37. Chapter 37

Chapter thirty-seven

T he wind is fierce today, its gusts so strong that they could easily knock you off balance if you’re not vigilant. Leaves whirl and tumble around me, dancing in the relentless breeze and scattering in every direction. I keep my head lowered, focusing on each step as I make my way to my mum’s house.

It’s not far—certainly within driving distance, but today, I’ve chosen to walk. There’s something refreshing about the crisp air that helps clear my mind. Yet, despite the invigorating sensation of the wind against my face, I can’t shake the growing weight inside my head, a heavy burden that seems on the brink of overwhelming me. It’s not just the stress; there’s an unsettling feeling that lingers, a strange sense that reality itself is somehow off-kilter. I can't quite place it, but the feeling of something being fundamentally wrong gnaws at me, making the familiar journey feel fraught with uncertainty.

Fumbling with the key in the lock, my hand feels strangely unsteady. The usual warmth of my mother’s house is missing, replaced by an oppressive silence that settles around me as I push the door open. The familiar smell of her cooking is there, but it’s tainted by something I can’t quite identify.

I slip into the hallway, my steps quiet as I make my way towards the living room. The voices I hear are muffled but unmistakable—my mother’s voice and Ethan’s, and there’s something in their tones that feels off, strained.

“We can’t keep hiding it from him anymore,” Ethan says, his frustration seeping through the walls. “He deserves to know the truth. It’s not fair to keep him in the dark like this.”

“But you heard what the doctors said,” my mother counters, her voice tight with worry. “They said it could be too much for him. They’re not sure how he’d handle it.”

“Of course, they’re not sure,” Ethan replies, his voice rising. “But do you really think it’s better for him to be kept in the dark? We’re struggling too, remember? This isn’t just about what’s best for him; it’s about how we’re going to get through this together. Hiding it from him is just going to make everything worse.”

“I know, Ethan,” my mother’s voice cracks, and I can hear the tears she’s trying to hold back. “You think this is easy for me? I hate seeing him like this. I hate that I can’t fix it for him. But I’m terrified of what will happen if he finds out. I don’t want him to be more hurt than he already is.”

“But you’re not doing him any favours by shielding him,” Ethan argues. “Every day we wait, it feels like we’re building this enormous wall between us. It’s eating us up inside, and it’s going to eat him up too. I’m struggling to keep up the pretence, and I know you are too. We need to be honest with him. He has a right to know.”

My mother’s voice softens, but there’s a resigned sadness in it. “I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying I have all the answers. But if we tell him now, it’s going to break him. I can’t bear to see him suffering more than he already is. We need to find another way.”

The conversation abruptly stops. The weight of their words hits me like a punch to the gut. I’m caught, standing there, trying to make sense of what I’ve just heard. My heart is pounding, each beat a thunderous drum in my ears. The truth they’re hiding, the struggle they’re enduring—it all feels like it’s crashing down on me.

I step around the corner, my eyes meeting theirs. The look of guilt and shock on their faces is palpable. For a moment, the room is thick with a heavy silence.

“Killian, wait!” My mother’s voice trembles as she takes a hesitant step towards me, her hand reaching out as though trying to bridge an impossible distance.

Ethan’s expression is a mix of desperation and sorrow. “Killian, please. We were going to tell you, but—”

“I don’t want to hear it!” I snap, my voice breaking. The frustration and confusion I feel surge to the surface, and I can’t stay here any longer. I turn and storm towards the door, the intensity of my emotions driving me forward.

As I fling the door open, the cool evening air hits me like a blast, sharp and unforgiving. I step outside, the familiar street now feeling alien and hostile. My breaths come in ragged gasps, and the sound of my mother’s anguished cry cuts through the night.

“Killian, come back!” My mother’s voice is filled with a mixture of panic and desperation. I hear her footsteps pounding behind me, growing louder as she chases after me.

Ethan’s voice follows, pleading and urgent. “Please, Killian, don’t go! We need to talk this through. We didn’t mean for you to find out like this!”

But I don’t stop. My heart is racing, my mind a whirlwind of unanswered questions and betrayal. I can’t bear to face them right now. I need to get away, to clear my head, to escape the suffocating weight of their secrets.

I hear my mother’s footsteps growing closer, but I push myself faster, the sound of her voice fading into the background. I reach the end of the driveway, and as I glance back, I see her standing there, tears streaming down her face, reaching out as if she could somehow pull me back with her hands.

I turn away and continue down the street. The path ahead feels uncertain, and the answers I so desperately need seem as distant as ever. The weight of their hidden truth presses heavily on my chest, and I walk on, driven by the need to escape the tangled web of secrets that has been unravelling before me.