Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Jaxon

A fter tugging on some sweatpants, I grabbed my phone off the charger in the bedroom, where either Eros or Zeppelin had put it last night after I passed out. I needed someone to talk to, and I knew Ezra was already getting ready to start work, and Spencer worried too much. I didn’t have any friends to speak of, so Logan was my only hope.

This could either turn out to be a disaster or actually helpful. There was literally no in-between when it came to this boy.

Jaxon: You up?

Logan: Unfortunately. Adulting fucking sucks, old man.

I snorted and stepped into the kitchen. After setting my phone down and grabbing the coffee pot, I filled it with water before pouring it into the back of the coffee maker. I slid the pot back onto the burner and turned the coffee maker on. Turning and leaning my back against the counter, I picked up my phone again.

Logan: Did you really just text me at five something in the fucking morning to ask if I’m up?

Jaxon: No. I’m having a bit of a crisis.

Logan: Oooh, do tell.

Jaxon: I… slept with them last night. Both of them. At the same time. And I liked it. But I’m not gay. They’re literally the only two men I’m attracted to. But I feel like I’m intruding on something beautiful they already have together.

My phone rang in my hand, and I sighed at the picture of Logan on my phone. He was in his tech school grad cap and gown. He didn’t attend his graduation ceremony and didn’t want pictures, but I ordered the cap and gown anyway and took my own pictures because I wanted those pictures. He’d worked hard to achieve his certificate in automotive mechanics and body shop work.

After all the hell he’d been through with his shit mom, all her boyfriends, and no father figure to speak of, Logan deserved to have someone want these memories of him. And while he acted like a hard ass, I knew it still meant a lot to him.

“I didn’t need a phone call,” I said, bringing my phone up to my ear.

He snorted. “Sorry, old man, but this definitely warrants a phone call. You’re having a fucking crisis. First of all, there is such a thing as gay-for-you, though in your case, I guess it’d be gay-for-them. Let’s go ahead and knock that out of the way. Wanting them after being straight for so long is not wrong. Just roll with the flow.”

“I’m—”

“You’re forty-three; I know . Jeez, you’re already starting to repeat yourself like an old person. Memory already going, Jax?” he teased.

I laughed quietly. “Fuck you, Logan.”

He snickered. “No, but seriously. If they want you, be with them ,” he said, sounding exasperated. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Not even at your age.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re a total DILF, Jax.”

“Jesus Christ,” I growled. I glanced at the coffee pot. It wasn’t even halfway full. Could it be finished already? I needed fucking caffeine for this conversation. Logan was always a bit much to deal with.

“Why are you freaking out about this?” Logan asked me, confusion lingering in his voice. “You had sex. It was great. Phenomenal, right?” He continued before I could answer. “Obviously, there’s chemistry there. You’re usually easy-going about things, Jax. Are you already going through your midlife crisis?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, heaving a sigh that sounded as tired as I felt. “Logan…” I growled.

He cackled. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop. Promise. I’m getting serious.” He cleared his throat. “Tell Dr. Logan what’s going on.”

I couldn’t help it; I laughed. “I don’t know how my son deals with you.”

“It’s this good di?—”

“Do not finish that sentence,” I snapped, cutting him off.

He barked out a laugh and then sobered almost immediately. “Hey, wait a minute.” A moment later, I heard him whispering to Spencer, “Hey, pretty boy. I’m leaving for work. You’ve got breakfast and lunch in the fridge. You just have to warm it up.”

“M’kay,” Spencer mumbled.

“I love you. I’ll see you later.”

“Love you, too,” Spencer mumbled. “Be safe.”

“Always, pretty boy.” A moment later, Logan came back on the line. “Okay. Back to what we were discussing. What’s really bothering you, Jaxon?”

I looked at the coffee pot again. Almost there. Fuck, it moved slow as hell. Maybe I should just invest in a Keurig? At least then, I’d already have coffee in my hand while dealing with Logan.

“Zeppelin had a nightmare, I think.” Logan stayed quiet as I tried to sort through my head and my emotions. I heard his Jeep start. A glance at the clock told me it was already time for him to head to work. “I woke up when he did. Led him outside and had him smoke.”

“Replenish my stash,” Logan said immediately, but there was a teasing note to his voice.

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll give you money for it, and you can replenish it yourself,” I told him, exasperated. “But we were… I don’t know, having a moment, I think? We were just sitting there, and it was like he was just happy I was there with him. That he wasn’t alone. Then, Eros came outside and crawled into his lap, and I suddenly felt left out. And I also feel like I did something wrong. Should I have held him?”

“What’d you do when he woke up?” Logan asked me.

My heart constricted in my chest as I remembered how hot and sticky his skin had been. How fast his heart had been racing. How erratic his breathing had been.

“I held him and worked him through his panic attack. I don’t even think he realized he was having one.”

“So, you did nothing wrong. You held him, then took him outside and had him smoke. You took care of him, Jaxon. Why do you feel like you’re not enough? Why do you feel like a third-wheel?”

The coffee pot beeped— fucking finally —and I grabbed it, pouring it into a mug as I tried to figure out how to word what was going on in my head. After pouring in sugar and creamer, I grabbed a spoon and began stirring my coffee. “Logan, I just… I’m struggling. I don’t know how to navigate… whatever this is. I like them both, but they’re married, and they have something so damn good together. They know each other, and I feel like I’m intruding.”

“Bruh, just go with the flow ,” Logan said, repeating his words from a few minutes ago. “You’re overthinking things too much. Now I know where Spencer gets it from.”

I chose to ignore that last bit. “Yes, I know I should just go with the flow,” I growled, getting irritated now, “but I spent twenty years of my life married to a woman— one person —and you expect me to just be able to navigate being with two married men ?”

“Yes, I do,” Logan told me, getting snappy now, which was a sign he meant business. “You’re a damn good man, Jaxon. The best fucking parent I could have ever fucking asked for.” A sudden lump closed up my throat at his words. It wasn’t often Logan was this honest—not in this way. He didn’t talk about his emotions. “You deserve to be happy. You took care of your sick wife and did your best to shield Spencer from the worst of it so he’d still have mostly happy memories of his mother. You finished raising Spencer on your own and even uprooted your life and sold the house you spent twenty years with Penelope in just so Spencer could heal. And you took me and Ezra in like it was nothing. Like your son being with two guys was normal . You’re supportive and kind and just everything fucking good in this world, Jaxon.”

He drew in a deep breath. “I’m begging you to stop worrying, Jaxon. I’m begging you to allow yourself to be happy. Stop worrying. Stop second-guessing everything. Fall into them and let them catch you. Please . If not for your own sake, then do it for Spencer’s. He deserves to see his dad happy and moving on.”

“Okay,” I said quietly, my voice a little strangled. I cleared my throat, though it didn’t do much to dislodge the lump in my throat. Logan had just unloaded a lot on me, and I needed a bit of time to process it. Logan was usually an asshole with a very sharp, jagged exterior. He played everything off with smart ass comments. He’d never let me see how much he truly cared about me and how thankful he was for me. “I’m sorry I called you with my shit.”

Logan sighed. “Don’t. You were there for me during the darkest fucking time of my life. I want to be here for you, too, Jax. Do you want me to have Spencer come over today?”

I shook my head, though I knew he couldn’t see me. Spencer needed sleep, and I didn’t need him to see me so distraught. “No, it’s…” It’s what, though? Okay? I knew it wasn’t okay. I was freaking my kids out.

“If you need him or need any of us, just call, Jax. We’ll be there in a fucking heartbeat.” My chest tightened at his words.

“Okay, Logan. Okay.” I blew out a soft breath. “Don’t go blabbing this to Spencer, yeah? He worries enough as it is.”

Logan grunted. “Yeah, he does. Which is why I’m begging you to just allow yourself this happiness and to let whatever happens happen.”

I nodded. “Okay. Have a good day at work. Love you, kid.”

Logan hummed. “Love you, too, Jax.”

A throat clearing jerked my attention away from the coffee mug I was about to grab. I set my phone down, turning to look at Eros. He was still in my dark bathrobe, and his blonde hair was still a mess on his head. Yet, despite his disheveled experience, he was damn good-looking, and I wanted to do nothing more than back him against the counter he was next to and kiss him fucking stupid.

“Who were you talking to?” Eros asked, a casual note to his voice.

I heaved a tired sigh, glancing down at my phone before looking back at him. “Logan,” I told him, leaving it at that.

“Everything okay?” Eros stepped further into the kitchen, looking at the clock on my stove. “It’s a bit early.”

I shrugged. “I needed someone to talk to.” I picked up my coffee mug and leaned back against the counter behind me. Eros leaned his hip against the countertop next to me, studying me. I avoided his gaze and sipped at my coffee. I felt raw enough as it was after my conversation with Logan, and if Eros kept looking at me like that, like he knew what was bothering me, I was going to split wide open.

“Talk to me,” Eros murmured, reaching out and resting his hand on my hip. His thumb hooked under the band of my sweatpants, and my blood heated immediately, my cock plumping the tiniest bit. “Tell me what’s bothering you, babe.”

I blew out a soft breath before lifting my coffee mug back to my lips, taking another sip. Finally, I set the mug down and stared at the wall across from me, unable to look at him.

“I felt like I was intruding on your moment with Zeppelin earlier. And that maybe I didn’t give Zeppelin what he needed.”

“You did everything right,” Eros assured me. He cupped my cheek, turning my head to face him. His green eyes held nothing but adoration for me, and my gut swooped. “He told me you stopped his panic attack and held him. And that you then gave him what he needed to calm down after.”

I sighed. “But you…” I let my voice trail off, swallowing thickly.

“I do that because I need it,” Eros told me quietly. “When he wakes up from a flashback, I need to be with him. To remind myself he’s safe and no one is harming him anymore.”

Harming him ?

My gut churned. What had happened to Zeppelin?

“He’ll tell you when he’s ready,” Eros assured me when I ran my eyes over his face as if it held the answers I was seeking.

“I know,” I said quietly. Gripping Eros’s hips, I tugged him between my spread thighs, and then, I just pulled him to me and held him, wrapping my arms around his back and squeezing him to me. He made a small, contented sound and sank into me. Reaching around me, he gripped the hem of my sweats and just clung . And fuck, it felt good to hold him like this. To be what he needed.

The tightness in my chest eased with every steady breath Eros fanned across my naked chest.

“We’re not wrong, Jax baby,” Eros said quietly, snuggling deeper into me. My heart constricted for an entirely different reason this time. He felt so right in my arms like this. “We’ll never be wrong. You… I’m sure you’re it for us. I know you’re who we’ve been looking for.”

I closed my eyes, allowing myself to drown in his words. In his promises.

I needed them. More than he could ever know.