Chapter 122

The sun was settingas Dana walked out of the precinct on Indiana Avenue. She was surprised to see Jake standing on the curb, his silhouette cutting a sharp line against the burnt orange backdrop of D.C. at sunset. His interview had been over hours ago. The fact that he was still wearing the FBI sweats he'd changed into after surrendering his clothes as evidence told her he hadn't gone home yet. "I told you not to wait," she said as he opened the car door for her.

"You did," he answered. "I waited anyway."

"Jake, I don't have the energy for this."

"Neither do I," he replied. "Let's go home, shower, sleep for three days, eat our weight in take out. Any order you want."

He tried to pull her into his arms, but her resistance made him hesitate. Taking a step back, Jake rubbed his jaw. "Dana, I don't know the right way through this, but I know it'll be a helluva lot easier if we try to figure it out together."

"I can't," she whispered. "This is killing me."

"Do you think this doesn't kill me, too?" he asked, his voice cracking with emotion. "I loved Claire. I covered for her. I believed her. She betrayed me, too."

"I know," Dana sobbed. "But when I look at you … I see her. And I just can't right now."

She turned to walk away but Jake reached for her, grabbing her hand. "Dana, I know you think you need to do this alone, but trust me, I've been there. It doesn't make it any easier."

Dana swallowed her tears. "You're probably right. But I need to try." Then she turned her back and walked away.

Dana went backto her home alone. The crime scene tape greeted her, but mercifully all the agents had left. The inside was eerily quiet, so she turned on music while she showered. Anything to drown the silence.

Finally clean, she went to the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea before forcing herself to sit down and face the letter she hadn't been able to finish reading at Dvita's.

She's like us Max,she'll welcome it. She craves the darkness like we do. She's taught me everything I know. Death is the most beautiful gift I can give Dana. Then she'll be with us forever. Just stick with the plan. You take out Dvita. I wish I could be with you to see his eyes when the light fades. I wish I could be the one to give him what he deserves. But we all have our part to play. I'll take care of Dana. I'm saving her for last.

Dana closed her eyes,forcing back the sting of tears.

How had Claire gotten it so wrong?If she thought Dana welcomed death, her protégé hadn't known her at all.

Dana had spent her life surrounded by darkness, that much was true. But it hadn't been by choice. The manner in which she'd lost her parents had catapulted her into that world. Once there she found purpose in shedding light on the misunderstood. Bringing understanding to the many misjudged and condemned occult rituals.

She thought Claire wanted that, too. But perhaps having been touched by too much death, Claire had been dragged too far into the darkness to cling to the light. Whether she was a victim of circumstance or fate, it was clear, the girl Dana had once considered family was gone.

I was so wrong.

Dana's stomach twisted against the bitter taste of regret and betrayal.

The best way out is always through. Dana didn't know why the Robert Frost quote came to her now, but she couldn't help thinking how misleading it was.

She'd studied Frost's theory on human suffering extensively. His words on finding light among the darkness had always been a source of encouragement. An anthem of resilience in the face of adversity. But now they only made her want to scream.

Light was no match for the darkness she'd seen. And what was the point of being resilient? Death and darkness would always win.

Another of Frost's quotes floated to the forefront of her mind. In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Dana fell to her knees, wishing she could defy those three horrid little words. Because right now, her world had stopped spinning. She'd done her best to be strong, to face her fears, to pursue the truth above all else. But this time, the truth hadn't set her free. It broke her heart.