Chapter 9 Nolan

Chapter 9

Nolan

It was the perfect fall day for a football game. The slight breeze that swirled around inside the stadium smelled like buttered popcorn and hot dogs. Mixed in with those nostalgic fall scents was the smell of sweaty men as both teams crouched down on the line, waiting for me to call for the snap of the ball.

It was the beginning of the fourth quarter, and we were leading comfortably, by two touchdowns. From even before the game started, I was already feeling different about this game than the first week. That familiar flutter of excitement had still filled the bottom of my stomach when I waited in the tunnel to run onto the field with Hawthorn and Derek. But instead of feeling overwhelmed with nerves, I had the smallest amount of confidence from the previous week with Lottie. The time the two of us had spent together putting me through different exercises and drills wouldn't have improved the strength of my knee by much, but it had given me the start of some ideas on how to use my body in ways that I hadn't done before to compensate for the mobility loss my knee injury had caused.

Lottie always came every morning with a new idea. She could have given some NFL coaches a run for their money with how intelligent she was when it came to the game of football. It was clear I may have misjudged her from the jump. By this morning before the game, any doubts I had about the reputation she had earned herself within the industry had faded away. She was ambitious, intelligent, and we shared mutual goals for this season—do whatever it takes to keep me healthy so I can be successful on the field. Lottie let me lead our sessions and was respectful of my reservations toward therapy, even if that went against her way of thinking. She reframed drills for me to understand the practical, real-game application they had. She listened and adjusted plans when I had objections to certain treatments. It was like watching someone who had mastered their craft operating at the highest level.

And by the second touchdown I had thrown before halftime of today's game, I was beginning to think that maybe Charlotte Thompson was magic.

"Set. Hike!" The ball snapped into my hands, and I dropped back three steps into the pocket that my linemen made for me as they blocked the Gladiators' defense. My eyes locked on to Derek, who was open down the field. I started to pull my arm back to throw when I felt a blow to my side. It felt like getting hit by a car as you were standing still. A crack sounded in my ears, and I felt my neck snap back before my body made impact with the ground.

A groan passed my lips as I screwed my eyes shut and tried to will the ringing in my ears to stop. I could feel hands on me as people rolled me onto my back. Voices sounded like they were shouting at me, but they were so far away. Finally, after I willed a few small breaths in through my nose, I cracked my eyes open only to see a pair of vibrant blue eyes staring back at me. They were the same pair of eyes that I was beginning to find myself getting lost in for brief moments whenever I looked into them—similar to what was happening now.

"Nolan, I need you to tell me what hurts." The noise from the stadium began to filter back in as the ringing in my ears faded. My vision widened to take in more than just those blue eyes that reminded me of a beautiful summer sky on a cloudless day. Lottie's face was etched with concern as her eyes scanned my face, waiting for a reaction from me.

"Just got my bell rung," I managed to tell her. My voice was strained with pain that I hadn't yet registered.

"Can you move your arms and legs?" Her hands were on either side of my helmet as she tried to stabilize my head.

"Yes," I told her. I wanted to ease the worry I saw in her eyes as she continued her assessment. "I'm fine, Lottie."

I saw the relief I was looking for pass over her face before the mask of professionalism she was so good at wearing slammed back down.

"We'll need to take you back into the locker room for concussion protocol."

I groaned, but this time not because I was in pain.

"There's four minutes left in the game." My argument was weak. I knew the rules of the NFL. Anytime you were hit in the head, you had to be assessed for a head injury.

"Caleb can handle it. You're up by two scores." I didn't miss the way her voice softened as she mentioned the rookie quarterback. She knew I was having a hard time with realizing that my time in the league was coming to an end quickly and someone would soon take my place.

"Let's get you up," Lottie said. Her face pulled away and I realized just how close she had been leaning over me. Her hand extended toward me, and I reached up to grab it. A feeling of contentment washed over me as I wrapped my hand around hers. Her smaller one fit into mine like a matching puzzle piece. She pulled backwards to give me enough leverage to push myself up onto my feet.

As we began to walk off the field, I realized that both she and Zeke had a protective arm around me as they made sure I didn't fall over on our way to the locker room. Once I was secure on one of the beds in the training room, Lottie told Zeke that she could handle the testing so one of them could still be on the sidelines for the rest of the team.

"I'm beginning to wonder if the football gods have it in for me," I told Lottie once the two of us were alone.

I watched as she started the concussion protocol testing. Her cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of red. I wasn't sure if she was flushed from the chill in the air today or from the adrenaline of having to run onto the field to reach me.

"This will be good for Caleb to get a few minutes of game time experience," she replied. Spoken like a true sports expert. "You know, you're missing out on helping him out."

"I don't really find pleasure in helping out my replacement," I told her.

"Everyone gets replaced eventually, Nolan. We're all just renting our spots in the jobs we occupy. Someone will replace us on our way out. That's how the world works." I watched the red in her cheeks deepen as she grew more passionate. "You love this organization more than anybody else. You've done your entire career with this team. That's a rare feat. If you took the time to help Caleb prepare for next season, you'd be helping this team."

When she put it in perspective like that, it made me sound like a real asshole.

Lottie turned the computer she was working on toward me so I could test myself against my baseline. She sat across from me with her arms crossed over her chest and a look that would turn anything to ash if it were possible.

"What?" I asked her, as I clicked through the test.

"You need to work with your linemen. That's two weeks in a row you've taken bad hits because of missed blocks." A small smile spread across my lips as I saw the furrow of her brow, the downward skew of her mouth, and the way she stewed in her seat.

"Are you worried about me, Lottie?" I teased her. The small smile broke into a full-blown grin when she scowled even more at my question.

"It's my job to be worried about my athletes," she grumbled back to me.

"You know, it's nice to have someone worry about me," I continued. "It's been a while."

"If you're comparing me to Roger, I'm offended," she told me. "It doesn't sound like he was very good at his job."

"He definitely was not you, Lottie." She blushed again. "But I wasn't comparing you to Roger, I was thinking about the last time someone cared about me protecting myself on the field, which was my ex."

Lottie's eyebrows shot up. "If you're saying your ex cared about you in a clinical way for the success of the team, then she wasn't a very good girlfriend."

"She was my fiancée," I corrected her. "And she's an ex for a reason."

Lottie's mouth snapped shut at my confession out of what I was sure was shock. I hadn't given up much of my personal life to her this past week despite her subtle attempts at trying to learn more about me.

"Let's get you back out there. You passed. You're all clear." Lottie stood up, ending the conversation.

The cheers of the Bobcat fans grew louder when the two of us exited the tunnel back onto the field. There were two minutes left in the game and Caleb was still on the field leading the team in a drive down the field. He had eaten up a lot of the clock and all he needed to do was take a knee and the game would be ours, but it appeared our coach was giving him a chance at scoring his first NFL touchdown.

When coach noticed me standing back on the sidelines, he pushed the microphone attached to his headset away from his mouth.

"He's all clear," Lottie told him.

"Do you want to finish the game?" The question left me at a crossroads. I wanted to play in every minute of this season that I possibly could because with every minute that passed, I was approaching the end. But I knew it would be selfish to take this moment away from Caleb just because I could.

Lottie's words from earlier rang through my head. If you took the time to help Caleb prepare for next season, you'd be helping the team.

"No, let Caleb finish this drive out." Coach's eyebrows shot up. Last year I wouldn't have even let a thought like that cross my mind. I could also feel Lottie's eyes on me, and I stole a glance in her direction to see what she was thinking.

Her eyes shined bright as a small smile pulled the corners of her mouth upwards. My chest grew warm at the sight and as I turned my attention back to the rookie who was in the middle of passing to an open receiver in the end zone, I knew I had made the right decision. The joy that surged through me as my teammates went wild for the rookie was the first time I felt proud of someone else's accomplishments. I joined in with Derek and Hawthorn as they tried to lift Caleb up onto their shoulders.

Lottie was right, working with Caleb wouldn't take away from my goals and successes this year. It wouldn't take away from the legacy I was trying to leave behind—it would only add to it.

I fought my way through the crowd of my teammates to finally make it to where Caleb had been placed back on his feet. The rookie had taken off his helmet and I could see the way he was eagerly trying to take everything in around him as if he wanted to imprint this moment on his brain forever. I remembered that very feeling after the first game I got to play in the league over a decade ago now. I knew, like many had already said, that Caleb had a long career in front of him and this was only the first of many more moments to come for him.

Once I was close enough, I reached out to pull on his shoulder pad to grab his attention. Caleb's smile changed into a look of concern when he saw me.

"Are you alright, man?"

You are definitely an asshole for ever viewing this kid as some form of competition or reminder of your career ending.

"I'm all good," I told him. "Doc cleared me. I came out just in time to watch you on that last drive. You looked confident as hell."

Caleb's smile returned to his face, now magnified from my compliment. It made me remember how badly I wanted those little scraps of kudos from the people I looked up to when I was in his position, and I was surprised to find myself enjoying giving him a little bit of joy from simply reassuring him that he would be just fine in this league.

I glanced over toward the sideline to see if I could spot Lottie hanging around the corners of the stadium. I caught a glimpse of her blonde ponytail and the navy and red jacket she was wearing today. Her eyes were locked on to me and I knew she must have watched me fight my way through the crowd to get to Caleb.

When she noticed that I was looking at her, she gave me a small nod before disappearing down the tunnel toward the locker room. Charlotte Thompson was helping me with more than just the recovery from a knee injury. She was transforming me into someone who could look back on how he left his career with a smile, no matter the outcome.