Chapter Three

Rakeem ‘Rock' Ashby

I planned on staying at my parents' house tonight, but since Haze took care of everything earlier, I was taking my daughter home so that she could see her mother. It's been about a week since she last saw her, and that's because I didn't want her to see her in her condition. My baby mama, Lucretia, had acute myeloid leukemia. We found out while she was pregnant with our now two-year-old daughter, Peace. When her bloodwork came back, the doctor informed us that her white blood cells appeared abnormal. After further testing, we were presented with her diagnosis. Since she was pregnant, she refused to get treatment. By refusing treatment, that caused her to progress faster than projected and as a result, my daughter had to be born via cesarean. By the grace of God, Peace came into the world healthy. She was a little on the small size, weighting exactly five pounds even, but she was still healthy, nonetheless. Now I was the sole parent that my daughter relied on while her mother resided in the guest room in my home waiting to die. Lucretia's only family was her mother, Teresa, and her sister, Jalissa. They offered to help take care of her, so they took turns coming to the house sitting with her while a nurse came in every other day to check on her. Once I got my daughter situated in her car seat, I rounded my truck and got inside to pull off.

"See Mommy?" I heard Peace's little voice say from the back seat.

I looked at her through the rearview mirror and said, "Yeah, baby girl. We're going to see Mommy." That had to be what she wanted to hear because she starting wiggling in her seat while clapping her little hands. This girl was a character and the highlight of my life. After spending all day around a bunch of niggas and handing out repercussions, it felt amazing to come home to my baby girl.

When I pulled up to my house, Lucretia's mother, Teresea's car, was parked in the driveway. I left her sister, Jalissa, here, but something had to come up if she wasn't here now. After grabbing Peace and heading inside, I found Teresea in the kitchen washing dishes.

"Na-Na!" Peace squealed as she tried to jump out of my arms. It was no doubt that my daughter loved her people. As long as they did right by her, I would allow them to be a part of her life. I didn't play those fuck ass games when it came to my child. It didn't matter who you were.

"Hey, Na-Na baby." She picked Peace up and kissed all over her chubby cheeks. "Hey, Rakeem," she greeted me.

"Hey, Teresea. How was today?" I asked. I saw the look of anguish wash over her face, and I knew exactly what that meant. Today wasn't a good day.

"It was rough. She barely ate and slept most of the day because of the pain. I had to double the meds so she could get some rest, so she's asleep now," she informed.

I took a seat at the table and leaned back. I hated I couldn't get a handle on this shit. No matter how much money I had, there was nothing I could do. Even after paying the best oncologists in the US, there was nothing that could be done. The leukemia was too aggressive and advancing at an accelerated rate. The only thing we could do was keep her doped up on medicine so she could be comfortable while we waited for her organs to shut down.

"I hate I can't get a handle on this shit," I spoke out loud. Teresea walked over to where I was seated and took a seat in the empty chair that was closest to me.

"There is nothing that any of us can do. I appreciate you stepping up and still caring for her the way that you do. Most men would have run out by now."

"I'm only doing what I know is right. I love Lu and we share a daughter, so if that means I make sure that she has a peaceful transition, then I'm going to make that shit happen." She nodded.

"I'm going to get Peace ready for bed before I leave. I'll be back in the morning since Jalissa had to leave and check on Jace."

Jace was Jalissa's five-year-old son. That would be the only reason that she wouldn't be here with her sister.

"Okay. I'll go check on Lu while you get Pea together." She nodded and rose with Peace in her arms.

While they went upstairs, I went and poured myself a drink before going to check on Lucretia. Even though I was fully aware of her condition, I was never prepared to face the shit. Once I downed two shots of Remy, I rinsed my glass out before sitting it in the dishwasher and heading to the guest wing where Lucretia's room was located. When I walked in, she was sound asleep with just the lamp and TV on. The room was set up like a suite, with a separate sitting area on the opposite side. Since she had that small hospital bed, I was able to still fit a king sized bed in here. Her bed was set up closer to the window, so she was able to get natural sunlight during the day. I don't know when the last time I slept in my own room. When I was home, me and Peace slept in here with her mother.

I walked over to her, and she looked so peaceful as she slept. If it wasn't for the faint rise and fall of her chest, I would've sworn she had already left us. I let my eyes sweep over her ashen skin. I know her mother made sure she was moisturized well, but her skin developed this permanent bluish hue that made her look dry as hell. Her mouth stayed dry as well, so we made sure that they stayed hydrated. Her dark brown hair, that was once healthy, was now thinning and brittle. Her sister would wash it as best as she could once a week and braid it so that it wouldn't be all over her head. I couldn't stop the panging in my chest as my heart beat relentlessly against my ribcage. Before me lied the woman who I knew I would spend forever with, yet I already had her funeral planned out because it was just a matter of time.

Giving her one last look, I kissed her forehead and headed to the bathroom to take a much needed shower to get myself together. I cherished the time that I spent in the shower because this was the only time that I could be vulnerable. I couldn't show any sign of weakness at any point…to anyone, so when I was alone with my thoughts, I let the tears flow freely. I cried for Lucretia because she was so young. We weren't even thirty yet, and she would never live to see it. I cried for my daughter because she's so young and probably wouldn't even remember her mother. I cried for myself because I was losing the love of my life. Before the age of thirty, I would be a single father and it's not by choice.

Once I let the last of my tears fall, I washed my body and got out of the shower. After dressing in a pair of basketball shorts, tank top, and socks, I slipped my feet into a pair of slides and went to go get my baby so Teresea could go home and get some rest. I met her coming down the stairs with a sleeping Peace in her hands.

"She's out like a light," she whispered, handing her over.

"We'll see how long that'll last." We both laughed.

"She's still sleeping?"

I nodded. "I'm gonna stay home tomorrow. You can stay home and rest or help Lissa with Jace. I'll be fine. If I have to step out, I'll call my mama," I stated.

"There's no need to do that. I'll make sure Jalissa and Jace are good, and I'll still come. I don't mind taking care of my daughter, Rakeem." I nodded, signifying I understood before I walked her to the door. When she got into her car and pulled off, I locked up and set the alarm before Peace and I headed back to the room. She would be sleeping for a few hours before she got back up like she worked somebody's graveyard shift. I would take the time to watch some highlights that I missed before I took a nap. I don't know when the last time I had a full night's sleep. Between Peace and her mother, I was literally walking 'round here operating on fumes, but I refuse to complain. As a man, I was doing what I needed to do for my family, and if I had to do this shit every day for the rest of my life, I would without hesitation.

∞∞∞

Like clockwork, Peace was up at 3 AM like she had somewhere to be. I knew it was no use in trying to get her to go back to sleep right now, so I got up to get her some juice. When we walked back into the room, Lucretia was up.

"Hey," she said weakly.

"Wassup, shorty? You thirsty? Hungry?" I asked, with Peace still in my arms.

"I could use something to drink." Her voice was low and weak. That shit hurt me to my core. I walked over to the mini fridge that was kept in here for her drinks and medication and grabbed a small bottle of water and a straw from the container that sat on top. When we got back to the bed, I took a seat in the vacant chair beside her bed and prepared the water for her to drink.

"Mommy, drink!" Peace clapped and did that silly ass dance that she always did. Leaning forward, I held the bottle and straw up to Lucretia's lips to assist her. She only took a few sips before she removed her lips from the straw. I watched as she leaned her head further into the pillow and take as much of a deep breath as she could because a task as simple as drinking took a lot out of her.

"Thank you for bringing her home," she whispered.

"You don't have to thank me, shorty. She loves coming to visit you." It was true. Peace knew her mother and loved seeing her. She just didn't understand why she couldn't get up and do things with her like I did. Even when I stayed home, I left her at my parents because, to be honest, sometimes it was just too much to care for both of them and I didn't want my daughter to see me at my most vulnerable moments.

"You want to put her back to sleep?" I asked. She wouldn't have to do anything but let her lie beside her and she would fall right to sleep. It was the little things like this that let her feel like she had some sort of normalcy going on in her life. She nodded, and I laid Peace beside her mother along with her cup. I would sit in the chair until they both fell asleep.

A few minutes passed before I heard Lu's hoarse voice call my name.

"Rakeem?"

I looked in her direction and studied her face for a few seconds before I answered. "Wassup?"

"Can you promise me something?" she asked.

"You already know that if it's in my means, you got it." That caused a small smile to grace her face.

"Promise me you won't give up on love. You and Peace will need someone. I want that for you, so promise me you won't shun the thought," she pleaded. I could see in her eyes that she was serious. It took a lot of courage to tell someone that you love, you want them to love again. I'm not saying that I would be against it, but I'm not about to go out and look for the shit either.

"I got you, baby," I simply replied. Leaning over, I kissed her forehead before leaning back into the chair and closing my eyes. Peace would sleep for a few more hours and I needed to get a nap in while she slept because once she started, she was on go.

The next morning, I got up and fixed breakfast for Lu and Peace. Lu could only eat soft foods, and Peace was at this stage where she only wanted chicken nuggets. The girl didn't care what time of day it was; she wanted those damn nuggets. My freezer was stocked with those shits. While I put some cheese grits in a bowl for Lu, I plated some nuggets and eggs on a plate for my baby girl.

"Chikky nuggie. Chikky nuggie," she sang as I put her plate in front of her.

"You gonna turn into a damn chicken nugget," I joked, kissing her forehead.

While I let the grits cool, I fed my daughter. She wanted to be independent and do it herself, but most of it would end up on the floor. While I was feeding her, I heard my front door open. Looking at the monitor, I knew it was my brother. He said he was coming to see Peace and Lu and one thing about Haze; he was gonna keep his word.

"Uncle Hazie!" Peace danced.

"Man, why is this damn girl always dancing?" he laughed.

"The hell if I know. I let her rock out and do her shit." I shrugged.

Haze walked over to Peace and kissed her temple, and she handed him a chicken nugget that she already bit off of.

"Lu, up?" he asked.

"She was. I was waiting until after I fed Peace before I took her the bowl of grits I made for her."

"I got it. I need to chop it up with sis, anyway."

He got up and picked up the bowl and got a spoon out of the drawer before heading out the kitchen and into Lu's room. My family has been a big help during all of this. Even my pops would come over and lend a hand every now and then.

An hour later, I had washed Peace up for the day and got her dressed by the time Haze was done with Lucretia. We met up in the living when I walked back down the stairs. I placed Peace on her feet and let her do her thing. My brother joined me, and we chopped it up.

"Aye, Knas called me yesterday and said to meet him at eight at Murda's club," he informed.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Bet. I'll have Peace stay with Ma. I don't know what Jace had, and I don't really want her around them like that until he fully recovers." He nodded in agreement. While Peace tore my damn living room up, I caught him up on what Lucretia said to me last night and all he could do was look at me with sympathy in his eyes. I didn't need sympathy. I needed this pain in my chest to go away and for my daughter to keep her mother, but just like I knew gas prices would never go down, I wouldn't have this either.