CHAPTER FOUR

The door opened, and Tav stood in the doorway, having seen Clayen off. A hay and farmyard-scented gust of air ruffled the dark hair that was overly long for an alpha, but the scruff of his beard was all alpha. A grin lit his face, and warmth pooled in their chest at their alpha’s happiness, but it was only just sinking in what they’d agreed to.

Mir spoke up, trying to sound nonchalant. “We won’t be taking the train too, will we?”

Tav cocked his head. “Of course. It’d be a week-long journey by horseback, longer by wagon, and I don’t think riding for that long in your condition would be a good idea, do you?”

Mir shook their head, wishing that they’d asked how far away his family lived before agreeing to go.

“Don’t you like trains?”

They shrugged, not wanting to share the confused memories following the abduction. Mir knew they was a long way from the farm where they’d grown up outside the small town of Hartcote. Apart from vague memories of being enclosed and rattling noises, there wasn’t much except being touched and not being able to prevent it.

Lying to themself wasn’t helpful. Mir had wanted that blond alpha to do far more than he did at the time, they’d even begged for it while the fucker chuckled. With a shiver, Mir packed the past away.

“Don’t worry, you’ll love it,” Tav smiled his encouragement. “All that steam and speed? There’s nothing like it. I’ll pop over to my neighbors later. Their beta offspring looked after this place for the agent before I moved in. Hopefully, they can come over and farm sit while we’re away.”

After a brief resistance, Mir asked the pathetic omega question they didn’t want to.

“What do I wear to a guardian ceremony?”

Tavish’s condescending chuckle grated on Mir’s nerves. He’d said he liked their spirit showing, so Mir gave him both barrels.

“You think it’s funny that I don’t know what to wear to a fancy ceremony? So my family was dirt poor, and? How would you feel if I teased you about not knowing how to…” Mir realized what they’d been about to say and buttoned their lip. That would’ve been too cruel. Mir growled in frustration and stomped off toward the bedroom they shared but halted at the door to the rest of the house.

The door they’d never stepped through because it reminded them of something they’d rather never recall. This part of the house was safe, it smelled like Tav, but that part of the house was an entirely different prospect.

If they was going to stand up to Tavish’s family and a damn noisy, smelly train, they sure as hell should be able to go into a dusty, people-free, disused room. Mir was still plucking up the courage to open the door when Tavish’s warmth pressed up against their back, and arms draped across their shoulders.

“I’m sorry I laughed, I wasn’t laughing at you. I was thinking about Natelle’s expression when you walk in, wearing whatever you damn well want because you don’t have to toe the line. I’ll be proud to stand next to you, whether you want to wear jeans and a T-shirt, a floor-length ball gown, or nothing but your work boots and underwear. Thinking about it, the underwear might…” He oofed as Mir elbowed him in the stomach.

“Yeah, Clay was right, good hitter,” he wheezed.

Fear wrapped around Mir’s chest, squeezing so tight they couldn’t pull in a breath. They’d just hit an alpha, one who wasn’t even trying to hurt them. Unforgivable. Mir dropped into a squat, one arm covering their head, the other their belly.

“Hey, don’t do that; I’m not them. Don’t treat me as if I am.”

The alpha dominance in his voice halted Mir’s mental and physical retreat. With nearly as much effort as it had taken to get in the back of his wagon all those weeks ago, Mir straightened up and stared him in the eye. The satisfaction on Tav’s face spoke volumes.

“Well done, I’m proud of you. I would say feel free to hit me anytime you like, but please bear in mind that I’m prone to retaliation—” fear jabbed at Mir again, but Tav’s grin and wiggling fingers settled their nerves “—and I have one hell of a tickle attack. Just ask Clay next time you see him.”

“I will. I bet they can tell me lots of secrets about little Tav.”

Tavish’s dark brows drew together, but the corner of his mouth twitched up, betraying his playful mood. “Forget I said anything. I suspect Clay keeps a file on everyone he meets for future blackmail purposes. Mine’s probably several inches thick by now. Changing the subject quickly, because I can, were you standing here for a reason? Do you want to try going in here again?”

The approval in his tone made Mir straighten up even more. I can do this.

“Nope, and I don’t want to see your family or get on a train. I didn’t want to get in your wagon that day either, even if it turned out pretty good.”

“It certainly did.” Reaching out, he brushed a strand of hair off Mir’s forehead. It had certainly grown in the weeks since they hacked it off with kitchen scissors. “Do you want me to come in with you?” he asked gently.

The old wooden door provided a barrier between the serene present and tumbling back into the abyss of mind-numbing fear. Even back then, they hadn’t been a coward, not most of the time anyway. Proto-alpha, not omega.

Mir took a breath and grasped the handle. Back in Hell, the beta guards always pushed Mir into the chase room alone. Probably with the idea that the scared omega would try to find a hiding place or formulate a strategy that would keep them out of alpha hands a little longer. Sometimes, only minutes passed before the door creaked open again, and the stink of a hunting alpha assaulted Mir’s nose and mind. Other times, Mir got left in shivering suspense for hours before the door opened, and the alpha or alphas came in to begin their game.

“Yes, please, but…”

“Spit it out, you can’t offend me. We’re friends, remember?”

This was so damn embarrassing. Mir would never have thought this, let alone said it, as a proto-alpha. But that had been a long time ago, and so much had happened to that cocky youngster.

Mir took a deep breath and blurted, “Can I hold your hand all the time we’re in there?”

Without comment, Tav slipped his big hand around Mir’s. They stood there for a few long moments before he spoke again.

“You can open the door or walk away. You’re in charge here. I’ll do whatever you want, and I won’t judge.”

Taking a shaky breath, Mir glanced up at his gentle, encouraging smile. Hating that their hand trembled, Mir took a breath, held it, and opened the door an inch. Tav must be dying to know what frightened Mir about this place, but that was a secret they’d take to their grave.

“If… if we started using this part, where would everything go?” Mir asked almost frantically, needing normal conversation to distract from the memories of the cat calls of the hunting alphas.

Gently, Tav used his other hand to push the varnished wooden door open but didn’t move forward. Dust sheets covered what were clearly sofas, armchairs, low tables, and sideboards scattered through the gloomy space. The windows all had shutters on the outside, although enough light sneaked through to produce deeper shadows behind the dusty furniture.

So many places to hide.There had been in the chase room too, but the alphas always found Mir in the end.

“Well, I’d change the current kitchen/living room back into just a kitchen where we’d eat. The spare room would probably go back to being a laundry, but I’d keep mine intact as a guest room. It’s a nice size for that. We’d keep this as the main living space, there’s plenty of room for everyone here, but I’d change the furniture. This stuff is probably older than both of us put together.”

He carried on talking as he led Mir through the shadows that stank of dust and the echoes of people long gone. Anything, anyone, could be hiding there. Both ignored the two-handed death grip Mir had on his hand.

“The family bedrooms are off the living room.” He pointed at a door Mir had already seen at the far end of the double-aspect room. That was a reassuring change from the chase room. There had only been one way in and one way out.

The chase room had been almost three times this size, and the miss-match fabric sofas, some plain, some floral, scattered around the huge space soaked up the stink of alpha musk and excitement even more than it exuded the fear and slick of countless omegas, including Mir’s. This place didn’t smell like that, but Mir’s mind filled with the scents as if they were branded into their brain, just waiting to re-emerge.

“At the back of the house—” Tav’s relaxed, calm voice battled against Mir’s drumming heart. Tav had to be able to feel it through Mir’s damp palms; he might even be able to hear it with his super alpha hearing. To Mir’s relief, he didn’t mention it. “—there’s a great big children’s room with enough space for a proper big bed and an ensuite bathroom for the little monsters. The alpha suite has a bathroom and a linked nursery for little ones. There’s even a beta suite at the far end. I don’t think I’ve seen that in a house before, especially one with a beta bunkhouse. Perhaps it was a distinction between affiliated family members and hired workers. It’s got its own entrance to the outside, a big communal bedroom, a bathroom and a living room. Want to see them?”

“Yeah,” Mir managed to squeak, although every nerve screamed at them to run. Behind each sheet-draped piece of furniture and closed door could be a living nightmare ready to jump out and drag Mir back into the past.

The alphas in Hell had done their best to break Mir, to turn them into a classic, obedient, weak, fearful omega. They thought the drugs and years of abuse had broken them, and they almost had, but a kernel of the original Mir, the real Mir, had survived deep down, like a bug burrowing deep underground to survive a harsh winter. And with this weird alpha’s help, that ghost was beginning to emerge to face a strange new reality.

Tav’s constant, gentle, matter-of-fact, one-sided conversation helped dial down the stress to a manageable level as he led Mir slowly through the living room and then around each bedroom suite. Diffuse light tried to invade through the filthy windows, but the dirt resisted, keeping the room in shadows. Like the alphas in Hell, Mir bet Tavish could see so much more than them, and Tavish wasn’t frightened. His voice, his attitude, said it was safe. Mir wanted to believe him so damn much, but the ghosts of the past still hooked icy fingers into their soul.

“You know, I think I can smell several omegas in here, but no heat scents,” Tavish said. “Makes me wonder as if there were a group of sisters here at one point, although I can’t pick up any alphas at all. Maybe Falen had sisters who lived with them. I kinda like that idea.”

The place was a lot bigger than Mir assumed, but although it was uncared for now, it was clear it once had been. They stopped in the children’s dorm, gazing at the chalkboard nailed to the wall, still dusty with remnants of countless drawings. Beside it, the wall boasted nearly two dozen height lines, each updated as the pup grew. They all seemed to have made it to adulthood. The large pup bed had lost its mattress, and the wooden frame bore the scratches and dents of many years of use. It held the echo of happy pups playing, having pillow fights, laughing, and fighting.

Tavish stopped by the height marks and brushed the third to last one with a fingertip. “Huh. I was right. I always wondered if he grew up here. I wonder which ones stayed and which ones left.”

Mir squinted at the faded name on top of the column of wobbly horizontal lines.

FAL

Growing up here, spending their whole life in this serene place like this beta sounded like heaven. Mir couldn’t help wondering what had happened to the other dozen or more pups who had called this place home. A home where they had been clearly loved and appreciated. At least when they were pups. I shouldn’t be frightened of an old family home.

No matter what they told themself anxiety clung on, bubbling beneath the surface, so Mir tried to channel Tav’s logical mind.

The chase room was a prop, it had never been lived in, had never rung with the laughter of a happy family. This wasn’t the same at all; this house had been filled with love, and it could be again.

There was a lost jigsaw piece and a single child’s sock poking out from under a chest of drawers. Mir stopped and stared, wondering which of the pups on the wall had last worn it. Mir didn’t notice they’d released the vice-like grip on Tav’s hand.

“Happier?”

Mir took a steadying breath before replying. “Yeah, yeah, I am. Do you know what happened to the family that lived here?”

“According to the neighbors, they moved nearer civilization. They left the property to their eldest beta child. I think I mentioned them. Falen was born here and lived here till they died. Cole was apparently their best friend, which is probably why the bugger hates me. He blames me for his owner leaving.”

“It’s a good place for children to grow up,” Mir said as Tav’s warm palms covered their shoulders and tugged them back, flush against his solid chest as they gazed at the years of marks on the wall.

“It’s a good place to grow old in too,” Tav murmured.

Mir wondered how long it’d been since anyone had spoken in this room. Falen had been one of the youngest and it sounded as if they’d died of old age. This place reeked of old happiness; it’d seeped into the wood, brick, and stone that formed the walls and roof. Would their ghosts appreciate new life entering this place? Would they think of it as a continuation, or usurping? How long before this place felt like Mir’s home, rather than them living in someone else’s home?

“So do you have any ideas about decorating this place? Because interior design isn’t really my strong point.”

Mir pulled away, pissed at his stereotyping. “And you think I’m any better at arty stuff because I’m an omega?” They took a breath, Tav wasn’t the enemy. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. Don’t worry, you’ve done fine as far as I can tell. Although I’m no judge, I grew up in a house with big flowery wallpaper.”

He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Floral wallpaper? I bet I could find some in one of the catalogs, although it’ll have to be pink. I’m all about pink.” Mir smacked his bicep as Tav clearly expected. “Ow, I’ll have you up on charges of Alpha abuse.” With a grin to show the ridiculousness of the statement, he offered Mir his arm.

“Shall we get on with getting us all official, Farmer Mir?”

The chivalry warmed Mir’s heart nearly as much as the non-gendered title. They was even more grateful that Tav wasn’t pressing about the reason why they had been so afraid before. Mir slipped their hand through Tav’s extended elbow. Here in the bedroom area, especially in the children’s dorm and the beta rooms, Mir didn’t feel too bad. The ‘alpha’ suite reminded them of the upstairs bedrooms in Hell, and the living area still gave Mir chills. Although it wasn’t nearly as bad on the way back through as it had been a few minutes ago.

The babies, Kev and Mar, and the as-yet-unnamed parent who wasn’t afraid of their own shadow. Tavish deserved someone to help him, not a burden, and Mir was determined to be that person. They’d face the world together, supporting each other, side by side.

Unlike just about every other alpha Mir had ever met, Tavish didn’t seem to need to have his ego, or anything else, stroked. Although his behavior with Clayen and Cole proved that he could be entirely dominant if required. Tavish was all alpha; he just didn’t feel the need to prove it at every opportunity. In Mir’s eyes, he was just what an alpha should be. What Mir wanted their children to grow up thinking was normal, even if it wasn’t in Mir’s personal experience.

They walked back into the used portion of the house, and the last remnants of tension leached away. This area already felt like home, and they hoped that feeling would extend to the rest of the property sooner rather than later.

“Well, first things first,” Tav said, “I’d better see if our neighbor is available to farm sit while we’re down south.”

“What are they like?” Mir asked, remembering how Tavish had mentioned that his nearest neighbors ran a smallholding farther down the mountain, on the south-facing warmer slopes.

Tav shrugged. “No idea, really. The land agent employed a beta, who they claimed was the adult child of the family, to look after the stock, but they only stayed for a few minutes after I arrived. I’ve never seen, heard, or smelled anyone else around, though. If there is an alpha there, he doesn’t mark his boundaries.”

“Want me to come?” Mir asked.

“It’ll be quicker if I go alone on Cole; I’d have to get the wagon out if you come. And if the beta isn’t available, I’ll have to go into town to sort something else out.”

“So that’s a no,” Mir grumbled and turned away. “That’s all you had to say. The crazy omega isn’t good enough to—”

“Stop right there.” Mir stopped, hanging their head back, and gazed at the ceiling as if help would come from above. “Now turn around, stroppy boots.” The smile in Tav’s voice had Mir grinning too, then they schooled their face into a scowl as they huffed and turned around.

Tav took his time strolling forward, a smile tickling his lips, until his taut, muscular belly met Mir’s swollen one. It left Mir staring at the notch in Tav’s collarbone, over a foot away.

A hand reached up, and a calloused thumb stroked Mir’s cheek. Because they was being stroppy, Mir twitched their head away with a huff. Perhaps this was how Cole felt with Tavish’s constant superior attention. What was so bad about being pissed off?

“Look at me.” The command was soft, but it was an order all the same. It sent a shiver of anticipation, not fear, through Mir. They realized that they’d finally accepted, deep down on a cellular level, that they trusted Tav, which was why they was comfortable huffing and puffing and showing their emotions around him.

Reality hit them like a bucket of ice water. When it sank in that this was Tav, not some nameless alpha, Mir didn’t have the instinct to drop and cover, that reaction wasn’t part of them. Their mind had been trained, altered, by Hell, and if it had been changed once, it could change back. Underneath all the brainwashed fear, the strong, proud proto-alpha they’d been still existed.

Mir raised their gaze and met Tav’s dark, expressive gaze. Patient as always, he waited respectfully to hear what Mir had to say. “I’m not scared of you.”

“I know, and it’s wonderful, just like you.”

To Mir’s surprise, Tav leaned down and placed a gentle, fleeting kiss on Mir’s lips. Very few of the alphas in Hell had wanted to kiss Mir, and those that had treated it as a dare. And they were right to because Mir would snap, trying to fasten their teeth in the fucker, needing to share at least a little of their pain, their humiliation.

Mir had never experienced anything like the gentle, respectful and so very wanted featherlike brush of lips.Mir’s brain stalled. They wanted Tav to kiss them, and not just to manipulate him and gain an advantage.

Mir opened eyes they didn’t remember closing to see a smug Tav smiling down at them. “Well, that’s one way to shut you up.”

Embarrassment blazed. Mir did what they’d always done to Tor and Cor when they got too smug about their academic achievements compared to Mir’s. Clenching a fist with their middle knuckle sticking out, Mir rammed it into the sensitive spot on Tav’s side, under his ribs.

The effect was immediate. With an “Ah,” Tav crabbed sideways, laughing as he rubbed his side. “What was that for?”

“Assuming a kiss and a smile will get you what you want.”

“Didn’t it?” Tav radiated smugness.

“One day, your head’s going to swell up with so much hot air you’ll lift off the ground,” Mir grumbled, but a smile still broke through.

Tav’s smile was wider than ever. “Well, I’d better go see if I can’t get Cole to bring me down a peg or two as even your scowls make me smile. If I’m not back in a couple of hours, don’t panic. I will have just gone into town to hire someone as the neighbors can’t help.”

“Me? Panic? As if,” Mir scoffed, even as the claws of anxiety at being alone began to sharpen.

Tav reached for Mir again, cupping their face, and this time, Mir didn’t pull away or make a joke. “You’ll be fine. Lock the doors behind me and don’t come out for anything unless it’s me, ok?”

Mir lowered their gaze. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine. You think I can’t cope with being alone for a few hours? I’m not some useless pregnant omega, you know.”

“I do. You’re my big, fierce proto-alpha, and I trust you, but please, if anyone comes, stay indoors so I can play the protective alpha when I come back? I haven’t had a lot of practice at that, and I have to convince a whole bunch of family when I get home that my balls aren’t a mistake.”

Mir knew Tav meant it as a joke, but the possibility of Tav’s manifestation also being artificial grew more of a possibility every day. Tav wasn’t like any alpha Mir had ever met. There might be a reason for that, just like there was a reason for Mir becoming an omega rather than the alpha they was on the inside. Asking Tav that question wouldn’t happen because if he doubted his natural alphaness, there was no way he’d convince a bunch of real alphas the fake paperwork was legitimate.

Mir needed that paperwork to keep the triplets safe from their genetic sire or sires. And they needed it to stay with Tavish; Mir paused, wondering when the two things had become so inseparably entwined.

“You ok? You drifted off into Mirland a bit there.”

Mir pulled away, feeling their face heat. Stupid soppy omega hormones. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good, you know me. Now get going. You don’t want to be out on the road in the dark. Cole isn’t bright enough not to put his foot in a damn hole.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Freckles.”

Mir growled as Tavish expected, but couldn’t stop the slight grin at the endearment. “Get your big alpha ass outta here.” Mir turned away. Watching Tav ride away would only send their anxiety skyrocketing.

If I can’t see him go, I can pretend he’s only in the barn. Huffing at the idiotic attempt to fool themselves, they decided to keep busy so they wouldn’t notice the time passing was a far better strategy.

Cleaning the disused portion of his home was a task Mir could manage even with their growing belly. Even Mir’s father had let them clean, so Tavish should allow it.