Chapter 19

Claire blinkedup at the three concerned faces staring back at her. For a moment she felt the calm that came right before truly waking. But then as always, reality slammed back into place, evaporating the escape of dreams.

"I remember," she said. "I remember what happened."

"Tell us," Dr. Dvita encouraged.

"Don't push her," Jake barked.

"I'm merely doing my job, Agent Shepard," Dr. Dvita replied.

But Jake refused to back down. "Yeah, well all I see is someone who's being bullied and pushed beyond her limits."

"It sounds like something you're familiar with, Agent Shepard. But I'll warn you, it does no good to deflect your own suppressed trauma onto others."

Jake looked like a kettle about to whistle. Claire wanted to hug him for jumping to her defense. Her Secret Agent Man. Always there to protect her. If she could retreat into the safety of his arms she would, but it hurt too much.

"Jake," she called, stopping his advance on Dr. Dvita. "It's okay. I need him to push me."

Looking wounded, Jake exhaled, but returned to his seat.

Claire had never been good at letting people in. And this was why. She couldn't turn her empathy off. She absorbed the injured expression on Jake's face like a cloud of toxic fumes. It hurt her tenfold, and she'd yet to find the proper release.

Maybe her parents were right. She was damaged; destined to spread her darkness to everyone around her. The words Claire overheard her mother speak all those years ago returned as if she was there in the room. "There's something wrong with her. The way darkness infects her. It isn't right. If we're not careful, she'll infect us, too."

They'd been right to cut her out of their lives. And if Claire really cared about Jake and Dana, she'd do the same. But letting go was so hard.

Look at what she'd already cost them. Her weakness had nearly gotten them both killed in the Card Killer case. But here they were, still by her side. Still trying to help. She didn't deserve it.

Dana crossed the room and sat on the couch beside Claire. "Can I get you some tea? Or do you want to lie down in the guest room?"

Her friend and mentor reached for her hand, but Claire pulled away. It killed her to do so, but if she let Dana in now, she'd never be strong enough to make things right.

"It's okay," Claire said. "I don't need to rest. I remember what happened last night. I want to get it out while it's still clear."

Jake sat down across from her, his ever-present little notepad already in hand. "Start from the beginning."