27. Twenty-Seven

Twenty-Seven

Willow

Two days.

That’s all the time I have left and there still isn’t an answer in sight.

Figuratively and literally.

There’s been a dull ache spreading through my chest for days now. My disappointment in myself, my mom’s book, CC’s and Elementra’s absences, it’s all starting to physically weigh me down.

I catch myself more often than not blinking but not seeing anything because my mind is just swirling. I can’t stop the thoughts, the overwhelming feeling of failure as the time continues to count down until we leave, and I don’t know the first thing about the extent of what my blood can do nor do I have any more control over the sight.

“Caspian’s not going to like that.” Oakly tsks at me, and I startle at the sudden sound, my dry eyes blinking.

Looking down, my finger is still partially shifted from where I intended to try again to get in Mom’s book, but then I zoned out. Consumed with thoughts on how it’s not going to work again.

Peering over at Oakly, she’s staring at me with her brow arched and her beloved book in her lap. I’ve barely been able to glance in it. She keeps that thing well protected, but she does like to show me her most interesting finds.

Interesting is putting it lightly.

It’s astonishing.

“Hence why the two of us are in my lounge while he, Gaster, San, and Keeper are in CC’s room.”

“You don’t think he’s going to feel or know you’ve once again carved up your palm? He told you no more.” She chuckles and I glare at her.

“Whose side are you on?”

“Your side, obviously. Hence why I’m warning you away from doing it. He threatened to hide the book from you until this was all over and not a part of me believes he was bullshitting you.”

I roll my eyes at her stupid-ass sound reasoning. Am I going to listen to her? No. My time is ticking, and I’ve got to figure this shit out. I know this book holds valuable information in it one way or another.

Everyone else around me is making amazing strides in everything they’re responsible for handling as we prepare to check the portals and hunt down my blood. Not only that but keeping up with their other day-to-day shit too.

It’s just me who’s falling behind and I’m tired of that feeling.

“I can tell you aren’t going to—Oh holy fuck,” she screeches, sitting up straight and dropping her book.

“What? What?” I scream in a panic, looking for her paper cut or a spider, whatever the fuck freaked her out.

“I think I found it. Oh, my Elementra, I think I found the relic.”

“The whole damn book is relics, Oakly. Give me more than that.”

I don’t mean for it to be so frantically demanding, but her bond is shocking my chest like I stuck my finger to an electrical outlet. She’s radiating so strongly right now, I can barely think straight.

“The relic for the fucking ritual. I think this is it.”

She flips the book around to show me, and the entire right side of the page is the image of a small ball. The crystal clear globe in the middle is surrounded protectively by a wielded bronze casing, and it sits on top of a four-footed bronze display stand .

My eyes widen as the description Keeper gave us comes barreling to the front of my mind and my heart pounds in sync with the thud of Oakly’s bond.

This has to be it.

The Gods’ Binding.

The Gods.

“It’s from the Valorian Veil,” I whisper. I don’t have to see any other information to know that. The name of the relic spells it out.

She quickly flips the book back around to her and begins skimming over the next page silently as I sit here tapping my foot, waiting for her to speak.

“Willy, this has to be it. According to this, the relic was used as a method of binding the Gods’ power as a form of punishment when found guilty of neglectful use of their powers. I got to take this to Gaster and get Keeper to confirm this is it,” she says low, hopping up from her seat, and I follow suit, but she shoots me a look.

“No, ma’am. I know it’s been a rough few days, but you’re trying to procrastinate because you don’t want to continue failing. You’re not failing, by the way. Some roadblocks have been put in front of you, but you’re going to figure it out. Stay, study, meditate, talk to CC even if he won’t respond. Do something that’ll get your mind right and I’ll be back.”

I deflate as she gives me a little finger wave and transports out faster than I can argue. I could obviously follow her anyways, but I don’t. She’s right and her words cause frustrated tears to spring in my eyes.

It’s not just that, though. With her gone, the room feels so empty, lonely.

I never feel lonely even when I ask for alone time from the guys, but today is hitting me harder than usual. This feeling doesn’t have anything to do with them. It’s all me and the wave of grief that my inability to make any progress has brought forth. It intensifies when I gaze over at my willow tree and memories start fluttering across my mind.

He’d know what to do. He always did.

Talk to him. That’s all I can do, even if he doesn’t answer.

Scooping up my mom’s book, I make my way around the couch and drop down at the trunk of my tree. I lean my head back against the steady, familiar bark and breathe through the longing, begging the tears to stop.

“You know, if you were here, you’d be laughing or mocking me right now. You’d say some inspirational shit that would both piss me off and make me feel better. You’d pick me up, dust me off, and wipe away these stupid, pointless tears. You’d tell me it was just my frustration leaving my body and it’s okay to cry. No one will hurt or punish me for crying.

“How many times do you think we sat against my tree in the clearing, and you had to hold me while I broke down? Probably more times than I can recall, even with my memories. Whether it was something Franklin did, or I had a bad day at school, or I just couldn’t get something right that you were trying to teach me. You were always there for me. Fuck…you were the best. I’m not asking you to make any decision or tell me exactly what to do. I just need you to be here now.”

My sigh is sad, small, and I aggressively wipe away my tears. It’s an irrational feeling, I know, but I can’t help as a surge of anger bubbles through me. I feel abandoned. By Elementra, by CC, by my mom. I’ve tried to be understanding, take each thing thrown at me and carry on, but this full stop, radio silence, is hard.

I’ve gone years now without my memories of him, then they’re returned, and I get told he’s going to be here for me, but when I need guidance navigating unfamiliar territory, I get nothing.

I don’t need him to make decisions for me. I just need my…

My dad. He was my dad.

And he knew my mom, even if it was just a little. He could talk me through this. Tell me a little about her so I could figure this out on my own.

In my heart, I know her book was left behind for Lyker to find and give to me. I can’t accept it was the one and only coincidence I’ve ever experienced in Elementra. It had to be left for me.

Honestly, I believe a part of me was desperately thinking I’d get a small taste of what it would be like to have them both in my life together.

Her book, his guidance. Both helping me along the way .

I want my dad and…I need my momma.

My heart cracks open with my internal confession.

I need him. I need her.

I’ve needed them my entire existence and now that I’ve had a glimpse into their lives, I want even more. Holding this piece of bound leather that I know belonged to her, in a room he created just for me, I need it opened so I can hold a piece of them close to my heart.

Wiping my tear-drenched face, I take a deep breath, inhaling the faint scent of his room that lingers on my clothes, and I press my nose against the cover and wonder if this is what she smelled like. Rain .

Not just any rain, though.

Not a booming thunderstorm that floods the land, but a steady, gentle rainfall on an early spring day. Where the weather may or may not reach seventy, and it’s best you grab a coat to keep you comfortable just in case.

The peaceful picture I’m falling into has me trapped. I can’t open my eyes to break away from the serenity and my mind refuses to loosen its hold.

It tightens its grip on my entire body.

All my thoughts, feelings, emotions flee me and a mind that’s not my own takes control.

“Willow, what in the realm are you doing out here with no coat on?” I fuss as soon as my eyes land on the small shivering form under the tree.

This blasted realm’s winter lasts far longer than Elementra’s and although it’s early spring, add in this rain and wind, it’s freezing. To me.

Tear-drenched eyes cast up to me and the ring of violet in the haunted silver tugs at my heart painfully.

He’s hurt my baby girl again.

Sinking to the ground with her, her cold, wet body shakes violently against my chest, and I command an air bubble to surround us. I pull the blanket that I store in the trunk of the tree out and wrap it around her, swearing to myself as soon as she emerges, I’ll show her how to do this .

“What happened, my sweet girl?”

“I skipped school and got caught.” She hiccups and I hold in my shocked flinch.

Skipped school? She’s never done such a thing.

“Why would you do that? You know you can’t do things like that or you’ll get in trouble,” I say gently, not wanting to upset her even more, but also, she needs to know, she can’t do things like this.

“It’s mommy and me day again.”

Ah.

This would’ve been the third year she’s been in school and has had to endure being the only child who doesn’t have a mother show up. When she was six, it was confusing but exciting. A couple moms included her in the activities, and she had a good time.

But last year, her questions became more consistent, and she wanted to experience it fully. I explained to her, much more gently than her fuck of a father did, that it just wasn’t going to happen. She tried to put on a brave face, said it was okay and she hoped that the moms would play with her as well, but that teacher ended up taking her to a room alone to watch a movie.

She cried for days afterward. She realized she was being isolated, and she felt it in the depths of her soul.

This year, though, hell, I don’t know. I guess something about eight just makes children stronger.

Her brother was the same.

“I’m so very sorry, Willow. If your mom could be here, she would.”

“Obviously not.” She sniffles.

A lump forms in my throat at the heartache in her tone. There’s so much I wish I could say, so much I wish I could do. There’s only one thing in this moment that I believe would help, but I just don’t know if she’s ready.

Looking down at the distant, sad look on her face, I know I’m wrong. She’s ready. It is me who isn’t. My sweet girl has aged a lifetime in the past two years.

Her age may only be eight, but her mind is much older, unfortunately.

“Would you like to watch a movie?” I ask.

“No. ”

I snort at the sharp rejection. “This isn’t your ordinary story or a movie you’ve ever seen before, though.”

Got her.

That little head pops off my chest and she narrows those eyes on me, searching for the trap. Curious as ever even in the face of sadness. I’ll see to it she never loses that wonder.

“What kind of movie? What’s it about?”

Smiling, I tuck a piece of her wet hair behind her ear. “It’s a movie that’s in my mind. One I’ve replayed many times.”

“How will I see it if it’s in your mind?”

“If you let me show you, it’ll answer your questions.”

“Is it funny?”

“Not really.”

“Eww, romantic?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Happy? Sad?”

“A little of both, my girl,” I say softly.

“Will it make me cry again?”

“Very possibly, but I’ll be here to wipe away your tears.”

Her face softens and she looks at me as though I am her world. I guess right now, I am, as she is mine. I hope what she sees doesn’t change the way she views me.

“Well, what do you say?”

She glances around me, watching the rain through the gaps in the branches.

Poking her little hand through my air bubble, she catches a few drops that run off the leaves of her tree and rubs the water between her fingers.

“Yeah, today’s a movie kind of day.”

“Then get comfortable and close your eyes.”

She nestles in, leaning her back to my chest, and tucks the blanket around her tightly. When she laces her fingers together on her tummy, I smirk down at her. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

At her nod, I take us back in time .

Standing at the edge of Iris’s ward, I glance over at the cave that I walked her through so, so many years ago. My, how not a thing has changed. At least on this side. I’m curious to see what she’s done on the inside of this Elementra-blessed protection.

Releasing a breath, I walk through the ward, hoping her men don’t come out preparing to attack. No one should be able to pass through, but I’m not just anyone.

A small cottage comes into view as soon as I’m through, and I smile at the quaintness of it. No one would ever look at this design and believe that the strongest woman to walk this realm lives within those walls.

Holding the present I brought in front of me, I walk a couple feet, then pause. The vibrations slithering over my skin let me know that the Nexus inside has just been alerted to my presence, so it’d be best I wait right here for them to come out.

It’s no surprise to me that Iris is the first to crash through the door, gifts blazing, with her men hot on her heels. I smile as the formidable bunch halts to a stop, glaring at me.

“Dangerous game you’re playing there, old friend,” Iris sasses, placing her hands on her hips as her men snort and shake their heads at me.

“Old? Two hundred and sixteen has never looked so good, thank you very much,” I say, using her words against her. Just, you know, add a couple years.

She snickers, looking at her men affectionately. That’s the day she met them. They were waiting for her outside that cave, where I made them stay while I waited for her to come out of the portal.

“Well, come on in, I’ve got the kettle on,” she says, but I shake my head softly.

“I cannot stay long, unfortunately, but I need a word, if you don’t mind.”

They all grow somber and I hate that I have that effect on people. I’m like the deliverer of bad news. Many don’t get excited and stay excited to see me.

“Of course,” she says, smiling at me tightly.

Each of her men gives her a kiss and wave me goodbye, but before they can walk back inside, I call out, “Congratulations, by the way, guys.”

I smirk and wink at their confused stares. They don’t push, knowing the rules, but they’ll find out soon enough .

“What do you have there?” Iris asks as she guides me over to a bench she has built beneath her trees.

“I love what you’ve done with this place,” I say rather than answering, just to annoy her.

She groans, rolling her eyes. “You love dragging out my suspense. As much as I love your company, what little of it I receive, I know you’re here to share something with me. Get on with it.”

My toothy smile fades to nothing more than a pinched grin as I look at her with sincerity in my gaze. “Please do not be mad at me.”

Her playful features melt away, and I bite my tongue as her saddening eyes remind me so much of the girl’s.

“I won’t be. I understand you’re the messenger, CC. I won’t hold you to fault for anything.”

“Thank you…Tell me, what is it you’ve wished for the most in this life, Iris?”

Her face shudders, but she doesn’t shy away or hide the hurt on her face. “To be a mother. To have and be able to raise a child with my loving Nexus. I know I will be a mother, but my dragonfly won’t have me.”

I close my eyes tightly at the nickname.

The girl will most certainly fly.

“Why is it you ask, CC?”

Clearing my throat, I pass over the gift I brought her. “Here.” She looks down at it warily, then back at me with a raised brow. “It’s not going to bite. Just open in.”

She grins and then does as I asked, chuckling as she takes in the stained-glass picture. “Oh my. This is her form, isn’t it?” she says quietly, running her finger across the girl’s dragon form. She doesn’t like to speak much about her, so I’ve never truly been able to grasp her true feelings, but she’s far from a jaded person, so all I can make are assumptions. “You got Sedric’s coloring a little off, though. He’s going to ask why you made him so dark.”

“Is the color of your woven bonds not a sleek black?”

“How did you…Yeah, it is,” she answers rather than finishing her question .

“Your wolf is silver as is your thread. Sedric’s wolf and bond are midnight blue. Kelso, with his ability to speak to animals, I assume gives off a dark green. Allton and his metal manipulation is more than likely a reddish, maybe burgundy color, something darker, and Esben’s extraordinary healing I can see as yellow. Mix them all together, you get the largest and strongest, sleek black wolf.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand the message you’re trying to give me,” she says quietly, looking down once again at the picture and then at me.

“Those are your children. Both of them.”

Her face startles as she stares at me in disbelief, but I hold her gaze and show the seriousness of my words through my eyes as I watch hers begin to well.

“Oh, Elementra…” She gasps, laying her fingers to her lips. “When?”

“Now. Your scent will begin to change within the week.”

“Fuck,” she cries as tears begin to stream down her face. “How could this happen?”

“Well—”

“I don’t need a literal answer,” she snaps, and I shut my mouth. “I mean, how could Elementra do this when we already know what is to happen? I already know my role as well as Willow’s. How could she allow me to bring another child into this realm, knowing I will have to abandon them?”

“Because you have begged for the girl not to be alone as well as your want to experience motherhood. She is answering your prayers. The wolf has a story of his own. One you will know soon enough,” I say as tenderly as I can.

There have been many times I have asked Elementra similar questions. The answers always come eventually.

“His…it’s a boy.”

“It is.”

She closes her eyes and sighs gently before sobs begin to tear through her body. I let her get it all out as I sit here quietly, being her shoulder to cry on. I knew this would be difficult for her to hear, but it was something I had to tell her.

“Will they ever forgive me, CC?”

“Yes, they will. You will be the apple of your son’s eye and the girl will grow to love, respect, and cherish the pieces of you she gets.”

“Stop referring to my daughter as the girl, CC. I’ve let it slide for hundreds of years now. Her name is Willow. Say it.” She growls at me, and I grit my teeth.

It’s hard for me to say.

Saying it makes what she is to me a reality I’ve yet to accept or tell Iris about it. I don’t know how she will take it. She’s always drawn a hard line with me anytime I’ve tried to bring her up or anything I’ve seen. I know she has seen much of her life as well, but she will not go into detail about her. I don’t know if my truth will help or hurt her. I don’t want to further upset her with what the future holds for her daughter.

Our daughter.

Not born from blood, but from a bond.

“Elementra is blessing us with a Guardria bond.”

The words spew out of my mouth forcefully, and I grunt as Elementra herself doesn’t give me an opinion but to deliver the truth. Regardless of if I was ready or not. I guess this is her way of saying too fucking bad.

“You…you and Willow will have a Guardria bond? How long have you known? How will it manifest?” she asks with wide eyes.

“Iris…”

Gasping, she nearly drops the picture as she turns fully to face me. “Father, daughter. CC, tell me if I’m right.”

Closing my eyes and looking down at my laced fingers that bear white knuckles, I nod once.

“Yes. For the time I have with her, that will be the bond we share. I’ve known for sure for fifty years.”

The silence that stretches between the two of us is heavy. It sullies the atmosphere of this beautiful escape she’s created. My continued secrecy has that effect no matter how I go about it.

It’s out there now, though, and I don’t know what’s running through her mind. Many don’t understand the strength behind a Guardria bond, but Iris is well informed and smart. She knows I won’t be able to reject this entirely and I don’t know if she will accept that I have a relationship that strong with the daughter she won’t get to share any experiences with .

I’ve known for one hundred and eighty-six years, Willow would mean something to me, but it wasn’t confirmed what until fifty years ago. It was the day Iris told me what she planned to name her. That same night, I had my first vision of our awakening.

In the fifty years since, I’ve seen Iris three times. Never once have I brought it up.

The overabundance of joy at the prospect that I will be able to love a child like my own and bless her with the same love Gaster has blessed me with has battled with the deep despair that I feel when I think about how I will also have to give my life for this realm. Another part of me feels like I am somehow stealing Iris’s future and role from her.

“Look at me.”

Blowing out a harsh breath, I turn my head up to do as she asked. I’m prepared for the anger and bitterness. I’ll understand it.

“Love her with your entire being. Make her feel worthy, special, beautiful. Put the broken pieces she’s going to have from her father back together. Show her what a childhood is supposed to look like. What it feels like to be free. Be her father, CC. Filia mea nunc est filia tua”

“What does that mean?” I ask, choking back the emotions clogging my throat.

I didn’t expect tons of weight to lift free from me with her words. I’ve been petrified to tell her this truth and here she is, giving me her blessing.

“My daughter is now your daughter. Call her filia mea as much and as often as you can. Remind her she is loved. She is a blessing.”

Her stern gaze leaves no room for argument and her command, although I know she’s not meaning to, flows across my senses. The shattering in the depths of her silver pools causes mine to water. Not being able to bestow the endearment on her daughter herself is breaking her.

I see it. I feel it.

Obviously, it’s Elema Lingua Vetus, but I’ve never heard those words before. There isn’t anything in the language I don’t know, which leads me to believe, if these are words no longer in our vocabulary, there’s significance to why.

This moment feels larger than her asking me to address Willow by a nickname. It feels like she is blessing me with an honor far beyond my own comprehension or worthiness.

“I will. I promise,” I swear and she nods, forcefully wiping away a stray tear.

“One more thing,” she says as she swirls her hand in the air, opening a pocket dimension in front of me. “When the time comes and I must go, I’ve enchanted this so when my signature leaves this realm, it will appear in the house. Please make sure she gets it.”

Passing me over a book, I trace the Nexus mark on the front cover. Such a powerful sigil that so few have ever and will ever understand.

Opening it to the first page, I run my hand down the blank cream parchment and the vibration of her enchantment and concealment tingles through my fingertips.

“How will she know to reveal it?”

Holding her hand out for it, I pass it over with no hesitation and watch, memorizing every move she makes so when my time comes, I know what to do. She shifts her index finger into a claw, and she presses it to her other one until a small trail of blood begins to run down her hand.

“Watch and listen closely. She needs to move the points counterclockwise and say what I say, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Air, Earth, Water, Fire so bright,

Four elements, pure and right.

Remember these with joy and cheer,

The elements become one, the world becomes clear.”

I repeat the enchantment in my mind at least a dozen times, as fast as I can until I know it’s permanently imprinted on my mind.

It makes complete sense.

Knowing what Iris and Willow are, it fits perfectly.

“Got it?” she asks.

“I got it.”

“I’m sorry for requesting so much of you. I know you already have the weight of the realm on your shoulders and I’m adding more to it. I’m sorry I won’t be here to care for them. Either of them.”

“Iris, do not look at it that way. You’re not requesting anything of me that I wouldn’t want to do. I’m sorry for keeping the truth from you for so long, but I didn’t feel worthy enough for this blessing. I too am going to have to leave her. I’ve known when my time comes for a long, long time. I felt like I was stealing something from you, that is rightfully yours. You do deserve to be a mother,” I admit quietly.

“You’re stealing nothing. You’re granting me a peace I never saw coming. Because of you, I know my daughter, my children will be okay.”

“They will be. I swear it.”

She smiles softly at me as she places her book back in her pocket dimension and closes it up. When she leans back against the bench, we both sigh at the same time. A small chuckle falls out of both of us as we notice her men standing on the porch, watching us keenly. Not for jealous reasons, or at least I hope not. More so protective because they felt her get upset.

“Should I tell them now or let it be a surprise?”

“A surprise. Make sure to wait until Kelso steps away from the stove before you say it.” I smirk. I’ve already seen the excitement unfold.

“Do you know his name?”

“I do.”

“Will you tell me?”

“No,” I snort at her immediate growl. “The little wolf’s name comes with a story to be told. You’ll know soon enough. Have patience, old friend.”

Standing, I offer her my hand to help her up and I throw my head back, laughing when she slaps it away. “Do not treat me like I’m fragile,” she growls.

“Fragile, no. Hormonal already, yes,” I tease and jump out of the way of her oncoming claw.

“Not funny. Damn, everything makes a lot more sense now. I threw a whole flower pot at Esben yesterday.” She says it with a fond smile on her face like it’s a precious memory and I look at her, a little petrified.

“Did you miss? ”

“No. I never miss.”

Laughing together, I walk her to her stoop where her men instantly surround her, checking her over from head to toe, and I do smile fondly at the display of affection. They’re about to get ten times worse.

“Sure you don’t have time for tea after all that?”

“I wish, old friend.”

“Next time then,” she says, waving me off as she climbs the steps to go inside.

“Next time,” I murmur sadly.

I hate to know that the next time I see my friend, I will be sending her off on her final journey.

Blinking my eyes open, Willow is statue-still in my lap and I have to adjust my hold to check and make sure she’s breathing. She is, but she’s unnaturally calm and I immediately begin worrying I never should’ve shown her that.

“Willow.”

“She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” she whispers.

“You take after her.”

She slowly pushes herself up and turns around so she can face me fully. Those shattered silver eyes are so familiar, it’s breathtaking.

“I’ll never meet her in person, will I?”

“No, my sweet girl, you won’t,” I say as softly as I possibly can.

“Do you think she’s watching over me wherever she is?”

“I know for a fact she is. She’s in a place we call the beyond. It’s where the most special and the strongest of our kind go.”

“One day, I’d like to go there and visit her.”

My heart clenches so hard, it steals my breath, and I have to force my lungs to take in air. I hope and pray she never ends up in the beyond. Despite that it’s a paradise for those of us who perish before our time, I never want her time to end.

“One day, Elementra will show you her.”

“And you’ll give me my book? I’d like to read it now.”

“You will as soon as the time is right, my girl. ”

I haven’t the heart to tell her the book hasn’t appeared yet. I’m the only one who can pass the barrier of Iris’s ward, and I’ve checked multiple times. Finally, Elementra told me to stop, and it would show when it should.

She cocks her head to the side, and her calculating look quickly turns to devastation. I’m not sure why, or if maybe the reality of what she just watched is settling in and it’s upset her tremendously.

“I’m sorry, Willow, maybe it wasn’t the right time to show you that,” I say, pulling her closer to me and hugging her tightly.

The Memoria stone around my neck heats at my command and just as I go to call for her memories to come to me, she speaks. Well, more so shrieks.

“You don’t want me either, just like my father.” She bursts into a fit of tears, attempting to shove away from me as hard as she can, and I’m completely caught off guard.

“Whoa, whoa, hey! What’s that about? What are you talking about?” I ask, shushing her softly and moving the hair from out of her eyes.

“You’ve never called me your daughter or feely maya. She told you to and you never have.” She sobs.

My eyes widen at the true hurt ripping through her right now. It’s so strong, my soul is screaming at me to make it better this second. I didn’t think she’d pick up on that so keenly. I really thought she’d be more focused on her mom.

“Hey, look at me, please.”

She shakes her head forcefully, refusing to budge, but I try again.

“Please.”

Sniffling and wiping a snotty nose across my shirt, she brushes the strands of hair from her face that I missed and looks at me with a trembling lip as I look down at the boogers on my shirt, smirking.

“You are my daughter, Willow, in all ways but blood. I haven’t ever called you filia mea because I wanted you to know what it meant before I did. Once you give someone a title such as that, there’s no taking it back. I wanted you to trust me, to realize how much you truly mean to me, how much I love you, and how proud I am of you.

“I wanted to earn those things in your eyes, and I wanted you to have the awareness,” I say softly, tapping her temple, “to truly understand what all that means. Just because we share a bond doesn’t mean I’m entitled to your heart or your love. No one is. You choose when, how, and where to give that piece of yourself to someone else.”

“And I don’t have to if I don’t want to?” Her small little voice makes my throat close.

I’m the adult here and I’d never make her feel bad for her feelings, but goodness if she were to tell me right now she doesn’t love me, I’d go back to the palace and cry myself to sleep. This child has my whole heart.

“No, you don’t.”

“I don’t love my father. My other one,” she whispers so quietly it’s as if she’s afraid she might be overheard, but the word other plays in my head repeatedly.

“He isn’t the realm’s greatest dad. He does things that fathers aren’t supposed to do and I’m so sorry for that,” I say carefully. I’m always careful to watch what I say about him. The last thing I want to do is say what I really feel, and she go back and repeat it.

“I think you’re the realm’s greatest dad.”

Dad…she just said dad.

Stay calm.

“I think you’re the realm’s greatest daughter.”

Her sad frown morphs into the largest and brightest smile I’ve ever seen. It’s like the sun has made a home within her and now it’s trying to burst free.

Shit.

That’s exactly what’s happening.

She’s glowing.

That’s not supposed to be happening yet.

The coloring, just as fast as it started, begins to fade and I exhale slowly not to alert her to anything. I guess the range of emotions set something off.

Fuck, she’s going to be a force of nature.

Poor Vito boys.

“Is it okay if I still call you CC?” Her question catches me off guard, and I give her a funny look that she giggles at .

“What else would you call me?” I ask, laughing as I tickle her when she pulls my arm hair for no reason at all other than to do something with her hands.

“Now that you’ve called me your daughter, that makes you my father. But I don’t like the way father sounds in my brain. You’re just my CC.”

She says it so nonchalantly like it’s a fact that she’s always known and it’s time I got with the program. This sweet girl has no clue she just caused my heart to explode. I’ve waited years for this moment.

I’ve thought about it countless times how I was going to show her the conversation between her mother and me. I had always planned some grand gesture with presents, pictures, food, the whole kit and caboodle, but there’s a right time for everything.

And today, on this early spring day with the gentle rainfall, and her feeling so down, was the perfect moment.

“One day, you’ll know so much more, but I want you to know now that your mother loved you, and I’m so grateful she gave me her blessing to call you and treat you as my daughter. Because that’s what you are in my eyes. You’re my daughter born from a bond instead of blood. And I love you, filia mea.”

“I love you too, CC.”

And that was the first time she ever said it back to me.