23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Iris

By the time she finished in the cleansing unit, Damascus was back with food. She could hear him in the main room but was reluctant to go out there.

The cleaning units on this ship dried your body after bathing, and that worked just fine for a human. The problem was that Talins didn't have hair so they didn't buy cleansing units that could deal with more than short fur. She'd introduced towels to the ship, but there was no place to hang a towel to dry in the cleansing unit so she'd drape them on a chair. She usually remembered to bring one in to wrap her hair, but she'd forgotten. She also didn't have her sleeping wrap or an omnie robe.

Damascus had already seen her naked, but for some odd reason, she didn't want to go out there with nothing on. Despite everything ending well on Dandilow II, she felt shaky. It was weird that it was hitting her now, despite so much time passing.

Standing naked, she stared down at the clothes she'd worn down to the planet. No, she wasn't putting them back on. Not even for a quick trip from the cleansing unit to her room.

"Damascus?" she called out.

"I'm here, and I've brought food," he responded.

"Um, could you get the blue omni from my room?"

There wasn't a response, but soon she heard a light tapping on the cleansing unit door. Despite the heat in the room she was starting to get chilled, or maybe it only felt that way because she was so hungry.

There was no way to partially open the cleansing unit door, so she let it slide open to reveal Damascus standing there holding up her omnie so she could easily slip into it. With a feeling of relief, she slipped it on. After securing it closed, she pulled her wet hair out from under it. The nano-infused faux fur warmed against her skin, chasing away the chill.

He sounded a worried rumble "You don't look well. Should I take you back to the infirmary?"

"I'm fine," she assured him. "Only a little hungry and tired. Besides, Healer Raltinum's hands are full already. No point in adding me to the mix."

To her surprise, she swayed a little on her feet. Damascus was quick to pick her up and carry her to one of the larger chairs in the room meant for bigger Talin bodies.

"This seems more serious than lack of food or rest," he said, hugging her to his body. The smell of food on the small table in front of them made her mouth water.

"I promise that's the only thing wrong," she said, giving herself a moment to enjoy his snuggling before reaching for the food.

"If you don't look better after you've slept, I'll inform the healer," he warned her. "Here, let me help."

He moved them a little so he was angled parallel to the table and she was sitting with her knees under it.

"That's better," she murmured. Most of her right side was still resting on his chest and she could eat without putting much effort into it. Before she could extend an arm, Damascus picked up a bite of food. Holding it to her mouth, he waited patiently for her to take it.

Careful of his fingers, she accepted the bite, chewing the black flatbread with a contented sound. Her empty belly sent all kinds of pleasure signals to her brain. When Damascus held up the next mouthful, she didn't hesitate to take it.

Relaxing into his body, she let him feed her. It felt decadent and indulgent. When she finally felt full, she snuggled deeper into his embrace and rested her head on his shoulder, her nose right near the strip of exposed skin at the base of his neck.

"Thanks," she murmured.

He started purring and petting her back. If he kept this up, she was going to fall asleep. She didn't feel so shaky anymore, but she still felt strangely off balance. The last time she'd felt like this was the last day on Omanal when they were under attack by the Gorlag gang. She'd killed one of them—without thought or mercy because they were trying to harm her and Mia.

There was little she wasn't willing to do to protect those she loved.

She felt the same instinct toward Damascus.

That thought made her want to cry. When he left to go pursue his revenge, he'd leave a gaping hole in her heart. She didn't have much hope she'd be able to talk him out of it, this had been his entire focus for years.

The whole situation reminded her of a saying her mom was fond of, with enough effort, you can protect someone from almost anything except themselves.

Thinking of losing Damascus made her shudder.

They'd be heading for Balforge next. He'd fulfilled his part of the bargain and there were no more side quests. The next time he got off the ship would be the last time she saw him. Tears pressed at the back of her eyes at the thought.

Angry at herself, she tried to push them back. She should be stronger than this. Instead of sitting here pining for what could be, she should be planning out how she'd convince Damascus to stay with her.

Except she couldn't summon the will to do anything but stay relaxed in his arms and soak in his presence while she could.

"You shivered, are you chilled?" he asked, wrapping both arms around her and hugging her lightly. "I can order the room to increase the heat index."

"I don't think I'm cold," she answered slowly. His warm embrace let her admit to her inner struggle. "My emotions feel close to the surface. I normally have more control."

He kept purring even as he went silent for a while. She thought he might not speak at all when he finally voiced his thoughts.

"Sometimes it's not until marks or rotations after violence that we feel the weight of our actions," he said. "I was involved in the battle that took control of the Laform system. I was instrumental in the destruction of a massive resupply ship. I didn't do the final firing, but I was the one who gave the command to target that ship. We were stationed on a nearby moon at the time, and all we could see of the hit was an explosion of bright light."

He paused, and she reached up an arm to start petting his face. Her arm felt abnormally heavy but the smooth sensation of his bonding oil on her hand was comforting, and the scent of chocolate filling the air made both of them breathe in deep. After she let her arm drop back down, he started talking again.

"That night I dreamed of Orlok bodies floating in space with the ship's debris, even though I never saw it. I couldn't get the images out of my head the next day. For a while it was almost like I was watching my life from a distant place. I felt detached from myself."

His words helped her realize that even though the death she caused was justified, she was still troubled by it.

"I don't know if I feel detached, but I do feel weird," she admitted.

"I don't regret my actions that day; they were necessary. You shouldn't regret what you did either."

"I don't feel regret, but I still wish I didn't have to do it," she said. "Even the nice parts of Dandilow II were run down. No one is doing well there. I can't help but think of the families of the men we killed. Their loved ones won't come home to them tonight, and it's our fault."

"They decided to attack, you defended. If there is fault, it is theirs." His purring got loud for a moment before quieting down. "It's a mark of the honorable to take no pleasure in the death of another, even an enemy."

"If Mia was starving, I'd probably rob someone to help her," Iris said. "That's what keeps running through my head. I was born on a farming planet with plenty of food, and they weren't. I lost my home but then found Palathum. I've had all the luck and they didn't."

"None of them were malnourished," Damascus pointed out. "And one of them was wearing very expensive shaltorn gems around his neck. I think you're painting a story that isn't accurate. Even if some of it's true, they were armed warriors going into battle. They knew death was a possible outcome."

His words finally filtered through her feelings of guilt. Yes, she'd been lucky in her life, but that didn't mean she could let them attack and kill her friends. She'd painted a whole picture of them as struggling to survive, but Damascus's words helped her see a more accurate picture of their opponents.

Tears stopped threatening to fall, and her body relaxed completely into his. "Tell me a good story," she demanded. "One without any death or betrayal."

"I have the perfect story for you," he said with an amused rumble. "It was my first assignment. I was fresh out of training, and I'd just joined my new unit."

Damascus told her about swampy, rainy conditions making their dry weather technology glitch. His unit became inextricably lost and wandered into a field of mating juljul frogs. The frogs thought the Talins looked like perfect mate material and swarmed them!

"Our armor is made to withstand weapons fire, not frog cum," he grumbled. "Our helmet holo displays kept shorting out, making it impossible to keep the helms on. We had to take them off and carry them, but that made our heads vulnerable to lusty frogs."

As he described all the ways he and his unit were violated by amorous amphibians, Iris found herself laughing until tears streamed down her face. It felt good to laugh, and the last of her strange feelings dissipated.

Once he was done, she collapsed against him. Fatigue hit her hard, and she closed her eyes while still smiling widely. "I wish you'd gotten vid captures of all of it."

"The recording devices on all our suits accidentally failed," he said. "It was all very mysterious because those were the only wet conditions equipment we had."

She snorted. "Very mysterious."

They talked for a little longer, but she kept drifting off and Damascus would have to prompt her several times for a response. She was thinking about going to bed when he stood up, cradling her against his chest.

"I'm going to take you to your nest."

"That's good," she agreed, surprised at how hard it was to talk. He laid her on the nest and settled soft pillows around her. She was about to ask him to stay when he brushed a hand through her hair.

"It's still damp," he grumbled. "This can't be healthy for you."

Standing up, he hurried away. He was back quickly, and she opened her eyes up long enough to see he had several grooming items clutched in his big hands. Settling down in the nest next to her head, he started easing a comb through her hair.

"I've never done this before," he murmured. "But I'll do my best to be gentle. Palathum has all the vids from the Committee of Pet Welfare available on the ship's unibase. I've watched them all repeatedly. I've also carefully observed Dek-lee with Mia. My fingers won't be as nimble as theirs, but if I go slow, I shouldn't do any harm. Tell me if you want me to do it differently because the vid warned that every human has different tolerances."

"Okay," she mumbled, hugging a pillow to herself and turning halfway onto her belly to give him better access to her hair.

Good to his word, he went slow. When there was a tangle, he gently worked it apart. He was more patient than her. The last time someone combed her hair, she'd been a child. Probably Mia's age. Due to the nature of their farming colony, she'd learned to be independent young and even fought with her parents over doing adult tasks before she was even double digits.

It was amazing to lay back and let someone pamper her.

When he was done working out the tangles, she heard him uncork a bottle and smelled the familiar hair oil that Palathum had given her. She didn't want to smell like the slightly perfumed oil, she wanted to smell like chocolate.

"No," she mumbled. "Use your oil. Please."

He paused, then she heard the cork go back in. There was the sound of hands moving and then the scent of chocolate, making her hum happily. His hands combed through her hair, spreading the oil through the drying strands. The oil made her scalp tingle slightly and then warmed.

Perfect.

"I'm going to lie with you," he murmured, getting into the nest behind her. The moment he was settled, she snuggled back against him. His heavy arm draped over her and his hot, solid body curled around her back.

"Don't leave," she whispered.

She was asleep before he could answer.