CHAPTER 42

CHAPTER 42

AUREN

We’re out of time.

I know it, and everyone else in this room knows it too.

I’ve held us up. The only reason we’ve stayed here for so long is because they’ve been patient with me. Slade’s been supporting me, letting me work through things at my own pace, even at the detriment of his own kingdom.

“If Manu arrives at Fourth and finds out you’re not there, it will raise questions, and they could start searching, which risks someone finding Drollard,” Ryatt states.

“We can stall him for a few days at most, but any longer and he’d grow suspicious about where you were,” Lu puts in.

I feel everyone’s attention shift to me, and I swivel my attention to Slade. “We need to go.”

It’s not a question, but he nods anyway. “Are you ready for that?”

This facet of control over my magic might be new, but I can do it. Ever since I faced the fae beast side of me, I’m not afraid. I’m not going to explode into a fit of gilded rage.

That is, not unless I want to.

All I have to do is continue to practice my control, and I’ll be able to master my magic. I will master it. Because I just got my first real taste of touch during the day, and I’m not going to give that up.

So there’s no answer other than the one that I say. “Yes. I’m ready.”

There’s a collective thrum of support that sounds in my ears, and then the group seems to launch into action.

“Right. Hojat, is Digby cleared for travel?”

“I stay with her,” Digby says stubbornly, and my lips tilt up.

“His ribs are still on the mend...” Hojat begins carefully.

“I stay with her,” Digby repeats on a gruff grunt. “Ribs are fine.”

Hojat sighs and then gives a reluctant nod. “I’ll need to bind you, and you’ll have to be buckled in carefully. As soon as you get to Fourth, you need to rest.”

Digby waves him off. “Fine.”

Slade walks further into the room, and I perch myself on the armrest of the chair while he plans with the others. “If we ride hard and high, and only take a few breaks, we can get to Fourth in four days.”

Judd shakes his head. “The timberwings are going to be frothing by that time.”

“We’ll push them, but not too hard. But if we take longer than four days...” Slade trails off.

Lu crosses her arms in front of her, her face thoughtful. “I’ll write back—make sure they know we’re on our way but that they’ll need to stall Kaila’s brother.”

Slade nods. “We’ll need food packs and to make sure all four timberwings have a quick hunt before we go. And we’ll need to update Os so he knows we’ll be at the castle when he arrives.”

“Four timberwings?” Ryatt asks. “I thought you’d be doubling up?”

“We are. The fourth timberwing is for you,” Slade replies.

Ryatt blanches. “I’m not going with you. I should stay here, make sure Drollard is safe, and help with the extra hunting to keep up our reserves.”

“I need you with me.”

Anger flushes over Ryatt’s face, making his pale cheeks dapple with color. “I’m your fucking stand-in!” Ryatt growls back. “If anything, I should go back to the army. But we all know you’re the real commander. I just have to take up the gauntlet when you’re off playing king.”

My eyes bounce between the brothers, watching as the tic in Slade’s jaw pulses. I wonder if he’s ever noticed that Ryatt does the very same thing?

“And I’ll be playing king when we get back. Which means I’ll need you by my side, and I’ll need your presence among the soldiers when they return. I can do it when I’m able, but I’ll have to be careful with Manu sniffing around. He might not have the magic his sister does, but we can’t underestimate him.”

Ryatt scoffs, rubs a hand down his bristled face. “Fine. I’ll leave Drollard. But I’m going back with the army, not to the kingdom, and I’m taking Hojat with me. Our soldiers have been without our best mender for too long and their stand-in commander. Plus, I can send a few of the soldiers here to guard the village.”

A sigh escapes Slade. “Ryatt—”

“I’m not going to the kingdom with you,” he snaps before he turns and starts stalking down the hall. “If I have to be away from here, then I’m going to be with the army, whose morale is probably real fucking low at the moment since two-thirds of its captains abandoned them, and their king and commander. I’m going to them, and I’ll be ready to leave in an hour’s time, and don’t fight me on this. I’ll come play your double at the castle when I get there with the rest of our soldiers.”

Slade’s jaw pulses. “Fine.”

Ryatt gives him a terse nod over his shoulder. “And for fuck’s sake, don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye to her.”

The door slams behind him as he storms out.

For a second, no one says anything.

Glancing around, I then clear my throat. “So...I take it he doesn’t like being Fake Rip?”

“He’s grown weary of it,” Slade replies.

Lu snorts. “That’s one way to put it.” Her dark eyes flash to me. “It never used to bother him before. He used to like it in the beginning. It was good for him too. Taught him some good things.”

“What changed?”

“He started to resent that he wasn’t himself,” Lu says with a shrug. “Can’t really blame him either.”

My eyes flick to Slade. “Why did you decide to be your own army commander? That ruse can’t be easy to maintain.”

“I became a soldier so I could better learn how to protect Drollard and to discover more about Orea. The signing bonus was a big incentive too,” he says with a shrug. “We needed the money, and Fourth was recruiting, and they didn’t care about age. But I soon realized I was good at being a soldier. Even more, I realized I liked it. I quickly worked my way up, faster than anyone else ever had, using only my physical strength. Fighting always triggered my spikes, so I let it be part of my soldier persona. It set me apart.”

“I bet it did.”

“I never used my rot magic. Never wanted to,” Slade says. “But Fourth’s king was a tyrant, and by the time I hit twenty, I realized how much dissent there was in the kingdom. The king was also doing things at the border that could’ve jeopardized Drollard’s secrecy. So, I decided to take my other form and challenge him for his crown with my rot magic. I won, and Ravinger became king, while Rip became commander. I made sure to quell any pushback by using both forms and keeping my identities separate.”

“And you still wanted to lead your army after that?”

“The army is unstoppable with Rip,” Judd chimes in. “He’s stronger, faster, and more alert. His fae instincts have helped us win more battles than I can count. And his spikes scared the shit out of people. He became notorious in his own right. The rumors of the two of them alone were enough to keep people in line.”

“Commander and king. Seems like a lot of work.”

Slade tips his head. “I had to win a lot of battles when I took position because of other kingdoms trying to test the new king’s weaknesses. But it’s not as if I could just rot the world, so I met them on a battlefield instead. Grew Commander Rip’s reputation. Once that was established and our army’s strength was realized, the challenges stopped.”

I nod, taking this all in. “And so your brother fills in for you as Rip when you need him to?”

“Yes.”

“But what does Ryatt want to do?”

All three of them look at me blankly.

I gape at them. “You’ve never asked him?”

They look a bit sheepish now.

“Alright. We’ll just...table that for now. But maybe sometime, you could...retire Rip?” I offer. “And Ryatt can either lead your army for real, as himself, or do whatever it is he actually wants to do—which you’ll find out, when you ask him,” I say pointedly to Slade.

He flashes me a smirk. “Noted.”

“Alright, I’ll go to the Perch to get that message sent off, and I’ll make sure the caregiver knows we need our timberwings ready as soon as they’re finished hunting,” Lu says as she starts to walk toward the front door. She pauses just at the doorway to the hall and looks over her shoulder. “Don’t do too much this time, Rip.”

Slade stiffens but doesn’t reply. She sighs and then walks off, the door closing after her.

As soon as she’s gone, Judd jumps up. “I’m going to go get the damn wine while she’s out. I know she stashed it somewhere. Whistle if she comes back.”

I can’t help but smirk.

Judd looks at Slade just before he disappears down the corridor. “I’ll get food and water packs ready and start closing up the house, too. You go do your thing, but like Lu said, don’t do your thing too much.”

When he walks off, I frown over at Slade. “What are they talking about?”

His steady eyes settle on me. “Well…there’s more that I haven’t explained about the rip.”

Slade and I enter the cave, the dim blue shade surrounding us in its subterranean midnight. I let my head tip back, let my gaze run across the shadowed dips and curves of the ceiling. The fingers of the stalactites reach down, pausing in their grasp, while the little clouded beetles cluster together against the fluorescence, making their whole bodies glow.

I may not have been in Drollard for long, but I’ll miss these caves. I’ll miss the way they’ve given me shelter from the world for these past few weeks. Like a cocoon for a caterpillar, I’ve been encased in their hollows, enveloped in their protective shells. But now, I’m ready to leave their protection—to face the world outside.

I’m still no winged butterfly, but I do feel as if I’ve been reborn. My metamorphosis has been twenty years in the making, but I’m ready to be what I’m supposed to be.

My old life had to end, had to be cut away, burned down to nothing but gilded ashes. And I can either remain stagnant in these ashes or I can root down into them and sprout up anew.

I can thrive.

But these cocooned caves—I will miss them.

“It’s peaceful here,” I murmur.

Slade nods, but I can tell that he doesn’t hold the same quiet esteem I have for it.

“You don’t like it here, do you?”

A little chuff escapes him. “I was responsible for yanking all of these people with me from Annwyn. The raw magic of the rip killed some of them and badly injured others, my mother included. We were stuck in these caves for weeks. We had nothing. No food, no homes, nothing but the clothes on our backs. One of the Oreans tried to jump back into the rip, but it nearly killed them.”

I try to picture that, picture him going from this horrific fight for his life—a fight for his mother’s and brother’s lives—and then suddenly being yanked through a rip in the world and shoved here, in the middle of nowhere.

“Did you know you were in Orea when you fell here?”

“Not at first. But I figured out pretty quickly that we weren’t in Annwyn anymore. I could feel it.”

An old memory trickles into my mind, like the gentlest first drop before the rain. “Yes. I remember that—remember how strange Orea felt in comparison. I don’t really remember Annwyn all that much, but I do remember that when I came here, something just felt...lacking.”

Slade nods, and I know he knows exactly what I mean.

Elore’s house comes into view, its rooftop practically gleaming. “How did you all survive?” I ask. “This isn’t exactly the best place to suddenly be thrust into.”

“It was good in the sense that no one was here to see us arrive, no one here to see the rip. But it also meant that we were stuck in this frozen wasteland with nowhere to go. And I was responsible for it.”

“You didn’t know it would happen. The rip was partly your father’s fault too. And who knows what he would’ve done to everyone if you hadn’t gotten them all away.”

“Not everyone fell through the rip, but for those of us who did...those first few days still haunt me.”

My heart aches at the stark rawness of his voice, at the way his tone drags like grit against an open wound.

“Every single Orean was ill when we first fell here. No one could do much more than roll over and vomit. It was up to me to take care of everyone, to make sure no one else died, including going off to find food.” My heart twists painfully in my chest. “We stayed in this cave, close to the rip, but the adjustment was agonizing for them. Their bodies weren’t used to Orea anymore or to losing the fae-blessed connection to Annwyn. For a while, I wasn’t sure if they would survive.”

“Great Divine,” I say, swallowing thickly. “What did you do?”

“Luckily, the illness wore off for most, and then I discovered the timberwing nest here, right where the Perch is now. The flock was completely wild, and I nearly lost a hand a time or two, but I finally won one of them over. I think it might’ve been the last wild timberwings in Orea.”

My brows lift in surprise. “Argo?”

Slade shakes his head. “Argo’s mother. Without her, I wouldn’t have been able to hunt large game for us to eat. Wouldn’t have been able to get to the coast where I was able to steal supplies. We survived off bare bones for the first couple of months, but slowly, we made a life here. A few of the villagers had magic too, which helped. One of them could form rock, and he helped build the houses and hide Drollard’s existence.”

“I can’t believe you were able to do all of that,” I say with awe. “Especially in a completely new world you’d never even been to before, all while you were essentially ripped in two.”

“I made a lot of mistakes in the beginning. I wish I would’ve figured things out sooner. We might not have lost some of the others. But in the end, traveling through the rip was too taxing on them, and the conditions here were terrible. A lot of them blamed me for it.”

“You were fifteen,” I point out.

“And very fae,” he counters. “With a mother who could no longer talk or interact and a brother who was ten years old and scared out of his mind. The Oreans didn’t resent me right away, but it came. With time. Especially when they realized I could leave and they could not.”

I pause. “What do you mean?”

He stops to turn toward me. “Lu told me what you said at the pavilion, that you could sense something was...off about them.”

“Yes...” I say.

“You were picking up on their life force being connected to Annwyn.”

My eyes go wide. “What?”

“Everyone here in Drollard—they’d been taken from Orea by my father hundreds of years ago, when the Bridge of Lemuria still stood. Living in Annwyn fae-blessed them with long life. But when we came here... The rip is their last connection to Annwyn. If they stray too far from it, they will die instantly.”

My hand flies to my mouth. “So none of them can ever leave here.”

“Only Ryatt and myself and the very few children who have been born.”

“Like Twig.”

He nods. “Like Twig. We worry that leaving a child here too long will make them dependent on the rip as well, so I bring them to Fourth Kingdom with me when they’re old enough to be away from their family.”

“But what about Ryatt?” I ask. “He’s technically not fae like you, so why is he able to leave?”

“The only theory I’ve come up with is our mother must have a very strong fae bloodline—far stronger than Orean—which would make sense with how powerful her magic used to be. So I suppose that’s what made it so his life force isn’t dependent on the rip, either.”

I drag a hand through my hair, eyes straying off to the crevices of the cave, though I’m not really seeing them.

“I know this is a lot to take in.”

Blowing out a breath, I nod. “Yes, but I’m glad you’re telling me.”

This time, it’s Slade who squeezes my hand. “As I said before, I will tell you everything. I just don’t want to overwhelm you.”

I give him a soft smile. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. For saving everyone. For protecting them. For figuring out everything when you were only fifteen years old, when you could’ve easily given up.”

Slade reaches up and trails a light finger over my cheek. “Giving up isn’t in my nature.”

“You are very stubborn when you set your sights on something.”

“My sights rarely steer me wrong,” he replies as we start walking forward again.

As we near Elore’s house, I ask, “Why doesn’t your mother live with the other villagers?”

“Falling into the rip affected her more than anyone,” he says quietly. From his profile, I can see the heaviness in his eyes, the weight seeming to settle on his shoulders. “Her magic, her words, her light, it was like it was all just extinguished. She’s only spoken a handful of words since we passed through. Sometimes, I’m not even sure she recognizes me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” I say, my heart squeezing. “I saw the way she looks at you. She adores you.”

“I wish she spoke,” he confesses thickly.

My throat constricts. “It must’ve been really hard on you and Ryatt when you first got here.”

“There was a healer who came through with us—she was half fae. She tried to help my mother, but whatever happened couldn’t be reversed. So it’s hard to be here and to see her like this. To know I’m responsible for everyone here. I know that’s selfish...”

“It’s not,” I tell him firmly. “I understand.”

“Ryatt sure doesn’t,” he says with an edge of bitterness.

I hum thoughtfully. “Ryatt loves your mother, and you can tell he deeply cares for the people here. He doesn’t hold the same guilt you do, so he doesn’t understand why you avoid it. Perhaps to him, you’re abandoning it.”

“I would never abandon this place,” Slade says as he comes to a stop in front of his mother’s house. “Or her.”

“I know. I’m sure Ryatt knows that too, deep down.”

Slade glances over at the dark door, like his gaze is sanding over its ridges.

Something pulls hard in my chest. “You’re going to miss her,” I say quietly, noting the subtle tells of grief caught in the somber mesh of his eyes.

“That’s the thing,” he replies. “I miss her even more when I’m here. Because my mother got ripped from me when I ripped the world, and she’s never been the same since.”

My heart soaks up the sorrow of his words until I’m full with it, like a cloud soaking up the vapor and condensing into itself.

Slade clears his throat, shaking his head at himself. “Here I am, complaining that I miss someone who’s just a door away, while you were stolen from your parents at such a young age. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I reply. “One person’s pain doesn’t negate another’s. Our heartaches are not competition, but the bridge to empathy. So that we can look at one another and know that on some level, we understand. That’s one beautiful thing about grief, I think. That sometimes, we can find someone in the world to look at from the other side of the bridge of our torments and know that we are not alone.”

The way Slade looks at me is so foreign, I can’t even place it. And then he leans down and places a kiss against my brow, the gesture so tender my heart almost hurts from it. “You are remarkable.”

My skin tingles where his lips touched. “I think the same of you.”

He shakes his head again like he can’t quite believe it, and then he opens the door. The two of us stride in, and Elore picks up her head from where she’s sitting in the chair by the fireplace, sewing a piece of clothing. As soon as her eyes land on Slade, her face lights up, just like she did the first time.

Hurrying to her feet, she places the clothes on her seat and then comes over, meeting us halfway. She looks him over from head to toe, and even though he gives her a smile, worry creases her brow, as if she can sense that he’s troubled, despite his attempt to cover it up.

She places her hand on his cheek and looks him in the eye, so I decide to give them a moment alone. As Slade murmurs words of assurance to her, I wander to the bookshelf, my fingertips running over the spines. Without the barrier of my glove, my fingertips graze against the texture of the books, and I relish in the simple feel of it. Of the way my gold doesn’t come spilling out involuntarily.

As I linger, I glance over the titles absently, wondering about Elore, about what happened to her when she went through the rip. It’s certainly evident to me that she knows who Slade and Ryatt are, but maybe that’s not always the case. Maybe when she went through the rip, the chaotic magic affected her too much, and since her diviner power is tied to speech, it overwhelmed both her magic and her ability to speak.

I hear them behind me, and I turn to see her fussing over Slade, practically pushing him down into a seat at the table. “Alright, alright,” he says with a smile.

Elore turns to me and then points to the seat right beside him. Getting the hint, I quickly come over and sit down. She pats me on the head, and then I watch as she bustles over to the cupboards and starts grabbing things from them, placing everything on a square of checkered fabric.

“What is she doing?”

“Packing me food,” Slade says with a smile. “Knowing her, she’ll probably be packing enough for you as well.”

“Oh, she doesn’t have to do that,” I say, worrying my lip. “With the shipment not coming in...”

“She has plenty of food stores, I promise,” Slade tells me quietly. “And she insists on doing this every time I leave, no matter how much I try to convince her otherwise.”

I look over at her as she hums softly while she bundles the fabric and ties the ends, holding everything inside. “She’s your mother. She wants to take care of you.”

Elore comes over and places the food in front of me, giving me a warm smile.

“And take care of you, it seems,” Slade says fondly.

“Thank you,” I tell her.

I reach for the bundle, but her hand comes out and grabs hold of mine, and she sits in the seat to my right. Her gaze hooks into mine, and the two of us just look at each other. I feel shy at first with the way she’s studying me so openly, but after a moment, I find myself calming. There are so many similarities I recognize between her face and Slade’s. Her grass-green gaze flicks over me, and I wonder what she sees. I wonder what she thinks.

She doesn’t say anything of course, but as she looks at me, I can almost hear a hundred words from her effusive eyes. It makes me wonder what these eyes looked like when she used her diviner power; what those secret scrawls held.

When her hand comes up to cup my cheek, I go still. Elore gives me the softest, kindest smile that I have ever seen. And despite her youthful face, it’s so motherly. Maternal. Like she somehow sees the little girl inside of me and she’s come to comfort her. It makes my eyes want to well up right here in her kitchen.

Her soft palm gently rubs my cheek, and then she drops her touch away and looks past me to her son. She nods at him, and he nods back to her like they’re communicating in their own silent language. Then he murmurs, “I know.”

I glance between them, and this time, my eyes do start to well up, because I think I just got approval from Slade’s mother. I didn’t even realize just how much I needed that until this moment.

When we leave, I walk out first so that Slade and Elore can say their goodbyes in private. After he comes out a few moments later, I reach down and grip his hand, and he grips mine right back.

Then, hand in hand, we walk to the rip in the world.