Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Jaxon

“ Y ou’re shutting me out.”

I sighed, glaring up at the ceiling of the bedroom of my new home. Penelope was lying beside me on what would have been her side of the bed, though it wasn’t the same bed we’d had in our marriage. I’d gotten rid of it after she passed away, unable to keep sleeping in a bed we used to share. It felt too empty and too big without her.

“I’m not shutting you out, Pen.”

She huffed, just like she used to when I annoyed her. It made my chest ache. “You are. You’re scared.”

I blew out a tired breath. I didn’t have the patience for this shit. “I’m trying to sleep, princess,” I gently reminded her.

I could practically picture her rolling her eyes, though I didn’t look over to see if she actually was. “I keep putting them in your head, but you’re ignoring all the signs I’m giving you that you should try this with those two men. Why are you ignoring me, Jaxon?”

Fucking hell, this woman. She was just as stubborn now as she was the day she left me and Spencer behind.

“Why?” I demanded, wincing when my voice came out too sharp. “Why can’t I do this shit on my own time, Penelope? We had twenty fucking years together. It’s only been three years since you passed. Can I have a goddamn moment to just breathe ?”

“No,” she told me, a stubborn note to her voice. I scoffed. “I’ve never led you wrong, Jaxon.” She smacked my thigh. I frowned, brushing her hand away, annoyed with her. “Start listening to me.”

I blinked awake, sweat clinging to my skin. I sighed deeply before sitting up and dragging my hands down my face. Sleep was a fucking joke anymore, it seemed. If I wasn’t dreaming about Zeppelin and Eros, then I was dreaming of Penelope. Couldn’t I have one damn night in which I wasn’t being hounded by any of them? One night. That was all I damn wanted.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and padded barefoot to my bathroom. After turning on the shower, I brushed my teeth. It was only four-something in the morning, and it was still dark outside, but I knew I wouldn’t be going back to sleep after that dream. She’d probably come back to haunt me in the next one, too. She was stubborn like that—even in death, it seemed.

Didn’t I have enough to deal with without the memory of her haunting me? As it was, I was still reeling from that orgasm Zeppelin and Eros had given me. After they’d worked me down, both of them had kissed me again and told me they’d give me the rest of the day to think about being with them before they’d left. Just… left me like I wasn’t having a fucking midlife crisis because of them.

I already knew if I pushed against them, tried to keep them away, they’d only push back harder. Zeppelin and Eros had latched onto me, and they weren’t letting go. But I didn’t know what in the hell to do with that.

After showering and cleaning the night away from my skin, I toweled off and dressed in a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt. Ash followed me down the stairs and meowed at me in that bitchy way cats did when they wanted something until I put food in her bowl. By the time I’d made my coffee, she was done eating, so I headed out to the back patio to enjoy my scalding coffee and watch the sun rise.

It’d become a daily routine of sorts now, and seeing the sun lift high into the sky every morning gave me hope that maybe I might find peace one day.

I lifted my shirt from my torso to wipe some of the sweat and grime off my face. The mower shut off when I released the handle, letting blissful silence fill the air once again. After detaching the bag from the back of the mower, I took the grass over to my burn pit and poured it in, letting it smolder and burn.

I hated putting my grass out by the road. Either the city just didn’t bother picking it up, or when they did, they just smeared it everywhere instead of actually cleaning it up. All it led to was clogged drains when it rained, which was damn annoying. I’d learned that pretty quick after the first two times I had to cut my grass.

Ash rubbed against my legs when I sat down in one of the chairs on the patio. After grabbing my phone from the table, I typed in my passcode and clicked on my messages. I had one from Spencer and two in a group chat Zeppelin and Eros had apparently made. Jesus, they were persistent.

I opened the message from Spencer first.

Spencer: Need company today?

Me: Nah. Just doing yard work. I’m sure you don’t want any part of that.

Spencer: Nope. Hard pass. Have fun though!

I snorted and backed out of our messages before reluctantly tapping on the group message I’d been added to with Eros and Zeppelin. Drawing in a deep breath to steel myself, I read Eros’s message, which was first.

Eros: I enjoyed dinner with you yesterday. In fact, we both did. And we want to do it again.

Zeppelin: Yeah except this time, we actually want to take you to dinner rather than pouring everything out of a Styrofoam container and eating in your backyard.

Me: There’s nothing wrong with my backyard.

Zeppelin: Okay, you’re testy about your backyard. Noted.

I rolled my eyes before snorting at the beginning of Eros’s next message.

Eros: Can you stop being a dick for two mins, Zep? Jax, we would like the opportunity to take you to dinner as a second date.

Zeppelin: I’m not being a dick.

Me: Idk. I’ll think about it, I guess.

I locked my phone before either of them could respond and tossed it onto the table with a loud clatter. Leaning forward, I braced my elbows on my knees and stared out over my freshly-cut backyard, then glanced over at the overgrown flowerbed.

I was not in the headspace for this shit with them. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

Getting up, I headed over to the flowerbed, smiling when Ash began wandering through the overgrown weeds, meowing and occasionally launching herself at a bug she found.

At least I could rely on my adorable fur baby to make me smile. She was the only non-complicated thing in my life at the moment, and I needed that.