26. Twenty-Six

"Those are some distracting thoughts this early in the morning, little warrior," Tillman remarks, calling me out at the breakfast table.

"Really?" I sass, arching my brow at him.

I swear he does this on purpose just to watch me squirm.

Waking up this morning, I was utterly confused when the front of my body was pressed up against cool skin, with multiple hot and heavy arms slung all over me.

For a split second, I thought I had an incredibly explicit dream of me, Tillman, and Draken until my core clenched and the soreness was a sure reminder that no, that magical experience, one of my biggest fantasies, most certainly happened. Corentin and Caspian had just come home in the middle of the night.

And now this morning, it's been pretty difficult to distract my thoughts from replaying the night over again, but also throwing the two of them into the mix with us.

"We've got a lot to wrap up today, and we're not going to get shit done with you thinking like that," he retorts, but his sly smirk tells me he's teasing me and trying to make the others jealous.

"Is she thinking about last night? Fuck me, I wanna hear." Draken groans beside me, causing the other three to roll their eyes and scold him.

"You're the only one who can hear what I'm thinking and the only one calling me out about it. So let me live in the little fantasies I'm creating and quit picking on me," I say, feeding into the game he's starting.

"Tell us the fantasies, little wanderer," Draken growls, causing me to shiver.

"Not at the breakfast table." I laugh, then turn my attention to Corentin, who's trying his hardest not to be affected. "What's the plan for today?"

"Tillman has teams coming in from around the realm that are going to start training and prepping for missions to the locations we've gathered and the Forsaken Forest, so we'll spend the majority of the day in the gym and command room," he informs me.

Without even having to ask, he goes straight into telling me about how everything went at his parents' yesterday. I smile at his persistence in pressing the point he's keeping me a secret from them for now, but he doesn't want me to think negatively about it or think he's doing it for any other reason than to protect me.

I know they're all unhappy about possibly having to go to this Spring Ball, and I'm not excited about meeting these people they speak so poorly about either, but honestly…

The romantic in me really wants to get dolled up in a ball gown and dance around a magical palace with my men.

I wish the situation were a joyous one, not one with the sole purpose of identifying which family is betraying the realm. If we have to go, though, I'd like to try to make it a memorable night.

"So what are me and Oakly supposed to do tomorrow morning with Gaster staying at the palace?" I ask.

"Stay in the gym or training yard with Tillman and Ry or come to my office. Caspian and Draken are going to the Rebel Castle for the morning. They need to check on Layton and his parents and organize which prisoners are going to be moved to the palace prison," he responds instantly.

I don't know how he keeps all these details, to-dos, and the needs of everyone straight.

"Is there anything I can do?" I ask, wanting to take some of the load off.

"What you've been doing, princess. Training and studying. I'm going to ask Gaster to send the files we have on the families to your journal. It's important you're familiar with them," he says.

Not exactly what I was looking for, but if me learning all I can and continuing to get my ass handed to me by Tillman is going to make him feel better, then that's what I'll do.

The sound of Caspian's and Tillman's alarms on their timekeepers rings loudly across the table, and I quickly try to chug my coffee down, knowing they're about to tell us it's time to go.

"Are you done, Primary?" Caspian asks me.

"Yep, just trying to finish this off," I say, taking another large piping hot gulp.

"Here," Tillman says, sliding another beautiful purple travel mug over to Corentin.

I swoon a little when Corentin hands it to me and I see the engraved silver dragon across the side. It's stunning and an exact replica of mine.

"Tillman, it's perfect. Thank you." I gush.

A smile lights his face, followed by the sweetest and most endearing emotions fluttering down our bond that has pressure building behind my eyes. I never would've thought I could feel so loved and cherished. They don't even have to say the words. I feel it constantly in my chest, a silent but powerful reminder, every day.

Surrounding me, we make our way out of the breakfast room and to the lawn. Draken's gripping one hand, Corentin the other, and Tillman stands in front of me, pushing my back against Caspian, whose shadows are swirling around both of my wrists. I feel like I'm cocooned in the realm's safest barrier.

Fuck me, nothing compares to this.

Stepping out of the transport into the training gym, it's packed with familiar and unfamiliar faces. As Tillman steers us over to a group that's standing around with bags in their hands and around their feet, I instantly recognize eight of them from the palace team that came with us to Terravile and when we rescued Tillman and Caspian.

"Sir," they all echo as Tillman steps up to them.

I swear I hold my breath as all twenty-something of them turn to me and slightly bow their heads then focus their attention back to Tillman. My entire body tenses and I want badly to take a step back, but Corentin's and Draken's fingers are still intertwined with mine and Caspian's pressing in so closely to me, I can't.

"Why the hell did they just bow to me?"

I shout in my mind and Tillman's lip kicks up a smidge, quicker than anyone could've caught other than me since I'm staring holes in the side of his face.

"Gentlemen, welcome to your new assignment. I've already been working with some of you, so you know what this means. For those of you who haven't been working with the academy, congratulations. You're now on the front lines of fighting the rebels. You'll find my second-in-command out on the training fields and his Nexus brother Nikoli will be showing you to your new homes. Be back in thirty for a full brief. Dismissed," Tillman orders.

As soon as the last of them is out of earshot, I turn to face him fully, perching my hands on my hips.

"Explain."

"I've already explained, Will. I told you what it would mean to be my Primary. We may be trying to keep it from the realm, but some of those men have seen you with us already. They've seen you in battle. They'll show you the respect you deserve," he says casually, like that's explanation enough.

"I haven't done much of anything to earn their respect," I argue.

"Wrong, Primary. So fucking wrong. Not only did you accompany Corentin and Draken to save our asses, but it was also only because of you I survived. Then you saved Tillman's, Kian's, and Lyker's lives and helped take down an entire pack of Mastery filth. All on the same day. They witnessed that. They witnessed your strength and power. Stop viewing yourself as less than. You're a fucking goddess. Own it."

Caspian's tone is harsh, like he's personally offended I'd dare doubt the things I've done and the things I'm capable of.

"It's not that, and the things I've done were out of necessity. It wasn't like I had much of a choice," I argue.

"That's not completely true either, princess. You did have a choice, and you chose for them not to die. Don't undermine the weight of your decisions and how truly amazing you've been," Corentin tags on, teaming up on me with the other two.

I search out Draken for some backup. It's not that I don't believe their words, because I do. I know they feel this way wholeheartedly, but it's…

"I know it's awkward, little wanderer. Right now, they're ganging up on you because they think you're doubting yourself, but you're not doubting yourself, you're just uncomfortable. Tell them that," he says confidently, loudly.

I snort and lower my head to hide the flaming red shade it's turning. Fuck, he's so sweet and so in tune with me, but damn, sometimes he doesn't know when it's appropriate to say things.

"Is that true, Primary?" Caspian asks, tilting my head up.

"Yeah… I mean, I do still struggle with accepting what I'm capable of sometimes, but it's really unnerving to have other people, strangers, show me that kind of attention. They just bowed their heads… Then all of you hitting me with compliments… I'm not quite sure how to act," I admit, shifting my feet.

"Get used to it, Primary. You're a fucking force of nature. They should respect you. They will respect you." His dark emphasis on will causes my body to break out into goose bumps. I already know he doesn't take anyone disrespecting me very well, so the threat's clear.

"Okay," I say quietly.

It's getting easier to accept and acknowledge their compliments, but it's more so the sweet or sexual ones. The ones where they boost my ego by telling me how beautiful or perfect I am. These where they bring attention to my gifts or elements will take a little more time to get used to.

"I'm not spending my last morning of break working out. I think not, thank you very much." Me and the guys turn as one to the sound of Oakly's sass.

It looks as though they were making their way over to us before she and Ry had to stop and go head-to-head. The five of us silently laugh—well, I do it silently; the guys don't attempt to hide their amusement at her fussing at him.

"Was that your plan for this morning? Make us work out?" I ask Tillman, cocking my hip to the side and crossing my arms.

"Um…no, not at all," he answers unconvincingly.

"Lies." I laugh as I pry my way into his mind before he can get his block up.

"Fine. Yes, that was the plan, but obviously a bad plan," he admits.

"See, it wasn't even my plan. It was Tillman's and I was just relaying the message," Ry says, throwing his hands up as they finally reach us.

"Well, I'm not spending the day working out. What do you want to do, Willow?" Oakly asks me.

"Not spend the whole day working out, but it wouldn't kill us to get some sparring in. We can drink some coffee first, then hit the mats with whichever of these men are going to try their luck with us today." I compromise.

I really don't want to do that either, but it's what Corentin asked me to focus on, and Tillman's purposely been letting me slack off all week from his guilt over Terravile, so I might as well suck it up a little.

Rolling her eyes, she links her arm with mine and drags us into the command room where we drink our coffees and snack while Tillman and the guys give the newly arrived members a brief. After our second cup, we finally move our asses and hit the mats.

"Are you actually going to spar with her, Draken, or are you going to fuck off and feel her up?" Tillman asks him as he steps up in front of me.

"Just because you and Corentin have no problem slinging her around doesn't mean I'm going to." He huffs back.

No, he doesn't sling me around on the mats. He slings me around in the—

"Will," Tillman barks.

"Sorry." I snort.

"Let Nikoli spar with her and Draken can spar with Oakly. His dragon doesn't freak out when I spar with her in class," Ry comments.

"Yeah, because you don't ever actually hit her. You just deflect and maneuver around her. I'd bite your fucking head off if you did," Draken growls, then shakes his head out, but he doesn't apologize, which lets me know his dragon may have pushed that little outburst, but he doesn't disagree.

"How about this? Nikoli can spar with me, but no face shots and he can pull his punches," I say as a way to ease the fear Draken just put in everyone but our Nexus.

"Yeah, that'll work. I'll do the same for Oakly," Draken agrees after a moment of thinking it over. More like gauging his bond's and dragon's feelings toward that.

I can't help the smirk on my lips when I glance over at Nikoli, who looks like he'd rather do anything else than spar with me. But as Oakly steps up onto the mat confidently with Draken, he sucks it up and follows suit.

"Don't get me eaten, Willow," he whispers.

"He's not going to eat you. I'm a little offended you're not worried about my dragon eating you," I tease.

"Oh fuck, I forgot you have one too. Damn it." He huffs.

"Positions," Tillman hollers, cutting off any more chitchat.

Getting into my stance, as soon as his whistle blows, we begin circling one another. I know he isn't going to make the first move, so I initiate, jabbing out quickly to test his defense. He easily deflects and counters with a leg kick that I could have seen coming a mile away.

"Don't baby her, Nikoli. She's fine," Tillman yells.

Nikoli's shoulders deflate like he's truly dreading doing this, and I can hear Ry yelling pretty much the same thing at Draken.

"Come on, Nikoli. We'll never get better if you all keep treating us like this. How are we supposed to actually protect ourselves if a situation were to arise and none of you are around?" I question.

"Fine. You're right." He caves, shaking his hands out and actually getting into a proper stance.

At Tillman's second whistle, Nikoli strikes.

When he jabs out, I block with my forearm, then bring my knee up and into his stomach. He easily, effortlessly responds with a light elbow to my ribs, then wraps me up, about to flip me off my feet.

"Don't leave your body open like that, Willow. Elbow to the neck, twist out," Tillman yells from the sideline and I quickly do as I'm told. "Good, now step in with a jab, keep your distance."

Adjusting my guard, I swing with a hook that he leans out of the way of but leans right into the cross I was following up with. Round and round we go, with Tillman yelling out instructions and Nikoli giving me time to adjust but also putting pressure on me, so I have to react fast.

Shoving away from one another, we take a split second to catch our breaths. I can tell by the way he's lowering himself, he's about to try to take me out at the knees. So I bounce on my toes, preparing to sidestep him the moment he gets close.

Just as he takes his first step, my vision blurs.

"Wait." I try to shout, holding my hands up, but he's already picking up momentum.

I don't know if he was able to stop or not as my mind is sucked in by the sight.

I stand frozen in the center of chaos, the vision playing across my mind.

A vision I've already seen.

The one that's haunted me since before we left for Terravile. The one I've tried to find a way to change, over and over. The one that I don't know if they'll forgive me for.

I beg and plead to see every scenario, every path, every consequence.

And fuck does it show me.

Fuck.

As the room begins to come back into focus, there's a wall of people standing in front of me. Concern reflects back at me on the faces of my men, Oakly, and her Nexus. They're all watching with weary eyes as panic seeps into my every being.

I'm still on my feet, so Nikoli was able to stop. And honestly, I wish he had rammed right into me, knocked me right the fuck out so maybe I could've avoided seeing what's to come.

My taste buds erupt with salt, and I lick my already wet lips, knowing it's the stain of my tears. I can't stop their flow.

I can't get air into my lungs.

I can't focus. I can't drown out the sounds, the voices in my mind. Not the voices of the people in the gym but the voices of my demons. The ones I've convinced myself I've defeated.

My chest feels like it's cracking open, bleeding out on the floor.

The darkness is closing in around me.

"Primary," Caspian says, taking a small step toward me.

"No." I shake my head rapidly, tears slinging off my face, hitting the mat with an audible splash.

"Little wanderer, it's okay," Draken purrs.

My dragon feels his call, but she's withering in my chest right along with me. We can't embrace them right now. It's too overwhelming. Too much to bear. We need a minute.

"I need a moment. I'll be in Gaster's office," I whisper as the crushing pressure threatens to make my heart implode.

I transport myself out.

I fucking hate it. I hate the feeling, and I'm not even good enough to do it properly since I meant to transport to his office in the archives, but instead, I fall to my knees in the middle of his pocket dimension.

Surround me in a bubble. I command my air.

I take deep breaths as my element comes to my rescue, doing just as I asked, encasing me in my impenetrable shield. But this bubble isn't for my protection.

Five…four…three…two…one…

"Ahhhhhh." I throw my head back and unleash hell.

I detonate like a fucking bomb.

The full fury of my dragon boils to the surface, and I let her free, spewing a vortex of purple lava as I let all my elements pull the pain, the anguish from my body. My guttural cry turns into a raw, primal scream. Tearing through the natural disaster I've created in my cocoon like a thunderclap after lightning strikes a tree.

It's a cry of desperation, a plea to be released from this ongoing fucking nightmare that's following me and fucking up my new life, my new world, my new home.

My voice cracks and falters, yet I scream on.

I scream until my throat is sore and raw, just like my mind and soul. My heart feels like it's splitting open, bleeding out in four different directions. Begging for them to hold the pieces in place.

"Why? Why me?" I desperately shout. Praying, begging for an answer.

"Because, filia mea, you're exactly what this realm needs. Be strong, Willow."

The indistinguishable voice of CC penetrates the panic, and my sobs taper off. I want so badly to fucking throat punch them but also hug them. I want to meet them, to know them, but I also want to throttle them for leaving me to deal with what I've delt with. And for only showing up now randomly.

The sound of their laugh vibrates through my mind almost as if they heard my mental rant. Then the suffocating thoughts begin running rampant again.

"I don't know if I can be strong. I've come so far, only to be knocked back," I whisper into the void as I call all but my air back into me slowly.

The anxiety in my chest ceases as I'm frozen in a stasis, wrapped up in a power I've come to know as the greatest of them all.

Elementra.

"Ultima unum. The things you fear, I hear. I know where it stems from, sweetheart, but take comfort in this, in my words. Your Nexus will always support you. Your bonds will never break. None of them. This I vow all my power on. Let that worry go and embrace who you are. We will be with you. Always."

She leaves me before I can even say or ask anything. The comfort she brought lessens, but it grounds me enough to take a deep breath. Pulling my air back into my chest, I let her words sink in.

They'll support me. They'll forgive me.

I won't lose them. Any of them.

"Willy." Oakly's voice cracks from a few feet behind me.

"I hate that nickname." I sniffle, wiping the tears from my face, but not bothering to turn around or get off my knees.

"I know. Are you okay?" she asks as she comes and lowers herself to her knees in front of me.

"No."

"Is it going to be okay?" she asks vaguely, cautiously.

"Honestly… I don't know, Oak," I tell her, finally meeting her tear-soaked hazel eyes.

She doesn't say another word as she wraps me in a hug and I break down again in her arms. I try to find the comfort and peace Elementra just gave me, but it's hard to find. So I soak up what Oakly's offering, holding onto it for dear life.

"How long did they give me before they followed?" I ask, pulling back and cleaning my face again.

"Oh, maybe five seconds. I thought Corentin was going to pop a fucking blood vessel in his eye when he realized you were in here and he couldn't get in. He called Gaster and demanded he grant him access." She laughs and I can't help but chuckle.

"Obviously Gaster said no."

"Yeah, he said under no circumstance. This is our hideaway and to give you time. So Corentin told me if I came in to get you, he'd let me be Gaster's aide for the remainder of my time here without having to reapply every year." She smirks evilly and I shake my head at her.

"So you only came to check on me because you were bribed?" I jib.

"No, I was coming in regardless, but I wasn't gonna tell him that or pass up his sweet deal." She smiles.

Her teasing is exactly what I need, and when she stands and offers me her hand, I take it willingly.

Thankfully, my air shield did hold off damaging Gaster's room, other than the space where I was kneeling, so with a wave of my hand and command to my earth element, I fix his rug, like it never even happened.

"You're going to be in so much trouble when you walk out of here," she picks as she links her arms with mine and steers us toward the door.

"I know. You may want to get out of the way when we step out."

I halt our movements right as we reach the end of the brick hallway. I know they're about to be worried, upset, concerned. Even through the vast fabric of the pocket dimension, I feel it keenly.

Fuck, I have nothing to say to explain.

"They understand," Oakly whispers, answering my silent worry.

I nod and press my hand to the doorway.

Gaster's magic fades from my skin as I make my way out of the threshold, one step…two steps…

Blackness like the dead of night steals my sight as I'm shrouded in shadows. The freeing weightlessness that comes with his protection encases me, sweeping me off my feet.

"Cas—"

He slams me against the wall of his shadows, cutting me off. Our bodies take shape once again and my legs wrap around his waist for support. I feel the tendrils fluttering around my body like clouds of smoke, yet they're as solid as brick against my back. When he places his forehead against mine, I place my hand over his pounding heart, letting its wildness seep into me.

Sliding his hand up my stomach, through the valley of my breast, he wraps his fingers gently around my throat, his thumb rubbing circles around my erratic pulse.

"Don't, Primary," he growls.

"What?"

"Don't, Willow," he shouts, his hand flinching, tensing slightly before he relaxes again. "Don't you fucking do it. I don't know what you saw, but I saw the darkness slithering through your eyes. There's a choice you have to make. Choose yourself, choose us. Fuck this realm, fuck them all." He pants through his anger.

My dark and damaged protector.

"Caspian," I breathe his name like it's my tether. Like he's the only thing keeping me from floating away in the darkened void filling my mind.

Grunting like he's in pain, he lifts his head and locks his eyes with mine. The darkness, the lingering, haunted veil that obscures their amber color is nowhere to be found. Right now, they're akin to whiskey poured over ice, swirling with depth and clarity. It's alluring, captivating. I feel like I'm seeing him for the first time.

Just as my lips part to say something, he slams his mouth to mine, stealing the words and my breath.

I gasp at the sensation. The hot and cold of the two of us mingling together. I feel him pouring his everything into this kiss and I pour all of me back. I give myself over to him fully, completely.

Every stroke, every nip at my lip, every slow peck, I find myself being more and more swept up in him. For the first time, his emotions flow freely through me. There's no block, no kink in our bond, just pure, unfiltered emotions.

"Caspian."

"You are mine, Primary. Don't do whatever it was that put that look in your eyes," he breathes against my lips.

There's nothing I can do but fight back my tears. I can't say anything. I can't promise him anything.

"I'll darken this realm. I'll block out the sun until the end of time. Flood every territory until there's no one left but us. You are my light, my only light, Primary. I'll protect you from the darkness, even your own." His words chase away the nightmares lingering in the corner of my mind. The demons that wait to pounce on me when they see me at my most vulnerable. They don't stand a chance against him.

"I'll meet you in the dark," I swear.

I'll never let him fade to black completely. Despite the growth, the long way he's come, I know in my soul there will always be a darkness that stains him because the same darkness stains me. But I'll guide him home. I'll guide him back to me, back to us, every time. Forever.

I have no clue the time that passes as we sit here embracing one another. The fear I usually feel that one wrong breath will send him sprawling away from me is nowhere to be found. Somehow, I know, my bond knows, we just took a massive leap.

I sigh deeply when three more bodies press into me, cushioning me protectively. The tears begin to flow when they all put their hands on me, stroking and caressing me like I'm something precious.

"You are precious, little warrior. Like the realm's rarest gem. Both precious and indestructible. You're the most precious gift we've ever been given. I'll tell you every day until you believe it," Tillman says, kissing my forehead.

"I love you, little wanderer. I love you so fucking much," Draken's deepened voice rumbles. I don't have to look behind me to know his dragon is at the surface.

"Princess." Corentin groans. So many emotions coat that one word.

I can barely bring myself to look at him. I know he'll be searching. He'll search my eyes, trying to pry the answers he needs from the depths of my soul. I can't handle that.

"I can't, Core. There's nothing I can give you this time." I sob.

"Shh, baby. Please don't cry. It's okay. We'll figure it out," he swears.

I can't bring myself to speak. I just let the tears flow freely, soaking through Caspian's shirt as my sobs shake my body.

The longer they rub and whisper sweet words and praises, the more the tightening in my chest lightens. The fear that they'll hate me for what's to come dissipates, and I let their words fill my heart.

Elementra is right. The fear I have is losing this love that I've just begun to know. It's the fear of losing them, my new family. Not the task at hand. That I can handle, I know I can. Being without them?

No, absolutely not.

"We're going home, Primary," Caspian declares.