Chapter 16

Gray woke hours later. He was starving—he'd never eaten dinner—not to mention stiff and sticky, but he hated to disturb Jack and Mason by getting up to eat and shower.

"Go get some cinnamon rolls," Jack whispered in his ear a few moments later.

"What?" He rolled over to look at Jack. "I thought you were asleep."

"I heard your stomach growl. That would wake anyone. Grab a sandwich too while you're at it."

"Okay."

Jack kissed him. "Just come back to us."

Against the wishes of his stomach, Gray decided to shower first. The warm water was like heaven soaking into his tired, sore muscles.

Jack and Mason had temporarily banished Gray's thoughts of Whittaker, but as soothing as the shower was, it couldn't keep him from replaying the night. What if Thornton hadn't gotten people in place in time? What if Whittaker hadn't wanted to toy with them?

He knew better than to go down that path. What-ifs weren't allowed when you were a cop. But this case… Jenna was just a kid. All the vics were, except Andreas. He'd ordered men killed, sold illegal weapons, fucked up so many lives, but even he didn't deserve his fate, not when he had enough decency in him to protect Jenna and the others.

He dried himself vigorously, wishing he could shed his anger like the water droplets from the shower. Then he headed to the kitchen and stood in front of the fridge shivering. He hadn't wanted to disturb Jack again by rummaging around for clothes. He shouldn't have worried, though, because, by the time he'd put a sandwich together, both Jack and Mason had joined him. Jack stuck the cinnamon rolls in the oven to warm and began pulling more sandwich fixings from the fridge, while Mason went to get Gray some sleep pants and a T-shirt.

Mason made a sound of disgust when he returned. "Cranberry horseradish mustard at one AM? Really?"

Jack had a bit of condiment obsession.

Mason went for good old peanut butter on white bread. "I'll never sleep after something that heavy." He gestured toward the stacked roast beef sandwiches Jack and Gray were consuming.

"I don't think I'll sleep any more no matter what I eat," Gray said.

Jack leaned over and kissed his head. The gesture should've felt ridiculous. He wasn't a kid after all. Instead, it was comforting, warm and homey.

These two men were home to him. A home where he felt secure, something he'd never been before. The night was quiet, and he felt like he could say anything into that silence without being judged. "I have a confession to make."

Jack made a dramatic face of shock. "You have a foot fetish and were afraid to tell us?"

Gray rolled his eyes.

"Are you into lingerie?" Mason asked. "Have you got a large collection of shocking pink panties, and you decided it was time to reveal it? Not that I'd mind."

Gray tried to wrap his brain around that comment. "What?"

Jack smiled wickedly at Mason. "I'm filing that away for later. You're a font of revealing information lately. Speaking of which, Gray still owes you?—"

"Stop," Gray commanded. Once they got going, he was never going to get a chance to talk. If he didn't say this now, he might chicken out and that wasn't acceptable, not when he'd already been too much of a coward to talk about it before.

Jack and Mason watched him, Mason with an assessing look, Jack slightly wary.

"I never canceled our cabin reservations."

"You didn't?" Mason's surprise was obvious.

Jack set his sandwich down. "I'm sorry. I was an ass to you about it, and you really weren't hoping for a way out, were you?"

Gray wanted to simply agree with him but he had to be completely honest. "I was—am—going to go, but I wasn't looking forward to it like you two were."

"And now?"

"Now, I want to spend time with you, and I'm happy to do that wherever. I'm not really opposed to vacations. I…" Gray knew he had to start the story now or he never would. "You know that my dad left when I was twelve, and I never saw him again."

Mason nodded.

"What you don't know is that the summer before I was in fifth grade, my dad borrowed a camper from a friend and suggested we go on a family trip—something he'd never done before. My mom and I had gone places a few times and I'd gone to my grandparents' farm, but that was it."

"That sucks," Jack said.

Gray shrugged. "I didn't really want to go anywhere if he was going to be there. We drove up to Fontana Lake in the Nantahala Forest. I figured I'd be bored to death the whole time since I wasn't able to take a friend, and my parents would likely spend the week arguing. The drive there wasn't bad, though. My parents didn't fight like usual. They were actually laughing with each other. I started to think that things might change, that maybe things would get better."

Jack had pulled the cinnamon rolls from the oven and put them on plates for everyone. Gray paused, needing an infusion of sugar to bolster his confidence to keep going.

"You want to tell us more?" Mason asked.

Gray nodded. "The first night my dad and I gathered wood and built a fire, then my parents made dinner together. I found the most perfect sticks for roasting marshmallows. We made s'mores and Dad told ghost stories by the light of the fire. We made plans for hiking the next day and swimming in the lake. I thought it was going to be the best week ever, just like a family vacation should be, like the trips my friends talked about."

Gray paused to take another bite of cinnamon roll. He'd started talking, and the story had poured out, but now he thought he sounded pathetic. How was he still not over something that happened more than twenty-five years ago? Shame turned his stomach. He put the pastry down and rose from the table.

Neither Jack nor Mason said anything as he poured himself a measure of whiskey and drained it. But eventually, Mason came up behind him and laid a hand on his back.

Gray took a breath, then turned to face them. "I feel like an idiot."

Jack gave him a soft smile. "You're allowed to have feelings, you know? The stoic dom role is fun in the playroom, but we like all sides of you."

Mason slid a hand down Gray's abdomen and brushed over his cock. "That's right. This isn't the only thing we're after."

Gray laughed. Trust Mason and Jack to know exactly what to say. "Thanks."

"Just being honest," Mason said.

"That helps. Knowing you care."

Jack snuggled in with them. "We love our big cuddly bear."

Gray flipped Jack off.

"Do you want to tell the rest of the story?" Mason asked.

Gray nodded. "Yeah. But maybe in bed in the dark would be easier."

When they were settled, he started talking again. "Later that night, as I struggled to fall asleep on the camper's couch bed, I heard the door swing open. I assumed it was just one of my parents checking the fire or maybe my dad going outside for a smoke. Then I heard the crunch of footsteps like someone was walking away from our camper. So I did what any stupid kid would do. I followed my dad."

Gray took a deep breath and enjoyed the feel of Mason's fingers combing through his hair.

"My dad stopped at a trailer on the other side of the campground. Before he could knock, a woman opened the door. She was naked."

"Oh shit," Mason said.

"It was actually one of the first times I thought I might be gay. Here I was, confronted by a young—probably not much over twenty—woman who was in excellent shape, but I wasn't the least bit interested in her."

"You were probably in shock," Jack said.

"Yeah. I don't know what I should have done, definitely not what I did, which was sit there waiting. I heard them panting and cussing. I heard the bed squeak, and I knew what they were doing. I don't know how long my dad was in there, but when he finally came out, he nearly tripped over me and yell, "Gray? What the fuck are you doing out of bed?"

I told him I'd heard him. I meant that I'd heard him get up, but he thought I was talking about hearing him with the woman. He grabbed me and shook me. ‘Don't you dare tell your mother.'"

"That son of a bitch," Jack said. "How dare he."

Gray held up a hand. "He was a fucking asshole, but just let me finish. He walked away after that. He didn't ask me to follow, didn't say a word. Eventually, I slunk back to our camper and did exactly what he said. I didn't tell my mother. I didn't mention it in any way. All week, I knew that our time together as a family was fake. I had to pretend to get along with my dad, pretend to be happy. Every night I heard him leave, I wondered how the fuck my mom didn't hear him. Sleeping pills was the conclusion I came to later."

Mason snuggled in tighter, and Gray wrapped an arm around him, letting him rest his head on Gray's chest.

"The night before we were supposed to go back home, my dad left the camper, and I peeked out my window, watching him walk away. He had a big bag with him. I wondered why. The next morning, the woman's RV was gone, and so was he. He never came back, and my mom was never the same. I've always wondered whether saying something would have changed anything."

Jack and Mason hugged him tight.

"So, anyway. That's why I hate vacations."

"Oh, Gray," Jack said. "That's… God, that sucks. I'm sorry we pushed. No wonder you didn't want to go to the mountains."

"I should've just told you, but I was too fucking stubborn."

"We know now," Mason said.

Jack kissed Gray's temple. "We do. And if you want to go somewhere else or just stay home, all you have to do is tell us."

Gray shook his head. "I'm not that kid anymore. That week shouldn't color the rest of my fucking life. We're going to the cabin you picked out, and we're going to enjoy it."

"Does that mean we get to spend most of the time in bed?" Mason asked.

Gray smiled. "That sounds good to me."

Jack laughed. "All I really want is for us to have some uninterrupted time together. Time to just enjoy each other."

Mason sat up and looked at Gray and then at Jack. "A cozy cabin? Some toys? A hot tub? Just the three of us? How could we not enjoy that?"

"And don't forget, I have plans for your ass," Gray said, looking at Mason.

Mason shivered. "I can't wait."