Chapter 16

16

W e ended up at the same place we'd gotten pancakes from the night before. We were doing fine until Gabe ordered ten sides of bacon, and I commented that he might as well have them roast a whole pig. I say we were doing fine until then because I hadn't realized Stefan was taking a sip of his coffee when I said it, and he snorted scalding hot java. Unfortunately, this just made Gabe laugh while I panicked, so we were our own little chaos storm as the waitress sighed and mopped coffee up from the table with a towel.

"I'm fine," Stefan finally wheezed at me as I hovered over him, still panicking. "Give it a couple minutes, and I'll be good as new."

"You've burned your sinuses," I protested. "Surely Hell has an emergency room or something we can take you to."

"No need," Gabe said. He held out a hand to Stefan. "Here, bite. I'll show him."

I yelped in shock when Stefan did as my brother asked, leaning over and chomping on his hand quickly before letting go. Blood oozed down my brother's palm, and I felt myself getting faint.

Stefan must have noticed because he grabbed my chair and yanked it over so I could sit down. I did so with a complete lack of grace. I landed like a lead weight, slumping into the chair bonelessly, and only looked up when Gabe waved his hand—the one not currently bleeding—in my face.

"Watch," he told me, indicating the puncture marks on his other hand. I wasn't sure why he was making me watch him bleed until I realized it was already slowing, and the punctures looked to be sealing right before my eyes. After a few moments, Gabe wiped his hand with his napkin, and under the dried blood, his skin was undamaged.

I looked up at him, shock and confusion keeping me silent.

"Those of us who belong here full-time can't die," he reminded me. "We don't stay injured. Even after three weeks or whatever it was of having my beating heart ripped out, it grew back within twelve hours each time. I told you about that."

"Knowing about it and seeing it in action are two totally different things," Stefan pointed out. He grinned at me. "And watching that was probably less gross than me telling you to look up my nose to watch it heal. Seriously, I'm fine now."

I sighed and slouched in my seat, suddenly feeling more than slightly embarrassed at how much I'd panicked in a public space. I kept my gaze firmly on the table, not wanting to see everyone around us staring at me.

"So I made him listen to the Best o' Boingo album," Gabe said, completely changing the subject.

"Yeah?" Stefan asked, his excitement increasing by at least fifty percent. Suddenly, his face was practically in mine, and I lurched back, nearly falling over. "What did you think of it?" he asked. He was practically bouncing in place, and his voice had picked up speed. "Did you like it? Wait, he didn't have you listen to Insanity, did he?"

"That's on Boingo, not Best o'," Gabe said. "And no, I don't want to give him nightmares. Eventually, though, because I think he'd appreciate it for its take on the hypocrisy he grew up dealing with."

The vampire thought about that for a moment, then nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're probably right." He turned his attention back to me, still grinning. "So, what was your favorite song?"

By the time our food had arrived, I'd forgotten entirely about my embarrassment, thanks to Stefan's energetic enthusiasm. I didn't know if he'd intentionally done that when Gabe tried to change the topic, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Once we were fed—Gabe had finished the bacon with Tempest's help—we got back on the road.

We headed to the cell phone shop, where I spent an hour unable to decide. Really, there were way too many choices. Eventually, Stefan handed me two, pointed out their differences, and asked me if one would suit me, and I chose one. I appreciated him making it easier for me, especially when I didn't know what I did or did not need in a phone. Especially a phone in Hell. Once that was sorted out, we ended up in a shopping center that looked like it could have been down the street from my parents' house. The eerie familiarity the vampire district was giving off was unnerving. It wasn't the area itself that seemed familiar, per se, but the feeling. The ambiance? Whatever, it was kind of weird. Especially with the inky sky above, but I tried to convince myself it was just like smog and was definitely not something to worry about.

It didn't work, in case you were wondering.

We wandered into a large shop that seemed to either be in a two-story building or took up two floors. From what I could see of the merchandise, it was a clothing store, and it was moderately busy.

"At least it doesn't look like they're on restitution duty today," Stefan noted as he looked around. "So that's something."

"I called last night to check," Gabe admitted. "The last thing we want is to traumatize anyone." He looked around, frowning, until there was a bark in the distance. Tempest had wandered off. When Gabe looked in the direction the hellhound had gone, he grinned and waved. "Alec! Over here!"

I looked in the direction Gabe was waving to see a man heading in our direction, Tempest leading him. He was a little taller than Gabe, but not by much, and he had an understated attractiveness. He wasn't the type likely to make random strangers do double-takes when he walked by, but it was almost like the longer you looked at him, the cuter he got. Maybe it was the freckles. "Glad you made it," the person, probably Alec, told Gabe, then immediately turned his attention to me. "I'm Alec," he said, offering me his hand. "It's nice to meet you finally, we've all heard a lot about you."

"Zeke," I said as I shook his hand. "But it sounds like you already knew that."

"Your brother hasn't shut up about you since he met you," Stefan said with a snort. "He's started to do the same thing with your sister, too, so if he gets much worse, I'm just going to put him out of my misery."

That eased my worries about whether Gabe had been bonding with Abby. Lord knew we needed all the support we could get, with our combined horrible parent trauma.

"Shut up," Gabe muttered with a pout.

" Anyway ," Alec interrupted, "Let's head upstairs. Dev should already be there. We can leave the crowd to our employees."

We made our way to the back of the shop, dodging customers as we went until we reached a staircase. I followed them up to find myself herded through a door into what looked like an apartment. "Do you live above your shop?" I guessed.

"Yeah," Alec confirmed. "It makes life easier. Dev, they're here."

The last was called toward an adjoining room, and there was a muffled "Give me a second" in response before we heard something large but soft cascading over and a hiss of profanity.

"Everything okay in there?" Alec called, trying not to laugh.

"I'll dig my way out eventually."

Alec covered his mouth, shaking from withheld guffaws.

"Dev's been re-organizing their closet," Stefan explained, looking equally amused. "Piles of clothes everywhere ."

"Causing crapalanches every ten minutes," came the grumbled reply from the doorway as a tall, lanky man stepped into view. He had dark, wavy hair that ended just past his shoulders, and from the looks of him, he needed a nap. "Hey," he told me in greeting. "I'm Devon. Call me Dev. Nice to meet you, man." He eyed me from top to bottom, eyes narrowing, making me nervous. "What's your style?"

I just stared at him, confused, and Gabe sighed. "He needs a little more information, Dev." He grinned at me then, shrugging. "Dev's probably going downstairs and grabbing some clothes for you, having mentally calculated your sizes. That's what the staring was about. He's asking what kind of clothes you prefer."

"Oh," I said, blinking in surprise. "Um, I don't know. All my clothes were whatever my parents handed me, and usually second-hand. I don't know if I have a style or not."

Dev frowned, then headed for their sofa. "Come here," he said, plopping down on the plush seating and grabbing something from the coffee table. Gabe gave me an encouraging nudge as he moved to sit in a lounge chair nearby, Tempest at his feet, and I nervously perched myself next to Dev. He'd picked up a tablet and was opening what appeared to be a website. "Take a look through these," he said. "Tell me what you think you'd want to wear."

I wasn't sure how long we sat there, but Alec brought out hot chocolate and cookies at some point, and I'd lost my nervousness. When we finally stopped scrolling, and the hot chocolate was depleted, Dev patted my shoulder and stood up. "I'll be right back," he said before exiting through the door to the shop.

"Is he really going to go grab clothes without taking any measurements?" I asked.

Alec grinned at me, and that's when I noticed that he had fangs like Stefan. I couldn't remember if Gabe told me they were vampires, but I was still caught off guard. "Yeah, don't ask me how he does it," he answered. "It's just one of his weird skills. Don't worry, he'll come back with stuff you'll like that fits you perfectly. Then you can take it home with you."

"For now, that'll be Stan's," Gabe told him. "We might put him in my place once he's more comfortable and wants time and space. We're playing it by ear." His phone rang, and he let out a soft snort when he saw who it was. "Speaking of playing it by ear," he said, answering the call. "What do you want, old lady?"

"Don't talk to our grandmother like that," I admonished him.

"The fact that you knew it was our grandmother speaks volumes about her being an old lady," he pointed out before holding the phone away from his ear. I couldn't hear what was said, but I could tell she was yelling at him. When it quieted, he put the phone back up to his head. "Cranky," he said, and I rolled my eyes. He was stirring the pot on purpose. "We're at Dev and Alec's. Yeah, well, he needed clothes. And a phone, but we did that already. What do you want?"

Despite my guess that she'd start yelling again, Gabe simply listened to her for a while. "Okay," he finally said. "First, no, you are not taking my little brother to a concert without me. Last time, security had to tackle you when you tried to throw yourself onto stage screaming to Jim Morrison that you wanted to have his love child. Not only did I have to sweet talk them to let you go, I had to deal with Beelzebub sulking for a week because you said you wanted to have someone else's kid. Figure of speech or not, that was kind of rude."

I leaned over to whisper to Stefan. "Who's Jim Morrison?"

He gave me a scandalized look, then patted me on the arm. "Later," he promised.

"And second," Gabe continued, "we had to come out. The kid has nothing on him except the clothes on his back and whatever he stuffed into his backpack. Which, incidentally, did not include clothing. We'll head back to Stan's once Dev's got stuff picked out. What are you in such a rush for, anyway?" He narrowed his eyes, pointing at the phone as if to indicate that our grandmother was up to no good. Again. "Fine. Whatever. We'll meet you at the office after we drop his stuff off at Stan's. Do I get to go, too, or am I banned since I'm technically dead? Yeah, whatever. We'll see you in a while." He hung up his phone and grumbled something under his breath before turning his attention back to me. "For reasons that escape me, our grandparents are chomping at the metaphorical bit to get you back to the living world despite me having promised to send you back to the living world this afternoon. I don't think there's anything bad going on, but I still get the impression they're up to something. So we've been ordered to join them the moment we're done here."

"Do you think Abby's okay?" I asked, my heart suddenly in my throat. I was pretty sure she'd been safe, considering they hadn't come after me, but...

"Gramps picked her up last night," he reminded me. "She's fine and situated in the new house. I touched base with her while you were asleep, but maybe she wants to see for herself that you're fine. I mean, you're the one your parents chased after."

Okay, considering our parents may as well have been wielding pitchforks when they came after me, that was fair. I'd be worried about me, too. "I guess she's probably worried, yeah," I agree aloud. "Now I feel bad for not considering that sooner."

"Gin would have told Bee you were here safe, and he would have passed it on even if Gabe hadn't," Alec assured me. "Well, he probably would have passed it on. He's kind of a dick sometimes."

"I've noticed."

"Once Dev comes back, we'll head to Stan's before we go meet up with the grands," Gabe told me. He looked at Stefan. "You coming?"

The blond nodded. "Yeah. It's a good excuse to flirt with your brother some more." He gave me a grin and a wink, and I felt my face go warm.

"Stop flirting with the minor," Gabe growled at him. "I know you're just doing it to piss me off."

That brought me up short. So he hadn't been flirting with me because he was at all interested? I mean, of course he hadn't been. I was still a kid. I deflated a little at that. It stung more than I expected.

"No," Stefan said, "I'm flirting with him because he's cute when he blushes."

"Well, yeah, he is cute. I admit to that."

I rolled my eyes. Given our strong resemblance, it sounded like Gabe was complimenting himself.

Stefan turned to me. "That said, am I making you uncomfortable? I flirt. It's what I do, even to friends I'm not interested in dating. If I do make you uncomfortable, you need to tell me because I won't know otherwise."

I hesitated, then nodded. "Okay," I said slowly. "That seems fair."

"Good. That's settled, then." He made a face at Gabe. "Are we good now? I'm not out to do questionable things to your underage brother."

Gabe had the grace to look embarrassed. "Sorry," he said softly. "I guess I'm just a little..."

"Stupidly overprotective?" Alec supplied.

My brother glared at him, then sighed. "Yeah, I guess so. It's just..." He glanced at me, sadness on his face. "You remind me a lot of me, when our mother was still living with us. I hate that you weren't able to escape her sooner. I guess it just kind of..." He sighed again. "I don't know if I can explain it."

"You want to save me because nobody saved you," I concluded. "I dread what it'll be like when either Abby or I get a significant other."

He frowned at me. "Of course I'll give any prospective partners the shakedown. I'm your goddamn older brother." He shook his head. "That said, I'd better lock Abby in a room before I try it. That girl has an independent streak a mile wide that's been waiting for a chance to show itself."

I grimaced. I could see Abby trying to gut him if he meddled in her love life. Maybe I could be the one to interrogate her girlfriends instead. I might stand a better chance of getting out alive. Metaphorically speaking, since Gabe was, you know, not among the living. "Yeah, I have a feeling she'd take over the world if she only had the opportunity. So if we could not give her that opportunity, that'd be great. Did Grandma say if you could go with us?"

"She said to shut up and stay home," Gabe grunted. "I don't know if it's current rules or just them wanting to spend time with you without me hovering. But, I mean, if you can't be safe with Beelzebub, things are hopeless."

"That's not as comforting a thought as you seem to believe it is," Stefan said with a grimace.

Gabe rolled his eyes. "At any rate, I am going to the office with you, even if they won't or can't let me make the rest of the trip with you."

"How is Grandpa even going to get me back to the living world?" I asked. "Go up to the Denny's parking lot?" I had no idea how any of this worked, but I didn't want to fly up there again. It was far too long without my feet on the ground.

"He'll use the summoning circle," Gabe said. "That's why they want to meet us at the office, since it's in the basement. I can at least join you there. Stan's probably there already, working while we're out having fun because he doesn't understand the concept of taking a damn break."

Tempest huffed, and Gabe grunted. "I am not ," he said indignantly.

"He said you're just like Stan, didn't he?" Stefan asked with a smirk.

"Shut up," my brother grunted.

"You were planning on working on the annual report, weren't you?"

Gabe narrowed his eyes. "I was planning on asking you if you wanted to get boba and crepes from the food court, but never mind. You obviously don't want me to buy you dessert."

The blond immediately looked contrite, and I had to choke back a laugh. "Oh, come on," he whined. "You can't say that and not give me a chance to make it up to you."

"Oh, I absolutely can," Gabe said. "I won't even get you an order of fried tofu or scallion pancakes. You can just sit there and pout while I eat all the good stuff."

"Are they always like this?" I asked Alec.

"Always," he confirmed. "It's just their brand of friendship. Believe it or not, they really like each other."

"You take that back," the other two said in perfect sync. Alec and I looked at each other and then burst into laughter.

"You're having way too much fun in here," Dev said behind us. I turned to see him standing in the doorway, several bags in his hands. "What did I miss?"

"More of the same," Alec said as he got up and joined Dev, kissing the vampire on the cheek before trying to peek into the bags. "I suppose we don't have time to make Zeke give us a fashion show if Gin and Bee are bitching already." He looked rather put out about that.

"If he wants to play dress-up doll for you, we can do that tonight," Gabe said. "It's up to him. We'll be at the apartment, though, so don't go wandering over to Stan's to try to find us."

I turned a confused look on him. "Why the apartment? I mean, not that it's bad or anything, but...?"

"We won't stay there overnight," he told me, clearing up none of my confusion. "Not enough room. There's something you ought to see, though."

Stefan grinned and immediately said, "Oh, I'll bring pizza. It'll be like the first time with you." I got the feeling he knew what Gabe was talking about. I made a face. I didn't want to be left in the dark.

"It's a good surprise," Gabe promised once he'd noticed my expression. "I just don't want to ruin it. I promise you'll enjoy it."

"Fine," I said, still grumpy about it. "If I don't, do I get to kick you in the shin?"

"Sure," Gabe said. "But only if I get a running start. If you can catch me, you can kick me."

"You have wings," Dev pointed out. "That's not fair."

"I fight to win," my brother said. "Or at least to avoid pain. But Stef, we just had pizza. If you insist on it, maybe bring some of their other stuff, too. They have salads. You do know what a vegetable looks like, right?"

"Ketchup's a vegetable, right?"

Gabe sighed. "You're lucky you're undead, or you'd die of a heart attack. Also, tomatoes are fruit."

"Wait," Stefan said, eyes wide. "Does this mean ketchup is tomato jam?"

He and my brother stared at each other, for some reason looking shocked by this thought. After a long moment of staring, Gabe started to say something, but Dev cut him off.

"Whatever you're about to suggest, no."

"But—"

" No ," Dev said, his tone even more firm. "The last time you two started a discussion like this, you almost tore a hole in the space-time continuum. Just stop. Go home before Einstein is knocking on our door to complain again."

"Fine," Gabe said dramatically, getting up from his chair. Tempest immediately leaped to his feet, tail wagging. "Be that way. I see how you are. Call before you come over if you do so we can see how things are going first. For all we know, Zeke may not be up to people after dealing with the grands. You know what they're like."

"Gin is a delightful woman," Alec protested.

"Who nearly got you arrested when she tried to set Adam's robes on fire."

"She what ?" I asked sharply.

"He deserved it," Alec assured me.

"He kind of did," Gabe admitted. "But that's neither here nor there. She's a menace. She's our menace, but she's still a menace." He took the bags from Dev with a grin. "Thank you, seriously. Send me the bill."

"Fuck you," Dev answered with a grin.

"Sorry, I'm spoken for," Gabe said with a laugh, handing some of the bags to Stefan and me before we descended into the store.I wondered what on earth I would do with so many clothes. I'd barely owned enough for a week, and what we were carrying looked like enough for me not to have to do laundry for a month.

This turned out to be a problem on several levels. For one, there wasn't much room in the golf cart with three human-like entities and a hellhound. "If Zeke and I can hold some of the bags in our laps, maybe we can put some on what's left of the back seat and just take them to your apartment?" Stefan suggested. "It's closer, and you're going there later anyway. I think we can handle it for that long, but..."

"But it wouldn't last going through different scenes," Gabe agreed. "That sounds like our best option, then."

So, with that change in plans, we made the short trip back to my brother's time capsule of an apartment, dumped my haul in his bedroom, and got back on the road. "So, are you excited?" Stefan asked me.

"About what?" I asked.

"Going up there and seeing what awaits you," he said. "I mean, you don't know what kind of house Beelzebub snagged, where it is, or anything like that."

"It's probably haunted," Gabe said.

I snorted and leaned forward to poke the back of his head. "Half my family works in Hell. Any house I lived in would technically be haunted."

"He's got a point," Stefan admitted to my brother. "You being dead and all."

"Is it weird?" I asked. I'd wondered for a long time, but it had initially seemed rude to ask. Now, I was too curious to care. "Being dead, I mean."

"Honestly?" Gabe said. "It's exactly the same. I mean, except the weird lingering pain in my lower back I'd been dealing with for months was immediately gone. Pain happens here but is an exceptionally fleeting thing. Much like inebriation. Which isn't something I necessarily care about on a personal level, but it makes some things difficult."

I pondered that for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what kind of situation would be made more difficult by being sober. For all Gabe made cracks about the managers at work, I didn't think they were driving him to drink. "What do you mean?" I finally asked.

"He gets high to dreamwalk," Stefan chirped.

Gabe immediately winced, apparently having not been inclined to explain. I stared at him for a moment before I opened my mouth. "You do what ?!"