Chapter Four

Mila

I spin the burner phone around in my palm, waiting while the message loads to send. I like having this untraceable number, but it does take a few extra minutes for my texts to go through. Being in Reed's fortress doesn't exactly help. I'm sure his own software is detecting something from my phone. A small smile tugs at my lips, remembering the kiss we shared last night. Reed never left his room the rest of the night, but I don't care. We kissed, and it was everything I imagined it would be. He's upset with me right now and trying to get used to this new dynamic. I have so many things I want to tell him to help ease his mind, but I can't until he's ready.

My feet pace the floor in the kitchen, my mind lost in thought when I suddenly glance up and see Reed watching me, his brow raised. I hold up the phone and see that the message has finally sent. "I let my mom know that I'm okay and safe."

"Did you tell her about your other surprise?" he questions, and I swallow down the guilt I feel.

"I will tell them. I just want to wait a little longer," I tell him, trying to keep my voice from letting in the wavering emotion.

"They might feel like you are less in danger if you tell them."

Wait, is he helping me? My brow rises. "You would be fine if they don't come looking for me?"

His shoulders lift. "I don't care either way. I just don't need a bunch of Rogue members coming after me. The work I do is delicate and relies heavily on outside units not knowing I even exist. I'm a ghost to them."

I roll my eyes. "I know, Reed. Trust me, I've done everything I can to cover where I am and the fact that I came to you. I'm not here to make your life difficult. I want to help."

"How exactly?" He moves toward me, and I notice, for the first time, the glacial look in his eyes. "Just because you once had to protect your life and your sister's doesn't mean you are cut out to do what I do. We both know you feel, Mila. The mistake you made was thinking I felt the same."

I can feel my anger rising inside my body, spreading across my chest. Seems we're starting all over again. I thought after the kiss yesterday that maybe, just maybe, I had gotten through to him. As he intended, Reed triggered my memories of the night of the home invasion before we came to Rogue. He wants to distract me. To prove that I feel. The images flood my vision, and I fight to keep my mind in the here and now. Still, I can recall the sickening sound of metal cracking a human skull.

"I'm not trying to do what you do, Reed. I'm simply saying I know what and who you are, and it doesn't scare me. All I want to do is help. If you need assistance in looking up information or when you're out on a job, maybe something comes up that you weren't prepared for…like the demonic rituals going on in the last job that no one knew about, I can assist." I scoff at him, folding my arms protectively across my chest.

"I know I have unresolved trauma and issues from my past. I'm not pretending that we are anything alike. I'm simply saying I can't just go to college and pretend to be normal. I also don't have it in me to be saintly like my sister. My mom wants me to be an accountant. A freaking accountant. Everyone in Rogue looks at me like I'm broken and made of glass, except for my brain. You are the only one who hasn't discounted my entire package."

I think I've stunned him. Reed's eyes drop to the floor, and his brows furrow as if I'm giving him a math problem, his genius brain has never seen before. And I guess, in a way, I am. I am throwing emotions at him. Deeply seeded emotions that have been festering inside me since those two fateful events where I almost lost my life. "Reed, you are the only one who understands that when my dad died that day, I felt nothing. I should have felt sadness or grief, but all I could think was that it was over. Even now, I don't react to it in the way that I should because all I think about is the fact that he deserved it."

My voice catches in my throat. I'm probably the world's worst daughter for thinking that way. To me, he deserved to die. I know what happened to my mom and that she saved Saylor and me from experiencing the same form of torture. Those men were there because of my dad. I was shot and my mom was abducted by a mafia family because of my dad. It kills me that I share the same blood as a man so despicable that he never even apologized to me for what he did. I wish I was like Saylor, who it turns out is only my half-sister. Her father is a member of Rogue, our mom's high school sweetheart. I wish I was like Silas, who is Saylor's half-brother, but he's become my adopted brother as well. I love him just as fiercely as I do Saylor and Niko, the baby in the family, and also my other half-brother.

"Your dad was a piece of shit," Reed grunts. "You shouldn't feel guilty about not feeling sorry for him. He chose to die that day."

I nod. "I know. But if you ask one of the many psychologists I've been forced to see, they will all say this is stemming from trauma, and once I'm over my anger, the sadness and mourning will happen. They look at me weird when I say I'm not angry or sad."

Reed shakes his head because if anyone understands the language of a counselor or psychologist, it's him. They have looked at both of us as defective. Emotionless. And in Reed's case, a child psychologist labeled him with an antisocial personality disorder. "You told your mom you are safe?"

I nod. "I sent her a message and used words she knows I would use."

"I'll wait to give any information to Ciaran. I only told him I'd look into it." Reed crosses his arms over his chest and looks at me, his head tilting to the side. "This isn't a yes or no. Since you're already here, we'll see how it goes."

I fight the urge to throw my arms around him; one, because he might change his mind and panic, and two, Reed needs to make the first move. He kissed me last night, but today, he's ice cold again. Having a person in a space he designed to keep others out is probably a shock to his system, and I don't want to ruin any more of the fragile trust we already have between us.

"Perfect." I clap my hands together. "Now there is just one thing I would really like to learn that no one has worked on with me yet."

His eye twitches. "What?"

"Shooting," I tell him, a sly smile pulling at my lips. "I need to learn to shoot."

Reed's light eyes travel over my body, from head to toe, as if he's looking for a lie under my skin. I see him take a deep breath, like this might physically hurt him or something. "Ciaran or your brother never showed you?"

I shake my head slowly. "They offered, but I made excuses. I never knew if I wanted to or not, knowing I wasn't sure I'd be able to help Rogue anyways."

"They should have taught you," Reed mumbles to himself. There is a brief pause of silence between us, and I wonder if he can hear the beating of my heart while I wait on him. "Okay." He finally looks at me again, and our eyes clash. "I'll show you."

I suppress the need to jump up and down happily, again trying my best not to scare Reed, but also to show him I'm serious about this. Even though I feel as though I won something, there is still a long way to go, but the end game will be so worth it.