CHAPTER 24

C HAPTER 24

T he pallet in the loft was reasonably comfortable, and Cade was still tired enough to fall asleep easily, serenaded by the soft rolling sounds of the nearby sea. In two nights, they’d be stealthily sailing home across the channel....

He came sharply awake at the sound of a muffled cry from the floor below. Tamsyn!

He swung from the pallet and jumped straight through the hatch that opened to the main floor of the cottage, not bothering to use the ladder.

Another sound came from the bedroom, an anguished cry that was close to weeping. The cottage was dark except for the faintest glow of light from the banked coals on the hearth. He didn’t sense anyone but Tam in the cottage, but he still moved carefully as he entered the open door to the small bedroom.

She was sobbing as she thrashed under the bedcovers as if fighting an unseen enemy. “Tamsyn!” he said urgently. “Wake up!”

He dropped onto the edge of the bed and gathered her into his arms. One of her flailing fists rammed into his chest with more force than one would expect from a petite woman. He caught her hand and said soothingly, “You’re safe, Tam! I’m here and you’re safe. You were having a bad dream.”

For a moment she continued to struggle against him. Then her body softened. “Cade?” she said uncertainly.

“Yes, my dear girl,” he murmured as he pulled her closer. She wore only a warm flannel nightgown, and he could feel her shaking underneath the single layer of fabric. “I think you were having a nightmare. I didn’t know you were prone to them.”

She pressed her face against his shoulder and struggled for breath. “I’m not! I don’t have nightmares! I can’t remember ever having one before!”

Her delicate features looked haunted, and tears glinted in the faint light. He wanted to kiss the tears away, but no. This was not the time for that. “Do you remember the nightmare or was it one of those chaotic dreams that make no sense?”

“I . . . I was losing you,” she said in a choked voice. “I saw you going down as you were being abducted by Claude Bastien. I was sure you were dead. And then there was pain. So agonizing, it was destroying you. You were gone and . . . and I knew I’d never see you again.”

“But that didn’t happen,” he said reassuringly. “You reduced the pain he caused until it was endurable, and you stormed the castle to rescue me. I’m right here and I have no plans to get myself killed.”

“But I’m still losing you,” she said starkly. “I spent the day trying to convince myself that you didn’t really mean it when you said that you loved me in a . . . a passionate way. I wanted to believe you were just grateful to be free.”

She tilted her head and he could feel her gaze even in the near-total darkness. “But you did mean it, didn’t you?”

He drew a deep breath, wondering if it would be best to say he hadn’t really meant what he’d said—he’d just been exuberant at attaining his freedom. Perhaps then they could go back to normal, being close friends who were easy with each other, the way they’d always been.

No. Honesty was essential. “I meant it, Tamsyn,” he said quietly. “I would never have spoken if not for the confusion and scrambling of my wits, but words spoken can’t be unsaid. I’ve always loved you as a man loves a woman. I always will.”

“And that changes everything,” she whispered. “The nightmare meant that if I don’t change also, I will lose you. You’ll pull away and perhaps get yourself killed on one of those dangerous missions you don’t talk about.”

“I survived such missions in the past and I plan on continuing to survive them, though of course there are no guarantees,” he said matter-of-factly. “I certainly don’t plan on pulling away from you.”

“You’ve managed to survive so far, but there are other ways to lose you,” she said softly. “If you want a home and family of your own, it won’t be hard to find a lovely, willing wife who isn’t part of the Tribe of Tremayne. Marriage would certainly take you away from me.”

He had to laugh at her words. “That won’t happen! I’m not the sort to attract women unless they’re desperate. I’ve always assumed that I was meant to be a bachelor uncle.”

She gave a small snort. “You haven’t noticed how women watch you?”

“Never!” he scoffed. “They tend to edge away because I make them nervous.”

“That is not what is happening,” she said with a touch of humor. “You look like a delicious combination of exciting and reliable. Like the Tremayne cats feel about catmint.”

He was glad for the darkness because he suspected that he was blushing. “Your excellent imagination has run away with you.”

“It’s not imagination but observation, Cade,” she replied. “If you look carefully when we return to England, you’ll see interested females all around you.”

“Even if what you say is true, it doesn’t matter,” he said intently. “I’ve never met another woman who moves me as you do.”

“I think that’s because you never looked.” She took a deep breath. “But now that you’ve admitted to desire, it might be more difficult for you to be around me.”

He shifted uncomfortably, knowing that might be true. Passion had been a closed door, one that he felt he could never open. But it was closed no longer. His dreams of Tamsyn were explicit and passionate.

Wanting to change the subject, he said, “I’ve sometimes wondered if you simply aren’t interested in men. Some women are made that way. You’ve done your share of fashionable society events and never shown much interest in the various young men who fluttered around you. You always treated them like brothers.”

“It’s not that I don’t like men,” she said simply. “It’s that none of them were you.”

Taken aback, he said, “Could you . . . explain that?”

“I’m just now realizing that I shut down the part of myself that might feel a normal interest in men,” she said haltingly. “Because you were the only man I was interested in and you’re my brother. So there was no point in encouraging any of those pleasant but not terribly interesting young men.”

“Ever since Rhys and Gwyn brought Bran and me to Tremayne House, you’ve been a wonderful sister,” Cade said. “You took responsibility for the whole tribe of foster children even when we were older than you. I didn’t question that then, but I’ve come to realize how remarkable you were.”

He felt her shrug. “That was because my gift for healing minds was so useful helping new brothers and sisters recover from the harsh treatment they’d received. Gwyn and Rhys encouraged me to help anyone who needed it.”

“I remember when Cameron first arrived, he was so terrified that he vanished somewhere into the house for two days.” Cade smiled reminiscently. “Bran and I wondered if he’d escaped back to the streets until you found him and healed him so well that he dared to come out and join the rest of the family.”

“I always knew where Cam was, but I thought it best that no one hunted him down before he was ready,” she explained. “When I sensed that he was beginning to relax, I went to his hiding place with cream cakes.”

Cade laughed. “Very like coaxing a frightened kitten to come out from under the furniture!”

“Exactly. Cream cakes are the perfect bait for pets and children.” There was a smile in Tam’s voice. “Of course I ate my share, too.”

Turning serious, Cade said, “What you did for me changed my life. Is that why you felt so much my sister that you could never imagine me as anything but a brother?”

There was a long silence in which he was very aware of her heart beating where he held her against his chest. That great loving heart had given him the warmth and acceptance that guided him to sanity, but he recognized now what a vast responsibility it had been for a very young girl. Then he’d half believed that she was an angel.

“You may be right,” she said at last. “Being the eldest sister of the Tribe of Tremayne was my role and I’ve always been proud of that. But I’m beginning to understand that seeing myself that way was . . . limiting.”

“Earlier you said that our situation has changed, and how you must change, too,” he said, choosing his words with care. “Are you saying that perhaps you might no longer see me only as a brother and therefore forbidden?”

After another long silence, she said, “Shall we find out?”

He felt her head tilting back and he opened his mouth to speak, though he wasn’t sure what he would say. Then her lips touched his in a questioning butterfly kiss.

He froze as lightning sparked through his veins. The passion he’d controlled for so long simmered and burned, but he knew it would be disastrous to let it run wild. As he savored the delicate pressure of their lips, his hands stroked down her back, delighting in the feel of smooth muscle over strong bones, of intoxicating feminine strength.

She gave a soft sigh and her mouth opened under his. Gently the kiss deepened and his caresses lengthened. His Tamsyn, the wise, kind girl who had held his heart since they were children.

He sensed that she was responding to him in a wholly female way, but cautiously because she was moving into what was unknown territory. His right hand moved to cup her breast, irresistibly soft and tempting under the flannel fabric.

She caught her breath and became very still. He grew equally still and moved his hand away from her breast, wondering if even this slow pace was too quick for her.

Breaking the lingering kiss, she said breathlessly, “I do want to change but I fear it will be very slowly. Can you bear that?”

He gave a husky laugh. “I can bear anything as long as we’re moving in the same direction. All the choices are yours, my dear girl. Just tell me what you want.”

Shyly she said, “Will you share the bed with me tonight? Just holding each other?”

“That would be my pleasure and delight, Tam,” he whispered into her hair, knowing it would also be a great challenge to his self-control, but no matter. Whatever it might cost him, the self-denial would be worth it.