the bridge that I helped remake. A bridge that I'm responsible for.

"Take me with you."

The words blurt out of me, and across the courtyard, I hear Dommik's voice shouldering in. " No ."

King Ravinger narrows his eyes on me. "Why would I do that?"

Desperation creases into my face and pours into my tone. "Because I caused this. Because you're right—nowhere is safe. Not while that bridge is open."

"And what are you going to do in Seventh?" he challenges.

"I have magic now," I answer. "I will use it to block the bridge. To kill fae, if I have to. I'll do whatever it takes to stop them from coming in."

Around us, the courtyard has gone quiet, save for the crackling fire that's slowly gnawing its way through the bodies.

Ravinger watches me, his expression inscrutable, and though my heart pounds in my chest hard enough to hurt, I know this is right.

I can feel it in my brittle bones.

Dommik comes up to my side in a flash, gripping me by the arm and spinning me around. "Are you out of your mind?" he hisses. "You're not going back to Seventh."

"I have to."

"You fucking don't ."

"I do," I counter firmly. "I see that now."

"Queen Malina, you can't leave us!" one of my people cries, while murmurs break out amongst them. "We need you to protect us!"

A hard lump lodges in my throat at the looks on their faces. "This is the only way I can truly protect you," I say to her, to all of them. "So long as that bridge is open, Orea won't be safe. I need to at least try to stop them. For all our sakes."

"What will we do?" another man asks.

"You'll stay in the castle. King Ravinger used enough power that it's as fortified as it can be, and there are no fae in sight." They look at me with alarm, but I want them to understand. I'm trying to do this for them, trying to be the queen they deserve. "I must go so I can do everything in my power to stop more fae invading our land."

The dread is visible in their faces, but so is the slow acceptance of my stated truth.

I look over at Dommik, my eyes tracing over his features. "Protect them," I murmur.

His eyes flash and then he practically snarls in my face, though his words are only loud enough for me. "I'm going with you, you ridiculous fucking fool ."

"But—"

His hand tightens on my arm, and he pulls me closer so that I see his whole face beneath the hood. "Don't. Argue."

I press my lips together in a hard line.

"Fine. You can come with me to Seventh," King Ravinger suddenly says. "But I'm leaving in an hour, with or without you. I won't wait longer than that."

"Alright, yes, I'll hurry—"

"You'll have to find your own means of travel."

"There's one timberwing left," Dommik grinds out. "In the perch."

Relief pushes through me. I'm lucky it didn't flee when the fae arrived or get saddled up with Kaila's entourage.

Ravinger nods, his gaze narrowing on my face. "And you can try what you will with the bridge to keep the fae out, but you won't get in my way, is that clear?"

The underlying threat is sharp enough that I feel it jab against my skin.

I swallow hard. "Yes."

"Fine. One hour," he cautions before leading his timberwing away.

I share a look with Dommik and with my people, all of us shouldering this heavy silence together. Trying to bear the implications of what's to come.

Yet despite their dread, their anger, their fear, I know this is the right path.

And after a lifetime of wrongs, it's time I changed directions.