Chapter 25

25

" T hat's not just orange. That's violently orange."

I looked away from the cake I'd just pulled out of the oven to look at Abby. "I know, right? But I did it exactly how Stefan said to, so I'm guessing it's supposed to be like this."

"I hope the frosting is a little less neon," she said with a snort. "Are we ready for tonight?"

Over the past few weeks, I'd spent most days at the house, helping to fix what we could do without hiring someone, and had gone home with Gabe in the evenings. Sometimes, we had dinner with Stefan, or our grandparents, or even Gabriel. They had a poker night one night, and I spent the evening learning how to play. Honestly, I was pretty bad at it, so I had more fun watching than anything. Today was the day I was officially a high school graduate, so I'd gone to the house extra early to help get it as spotless as a somewhat-less-run-down-than-before house could get, as we were going to be inundated with people—both human and not—once the sun went down. We'd hired someone to refinish the wood floors, so at least I could be relatively sure no one would get splinters if they went sans shoes.

"As ready as we can be," I answered. "Stefan asked me to bake the cake and prepare the potatoes, so I've done that. Gabe gave Grandfather a list of groceries to have on hand that are now taking up nearly the entire fridge, and he's already declared he's in charge of setting things on fire tonight." I nodded when Abby grimaced. "Yeah. I'd be worried if I weren't aware he's perfectly capable of using a grill."

"I feel like a bad host," my sister admitted. "We're supposed to be taking care of our guests, and everyone else is cooking. Except for, you know, your seemingly irradiated cake."

"Radiation doesn't actually cause things to glow," I said, then immediately cringed. "Wow, okay, I've definitely been hanging out with our brother too much. I'm correcting people's science now."

"Nerd," Abby said fondly, giving me a gentle smack to the back of my head as she went for the fridge. "Do we have anything to actually snack on, or is this all ingredients?"

I thought for a moment before saying, "There are pizza rolls and those weirdly addictive cheap burritos in the freezer?"

"This is why you're my favorite brother," Abby said as she opened the freezer and pulled out my suggestions. "Want some?"

" Yes ," I said fervently as my stomach growled at the mention of food. The appetite of a half-demon was not to be taken lightly. Something occurred to me, and I frowned. "I wonder..."

"What?" Abby asked as she dumped an entire bag of pizza rolls on a large plate.

"Okay, first, that mountain will never heat in the middle," I told her as I grabbed another plate. "At least split it into two batches."

"But that'll take so long," Abby said with a whine, though she did dump some of the rolls onto the plate I held before shoving hers back into the microwave. "I doubt that was what you were wondering, though."

"It just occurred to me... Our mother probably has an appetite like ours, huh?"

Abby sneered. "Why are you ruining a perfectly good day bringing that bitch up?"

I wanted to say something about watching her language but also wanted to continue living, so I ignored it. "I just suddenly wondered if that's why she starved us. Because she hated herself for wanting to eat all the time."

"I mean, I could see her doing that," Abby admitted. "Doesn't make her any less of an abusive bitch, though."

"No, it doesn't, but I like having reasons for things. You know how I am."

"Stop thinking about her and get another plate for the burritos," my sister ordered.

I was no dummy. I grabbed another plate.

We were in the living room, pizza rolls demolished and half the burritos a memory, when a bright light began to glow from the hallway. "Ah," Abby said when we both took notice of it. "Grandpa must be here."

To give our grandfather a better way to get here than having an angel bring him or a human summon him, he'd been allowed a temporary portal connected to the summoning circle. It would disappear upon Abby's eighteenth birthday, but because none of us wanted it in plain sight in the meantime for fear visitors not in the know would think we were Satan worshipers—a thought that had made me snicker more than once, given who my brother-in-law was—we had it installed in the hall closet. It made things convenient and also possibly kept us from being burned at the stake.

The glow dimmed, and a long string of profanity followed a loud bang of something large hitting the closet's door. The door swung open, and our grandfather stepped out, holding a vacuum cleaner. "What the hell?" he asked, holding it up. "I specifically said not to actually use it as a closet."

"I did it on purpose," Abby whispered to me. "Asshole ate my last ice cream bar."

As I choked back a laugh, an arm reached out from the closet and firmly smacked our grandfather's rear end. "Don't talk to them like that," the familiar voice of our grandmother admonished him. "You probably deserved it."

"I mean, he does think Gabe and I are ugly," I said innocently.

Beelzebub gave me a look of utter betrayal as our grandmother finally stepped out of the closet and whapped him in the arm as she passed him. "Here are my beautiful grandkids," she said, holding out her arms. Abby and I obliged, getting up the couch to hug her. "Don't you listen to your grandfather," she told me. "After all, I only seduced him because of his looks."

" Hey ," Beelzebub whined.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked, ignoring my grandfather.

"They'll be along. They're having Gabriel summon them here so they don't have to deal with a tiny portal in a closet."

"Sorry my portal isn't big enough for you," Beelzebub muttered.

"It's okay, honey," our grandmother said, patting him on the shoulder. "You know what to do with it, and that's far more important than how big it is."

"Is it just me," Abby asked me quietly, "or does this entire conversation feel like a double entendre?"

"Welcome to every chat they have," I told her with a sigh. I could already feel a headache coming on. Thankfully, I was distracted from that when Gabriel arrived with a glittery pop. I hoped that glitter would disappear on its own, or we'd find it everywhere for weeks. Abby and I had learned that the hard way when she'd contemplated using it as a design element in her room. "Hi, Gabriel. Aren't you kind of early? It's not dark yet."

"Oh, this is cute ," Gabriel cooed as he looked around the living room. It had been painted in fresh coats of a tan that almost exactly matched Abby's beloved milk tea. When she'd suggested the color, I was worried it would end up being a little dreary, but I had been glad to be proven wrong. The refinished wood floors gleamed under the tan walls, and we'd have art hanging as soon as we agreed on what exactly that art should be. The photo of Gabe now resided on the mantle instead of the wall, though Ethel still lived above the fireplace. I wanted to hang some plants as soon as I could figure out how to put a hook in the ceiling without having it come crashing down, but that would have to wait.

"I'm glad you like it," I told him. "Want to see the rest?"

He dismissed that notion with a flick of his hand. "I'll see it later," he told me. "I imagine everyone's going to want the grand tour. No, I'm here because someone not on your guest list would like to stop by to congratulate you and give you a gift."

I gave him a look. "It's not Yahweh, is it? Because I'm still kind of annoyed about him outing me and making things weird between Stefan and me. I mean, obviously I forgave him, but..."

"Yeah, seriously!" Abby agreed vehemently. "Even if God knew with one hundred percent certainty that everyone there knew you were gay, it's still not cool. And why did he only pick on you? It's not like you were the only baby gay in that room."

"Probably because Yahweh knew you wouldn't have a problem punching him in the face if he did that to you," Beelzebub said with a snort, and I found myself nodding in agreement.

"What, so he has to single out the pacifist?" Abby protested. "That's bullshit."

"I like her," Gabriel told me.

"Me too," I said with a grin. "For a little sister, she sure does have some older sister vibes, doesn't she?" I smiled at Abby, who was blushing. "Abby, this is the archangel Gabriel. He's the one who had minions deliver your cell phone to my backpack."

"For which I appreciate more than I can say," Abby said, offering Gabriel a hand to shake. "Even if I did have to replace it after turning it over to Rose. It was a huge help, and I hope it earns my parents a very uncomfortable stay in prison."

"You are one sassy sister," Gabriel laughed as he shook her hand. "May you stay that way always."

"The visitor?" Beelzebub reminded him, clearly fed up.

"Oh, right," Gabriel said. He snapped his fingers, causing another glittery pop.

"You'd better be taking all that damn glitter with you when you go," Abby told him.

I, however, was too distracted by our latest guest. "Jesus!"

"Language," Abby said mockingly.

"No no, that's actually Jesus," I told her.

She gave me a bewildered look, then turned to Jesus. "What the fuck?"

Jesus nodded. "Yeah, I ask that a lot, too. Like when I found out I was the son of God." He shook his head. "I'm not, incidentally. If your brother hadn't already told you."

"I don't know that we ever actually got around to that," I admitted. "But what's up? Is everything okay?" Because the only reason I could think of for Jesus to be visiting my house was if something had gone catastrophically wrong in the afterlife.

"Oh, everything's fine," he told me quickly. "It's just that Not-My-Dad has a gift for you, and he insisted I bring it in person for some reason." He held out a small box for me. "Here."

I took it and removed the lid, only to find an oddly glowing blue orb inside. "What is it?" I asked.

"He told me to tell you to throw it at your fountain," Jesus said. "Like, literally throw it so it'll break. Whatever he's got in there will connect your fountain to Heaven's water supply."

"We don't think the fountain even works," Abby told him with a frown. "We looked for a pump mechanism, but we think it was originally steam-powered, and the engine was removed. Probably whoever owned the house last was going to upgrade it to electric and never got around to it."

Jesus shrugged and gave us a resigned smile. "I don't know. I just do what he tells me to do. Well, sometimes. I have a feeling whether the pump iscurrently operational won't matter in the long run."

"Wait," I said, turning the information we'd been given over in my brain. "If it'll be connected to Heaven's water supply, does that mean it'll be holy water?"

"We do not need a cantharus in this house," Abby said firmly.

"Do canthari use holy water?" I asked. "I thought it just had to be running water."

"Either way, it's a moot point," Jesus said with a grin, amused by our back and forth. "Water is just water. Holy water is just water that some guy prayed over. It doesn't do anything. See? If they were going to worship me, they could have made it so much cooler. But no, instead I get magic water and people eating bread and drinking wine and making disturbing comments about devouring me."

Abby burst into laughter.

"So, don't worry. It may be cleaner than any water anywhere in the greater Los Angeles area, but it'll just be water."

"Thanks," I told him, shutting the box. "And thank Yahweh too, please."

"I will," Jesus promised as he put a hand on my shoulder. "Don't forget you have my number if you need to talk."

"I won't forget," I told him. And I wouldn't, because it might not be a bad idea to get his opinion on whether I should stay in Hell or the living world. He'd have a much different perspective than anyone else around me and could maybe point out things others hadn't considered.

He nodded. "Congratulations, by the way," he said. "On many things, but on this occasion, for surviving your schooling. Gabe's told me a little about it, and..." He shook his head.

"It wasn't exactly my idea of a good time either," I admitted.

He grinned, then looked at Gabriel.

"I'll be back after sunset," Gabriel promised us. He winked at Abby. "And I'll consider taking the glitter with me."

"You'd better ," Abby said threateningly as Gabriel and Jesus popped out of sight, Gabriel's laughter floating in the air as he disappeared.

The glitter, thankfully, disappeared with him.

"And now our burritos are cold," Abby huffed.

I turned to grab our plates so we could microwave them, only to find them empty. "Or our burritos are just gone," I said. We both turned narrowed eyes at our grandfather.

"What?" he asked. "You weren't eating them."

Maybe I'd suggest to Abby that we start leaving Lego bricks on the closet floor, right in front of the portal.

Our small group arrived just as the sun sank out of sight, showing up with much fanfare and glitter. So much glitter.

"Congratulations!" Warm arms wrapped around me, and I smiled. Of course Stefan was the first one to say it. To be fair, though, Gabe and Stan had congratulated me that morning before I came to the house to help get things in order.

"Thanks," I told him, then grinned at the others. Gabriel, Stan, and my brother smiled back. Tempest was probably grinning, too, but it was hard to tell. His panting seemed pretty happy, though.

"This is it?" Abby asked. "Somehow, I thought we'd have more people."

"Alec and Dev are still worried about burning into a fine powder, despite Yahweh confirming they'd be fine, so they elected to stay home," I told her. "Lucy pretty much wants nothing to do with the living world." I thought about it briefly, then amended that with, "Well, unless there's someone for her to seduce."

"Is she cute?" Abby asked.

I sighed. "You are seventeen ," I reminded her. "She is—" A warning about discussing a woman and her age even if she wasn't in the room because she would find out suddenly flashed through my mind, and instead of saying she was thousands of years old, I said, "—far older than you."

She looked at me, looked at Stefan, then back at me. "Hi Pot, I'm Kettle."

Stefan let out a bark of laughter. "She's got you there," he told me.

"Maybe, but I'm not the one in a hurry to be seduced," I protested stubbornly.

Abby let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like the word 'bullshit,' making Tempest wheeze a laugh. I pointed at the hellhound. "Don't encourage her."

"How about you show us the house before a brawl breaks out?" Stan suggested, skillfully changing the topic of conversation.

"This is the living room," Abby said, gesturing dramatically. "You can tell it's the living room because of the large sectional and the weird owl."

"Ethel isn't weird," Gabe and I protested as one.

"Nightmare fuel," Stan muttered under his breath.

My sister proceeded to give them the grand tour in a ridiculous fashion, pointing out the stairwell she was certain housed a secret passage, then my nearly-empty bedroom that still hadn't been painted—I had a wallpaper mural that depicted a bright blue sky and fluffy white clouds on order, and pale blue paint that went well with it, but the wallpaper had yet to arrive—which she referred to as 'a room so boring not even spirits would tread'. This made Gabe wonder if that were true, given our grandmother was completely human and dead. Our grandmother, in turn, had looked around my room and said, "Yeah, no, I wouldn't want to hang out in here either."

She directed everyone upstairs after showing them the dining room and the kitchen ("Our favorite room because it holds all the food," were my sister's words).

"But what's through that door?" Stefan asked, pointing to the door in the small hallway behind what we assumed had been the servants' stairs.

"Nope!" Abby said. "Upstairs first. That's Zeke's space; if he wants to let you see it, you can wait until you've seen everything else. Once we let him in there, we'll never get him out again."

"Oh, the conservatory," Stefan said with a nod of understanding. "Got it."

The man knew me. I had to give him that.

She showed off her room, still pleased with the choices she'd made after she'd made me look at what felt like thousands of different wallpapers. "This room and the one next to it are mine," she told them. "The one across the hall next to the large staircase is the room we're pretending is Grandpa's, but it's really a guest room. The other smaller room is Zeke's."

"We decided we each needed a room for our hobbies," I explained. "But given that the conservatory is kind of that for me, I'm still not sure it's fair."

Abby let out a snort and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, like you wouldn't let me go in there with a book and just let me sit there and read. When you think about it that way, we share it, even if you do all the actual work."

"Speaking of which," Stefan said, "I really would like to see it."

I nodded and gestured for them to follow before going downstairs via the smaller staircase in the back. I opened the door and entered, stepping aside so the others could follow.

"Oh, this is even more phenomenal in real life," Gabe said. "You've been busy."

He hadn't seen it since I started collecting plants—all at his recommendation as things that would be attractive but easy to care for—so it surprised him, too.

"The palms you suggested are acclimating well," I told him.

He nodded distractedly and wandered away from us, Tempest trailing behind him, examining the plants I'd brought in while muttering to himself.

"And he's gone," Stan said fondly. He looked around and smiled. "This is beautiful."

"It was disgusting when I first saw it," I admitted to him. Gabe and Abby had been the only other people I'd invited in here in dreams, and until that day, only Abby and my grandfather had been in here while awake. I was much happier showing the place off without the layers of gooey decay on every surface.

"Does the fountain work?" Stefan asked.

I shook my head. "There's no pump. From what we can tell, this house wasn't originally built for electricity, and the fountain probably had a steam pump that's since been removed. Or it may have been replaced with an electric pump at some point, and that got removed. Either way, it does nothing. We'd get someone out to look at it, but what's the point when we live in an area of constant drought?"

"What about the thing God gave you?" Abby asked.

Stan frowned. "Yahweh was here?"

"Of course not," Gabriel said with a sigh. "He sent Jesus with me earlier before I brought the rest of you."

I pulled the small box out of my pocket and handed it to Stan. "He said to throw it at the fountain, and it would connect it to Heaven's water supply." I gave him a look of uncertainty. "Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Stan, who had opened the box to examine the contents, nodded. "No, I get it." He put the lid back on the box and returned it to me. "He wouldn't do anything to hurt you or this house, so I'm sure it would be fine, but what happens if you want to replace the fountain?"

"Exactly," I told him. "So I'll wait for now."

"As amazing as this place is," Stefan interjected, "because, seriously, it's amazing... But maybe we should be considering food?"

He wasn't wrong by any stretch of the imagination. "I took care of the potatoes and the cake like you asked," I told him.

"The cake looks like it'll glow in the dark," Abby added, less than helpfully. "Are you sure that's safe?"

"A little Red Dye 40 never hurt anyone," Stefan told her with a grin. "You'll see."

He made her help him put together the frosting. I was gratified to see him tell her to turn the mixer on high like he'd done with me, even if I'd had to help clean up the kitchen afterward. Much to my surprise, Abby laughed uproariously instead of being mad when she ended up covered in it, even if she did leave to change her shirt while we were left with the aftermath.

Gabe grilled an obscene amount of food, which would be gone in a metaphorical blink of an eye, and we piled all the food onto the large patio table. We took our seats, and I hesitated.

"What is it?" Stefan, who'd noticed my hesitance, asked with concern.

"It just occurred to me how lucky Abby and I are to be at a full table with friends and family who care about us," I answered. "Not everyone is so lucky."

"No sermons before we eat," Abby said. "No oppressive silence at the table."

"No enforced hunger," I added.

My sister nodded. "Yeah," she said, her voice a little rough. "We're really fucking lucky."

"'Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do,'" Gabriel quoted, grinning when we looked at him, "Ecclesiastes 9:7 seemed appropriate."

It felt like an archangel had just said grace at our table, and it was more than a little weird.

"Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub," my brother added, breaking the emotional heaviness as we all laughed.

As expected, the food went quickly, though it was still slower than I expected, and I had a feeling all the conversation and laughter had something to do with that. Stefan brought out the freshly-frosted cake when dinner was gone, and we all dug in.

"Okay, you're forgiven for the nuclear orange color," Abby said as she bit into her piece. I nodded in agreement, my mouth too full to speak.

"It's a very summery cake," Gabe agreed. "Though honestly, I first had it in spring, so..."

I looked at Stefan when he didn't answer and saw him staring into the sky. "You okay?" I asked softly.

"It's so still," he answered, just as quietly.

I wrinkled my brow in confusion and looked up. It took a moment, but then realization dawned on me. "Oh," I said. "Because you're used to that unnerving swirling void."

He nodded. "If this is disquieting to me, I can see why you and Gabe find Hell's sky so unsettling."

"I'm sure we'll get used to it with time," I said. "In time, you'd probably get used to this."

"It's like there's no end to it."

That was how I felt about the void, but I squeezed Stefan's hand.

He smiled at me. "I'm okay," he assured. "It's just very different. That's all."

It was a warm night, so we stayed where we were, sitting back and relaxing under the few stars visible thanks to light pollution drowning most of them out. Some day, I'd want to see what it would be like to have a sky full of stars in the middle of nowhere. I wondered if I could talk Stefan into going with me when I went.

We'd been moving toward the end of the evening, slowly taking dishes inside and cleaning up, when there was a familiar pop in the living room, and a large man with feathered wings who was not Gabriel appeared. He was big and had an appearance that probably should have been intimidating—honestly, he probably would have totally fit in as a bouncer at a club—but somehow, he just gave off an aura of being a teddy bear. I'd never even met the guy and wanted to hug him.

"Cheo?" Gabriel asked.

"He was on duty in Hell in case something happened," Stan explained to us. "There's always at least one angel on duty that can fetch me if I'm in the living world. Since, you know, no one can just call if there's an emergency." He looked at the newcomer and sighed. "And I'm gathering that's what we've got."

The angel nodded and looked at Abby and me with a complicated expression. "I need to talk to you." He glanced at the rest of us apologetically, making it clear he wanted to talk to my brother-in-law alone.

Stan nodded and led him to our backyard, where they had a brief conversation. When they finished, the angel popped out of sight, and Stan made his way back in, the same complicated look the angel had been making on his face.

"What happened?" Gabe asked, looking ready to go into battle. "Please tell me another stupid war hasn't broken out because we left to have dinner."

Stan shook his head and looked at Abby and I. "I think you should both sit down."

Abby and I looked at each other, eyes wide, and immediately sat on the sectional.

"From what anyone can tell, your parents got wind of the fact that they were about to be in deep shit with the law," he told us. He hesitated, then sighed before continuing. "Your father shot your mother and killed her, then turned the gun on himself," he said, grimacing as if delivering the news caused him physical pain. "Your parents have entered Hell."