Chapter 11

The house was dark and quiet when Gray put his key in the lock. He couldn't possibly be lucky enough to find Mason and Jack asleep so he could just slip into bed and postpone arguing until morning. He tried not to make a sound as he put his bag down and laid his coat over the back of the couch. He needed a shower, which might wake them, but after being at the crime scene, he smelled of smoke, and while he'd watched Jenna wave her gun around, he'd been dripping sweat. He was way too gross to get into bed.

When he reached their bedroom door, he realized Jack and Mason weren't asleep after all. They were cuddled in bed watching a movie.

"Um, hi," Gray said. "I need a shower."

Mason made a face. "Yeah, you do."

Jack motioned toward the bathroom. "Go."

Gray wasn't sure he could handle being yelled at after being held at gunpoint then losing his witness, but he'd almost rather that than the emotionless reception he was getting.

He glanced back at the two of them as he shut the door. They were so cozy all snuggled up. An ugly sensation of jealousy flexed itself inside him. They were so peaceful, so relaxed, so together. And he was on the outside looking in.

Gray knew he was being unfair. There'd been plenty of times he'd cuddled with one of them like that when the other one was gone, but those times seemed far away.

He turned on the water, making it as hot as he could stand it. Then he scrubbed himself, washing his hair three times before he was satisfied it didn't smell of smoke anymore. Finally, knowing he couldn't hide in there forever, he cut the water off and dried himself.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, Jack turned the TV off. "I'm guessing after the fire at Andreas's house, our trip really is off."

Gray sighed. "Yeah, I think so."

Jack and Mason looked so fucking disappointed. Anger and fear warred inside Gray, making him stupid. "Why don't you two just go?"

Gray watched as Mason's expression went from shock to rage. "What the fuck?"

"I'll be working nonstop until we catch this killer, so just go."

"You think we're going to take this trip without you? What are you saying, Gray?" Jack looked hurt, and Gray felt it in his chest. He needed to apologize and to exorcise this jealousy and fear, but he didn't know how.

"I'm saying I don't want to get in your way."

"Get in our—what is wrong with you? This trip was supposed to be special, supposed to be about all of us being together."

Gray looked away. "Yeah, I know."

"Do you? Do you really?"

Gray didn't want to fight, not really. He wanted to just hold them. "I had a bad night, okay? There were four fucking bodies in that house, Andreas and three teenage girls. I had to stand there and look at them. Then I went to meet a witness, a girl who doesn't look more than sixteen, and she held a fucking gun on me."

"Fuck, Gray." Mason's anger seemed to melt away.

Jack pulled back the covers. "Get in the fucking bed right now."

Mason scooted over, making room in between them.

Thank God they weren't pushing him away. "I'm sorry. I don't know what…"

"You're scared."

"N—yes." Gray hated admitting it.

Jack pulled Gray to him as he settled in the bed. Mason turned out the light and snuggled up on the other side of Gray. Did he really deserve these men who were so understanding? "I'm an ass."

"Yeah, but we love you," Jack said.

"I love you too. I… I'm a fucking mess right now."

"This case would be hard on anybody, but for you…"

"Is there something I don't know about?" Mason asked.

Gray had forgotten Mason didn't know about Nancy.

"You want me to tell the story?" Jack asked, stroking Gray's chest.

"No, I can do it." The dark made it easier. And as hard as it was, it was in the past, even if this case made the memories more potent. "When I was fifteen, a girl I knew, or sort of knew, was killed by someone who'd paid her for sex. I eventually found out that her name was Nancy Miller?—"

"Oh, Gray." Mason laced his fingers through Gray's.

"She worked a street corner near a housing project on my side of town. I'd seen people taunt her when she hung out by a convenience store during the day. I felt sorry for her. The store owner would run her off, but she kept coming back. One day when I was in the store buying a drink and some candy for myself, I got some snacks and a drink for her too. She thought I wanted to hire her. When I insisted that I didn't, she looked at me like she couldn't figure me out, like there had to be something I wanted from her. I wondered if anyone had ever been kind to her."

Jack and Mason listened in silence, but Gray could feel the tension in the room.

"She was killed the next day. I saw it on the news that morning while I was getting ready for school. I remember blurting out ‘I just saw her yesterday' to my mother. She just shook her head and said Nancy shouldn't have been selling herself."

"And the fucker who murdered her shouldn't have been paying for it or killing her," Mason said.

"I couldn't believe my mom thought it was her fault, but I didn't argue. I followed the story, though. It came out that she was a runaway. Her foster family was still taking money despite having ‘lost track' of her."

"Some people are such shit," Jack said.

Mason nodded.

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder if I've met too many shitty people." Gray sighed.

Mason brushed a kiss across Gray's temple. It was amazing how much that simple gesture did to make him feel better.

"The girl I met tonight, the witness, she didn't look a thing like Nancy. But I know she's hurting just as much, and I… I don't know if I can protect her either. She ran from me. What if she never contacts me again? What if…?" Gray squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the stinging tears that were right there ready to fall.

"It's okay to let go," Mason said, pulling Gray into his arms. "It won't make you any less strong."

Gray knew that in his head, but he'd taught himself to be tough, to hold it all in.

"Just fucking cry already," Jack said, wrapping his arms around Gray from the other side.

The dam began to crack. One tear, two. And that was it, he was shaking, crying for Nancy, for the other girls who weren't coming back, for Jenna because the odds weren't in her favor.

"I've got to fucking solve this," he shouted as grief shifted to anger.

Jack slid his hand up and down Gray's back. "You can't take all the responsi?—"

"Fuck yes I can."

"No." Mason's voice was harsh, and it startled Gray. "You are so fucking good at controlling things in bed. I never even imagined how much I could want what you do to me, but that does not mean you have to control everything in your whole fucking life. Not at home. Not at work. You aren't the only one involved with this case, and you shouldn't shoulder it alone. Jack and I are here for you. It's about fucking time for you to rely on us for once."

Jack looked as surprised by Mason's speech as Gray was. It wasn't that Mason never got angry. He did, at them as well as others, but usually he was the one trying to calm everyone down when emotions were running high.

"I don't like that I…"

"Need us?" Jack asked.

"That sounds so fucking stupid."

"Because it is. We need you and you need us, and that's how it should be," Mason declared.

Agree with him. You know he's right, Gray's conscience told him.

"Gray, we're worried about you," Jack said, his voice low and soft.

"I'm fine."

"The fuck you are." Mason pulled him down for a kiss, as if wanting to temper his cutting tone. It started gentle, but quickly turned rough, demanding, angry. Gray let Mason assault his mouth. In fact, he fucking loved it, because anger was something he could work with. Maybe one day he'd figure out how to handle softer emotions like a fucking grown-up, but right now this was exactly what he needed.

Mason pulled back and Gray gave him the look that always got him hard, a look of arrogant dominance, a look that said Mason was in a lot of fucking trouble. "I want you in the middle of this bed on your back right fucking now."

Gray moved so Mason could position himself as asked, but Mason hesitated. For just a second, Gray thought he'd done the wrong thing and Mason was still truly angry, then Mason licked his lips. "Yes, sir."

"What are you going to do to him?" Jack asked.

"Edge him until he's losing his fucking mind." That was one of Mason's favorite kinks.

Jack grinned. "That's just what he needs. He's worried about you, about us. He needs something to take his mind off of it."

"Yeah. He's right, though."

Mason made a strangled noise.

"Did you just agree with us?" Jack asked.

"Never. Now go get some rope to tie our boy up."

Jack saluted. "Yes, sir."

Mason shimmied on the bed. "Mmmm, rope."

Gray scowled at him. "I don't need two cheeky boys to deal with."

"Yes. You do."

He did, and thank God he had ones that put up with his shit.