7. WES

7

WES

I've done all that I can to keep myself busy throughout the day; I did my laundry, I even went grocery shopping, I put away all my patio furniture and all the extras around the yard to get things ready for winter. This is my favorite season, as it is Hazel's as well. The fact she knows that about me, and remembers, tells me a lot.

I've been more open with her than any other woman, and sharing my day to day happenings with her over the last two years has been easy. And that scares me because those day-to-day things become weeks, months, years and decades later.

When I hear my dad talk about how he met my mom it's the same situation. He saw her and had an instant attraction because she was pretty. But he said when he started to really fall for her was when he started to learn her heart. They would talk for hours. He would come into the coffee shop where she worked and he would sit at the end of the counter. Throughout the day there were stolen glances back-and-forth, but he said it felt easy. He said it just grew into something that all of a sudden slapped him in the face and said, "What are you doing? Take hold of this woman and never let her go!"

I get that same feeling with Hazel and it scares me to death. Part of the issue is her age; she's young and has so much more life to live. What could I possibly give her that she can't go out and get herself? She's beautiful, and if she's really as smart as I think she is, she won't get tangled up with a local blue-collar guy like me and be stuck in this small town. Hazel is the kind of woman who deserves the world. If she was mine, I'd try to give her my all but I'm sure it still wouldn't be enough.

And what if we were to get together? What if something happened? If I failed her in any way, I'd never be able to live with myself. After Jay almost drowned and Maverick had an accident, I've vowed to never let anyone get close enough where it would hurt me just as much as it hurts them if something happened. So I do my best to keep myself busy and not think about her every hour of the day. I work hard to keep those walls high between us. Because each time one starts to crumble down, the fear of ruining her, and me, becomes too strong.

I have absolutely no interest in going out with Katie tonight, but I've been forcing myself to go on these dates whenever I feel myself slipping into wanting more with Hazel.

And let's not mention the fact I know she's a virgin. At twenty years old, she's got the world at her feet. She deserves to finish her studies, travel, live life and find out exactly what she wants. She doesn't need to be ravished by a guy ten years older than her and made to think small town life is where it's at.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts and Maverick and Jay enter before I can tell them to come in. They're each holding a six pack which gets put in the fridge but not before grabbing three beers and falling onto my couch next to me.

"What's going on?" Jay asks

"It's Friday night, what are we doing?" Maverick questions.

All three of us are off for the weekend and that hardly ever happens. My dad and uncle have earned their time off. Now we are the young guys in the group so we have to suck it up and take the time that goes with it. But every so often the two of them will take a weekend shift or night shift for us so we can go out. I'm sure they're hoping we'll meet a nice girl and settle down like they both did.

"Why don't we head into the city tonight? See if we can find some new girls," Maverick offers.

"I already have a date," I reply.

"You do? With Hazel?"

I roll my eyes at Maverick's question but don't miss the smirk that he gives off. "No, not with Hazel." I hear the disappointment in my own tone but try to hide it.

"You spend enough time with her. Why don't you just take her out like a normal human being?" Maverick continues to push.

"You know why I won't take her out," I reply, growing angry at this line of questioning.

Jay taps his bottle to mine. "You need to get over that. Who cares that she's a few years younger than you?"

"Ten is more than a few." I guzzle half my beer not liking this conversation in the least.

"You're both of age, in a few years it won't even matter. Hell, it doesn't matter now. I don't know why you're so hung up on this."

I won't explain my thoughts because I don't need them to tell me how unrealistic I am being about her. I'm very much aware of how ridiculous and standoffish I'm being. I know I'm using our age as an excuse because in the end I'm just afraid to commit and they both know it. Hazel is the ultimate girl you bring home to meet your parents but if it doesn't work out with the best one , how do you settle for the next one ?

"Well, whatever man, if you want to date girls that don't matter and waste your time, that's on you, but I see the way you dance around her. I also see the way she looks at you," Jay explains.

"We're just friends."

"Friends, my ass. You're at her house all the time, she cooks for you, she keeps beer in her fridge for you. You take her car to the shop and you bring her coffee when she has late night study sessions. Don't think I don't know you do that. And don't even think to say that you take care of her as if she's your little sister because if you're thinking about a sister the way you think about Hazel, we have bigger problems between us." Jay pins me with a look.

Maverick chuckles, agreeing with Jay and I punch his leg. They stand and get ready to leave, but Jay stops and says, "Listen, we won't say anything more about it, but don't let a good girl slip away because you don't think you're good enough." He stares intently at me. "I know that's what you think. Our dads have shown us what love is supposed to be. Don't miss out because you're afraid."

Maverick cuts in, "And that's why you guys have me to balance it out, I'm definitely not going to get married so you can take my bad advice when they give you good advice."

I shake my head at his logic. "We're definitely the furthest thing from those book boyfriends you like to read, Jay."

"Well then, maybe you all should read some and learn how to act accordingly," he snickers.

"Yeah? How is that working out for you, Jay? Still single?"

He shrugs. "I'm willing to wait for the right one. Sometimes the right one is already right in front of you, cooking dinner for you every Thursday night. You should think twice about running from it."

They both clap me on the back and leave, the door shutting sharply behind them. The slam jerks me from the couch. I think about Hazel watching reality TV tonight and I think about wanting to be on the couch next to her laughing at the same ridiculous shows. I don't even have to touch her, just being in the same room with her is enough. But it's still a struggle to sit next to her and keep my hands to myself, the thrill of being close to her is way too strong.

I sit with my thoughts fighting one another in my head.

In the end, Hazel wins out.

She always wins out.

I grab my phone and shoot a text to Katie about tonight's date.

Me: Sorry to cut this short but something came up and I can't make it. Rain check?

It takes a few minutes for her to text back and all I get is a thumbs up emoji.

I jump in the shower quickly and wash up. I should jerk off so I can go to Hazel's house with a clear mind but touching myself and thinking about her never works out, leaving me craving something more that I've never had. I step out and wrap a towel around my waist, staring at myself in the mirror.

"What are you doing?" I question myself out loud as if the man in the reflection will have some kind of answer that I don't have for myself. I debate for one minute before walking into my bedroom and picking up my phone again, pulling up our text thread and sending a text.

Me: Did you start the new season yet?

I see the text bubbles pop up and then a text comes through. I don't realize I've been holding my breath until I read the words I want to see.

Hazel: I was waiting for you to watch it with me.

Exhale.

Me: Be there in 10.