13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Utharium

"I'm surprised you haven't risen to oversee the refueling," Utharium murmured as he and Palathum lounged in her bunk. They'd engaged in sex twice, and only now did he feel sated—for the moment.

His need for her would never be truly satisfied.

"Captain Nomium and the night crew have never needed my help with refueling," she pointed out dryly.

He sounded an affirmative rumble. "That's true, but you like to be involved in every aspect of Progress. Even if your presence isn't required."

She sounded a questioning rumble. "Are you indicating that I linger in places where my presence is troublesome to the captain and crew?"

He was quick to reassure her. "Never! Even if you can't be of help, I'm sure your presence is welcome. Everyone on this ship is blessed by the ancestors to work under you."

When she didn't respond to his reassurance, he worried his teasing had deeply offended her. Then a loud amused rumble burst out of her.

"I'm very aware of my strengths and weaknesses," she said, nuzzling his neck. "I try to be on hand in case there are decisions they need from me, but I personally hired everyone on this crew for very specific reasons. That means they all provide strengths or skills that I don't possess."

He couldn't help it, he had to ask. "What do I provide?"

She didn't hesitate. "You ground me. I want to do many noble things that aren't necessarily practical or safe. You are my voice of reason, keeping me from putting everyone in avoidable danger."

That wasn't what he'd expected. "I thought you hired me for protection."

She rumbled out a soothing, content sound. "I did."

A gentle, negative rumble came out of him. "I meant personal protection. I thought I was to guard you."

"You do that also," she agreed. "But haven't you noticed that I seek your input on many issues? You tend to give me insight on aspects I wouldn't have considered."

It was humbling to realize she held him in such high esteem. "I thought you were indulging me."

She sounded a quizzical rumble. "Indulging you?"

"You go to great lengths to make sure all the crew feels heard and valued," he said, thinking of all the times he was at her side as she discussed some esoteric aspect of Progress with the captain or crew. "I assumed you wanted me to feel as valued, even though you're rarely in a dangerous place where my assistance would be truly needed."

Pulling out of his arms, she swung a leg over him and settled herself on his thighs. He rumbled soothingly as she rubbed her hands up and down his chest.

"I see why you're confused," she said, playing her claws lightly along his keratin plates. "To be entirely honest, I decided on hiring you after our first interview. Maybe it was the ancestors whispering in my earhole, but I knew I wanted you on my ship, even if I didn't think I needed dedicated security personnel."

He sounded a loud, amused rumble. "You interviewed me four times!"

"The other interviews were an excuse to be alone in the same room with you," she explained. "The first moment I got close enough to smell you, I wanted you. It wasn't appropriate, and I shouldn't have hired you, but I couldn't resist. I consoled myself with the fact that you'd probably spend most of your time with Captain Nomium, but you didn't. You assigned yourself to my side and I had to resist temptation almost every submark of every rotation. Even when you weren't in my presence, your scent would hang in the air, taunting me."

"Your scent teased me as well," he answered, placing his hands over hers, stilling her movements. "It was torturous to be around you, but I couldn't make myself stay away. I looked for any excuse to be in your presence. You're like a drug."

Running his top thumb over her claws, he stared at the exposed skin of her neck. The marks he'd left wouldn't be there long, but the deep bites she'd given him would be easy for everyone to spot.

"I should start wearing a Lamentation Cloth," he declared. It was the only item of clothing he could think that would cover the bite marks on his neck and wouldn't raise suspicion with the crew. They might find it odd that he donned one in the middle of a trip, but no one would be impolite enough to ask why.

"Why would you want to wear a Lamentation Cloth?" Palathum asked with a surprised rattle. "Those things are awful!"

The restrictive item of clothing was meant to be uncomfortable for the wearer, a sign of penance.

He brought her claws up to his neck and pressed her palms against the bites. "You marked me, my female. As much as I'd like to proudly display them, I don't want to cause you distress."

She was stretched out over him, her delicious athletic body pressed against his. Pulling her hands away, she licked along one side of his neck and then the other before speaking.

"Wear the marks so the crew knows who you belong to," she answered. "None of them will think badly of either of us. What I don't think you realize is that I employ rebels."

He didn't understand. "Rebels?"

"Except for you, I made sure to hire individuals who don't necessarily agree with our restrictive laws concerning bonding and children."

If that sentence was heard by the wrong earholes, it could cause scandal at best, and serious investigation and potential prosecution at worst. He was humbled by the amount of trust she had in him.

"I'd never betray you," he assured her.

"I know," she agreed. "When your sister was accused of scent bonding, you stood by her side."

It'd been over five solars since he lost Etalium to Ending, but it still hurt. "I wish I could've done more for her and Dolfina."

Palathum cupped his cheeks and forced him to meet her gaze. "You went with her into exile and comforted her as she died when you couldn't find Dolfina fast enough to bring them back together. You could've left after Etalium's death, but you stayed by Dolfina's side as she succumbed to Ending."

"I was almost exiled with her," he remembered. "My entire family was scandalized by my actions."

"Those actions are why I interviewed you in the first place," she countered. "I know you realized very quickly this crew doesn't abide by the rules as we should. You never said anything."

"It was a relief," he explained. "Progress is the first place I've felt like I belong."

"And that's why you can wear my bite marks proudly," she said. "Now that we've done all this, I can let you in on a secret. Captain Nomium is scent bonded to Savium."

He wanted to sound a startled rattle, but his back plates were trapped between his body and the bunk under him. "What?"

"You heard me," she said. "I'm trusting you with this knowledge because I know you'll stand by us as you stood by your sister. On this ship, I turn a blind eye to scent bonding, enjoyment, and happiness. All things our empire seems determined to eradicate."

"I don't think they want to get rid of joy," he countered.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "They seem to pass more restrictive laws each year. I wouldn't be surprised if some day we're no longer allowed to rumble with amusement."

He ignored her obvious hyperbole and asked a question instead. "Is that why we're always doing jobs outside the empire?"

"Mostly," she agreed. "But also so it's hard for my parents to contact me. They've collected seven marriage proposals for me and expect me to pick one the next time I'm on Talarian."

He almost growled at the news. Marriages were cold, diplomatic, and monetary affairs. The thought of her tied to someone as a business transaction made him want to claw at something.

"That explains why we haven't been to the homeworld the entire time I've been employed on Progress. How long do you think you can put off your family?"

"For as long as I want," she answered, but he could hear the slight uncertainty in her voice. This was one thing his fearless Palathum was scared of. She dropped her hands away from his face and slumped down on his chest, burying her face against his neck. "If I never go back, they can't make me do anything."

"You could pick your husband," he pointed out. "There are many who do that. Having your family pick for you is going out of fashion. Look at the monarch, he picked his own wife, not the one his family wanted."

"Maybe," she said softly. She kept her face pressed firmly against his neck as she spoke. "What I want is children. I want to grow them in my own belly, birth them through my birthing fold, and raise them as my own, without a cresh. But even if I choose my own husband, I'd never find anyone who'd agree to that. It would all be too hard to hide and a death sentence when we're caught. If I can't have children like that, then it doesn't matter who I marry."

Utharium wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. He could hear the longing and pain in her voice. He knew what it was like to wish for something that couldn't come true, like his sister surviving.

"Is that why you were so determined to adopt a human child?" he asked. "So you could raise young even if they were a different species?"

"Yes," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I adore Mia, but now I know it's not the same. She's a good child but not mine. I never felt her move inside my body or cry out to me for sustenance. I thought if I could acquire a human, those needs in me would diminish, but they've only gotten worse."

It was true, being around Mia was wonderful and horrible all at the same time. The way she found joy in the simplest things and sought him out for lessons made him think about what it would be like to mentor a child of his own species.

"I think I understand your dilemma," he said, rubbing his hands up and down her back. "At least we have many important things keeping us outside the empire. While we are traveling, we can keep looking for humans. Look at the good fortune we've already had at finding Merrick."

"Exactly," she agreed, relaxing into his embrace. "Maybe we'll even find some babies that I'll get to hold."

"I'll ask for the ancestors' blessings," he agreed.

"No, don't," she said, sounding bitter. "I don't like the ancestors very much. They're very demanding of their descendants."

He sounded an amused rumble. "Then I'll pray to the deity the humans call Lady Luck. Please remember, my female. No matter what we find, I'll be at your side."

Her response was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. "I'm counting on it, my male."