Chapter Ten

Finn

Now

“Finn! Finniiie! I got in, Finn. I did it!”

Yes, you did it , he wanted to call back, but not a single sound came out.

“ Finn?!” The edge to Cara’s voice grew more insistent. Desperate. Why did it feel like he was underwater? He wasn’t, was he? But everything sounded muffled. Every time he drew in a breath, his right side hurt, this piercing pain stabbing through him. Opening his eyes, everything was just white. And… fluffy? Like he’d landed face-first in a massive, smothering cloud. “ Finn? Finn?” His name was followed by a string of sobs. Never had his name been spoken in pain or fear before.

“Cara?” Why was she crying? “ I’m coming, Cara,” he croaked, his voice foreign—frightening—to his own ears. Hoarse and twisted. He tried to move, but the pain in his side was so overwhelming that he nearly passed out. There was a tangy metallic taste in his mouth when he swallowed, followed by an all-consuming nausea coursing through him in heavy waves. He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled slowly, despite the pain. One. Assess. He was in pain, but there was no indication that he was seriously injured. No difficulty breathing. And was he upside down? Why the fuck was he upside down? Looking around, he suddenly remembered. He was in his car. It was late.

Cara called. “Finniiie! Please come get me. That bitch, Julia, left with Benji. So much for chicks before dicks, right?” Since when had Cara started cursing? Oh yeah, she was a grown-up now. He remembered. “ Call Dad. I’m at work, remember?” That’s what he did, wasn’t it? Worked. Day and night if he could get away with it. If Dr. Carter let him get away with it. “I did. He’s had too much Chardonnay. I heard Dionne Warwick in the background. You know what that means, right Finnie?” Yeah, he knew what that meant. Dionne was their dad’s I’m-making-a-move-on-my-woman soundtrack. “Yuk,” Cara giggled. That giggle. That goddamn giggle in her voice that would, without a doubt, make him drop everything else in a heartbeat. “Finniiie, please. You know you’re my favorite brother. Finn?! Finn, where are you?”

Two. Get help. Patting his jeans, he felt for his cell phone where he usually put it. Everything was off, his head pounding from being upside down. Reaching into his left pocket, his fingertips connected with the phone, and he deftly pulled it out. “ Cara, I’m getting us help, okay? Just hang in there, okay? I’m calling for help.” There was a weak sob followed by an, “ Okay, Finn. Please hurry. Please…” A burst of color swept through the car, painting the interior in reds and blues, accompanied by the shrill sound that had become the backdrop to nearly every day in his life. Oh, thank God. “ Hang in there, sis, okay? Help’s on its way. Just hang in there.” Another resigned sob from the back of the car. “Okay, Finn.” Why was Cara in the back? She was usually in the front, next to him. Always next to him, scrambling through her oversized tote for some fruit-flavored lip-gloss, fumbling with the stereo, humming, ‘Well, it’s like cranes in the skyyy. Sometimes I don’t wanna feel those metal clouds.’ Fuck, they loved that song.

Yuk, that fucking taste again, flooding his mouth. Don’t swallow. ‘You wanna swallow Teddy Bear’s load, baby?’

“ Finn, I don’t feel so good. I think I drank too much.” The giggle was replaced by a groan. “ You gonna be sick? You want me to pull over?” The click of a seat belt. Cara climbing over the mid-console, bumping into him, still groaning. The sickening smell of pi?a colada. “ I’m just gonna lie down for a minute. I don’t feel too good.” Just one look over his shoulder. That was all it took. One moment. “ Cara, Jesus! Put your seat—” Then it’d felt like someone had thrown him through the air. Like a giant wave sweeping him away. ‘Away, away, away, away,’ Solange cooed. Three. Protect yourself and others. He needed to get to Cara. He needed to. There was a muffled voice from the outside. “ Help is on its way. Just hang in there and we’ll get you guys out.” Fumbling for his seat belt, his hand hurt. Not an acute pain, more like a dull one. He tugged furiously at the seat belt, but it was stuck. “ Finn?!” Cara’s voice sounded panicked. Terrified. “ I’m here, sis. Just hang in there. They’re trying to get us out.” The screeching sound of metal against metal cut through the silence from the outside. “ Just hang in there. You’ll be okay. I promise.” Another panicked cry. “ Finn?! I can’t feel my legs, Finn. Why can’t I feel my legs? Finn!!!” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He pulled madly at the seat belt, but it wouldn’t budge. His ears rang from that awful noise of metal being torn apart, his head feeling like it was going to explode. “ Finn… Finn. I can’t feel my legs, Finn.” That wounded edge to his sister’s voice. “ You’re gonna be okay, Cara. Listen to me. You’re gonna be fine. Everything’s gonna be fine. You’re okay. You’re okay…” Trying to reach behind him, his hand stung like a motherfucker. Was his hand injured, too? Something wet and slippery connected with his face. Was it raining? How was it raining inside the car? Or was he crying? It didn’t feel like he was crying. “ Finn, please… My legs. My legs. My legs, Finn.” Something raw and insistent brushed against his left cheek and something blew against his ear. “ Cara? Cara? Are you there?”

“Louis, will you leave him alone already?” Fuck, his hand hurt. “This might fly with your daddies, but it’s not gonna fly under my roof.” Fuck, his entire body ached, and his head felt like it was being stabbed by a million needles. “Get down. Right now!” Fuck, it felt like someone was pounding inside his head, or was it outside? “Don’t give me that face. C’mon, off you go.”

“Off you go, Finn.” His mother’s face smiling at him, nodding at the front entrance to the school. A rush of eager kids blowing past him, backpacks in all the colors of the rainbow. “ I don’t wanna go. Why can’t I stay home with you and Cara?” His mother’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “ You’re gonna have fun, honey. You’ll see. You’ll learn a bunch of new stuff, and then you can tell me all about later.” “I don’t wanna learn new stuff. I don’t. I just wanna be with you, Mom. You promised you’d never leave.” “Off you go. Off you go.” Or perhaps he was the one who’d left. It was, wasn’t it? Why did he leave? Suddenly, there was a dip next to him. The smell of forest tickled his nostrils. And snow? Was it snowing? And coffee? Something soft and warm brushed against him, and then something cool rested against his forehead. Just the whisper of a touch. “ Good.” That deep voice again. “ Your fever finally broke.” It was like a comforting blanket wrapping around him, that voice. “ For a minute there, you had me worried.” He swallowed, his tongue all strange and his mouth dry. So very dry. “ Now, you just rest a little more and we’ll have you back on your feet in no time.” Rest? He couldn’t rest. He needed to get to Cara. He needed to get to her. She was afraid. Alone. Hurt, maybe. Yeah, she was hurt. He felt it deep in his very soul. She was hurt. “Cara,” he croaked.

“Cara?” It hurt to speak, it hurt to move. “Shhh, you hush now. Sleep some more.” Sleep. No, he couldn’t sleep. Cara needed him. “Cara?” A soft stroke against his forehead. “Shhh, it’s okay. Everything’s okay. You sleep now.” Sleep. Sleep. He tried to get up, but something was pushing him down. Something warm and solid. Insistent. ‘I tried to run it away, thought then my head be feeling clearer.’ “Shhh, that’s it.” ‘I traveled 70 states, thought moving ’round make me feel better.’ “Yeah, you’re alright, kid. You’re alright.” ‘Thought if I was alone, then maybe I could recover.’ “You sleep now. I’m here.” I’m here. ‘Away, away, away.’