Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

Zeppelin

D r. Clancy frowned at me. “Zeppelin, if you felt like that after your last appointment with me, you should have made another appointment to come see me sooner than today,” she gently scolded. “You know better than this.”

The moment I’d stepped into Dr. Clancy’s office that morning for my appointment, I’d word-vomited all over her. I’d almost lost Jaxon because of my stupidity, and I was fearful I’d lose my shit over something stupid again.

And fuck it all up again.

I sighed, staring down at the energy drink clutched in my hand. “I thought I could handle it. But then everything spiraled out of control so fast. And I hurt Jaxon—physically and emotionally. I almost destroyed the most beautiful thing Eros and I have found together outside of our marriage.” I shook my head. “Jaxon and Eros—and repairing what I broke—has been my sole focus for the past couple of weeks.”

And it had. I’d spent every spare moment trying to make up for my mistakes. I knew Eros and Jaxon had forgiven me, but I’d almost broke the three of us apart. And losing each other was something the three of us would never heal from. I wanted them to know—to fully grasp—that I never intended to walk away again. I never intended to let either of them walk away either.

I had latched onto them with extreme prejudice, and my claws were sinking in deep. Trying to rip me out of them now would leave them bleeding and broken, nothing more than shredded muscle and organs.

I wasn’t even sorry for it.

“We’re moving your appointments to twice a week,” Dr. Clancy told me. “I expect to see you every Tuesday and Thursday until I know you’re stable again.”

I scowled. That hadn’t been my intention when I’d come in here and spewed everything that’d happened. “I don’t want?—”

“Twice a week, Zeppelin, or you go on medication.”

I gritted my teeth. I knew medication helped so many people, but I just had a bad history with it. I couldn’t stomach the thought of going on prescription meds, even if they were just mood stabilizers. Not after seeing the way my mother had lost herself on prescriptions of every fucking kind. She’d been so lost in her need for them, so dependent on them, that she fucking sold me.

And managed to fuck up my life even worse than she’d managed on her own.

“Fine,” I growled.

She leaned back in her seat before steepling her fingers over her midsection. “Let’s talk about you hurting Jaxon. How did that make you feel in the moment?”

“In control,” I told her, hating the words as I said them. But they were the truth, and she couldn’t help me if I didn’t always tell her the truth.

“And after?”

I stared back down at my energy drink, the can crinkling beneath my grip when I tightened it. I forced my hand to relax. “Like shit,” I confessed. “I felt fucking horrible. He fucking bled .” My stomach churned as I remembered. “I ripped him open. Fucking hurt him. And still, he took care of me.” I swallowed thickly. “He told me he fucking loves me.” I looked up at her. “How could he love a monster?”

“You’re not a monster, Zeppelin,” she said calmly. Patiently. “You’re a man riddled with unresolved trauma who’s just trying to survive each day long enough to see the next. That doesn’t make you a monster. Did he tell you to stop?”

I shook my head. “He… liked it? I think.” He’d been moaning and groaning in that way he did when I slid inside of him. Even now, my cock thickened as I remembered the sinful, needy sounds he made for me.

“Zeppelin, I will bleed for you. Beg for you. Fucking hurt for you. You have to know that by now.”

He had bled for me. He had hurt for me. In more ways than one. And still, he was here. Still wanted me. Still wanted to be with me.

“And Eros—has he turned you away? Looked at you any differently?”

“No,” I said quietly. He hadn’t. If anything, after we’d resolved our own issues, he had clung tighter, doing his best to help heal me despite the entire shit storm of losing Jaxon having been my fault.

“Close your eyes, Zeppelin.” I did as she instructed, my finger tapping at the aluminum can in my grasp. “Picture Eros and Jaxon in your head—your favorite moment of them.” That was easy. It was the way they’d looked at each other when Eros told Spencer we were all in when it came to Jaxon and his kids. There’d been so much love in their gazes that it’d threatened to rip me apart in the most beautiful way. “Are they happy?”

“Yes,” I croaked, hating how rough my voice was.

“Good. I want you to continue picturing them, and I want you to say—out loud—I’m not a monster.”

My chest felt too fucking tight. Why was my skin suddenly two sizes too small?

“I’m not a monster,” I rasped.

“Again,” she instructed.

Jaxon turned his head and smiled at me in my mind’s eye. Eros’s gaze caught mine over his shoulder. My chest loosened. My skin suddenly felt like it fit again.

“I’m not a monster,” I said, a little more confidently this time. “I’m not a fucking monster.”

Jaxon was sitting on the couch when I got to his house, his laptop on his lap and Ash curled up on top of his slippers. He looked up at me when I entered the room. “Hey,” he said, smiling at me and closing his laptop. Leaning forward, he placed it on the coffee table. “How was therapy?”

“Better,” I said, leaning over him and bracing a hand on the back of the couch. I gripped his chin, kissing him. He moaned into my mouth like he just couldn’t fucking help himself, and God, I fucking loved it. “I have to see her twice a week until she says otherwise, but it was a better appointment.” I kissed him deeper, the kiss dirtier. He moaned again and tugged me onto his lap so I straddled his thighs. I tensed a bit, my chest seizing, but he just ran his hands under my shirt, palming my shoulder blades.

“I know you can’t bottom,” he murmured, his lips brushing mine with every word he spoke. “I just want to feel your weight on me.”

Christ .

I leaned back to look down at him. “How did you know…”

“You’ve always taken control,” Jaxon said, giving a little shrug. “Almost like if you don’t, you’re afraid you won’t have a say in what happens.” He pressed his fingertips into my skin, urging me closer. I sank into him easily, greedily drinking in the possessive but loving way he looked at me. “I love you, Zeppelin. And if I forever need to be a bottom with you, I’m fine with that.” He pressed his mouth to my jaw, and I drew in a shaky breath, sinking even deeper into his hold. “I want you any way that I can have you because I love you ,” he told me, mouthing at the skin of my neck. A sharp moan slipped past my lips.

“You always know the right thing to say,” I groaned before working open the buttons of his shirt. “Did you have a meeting today?” He only wore these fucking shirts when he had to have a video meeting.

“ Mhm .” He groaned when I pushed his shirt open and plucked at his nipples. “New client.” He pushed his hips up, pushing his cock against mine through his slacks and my jeans. “Stop teasing me, Zep.”

A deep chuckle sounded from my chest as I leaned up on my knees to unfasten his slacks and tug them down his thighs with his briefs. Ash gave a pissy meow before sauntering off, annoyed at being woken up. Jaxon kicked his clothes off and leaned up, allowing me to push his pristine, white button-down off his broad shoulders.

Our mouths met in another hot kiss, and I groaned into his mouth when his fingers began working open my zipper, freeing my throbbing cock. I pulled back from him and stood to my feet, tugging my shirt over my head. “On your knees,” I growled. “Bend over the back of the couch. Ass in the air. Arch your back. Fuck yes, baby,” I moaned when he did as I asked, yanking the lube out of the drawer on the coffee table. I kept it stashed everywhere now. It used to annoy him, but now, I was sure he appreciated not having to wait for me to find a damn bottle.

I dropped to my knees behind him, the rug burning my knees for a moment. “No prep,” Jax gasped when I swiped a finger over his hole. “Still good from this morning. Just fuck me, Zep.”

God, he begged for my cock so well .

I pressed my tip to his hole, watching how easily his body opened for me before I slid home in one thrust, pressing my hips flush to his ass. We both moaned, and then, I began fucking him. Words weren’t needed as I stroked my cock in and out of his needy hole, unable to look away from where our bodies were joined.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jaxon panted, stroking himself as I drove him closer and closer to the edge, pegging that spot inside of him over and over again. He shuddered and moaned my name as he spilled into his fist, some of his cum leaking onto his leather couch.

I snarled, baring my teeth as my hips fell off rhythm, the tight heat of his body too fucking good. The way his ass clenched around me…

“Goddamn, Jaxon,” I groaned as I spilled inside of him.

We slumped to the rug in front of the couch, our bodies curled around each other, both of us panting. I pressed a kiss to his sweat-dampened shoulder, tightening my arm around his midsection. “You drive me fucking crazy,” I huffed. Jaxon only managed a breathy chuckle, his heart still pounding hard against his chest.

The front door opened, and Eros strode into the living room in his scrubs. He snorted at the sight of us, shaking his head before crouching to press a kiss to Jaxon’s lips, then mine. “You two feel better?”

“I think I need a nap,” Jaxon groaned.

I snorted and smacked his ass before standing to my feet, dragging Eros against my naked body. My husband arched an amused brow at me before gently pushing me back. “We all need showers,” he said. “I’m covered in dog and cat hair. You two smell like sweat and sex. We’re meeting Spencer, Logan, and Ezra for dinner, remember?”

Jaxon made a dying whale noise from the floor that had me cackling. “Call my son and tell him I’m too fucking old for this shit.”

Eros chuckled and leaned down, helping our man up from the floor. “No, baby. Shower. Get dressed. You’re finally well enough, and he wants family time. So, let’s get a move on, yeah?”

Jaxon sighed before swiping a hand down his face and turning on his heel, heading for the bedroom. I admired the way his ass flexed for a moment before I turned back to face my husband. I kissed him, tugging him back against me, my cock rallying again. “Are you sure?—”

“Shower, Zeppelin,” he told me, giving me a stern look.

I sighed, releasing him, a pout pulling at my lips. “You’re no fun.”

He patted my chest. “Family first. Sex later.”

I heaved a sigh. “Fine,” I groaned, following Jaxon. I heard the shower start. “You owe me!” I called over my shoulder.

Jaxon arched a brow at me when I stepped into the shower with him. He shivered when I backed him up against the wall and dropped to my knees in front of him. “Zeppelin, we— fuuuuck ,” he moaned when I flicked my tongue over his tip before sucking him to the back of my throat. “ Christ , your mouth is sinful .”

“You two are the fucking worst,” Eros sighed when he stepped into the bathroom. I ignored him, determined to get Jaxon off one more time. It didn’t take long. Once I slid my finger into his sloppy hole, he cried out, his back arching off the wall as he spilled down my throat.

I popped off him and smirked at Eros. “See what you missed out on?”

Eros only shot me a smirk full of dirty promises—the kind of promises I knew would make me regret this later. “ Mhm , baby. I see.” He turned on his heel. “You two have thirty minutes. I’m dragging you out of the house in whatever you have on when time’s up.”

“He’s such a hard ass,” I muttered, standing to my full height. I looked at Jaxon and pulled him forward, reaching for his shampoo so I could wash his hair. “Do you think he’ll go too hard on me?”

Jaxon chuckled and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting warmth slide through my veins. “Eh, I don’t think he’s mean enough for that.”

I snorted. “Eros knows the worst ways to torture me,” I told him honestly. “So yeah, he’ll make me regret this.” Honestly though, it was worth it to have Jaxon in my throat.

Jaxon hummed and closed his eyes as I began shampooing his hair. His hands came up to rest on my hips, his fingertips just grazing the curve of my ass. Fuck, I loved his big hands. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy whatever he has planned anyway.”

Yeah… he was probably right. So long as I had their attention, I didn’t care about much else, even if it did mean my husband might edge me later.