Chapter 32

Dana hadn't meantto wield the question like a weapon, but she could see it wounded Jake just the same. The heat blossoming between them instantly dissipated, replaced with a palpable tension. Hoping to ease it, Dana placed a hand on Jake's chest, letting it rest over the dog tags he wore beneath his shirt.

It was no secret he wore them. When they'd first met, Jake carried three names close to his heart. He'd since let go of Ramirez, but two silver tags remained. She knew one was in honor of Wade Shepard, the man who'd raised Jake, but Dana had long wondered about the third tag.

She'd glimpsed the worn silver letters enough times to suss out his name and had all but confirmed its significance to Jake.

Adam Miller.

Father to Jake Miller Shepard.

"Is that why you went to Nevada?" Dana questioned. "To see your father?"

Agitation radiated from Jake's exhale. He pushed off the wall and away from Dana. She'd expected him to end the conversation and leave the room like he always did when things got too personal, but instead he leaned over her bathroom sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. She caught his eye in his reflection but made no move to rush him.

Finally, he scrubbed a hand over his tired features and turned to face her. Leaning against the counter he folded his arms over his broad chest. "I went to Nevada because I thought my mother needed me. Turns out my father's the only one she wants."

"So, you're looking for him?"

"Wade thinks it's what's best, so yeah, I guess I am."

"And Claire's helping you?"

"At first I thought it'd be a good distraction for her, but she's scary good at finding things on the black market."

Dana couldn't keep the pride from her voice. "She's always been a brilliant researcher. Is that what she meant by New Orleans? Did you find ties to your father there?"

Jake huffed a soft laugh. "No, that was me trying to make up for crashing into your lives and throwing everything off course."

"What do you mean?"

"Claire told me about New Orleans and the research invitation you passed up to work with me and the FBI. I thought maybe now would be a good time to follow up on that. The three of us getting out of town might not be the worst idea considering."

Dana hated the guilt lacing Jake's voice. She stepped closer, reaching a hand up to caress the thick stubble that was threatening to become a full-blown beard. "Jake, you don't have anything to make up for. I don't regret working with you. I'm glad you're in my life."

"Me too. But I regret the pain it's caused you." His hand automatically found the scar on her shoulder where his bullet had torn through. Whenever he touched her there, she felt something other than pain and scar tissue. A piece of him had been knitted to her the day he shot her and whenever he was close to her like this, she could feel him underneath her skin.

The possession of his touch took hold of her, and she let him pull her closer, until his lips pressed against her scar. He kissed a path from her shoulder to her throat before she managed to tear herself away.

"Jake," she panted. "We can't do this right now."

He pushed off the counter closing the distance she'd put between them until her back was against the wall. "Why not?" he asked, blue eyes dark with desire.

"There's something else I need to tell you."

Unable to find a way to sugar-coat Dr. Dvita's warning, Dana blurted it out before she lost her nerve. When she was done, Jake's pulse was visibly pounding with indignation. "So let me get this straight, I'm supposed to take some guy's word that pursuing any sort of romantic relationship with you is going to send Claire off the deep end?"

Dana threw her hands up. "You make it sound ridiculous when you say it like that."

"Dana, it is ridiculous. This guy doesn't get to just show up and dictate our lives."

"He's not some guy. He's a licensed professional. And he's spent a lot more time with Claire than we have in the past few weeks."

"Fine, then we change that. I'll move in here so we can both spend as much time with her as possible."

"I don't think that's the best idea."

"Why not?"

Dana crossed her arms. "You know why."

Jake smirked. "Listen, I know I'm irresistible, but I can control myself if you can."

"Jake, this is serious. You saw how she reacted when you said you were going to make staying here a habit."

"That was a joke. And she dropped a dish. That's not exactly straight jacket material."

"You can't make jokes like that. We're supposed to be creating a stable environment for her where she feels like she belongs."

Jake grimaced, grabbing the back of his neck.

"What is it?" Dana asked.

"Probably nothing, but she did mention that she wanted things to stay the same when it came to you and me."

"What? Why did you bring that up?"

"I don't know! Maybe because I'm trying to figure out how this works. Me, you, Claire,

your Grim Reaper murder conspiracy."

"Do you have to make it sound so ridiculous?"

"You can't have it both ways, Dana. You think Claire's part of this, or you think she needs our protection."

"I don't have all the answers. All I know is that I don't want to do anything to jeopardize Claire's mental health by sending her the wrong message about us."

A bitter huff escaped as Jake shook his head, pacing away from Dana. "Well, she'd have to be a damn mind reader to intercept whatever the hell message you're trying to send me."

"Jake, I'm not doing this to hurt you."

When he turned back there was anger storming in his blue eyes. "I know that. But sometimes I need to know where I stand. It's been two years, Dana, and I still feel like I'm standing in that graveyard waiting for an answer to my question."

What about us?

Dana could hear his words. The question Jake asked her standing near Cramer's grave loomed between them like a headstone.

She knew her answer. She'd known it for a long time. But admitting what was in her heart didn't come easy. "Jake, you know how I feel about you."

"No, actually, I don't. I'm the one who came here making declarations. I said I'm as in this as you want me to be, but you haven't given me an answer."

"What almost happened in your hallway, in my kitchen, whenever we're this close … isn't that answer enough?"

"No. It's not. Screw timing and putting things on pause. I want to be with you. But I need to know that's what you want too."

"I'm afraid to say what I want out loud."

"Why?"

"Because I've lost everyone I've ever loved, Jake. And if I lost you …" She exhaled and swiped angrily at the tears threatening her eyes. "I won't put how I feel out into the universe just to have it taken away."

"That's not going to happen."

"You can't guarantee that. Claire, our jobs, there's so many reasons this might not work."

"Yeah, but there's one big reason why it might." Jake moved closer, circling his arms around her waist, and gazed down into her eyes. "Dana, do you want to be with me?"

More than anything! The words clawed at her throat desperate to get out, but Dana forced herself to swallow them down. She blinked back her tears and stared directly into Jake's all-consuming blue eyes, willing him to understand her. "When I give you my answer, I want it to be with no strings, no pause buttons, no one weighing in but us." She pressed her hand to his chest, letting his warmth steady her. "Jake, I know it's a lot to ask, but I think this is worth the wait."

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, letting his forehead rest against hers. He inhaled deeply, like he was breathing in strength. When he opened his eyes, his calm had returned. "I know this is worth the wait." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, that cocky grin of his returning. "And, sweetheart, the universe doesn't decide if we work, we do. And as long as we both want the same thing; I can wait as long as it takes."