CHAPTER 26

C HAPTER 26

T amsyn woke up from a deliciously restful sleep, every fiber of her body tingling with well-being. She’d learned wonderful new things the night before, and God willing, she’d learn more soon.

Sadly, she was alone in the bed, but the mattress next to her retained a trace of warmth. Cade was in the kitchen area. He’d quietly built up the fire and was setting a kettle of water on to heat. His glance at her was grave. “I’m going to miss this cottage.”

She smiled as she slid from the bed. “So will I, but it will be wonderful to get home.”

She padded across the room toward Cade. Her flannel nightgown kept her reasonably warm down to her ankles, but the flagstone floor was cold . “We’ll have to come up with something to amuse ourselves until it’s time to leave.”

“Cleaning the cottage and making it look as if we were never here will take some time.” He turned to their simple larder to pull out bread and cheese. After he’d set them down, Tamsyn stepped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He still wore only his shirt and drawers so she slid her hand down over the fabric to rest on that fascinating ridge of male flesh. He hardened instantly under her touch.

After a frozen moment, he jerked around to face her. “No, Tam!”

She blinked at him, surprised. “Why not? We have a long dull day ahead of us.”

“Because no means no , Lady Tamsyn!” he said sharply. “Whichever of us says it and whatever the reason.”

She bit her lip. “I’m sorry. After last night, I assumed that . . . that things had changed between us.”

“They have, unfortunately.” He frowned as he sorted his thoughts. “Love and lust are not the same thing, and passion can scramble the wits of even someone as intelligent as you, Tam. We must go forward as if last night never happened.”

“You seemed to enjoy sharing the bed last night. Was passion scrambling your legendary self-control?” she retorted.

“Indeed it was.” He sighed. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, Tam. Passion most certainly overcame my judgment.”

“If there’s guilt about last night, I think it should be equally shared.” She gave him a tentative smile. “But I don’t feel at all guilty.”

“Guilt is irrelevant. What we need is restraint,” he said bluntly. “For years I buried my feelings for you so we could be friends as well as brother and sister. I should have kept them buried. I’ll never forget last night and the joy of the . . . the closeness we shared.”

“I’ll never forget it, either,” she said softly.

He caught her gaze with his. “My deepest dream has always been that someday you might be my wife. But now reality has made me realize how impossible that is. If we were to marry, we would risk damaging the Tribe of Tremayne, perhaps shattering our family into pieces.”

Marriage? The idea was surprising but not unpleasant. Not unpleasant at all. She felt herself blushing. “Do you think we’d be disowned if we married? Surely not!”

He shook his head. “You wouldn’t be. You’re the golden child, the big sister who loves and is loved by everyone, not to mention being a true-born daughter and the heir to the title and estates. But Rhys and Gwyn might wish they hadn’t taken me in.”

“Never! They would be startled, maybe even a bit shocked, but they’d never regret making you part of the family.” She drew a deep breath. “If I’m the big sister, you’re the big brother who can always be trusted to protect and help the rest of us with our problems. You are as loved and essential to the family as I am.”

His expression troubled, he said, “I’m always happy to help as needed. But if we can’t return to behaving as brother and sister, I’ll have to withdraw from the family.”

“If you left us, that would certainly cause damage!” she exclaimed, horrified.

“It wouldn’t be an obvious break. I’d just start spending almost all of my time on Home Office work and not be around the family for much of anything else.”

She thought of the casual meals and riding and walking in the country, the regular activities that were the foundation of their family. Not just her and Cade, but every possible combination of Tremayne siblings. If Cade was never there . . .

She hated the thought. “You would be missed desperately if you stepped away from the rest of us.”

“I’d be missed some,” he agreed. “But that disturbance would be minor compared to the shock and revulsion if we were to marry, and if we want to be together, it must be marriage. Trying to have a secret affair would be even worse because we could never keep such a secret from gifted family members.”

She frowned. “You and I and Bran have always been so close. Don’t you think Bran would be able to accept us as a married couple?”

“My guess is that the odds are about even as to whether he’d accept or challenge me to a duel for taking advantage of you,” Cade said wryly.

Tamsyn shuddered. “Surely not!”

“A duel is unlikely, but if you and I are together, I fear it would change things with Bran drastically. I would . . . have trouble bearing that,” Cade said. “This is one of the many reasons why we must step back before anything irrevocable happens.”

Would the marvelous closeness between them be reduced to a brief passion? Or could it be love everlasting such as that between Gwyn and Rhys? She’d never thought of marriage before Cade made his declaration, but she was thinking about it now, and recognizing the potential for both joy and dire consequences. If Bran condemned them, the rupture in their friendships would be excruciating.

Their family was a complex network of individual relationships, like a delicate three-dimensional weaving of lace that connected each member of the Tribe with every other Tremayne. She had a horrible vision of those threads of love and trust being irrevocably sundered. Surely some of her brothers and sisters would be able to accept a marriage between her and Cade, but it was far too likely that some could not. They would see such a marriage as incest, as she had for so many years.

With sudden horror, she recognized that Cade was the one who would be blamed for seducing his sister even though that wasn’t what had happened. Any fault was mutual, but as he’d said, she’d be seen as the innocent sister and he’d be condemned for taking advantage of her. Dear God, what would that do to him? He’d been thrown away by his appalling father. Being forced out of his family of the heart would be not only wrong, but devastating.

She shuddered as she thought of the reactions. “I don’t want to believe that you’re right,” she whispered, “but I fear you may be.”

Cade sighed, his expression deeply sad. “I can’t imagine a happy outcome if we put our own desires ahead of the well-being of our family.”

She’d always seen Cade as strong, utterly in control, and utterly reliable. Those same traits could cause him to walk away from the Tremaynes to avoid hurting others. The thought struck ice into her heart. She couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing him again. It didn’t matter whether her love for him was romantic passion or a deep, deep friendship. Either way, he was vital to her.

The night before, she’d felt as if Cade had opened a door in her spirit that had revealed a bright, rich future on the other side. Now he was closing that door. But if he was willing to withdraw from the family he loved, to spare everyone pain, she must show equal strength to make sure he wouldn’t have to do that.

Summoning calm, she said, “You’re right that we must step back for now—this is all too new. But I’m not sure that damage is inevitable. We must move ahead in a very carefully considered way until the situation becomes clearer. But please don’t leave without telling me! Please .”

He hesitated before saying, “I promise I won’t just disappear without letting you know, but I lack your optimism. I think the most likely result will be that I continue working for the Home Office but move farther away from Tremayne House and largely disappear from general family activities. And perhaps now that you’ve awakened the part of yourself you’d suppressed, you will find a man you can love who isn’t your brother.”

She made a face. Cade was rarely foolish, but he was certainly a fool to suggest that she could just turn around and find another man worth marrying.

More tactfully she said, “Foretelling ability is very rare even among the gifted, Cade. But I believe that the future holds many possibilities, not all of them dire.”

He smiled wistfully. “I’ve always liked your optimism, Tam. I wish I shared it.”