8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Locke

W e sat side by side in silence for a moment, as I looked around his room. It was small, but it had personality. I felt awkward but also excited to be here. After sharing my news about the award and having someone react the way I needed them to had been really endearing in a weird way. It made me feel like it was the right decision, that Adam was the right person to tell. All the weight of keeping it to myself had been released. Well, somewhat, I still had all the worries about what I needed to do to get the award, but I could tuck it away for now.

Adam grabbed a Keroppi plushie from behind him and clutched it in his arms. He looked so damn cute holding it.

"More Keroppi?"

Adam smiled so genuinely it was infectious. "Yes. I told you he is a short king."

"Yeah, just like you, huh?" I was surprised by his height when we met at the park. The last time I'd seen him, he'd been sitting down, so I couldn't tell. Having a few inches on him was, admittedly, alluring. The few times I'd dated, I was always the shorter one. Adam made me want to wrap my arms around him and hold him close, much like he was doing with the plushie.

"Exactly! Us short kings gotta stick together."

I reached out, and he handed the frog to me. It was really soft, and those pink cheeks of his were adorable. As I played with his little feet, I asked, "You said he's special to you, too, right?"

Adam flopped back, until he was laying on his bed with his arms under his head, his feet hanging over the side of the bed. Not wanting to be at an uneven height, I did the same, though I turned on my side, and propped my head on my hand, placing the Keroppi between us.

He gave me a sweet smile. "I was a total tomboy when I was younger. I felt different, but I didn't understand why, so I avoided anything that was seen as ‘girly.' It didn't matter that there were things I secretly admired, I wouldn't let myself give into it. It wasn't until I was in college and my roommate—now bestie—helped me work through what I was feeling. As soon as I understood that I was a man and not just a tomboy, it made everything click into place. I also finally stopped fearing the feminine. Watching the drag shows on campus had really helped me come to grips with it. That people could embrace both masculinity and femininity together."

Adam picked up the plushie and held it over his head, softly staring at it while he continued. "I was at the mall with Carmen, my BFF, trying out different styles, and we passed by the Hello Kitty store. I stopped and stared at it with such longing, because I'd never dared to walk into one before out of fear of what people might think of me. She pushed me inside, and, when I couldn't stop staring at Keroppi, she bought this for me."

"You should never let someone else's opinion steal what you love. She sounds like a great friend. I'm really glad you had someone like her to help you discover what you needed and wanted."

Adam turned his head to face me. "Thanks, I am, too. Carmen will always be important to me. It's been hard that she moved all the way to California, but even if we don't see each other, there are some people you know you can call or text and just jump right in, and we can pick up exactly where we left off, you know?"

"Not really."

Adam propped himself up and faced me. "What do you mean?"

"I have close friends online, but not really anyone I hang out with in person. I hope this doesn't make you think less of me."

"I don't think anything could make me think less of you, unless you are an entomologist or something, because bugs and spiders are a hard no for me."

The corner of my lips tugged up. "No, no bugs or spiders. The only ones I like are the ones I can explode in a game."

"Oh…game bugs are even worse, why do they gotta make them so big and so fast?" Adam shuddered.

"People love all the gross stuff. It makes it more satisfying when they pop." Adam wrinkled his nose in a way that was really cute. "No bugs for me, and no people either. Even when I was younger, I preferred to be on my own and struggled with socializing. Maybe in large part because of feeling like I didn't fit in, but also I am much more of an introvert than an extrovert."

"If I had to base it simply on what you're like online, I would never guess. But meeting you in person…"

"I'm kind of a mess," I supplied.

"No! Not at all. I think you are very sweet, and your wariness is understandable. I'm sure it would be exhausting getting stopped all the time by hyper fans like me."

I didn't know what made me do it, but I reached out and swept my thumb over his cheek, needing to touch him. Adam's eyes went wide, and he drew in a sharp breath. I pulled back my hand and sat up, regretting that I did that, but I answered him. "Not like you. You've been really easy to talk to, actually. Besides, I'm the one that started it."

Adam sat up next to me. "That's right, you did! So if you don't like talking to people, why did you interrupt me at the diner?"

"Because you looked so cute and determined, and you were failing so miserably."

Adam laughed and playfully shoved me. "I might have been failing, but it wasn't miserably . I was enjoying myself."

Happy that we were ignoring my touching him, I cracked a smile. "I've never seen someone enjoy getting pummeled so badly."

"Life is a journey, baby, not a destination." Adam crossed his arms over his chest defiantly, though all it achieved was him looking ridiculously squishable.

"Well, some of us like to get to the destination with minimal damage." I couldn't resist leaning over and bumping his shoulder.

Adam rolled his eyes, but his smile betrayed the mock annoyance. "Well, good for you, hot shot. Maybe you should start a streaming channel or something."

"Hmm...that's not a bad idea, I'll take it under consideration." I felt myself grinning, enjoying the easy company that Adam provided. He might have fanboyed a little, but I felt comfortable with him, and he didn't treat me like my gaming was the only thing that mattered. The bowing was weird though.

"Do you always bow for people or is that just because of who I am, and you feel like you need to do that?"

Adam let out a loud laugh, his brown eyes sparkling with amusement. "You're special, Locke, but you're not that special. I bow all the time."

"You do? Why? That's, uh, odd." I wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

He pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket. "Have you ever walked the Freedom Trail?"

I shook my head, "No. I try to avoid touristy areas if I can help it."

Adam met my gaze with a soft, understanding smile. "That's totally valid. Well, I work there as a guide. We wear full colonial gear, and try to give a little period flare to the tourists in our groups. History is always more fun when it comes alive, and it makes the tours more engaging and memorable."

He handed me his phone to show me a picture of him in a tricorne hat, vest, waistcoat, and breeches. Adam stood tall, posing with his hands gripping the lapels of his coat, beaming with pride.

"Wow!" I stared at the picture, taking in every detail. Adam looked incredible, like a character in a game, except hotter. So confident and happy. Seeing his expression and the strength of his posture, it hit me with a sense of deja vu.

"Is that wow like, ‘wow, you're such a nerd' or ‘'wow, that's Hamilton hot'?"

I handed his phone back, our fingers brushing against each other, and my eyes caught on his. Clearing my throat, I forced myself to say, "The second one."

Taking his phone, he set it aside and turned toward me, until his knee was pressed against my thigh. "Oh, really?"

I swallowed as my heart began to race. "Yes. You look really good in that costume. But it's more than that. You look confident in it. I don't know you very well, but the way you look in that photo is the way I felt after top surgery. Like everything clicked into place."

His eyes glowed as if he was lit from within. Adam grabbed my leg and squeezed it. "Yes! Exactly! I love wearing it for that reason, and because I love history, but there is something super affirming about wearing an outfit like those of our founding fathers. That feels inherently manly, even with all the accessories they used at the time. The first time I got to wear the men's outfit, I stared at myself in the mirror and was just overcome with so many emotions. That was me. Who I knew myself to be was finally reflected on the outside and everyone would see it. One of my top five gender euphoric moments."

I couldn't help the smile that tugged my lips up or the fact that it made my eyes misty. Getting to celebrate that moment with Adam, even after the fact, felt so good, especially since it was a feeling I deeply related to.

I placed my hand on his, where it still rested on my leg, making my skin feel warm and tingly beneath it. "That's amazing, Adam. I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you, Locke. It's nice to know you understand what that's like, because to others, it's just a silly costume I wear for work."

"I don't see anything silly about something that makes you happy."

Adam beamed and threw himself at me, his arms folding around my neck and his cheek pressing against mine. My hands slowly worked around his back, hesitantly holding him, and I closed my eyes, breathing him in. His short hair smelled of almonds and cherries, sweet just like him. My arms tightened around him, and we stayed in our embrace for a moment before he pulled away.

His cheeks were bright pink, and he gave me a sheepish look. "Sorry. That was just really nice to hear. My parents came for a visit the other day, and my job is a source of disappointment. They think I should use my degree in history for teaching. I don't know, maybe someday when I'm older, but right now, I love my job, it makes me happy."

Missing his body against mine and needing to continue the connection, I grabbed his hand and held it. "I'm sorry, Adam. I don't think there is any shame in enjoying what you do. Hell, I took my love of gaming and made it my career."

"And your parents? Were they supportive?"

I chuckled. "Not at first. They thought I was avoiding responsibility and looking for an easy way out. But they changed their tune when they saw that I was actually making something of it, and it hasn't been easy, believe me."

That was an understatement. I'd worked my ass off to get where I was. I had my hands full now, but it had been even harder when I kept making content for only a handful of people. Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For a while it felt like that light was a train, speeding toward me, ready to demolish everything I'd done. But one day, the brightness in the distance was daylight, and I'd come out the other side.

"I can't even imagine how challenging it was to get started. But look at you now. Up for a huge award."

" Possibly up for a huge award," I corrected.

"Still…even for it to be a rumor is amazing because that means people think you have a good shot at it, and you do."

"You really think so?" I'd gone back and forth many times between getting excited and trying not to set myself up for disappointment.

"Absolutely. You got my vote for sure."

His confidence and certainty was touching, especially after the anxiety I've felt over it. "Thanks, that's nice to hear."

Adam offered me a sweet smile and squeezed my hand. I stared at where we were joined, our hands linking us together. It was a simple action, but a nice one. I didn't realize how much I missed physical touch, something that I couldn't get from my friends online.

"Do you want something to drink? We've got water and beer, maybe some kind of creepy green drink, too."

I chuckled. "No to the green drink, but if you're having a beer, I'll take one, too."

"Sure thing, baby. I'll be right back. Feel free to snoop around, but if you don't want to find my box of toys, then I would avoid looking under the bed." Adam winked and got up, his fingers pulled out of mine, leaving my hand feeling empty.

When he left the room, I stood up and looked around the small space, trying to look at the world map on the wall, but curiosity about his box of toys had my eyes sliding to the dark space beneath the metal frame of the bed. What kind did he have? How many? What did he like? Did he use them often? Fuck! Warmth pooled deep in my belly. Thinking about him getting himself off was an image that was hard to let go of. Feeling heat crawl through my body, I took off my outer jacket and hung it next to his on the door.

I tried to look at the decorations he had on the wall, but I felt a magnetic pull to the secrets that lay beneath the bed we'd been sitting on. My dick was hard, and I squeezed my legs together, trying to get some friction. At least my erection wasn't visible, but it was no less aching. The suggestion shouldn't have gotten to me so much, except that I could picture Adam's cheeks flushed and his brown eyes hazed.

The door opened, making my heart want to leave my body at the thought of being caught thinking things that I shouldn't have been.

Adam wore a wicked smile as he handed me the bottle of beer. I was grateful for the coolness of it against my skin, wishing I could roll it across my head. "Did I break your brain?"

"What? No." I took a long swallow of the beer, letting it cool me internally, too.

He snickered. "I could show you, if you're dying to see them."

I shook my head quickly before taking another drink, swallowing the beer past the lump in my throat. Fixing my gaze on the map, as if it had held my attention the entire time. "No, I'm not, I don't, I didn't mean. I was just looking at your map. What are the pins for? Places you've been to?"

"Maybe another time, then." Adam grinned broadly at my very conspicuous cover story before kicking off his shoes. He went to the head of his bed and propped his pillow up against the wall, before sitting against it. He scooted all the way over to one side and patted the space beside him. It was a twin bed, so there wasn't much room, but being close to Adam wasn't a hardship.

I took my shoes off and sat next to him. There was no space between us, but it was cozy with him. Adam held his bottle out and I tapped it with mine.

He nodded his head toward the map. "Places I hope to visit someday. Each one marks a historical site I want to see. It's sort of a dream board. I don't know when or how it will happen, but there are so many places where the ancient stones and artifacts tell the stories of those that came before us, and I would love to see them in person."

His passion was clear and I felt this soul-deep urge to help him see his dreams come true. Perhaps it was too soon to wish so strongly for someone else, but I wanted to see this happen for him.

"You will, Adam. I'm sure of it. I've never really traveled either. Hell, I don't even like to go into town. Traveling seems too daunting on my own. If I was with someone I was comfortable with I might go."

"You could go with me and I would be your personal tour guide, tell you all about the history, maybe even make up some local legends. Then maybe it wouldn't be so daunting."

I hid my smile with another chug of beer. "That sounds nice." Nice was an understatement. I had never really considered traveling much, but then I'd never had anyone to consider traveling with. Although I could almost picture it…with him. Adam was so magnetic, he'd managed to push me out of my comfort zone. Perhaps that was what I needed, someone who would push me, or drag me, along for things I wouldn't normally do on my own.

"What's something on your someday list?" Adam asked.

"I don't really know. It used to be becoming a professional gamer."

"Check. What's next?" Adam winked at me.

I shrugged. "I guess it's more of a goal than a dream, but I'd like to be in a position where I don't have to do it all by myself. I'm really proud of what I've accomplished, but it's a lot, and it would be nice to have someone or a team to take some of the behind the scenes stuff off my plate. That's what the award might be able to help me achieve. Maybe if I had help, it would free me up for…"

"Traveling with me?" The way Adam said it so casually, making it feel like the only natural conclusion, made my heart swell. I liked his assumption that he would be in my future in some capacity…I hoped he would, too.

I bobbed my head. "Sure."

Adam tapped his bottle against mine again. "Cheers to someday."

I shared a smile with him. "Cheers."

We sat there and chatted about parents, about coming out, about our support systems and the journeys we'd had. It was so easy with him. I'd been pretty open online about my transition, but it was still nice to talk to someone so candidly, especially knowing he could relate to some of it even if our paths had been different. After we'd finished the beers, I used the bathroom and returned to his bed in no rush to leave. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had this kind of relaxed, intimate conversation.

The single pillow was lowered flat again, and we shared it, our heads on the edges, facing each other, as we lay side-by-side. We passed yawns back and forth, but neither of us tried to move away.

"I should probably head home, or I'm not going to be able to keep my eyes open." As I said the words, I realized it was the last thing I wanted to do. Something about being with Adam just felt right.

Adam offered me a sleepy smile. "You don't have to. You can stay."

My insides fluttered at the idea. I couldn't remember when I'd last spent the night with someone. With him looking so adorable and feeling as comfortable as I did, I really wanted to take him up on the offer.

"Are you sure?"

Adam's hand traced down my arm until his fingers found mine. "I'm sure. I may not have a lot of space, but I like having you in it."

I let out a contented sigh. "Okay."

Our hands remained linked where they rested between us, and we shared a smile. Fully clothed in hoodies and jeans, we lay there, on top of his blanket, on our sides, facing each other. Our knees just barely touched, and our foreheads were only inches apart. I wasn't used to being so close to someone, yet I was glad that his small bed forced us together, or I might not have let myself be this near to him.

His cherry-almond scent filled my nose, and the warmth I felt in his presence enveloped me. I didn't know how late we had stayed up. It was the longest I'd gone without checking my phone or computer in a while, and it didn't matter. Adam held my full attention. It didn't take long for his breathing to change into soft huffs, a sweet, lulling sound that made my heart hum. Usually, I had a hard time sleeping next to someone, too aware of moving, breathing, taking up too much space, all in an effort not to disturb the other person.

With Adam it was different. I felt at ease with him, and with how easily he touched me and hugged me, I knew he didn't mind the nearness. Soothed by the rhythm of his sleep sounds, I soon followed behind him, sinking weightless into a cloud.

A Crow's Nest song startled me awake. My eyes flung open, but I was unable to move as I tried to figure out where I was. The scent of cherries and almonds hit my nose and made me relax, and all the pieces of the night before came back to me, pulling the corners of my mouth up. My racing heart began to settle as I realized Adam was the reason I couldn't move.

His head was tucked under my chin with an arm and leg draped over me, pinning me in place. I didn't remember when we had changed positions after falling asleep facing each other, but I didn't mind one bit. Adam's weight on me was really comforting, like my own human blanket.

Adam groaned and mumbled against my chest, making me chuckle. He froze at the vibration of my laugh and slowly pushed up. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were a lovely pink color.

"OMG, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sprawl all over you. I tend to be a cuddler. I should have warned you." He clambered up and raced to shut his phone off.

I stayed in place, not ready to move, already missing Adam's body warmth.

"Don't be sorry. It felt really nice." Sincerity poured through my sleep-thickened voice.

Adam gave me a longing look as he stared at me in his bed. One that went equally to my heart and my dick.

I held an arm out. "Come here."

His eyes lit up and the sweetest smile appeared, making my heart feel floaty.

"Twenty minutes, and then I gotta get up for work." Adam tapped on his phone before climbing back over me and returning to the position he was in before. My arms folded around his back as he half laid on me. We both let out a contented sigh as our bodies melted into each other.

"This is nice," I whispered against his hair. Moved by the feeling of him on me and the scent of him in my nose, I pressed a soft kiss on the top of his head.

Adam practically purred and snuggled in closer. Something about having him in my arms felt so right, like he belonged there. Neither of us spoke, nor did we sleep. We simply existed in a comfortable silence as we lay fused together. When the alarm went off far too soon, mumbled complaints came from both of us.

The adorable man on my chest pushed up, shut off the alarm, and braced himself over me, staring down at my face. We both were still fully clothed from the night before, but the way Adam looked at me made me feel naked and exposed. He stared at my lips, making me wish he would lean down and smash his mouth into mine. Anticipation made my heart race as I thought he might do just that. Adam's gaze shifted up, landing on the top of my head, which was far less exciting. An amused smirk appeared on his face.

"What? What is it?" I asked, breaking our silence.

Adam chuckled. "Nothing. It's just that your hair is a mess."

"My hair?" I reached up and tried to push my longer hair over to the side it belonged.

Adam grabbed my hand, stopping my frantic finger combing. "It's okay. In fact, I find it really cute."

Cute? That word has me stilling beneath him. "You do?"

He sat up, his weight leaving me, and he offered me a sweet smile. "I do. Besides, you always look so put together online, so it's nice to see this side of you. It makes me feel special, like I'm getting to see a side of you no one else does."

"No, I don't normally stream when I'm in bed."

"Shame, because this is a really good look on you. Wait, I have an idea." Adam's eyes twinkled. He grabbed his phone before laying down with his head on the pillow beside mine. He held his phone above us. "Smile."

Click . Adam pulled up the photo and showed it to me. "See how good you look all relaxed and disheveled?"

It wasn't my face I looked at, but his. He had a way of radiating without even trying. Adam looked gorgeous. His short hair had been smashed on the side where it rested on my chest, which was incredibly sexy and endearing. "It's not me, Adam . It's us. We look good."

"Damn right we do, baby." Adam pecked a quick kiss to my cheek, making my skin buzz at the feel of his lips on my skin. He sat up again and climbed over me to get out of bed.

"I really hate to do this, but it's a work day for me, and I have my first tour in about an hour, so I need to hustle and get ready."

"Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you behind schedule." I stretched and forced myself to sit up and swing my legs over the side of his bed. A bed I was finding it hard to want to leave. It was small, yes, but it smelled like him and felt cozy.

Adam held his hand out to me, and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet. He tipped his head back to meet my gaze as I stood before him. "I'm not. I only wish I had more time, but I didn't expect to have a sleepover."

I ran a hand through my messy hair. "No, me neither. I suppose I should go so you can do what you need to do."

He offered me a wistful look, one I probably shared. "Yeah. This was really nice, though. I'm so glad you took a chance on me." Adam glanced at the photo on his phone and smiled. "Can I, uh, keep this?"

"Please don't post it anywhere." As much as the picture made my heart swell, I didn't want to share that moment with anyone else, only him.

Adam shook his head. "No. Of course not."

"Thank you. And one more request."

His brow arched in question. "Yes?"

I grabbed his hand and held it for a moment. "Can you send it to me?"

That sweet smile returned, and he got on his phone right away. "Done."

With a squeeze of his hand, I met his gaze. "Thank you for inviting me for dessert."

Adam's smile stretched into a wide grin. "I feel pretty good about that decision."

Unsure how to end things, but knowing I needed to be on my way, I held my arms open. Adam happily stepped into them, tucking his body against mine and letting his head rest on my shoulder as he squeezed my back. We stayed together for a long moment before he finally pulled back.

Those inviting brown eyes of his locked into mine. "Can we do this again?"

I smiled and brushed my finger against his cheek. "I'd really like that."

Adam pushed up and leaned in. My heart froze as I anticipated him kissing me, and it looked like he was going to, but at the last second he veered off course and kissed my cheek. Though, it was more like the corner of my mouth, which was frustratingly close but incredibly sweet.

I pushed my hand through my hair and took a step back. "We'll talk soon, yeah?"

"Yes, Locke, definitely."