2. Chapter One

Feeling forgotten in life is a different kind of loneliness. I don’t typically throw myself a pity party but every now and then I wonder what it would have been like to have been raised by parents who loved me. I get lost in the fantasy I create in my head. I surround myself with brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and I’m loved. Laughter consumes my mind, fake conversations with faceless people because that’s all I’ll ever have.

Life has been a long road of darkness and solitude. It’s why I love my job so much.

I’m nothing and no one important. I’m just a manager at the local pet store, but I love seeing the animals that come inside or get dropped off for grooming. Working retail gives me experience with people too. I don’t have time for many friends, so I get my dose of being social at work.

“Ollie, are you sure you’re okay for the day? I’m so sorry to have to leave. It’s going to be such a busy day. We have five dogs coming in for grooming and another for boarding. I wouldn’t usually leave you, but I have to go get my son from school. He got into a fight and might get suspended,” Ashley, the owner, informs as she slides on her long grey peacoat.

I hear the defeat in her voice. She’s so tired and has no idea what to do with her son, Jax. He has been acting out ever since his parents got divorced last year.

“Ashley, I got this. I promise. If I run into any issues, I might have to reschedule some of the grooming, but they seem spaced out. I think I have it all under control.”

“You always do. You’re the best. I need to hire someone else. My head is just all over the place with Jax.”

I walk around the wooden counter, nearly knocking over the bowl of treats for the dogs. I grab Ashley’s shoulders and give them a good squeeze, making her meet my eyes which isn’t too hard considering I’m so short and she is so tall. She’s so pretty with her shoulder-length dark hair and green eyes. She’s genuine and kind. A truly beautiful soul.

“I can hire someone if you trust me. I can take that off your plate. Go to Jax. Keep me updated. I’ll be here. I’ll hold down the fort.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. That would be amazing. Thank you.” Her phone rings again, interrupting our conversation. She groans. “It’s the school. I have to go. I’m sorry. If you need me text me.” She blows me a kiss and hauls ass out the door, her long peacoat swaying behind her from the wind.

And I’m left all alone.

I sigh, looking around the pet shop. It’s quiet. Too quiet. It reminds me of when I was locked in the basement as a child in one of the foster homes I was at. Those foster parents hated me. I was chained to a wall, trapped in the dark, and all that I could hear were their footsteps above me.

Darkness and silence are not my friends. Bad things happen where the light can’t touch. I refuse not to be in the light. I need to be able to see my surroundings. I need to be wrapped in my blankets and warm instead of freezing cold until I shiver.

Loneliness is a disease that sickens you. The only cure is to learn to love your own company because counting on anyone else will leave you more isolated.

And I hate myself.

I’m a coward. I’m afraid of everything. I’m wary. I don’t trust a soul.

The world has given me a million reasons to prove why the only person I can trust is myself. It’s why I don’t have any friends because I learned a long time ago in foster care that when you think someone has your back, they eventually stab you in it.

I’ve been called a pessimist, but I prefer the word realistic.

I do my best to remain positive on the outside so no one can see how I truly feel, but on the inside? I’m wrecked and ruined. There isn’t anything this world could offer me that could make that feeling go away.

“Work isn’t going to do itself,” I sigh to the empty space, knowing the downtime will end in about an hour.

Luckily, there is an amazing sound system installed in the shop and in the separate part of the building where we have our pet hotel. Ashley didn’t want any of the creatures to be in silence, so whatever radio station we put on, they get to hear it too.

When music begins to seep through the speakers, I let out a breath. My anxiety begins to fade. I sit behind the counter, pressing my elbow against it and placing my chin in my hand as I wait for the afternoon rush.

The light patter of rain catches my attention. I turn my head, noticing dark clouds looming in the sky. Slowly, as if the rain has nowhere else better to be, it begins to decorate the window in small drops.

I need to get out of this funk I’ve found myself in.

Life is good. I need to think about the positives. I have a good job, a place of my own which I never thought I would have, food on the table, and we can’t forget Mr. Hanks, my cat who is always waiting for me by the door by the time I get home. I might not have everything I want in life, but I have more than I ever dreamed of.

That’s enough.

Is it?

I ignore the whisper in the back of my mind as I slip from the chair and head to the back of the building where all the guests are. Just as I press my hand on the handle to open the back door, the bell dings telling me someone has come into the store.

I spin around all too eagerly to greet the customer so I can have some social interaction today. “Welcome to Paws and Purrs!” I shout from the back, hurrying my short legs down the bone aisle again, plastering a smile on my face— a genuine one.

Because I’m all too excited to talk to someone.

I ache for human touch and interaction, but aching is better than being broken by someone hurting me.

Again.

“So sorry about the wait. How can I help you?” I ask the woman with long dark hair. She has a Dalmatian sitting next to her wearing a blue collar. His tongue is out as he tilts his head to look at me. “Are you here for a grooming appointment? I don’t have anything scheduled until…” I check the computer, scrolling until I see the time. “Not for another two hours.”

“Oh, no. I’m not here for an appointment.” She tucks her silky hair over her shoulder and smiles at me. “Ashley is my best friend. The owner of Paws and Purrs.”

I point to her in knowing. “Morgan?”

She nods. “Yes! Yes, that’s me.”

I run around the counter and hold out my hand in too much eagerness. “It’s so nice to meet you. I can finally put a face to the name. She talks about you all the time. You just missed her, though. She went to—”

“Jax.” She leans against the counter while finishing my sentence. “I know. She called me. I was out walking Fletcher.”

I look down at the Dalmatian, then squat, getting on his level and letting him smell my hand. When I pass the vibe check, he licks my palm.

“Oh, good boy. You’re so handsome, Fletcher. Are you a good boy? I bet you are. Yes, you are.” I puppy-talk to him until I kiss the tip of his nose and his tail is wagging. I stand, blushing. “Sorry. I love animals.”

“It’s okay. He is cute.” She scratches him behind the ears. “So—” she smiles before rolling her lips together, her cheeks turning a bright shade of red. “This is really embarrassing. I lost my job this morning. They laid off twenty percent of the workers. Ashley said the store needed more help and that you were hiring. I was hoping I could apply. She said if it were up to her, she’d hire me, but she has to deal with her son, and I’m hoping you can make my bad day better.”

I give her a sad smile, knowing all too well what that is like. “Consider yourself hired. You’re the best friend of the boss. If I didn’t hire you, I’m sure I’d get fired.”

We both laugh, knowing Ashley would never fire me.

She’s too nice and I’m too good at my job.

“Do you have any experience in retail?”

“I do. I worked two years in customer service.”

“Great. You’re definitely hired then. I’ll email you all the paperwork and let’s say you come in on Wednesday. Does that work for you? We can get the paperwork filed, work on your hours, so on and so forth. You know the drill.”

“You don’t need help today?”

Do I ever.

“I do, but I didn’t want to ask.” I tuck a stray curl behind my ear.

“Is it okay if Fletcher stays?”

“Yes. It’s a pet shop. That would be terrible if we didn’t allow pets.”

“Yay! Okay, he is good. I’ll buy him a bed and we can toss it next to the register. He’ll stay there. He’s pretty lazy which is odd for his breed. Oh! Before I forget, let’s go for drinks tonight and celebrate.”

Drinks? She wants to have drinks with me?

“Um, I’m gay—”

She tosses her head back and laughs. “Oh, I know. I’m thankful too. Men these days.” She shivers. “I think we are going to be great friends. It’s a shame Ashley hasn’t introduced us sooner. I think we are going to be hanging out a lot.”

“Well, we work together now. That makes sense.” I do my best to hide my nervousness but there is a shake in my voice I can’t seem to get rid of. I’ve never had anyone want to be my friend before. She’s so open and eager.

I don’t know what to do with that.

“I grabbed a bed for Fletcher. Want to give me a rundown of the job?”

“Definitely.” I swallow, hiding how worried I am about going out for drinks.

I don’t… people outside of work.

No matter how much I want to say no, that voice in the back of my head is stronger than my fear this time.

Go. Ollie. You’ll have fun. When was the last time that happened?

Never.