17. Juliana

SEVENTEEN

JULIANA

I keep asking myself how I got here.

But all I have are piss-poor lies.

My pajama bottoms pool around my ankles as I lie in the empty bathtub, rubbing my clit in slow, slow circles. In defiance, I keep my eyes shut, ignoring the alluring photo on my phone, which sits on the lip of the free-standing tub. But it's as if Hayden's burned into my retinas, like a permanent tease in the back of my mind.

When the traitorous thoughts take over, I flick faster and faster, sway my hips harder, and soft moans breeze past my lips. I'm torn in two with an all-consuming pleasure, my every touch dripping away at my shame—

No.

I snap my eyes awake, clamping down on a moan as I cease my ministrations. An aching throb beats between my legs, begging for more, while I force any and all thoughts which start with an H and end with an N out of my headspace.

For the tenth time, I scan the bathroom, looking for a distraction. My bathroom. Mine. A fact I'll surely never grow to accept, maybe because it's double the size of my old apartment, with floating, modern countertops, a shower fit for three people, and a wall of solid glass, overlooking a view I'd only see in my dreams.

The city lights stream in through the windows, faintly illuminating the marbled floors, walls, the evidence of my touch beneath my panties—and my phone. I whip my head away, after peeking for no more than a split second, but it's far too late.

Lust pours over me, branding my vision with rock-hard abs above a boner that's so large it has to be fake.

Or rather, that was my initial reaction.

There I was, minding my own business after a long day of work, getting ready for bed, pj's and all, brushing my teeth—then boom. A raunchy, dirty, obviously fake photo pops up on my phone. Just another spam bot on social media, I thought. Highly edited—no man's abs look that good, and that dick, even though shrouded in cloth, is clearly one only destined for porn. Again, probably edited. A scammer phishing for dangerous clicks.

That is what I thought. Truly.

Until I went to delete the message and saw it wasn't from social media or even a random number, but from someone I had saved in my contacts...

I squeeze my eyes shut once more, harder this time, mentally replaying the first porn scene that comes to mind, over and over. Or fantasies I've had about classmates. Anything at all, except the thoughts that led me here, which are embarrassing and unfathomable and polished with a thick coat of denial.

My most outlandish rationalization I've devised is that I'm not actually in my body right now. Maybe I'm hypnotized. Or—okay, hear me out, I've watched enough Sci-Fi to know this could slip between the realms of possibility...

I've fallen victim to an intelligent host.

No, wait, really. I'm serious.

Someone—or something —has taken root in me. A life-form close to its animalistic origins, who's controlled by its primal urges, is using my body as some kinky outlet. The important bit being that it's NOT ME. Want to know why?

Because that complete absurdity is more believable than me masturbating over my brother's best friend. It would never happen. Not in a million years.

So, no. I have not, in fact, lost my mind. I'm just thinking of... someone else right now. Yeah.

Eyes fluttering, I sink a finger inside myself and stare out the window, letting my head rest and hair crane over the tub's ledge. I suck in my bottom lip, all but failing to quiet a whimper as I pump in and out.

If truth be told, I've only ever used one finger, but that doesn't stop me from imagining that I'm stretching around more. Another pair of fingers, entirely. Not belonging to he who shall not be named, but to Reid. A crush from college, who oftentimes, was the object of my fantasies, although I haven't thought of him in over a year.

But now's as good a time as ever.

Charging into an empty classroom on a dirty steed of distraction, Reid bends me over my desk roughly, lifts my skirt, and finds me drenched.

The city lights blur as my toes curl in the tub...

Reid hums behind my ear, full of praise, right as he delves between my panties, prying a moan from me—whether the desperate cry stays locked up in my fantasy or not, I'm not quite sure.

I buck against him, only to be put back into my place by his heavy arm sprawling across my backside, pinning me down. Don't move, he scolds, tugging my panties upwards, the movement plunging a wedgie between my slick folds, scraping delicious torture along my clit. Wearing a smirk, he watches me writhe and pant in a crazed heat, before he tugs harder, re-affirming his command.

"Fuck...." I groan, my voice escaping the fantasy...

In my mind, I obey. That's it , keep still, Reid purrs, as large hands peruse along my spine, then down the back of my thighs. Anticipation explodes within me when I catch him dropping to his knees, which has me squirming on a mewl.

A whack sounds against my ass. I inhale sharply, as a stinging sensation rolls across my body, trailed by a colossal surge of arousal. He sweeps my panties to the side, revealing my wetness, before two strong hands grip my ass cheeks, spreading them wide.

I grip the edge of the tub, bucking my hips against my finger, letting my moans ring true...

But inside my fantasy, I'm more patient. I roll my lips together, stilling myself once again, earning another hum of approval. But this time, the sound is different, in a way I can hardly explain. Deeper and huskier, yet... more controlled, as if my obedience comes as no surprise.

Warm breath tickles my pussy, before a voice growls...

That's my good girl.

I gasp, jolting in the tub, as those city lights sharpen back into focus. Frantic, I whip my head around in the darkness, but find no one.

That was Hayden's voice... in my fantasy...

A knot forms in my stomach as my gaze trails down my body, and I note the mess dribbling down my thighs and all over my hands. Withdrawing my finger from inside myself, I look out the windows again, shame burning my cheeks deep enough to see in the dark reflection.

Why can't he just get out of my head? I don't like him like that. Why would my brain replace Reid's voice with Hayden's, when I wasn't even fantasizing about him?

Because Reid would never be so demanding, those little devils whisper. My shoulders droop at their truth. You only make him that way in your head. But Hayden would know just what to do with you, especially if he knew you were still a virgin...

A shudder rattles through me, leaving my pussy feeling suddenly touch-starved. I shake my head, snatching my legs together, and focus on the city lights, as if they'll ease the torture.

Light flickers in the window's reflection with a buzzing noise, but I'm too stupid to realize what it's from, before I turn my head and find a new image on my phone. With an irritated huff, I look away, but the damage is already done. I give in, letting the picture hold my eyes hostage for far too long to be healthy.

No longer in bed and standing upright, mysterious darkness hides Hayden's surroundings, while the camera's flash reveals his body in all its mouthwatering perfection. Defined pecs and abdominal muscles take up the majority of my phone, while a strong chin peers through the top of the frame. Still clad in nothing but gray sweatpants, the fabric outlines his enormous length, which angles off to the side, pointing toward his hip, slipping beneath...

My interior walls clench around thin air at the sight of his bare tip peeking out of his waistband.

The photo's tagged with a message.

Hayden: Oops, wrong number. ;)

I groan, resisting the urge to touch myself, but unable to stop my thighs from rubbing together. So, he did mean to send that first pic. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I hear his praise purr inside my head again.

"No, no, no," I whisper into the darkness, writhing against my agonizing need. Stubbornly, I exhale through my nostrils... in and out... in and out... until my heart rate drops and Hayden's fading away toward the outskirts of my consciousness—

Buzz, buzz.

I freeze, recognizing the sound instantly, seeing how my pulse spikes right along with it, directing my gaze like the yank of a tether. Another photo soars into our feed, same as before, but now his pants hang lower on his hips, revealing a bit more of down there.

Goddddd...

My nails dig into my palms.

Hayden: Ignoring me, huh? Not smart.

I can practically hear the disapproving tsk tsk of his tongue. Adrenaline rushes through my veins as I grapple for my phone with slippery fingers, shooting off a text at the speed of light.

Juliana: Gross, quit it! I'm trying to sleep.

But I'm too late— buzz, buzz.

My jaw goes limp, nearly smacking the ledge of the tub, upon seeing his sweatpants drooped even lower, revealing the full head of his cock.

The leash on my control finally snaps.

My hands dart back to where I want them—where I need them. I cry out, when my finger plunges through my entrance, straight to the knuckle, uncaring of how the tub may amplify my voice. My hips buck as fiery pleasure ripples through my middle, sliding me downward, farther and farther, until I'm flat on my back with my knees spread wide and ankles propped up on the ledge, granting me easy access.

Above my head, another buzz vibrates against the acrylic, but it's drowned out by the blood raging between my ears, and the fantasy burning a hole through my cranium.

But Reid doesn't stand a chance, not for two seconds. Him and the empty classroom, they poof from existence, dying on the wake of Hayden's deep chuckle. A shiver races from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, as my fantasy ebbs and sighs and transforms into something anew.

A place where Hayden has full control, where it's his lips plunging between my folds, and I'm no longer bent over a desk but pressed up against a wall of glass in the hallway outside my bedroom, just like the other day. But this time, he's on his knees while I'm completely bared to him, fully nude a hundred floors up, with my peaked nipples raking against the glass with each of his movements.

My back arches along the tub as I flick my clit with vigor, utterly devoid of shame...

But what's worse about this fantasy than the last, is although Hayden wraps his arms around my waist, locking me in place, he works me with patience. Like I'm his feast and this is his last meal, which he means to savor.

His tongue sweeps up my center with a groan, nearing my taint, then trails back down to my front, brushing my clit like the tease of a feather. Panting, I jerk back for more, but his arms squeeze tightly, holding me still. Satisfied, he laughs quietly, retracing back through my folds.

Over. And over. And over, again.

Until my moans echo throughout the bathroom, real life and fantasy fuse into one, and I'm mercilessly pumping into myself, in part hating how wet I am, how good he feels, while the other sings to his touch.

More, more, more—I need more!

I add another finger, not caring that it's my first time, crying out when I can only fit an inch, right as Hayden sucks my clit into his mouth. A scream lodges deep in my throat, escaping only as drowned-out whimpers, while he traps my sensitive bud between his teeth and flicks his tongue expertly.

My eyes cross in two, forming stars and the promises of regret, before a surge of ecstasy like I've never known tears right through me, swelling then crashing over a white fire. Desperate for more, I thrust harder, stretching myself in beat to every wave, every pulsation squeezing around my fingers, as a name so forbidden slips from my mouth.

Not once. Not twice. But—I don't even know how many times. I only know how it feels, and it feels right and liberating, like the morning sun, and warm and—

My euphoria fades, fleeting as it was captivating.

A-and—and...

I blink, squinting at my surroundings, at the shadow of remembrance stuck in my throat.

... AND SO WRONG, I finish my thought on a mental scream, as terrible, life-ruining embarrassment takes ahold of me.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no...

Wheezing, surely on the verge of hyperventilating, I readjust my panties, which might as well have been hosed down along with the rest of my nether regions, then yank up my pajama pants, trapping myself in an uncomfortable, soggy situation.

It's fine. Everything's fine.

I grab the ledge of the tub, pulling myself upright.

I'll just take a shower, then tiptoe back to my room. This penthouse is like a thousand square miles, and it's the dead of night. No one heard me, maybe not even God, and especially not the man belonging to the name I moaned out in the dark on a blinding orgasm all alone in my bathtub. Nope. Definitely not. Because this time, for once in my life, I'm in luck. I'm—

Like the looming of a deadly storm, my phone comes into view. Images and message notifications flood my lockscreen, but the most recent text is the only proof I need.

My worst nightmare has come true.

Hayden: My name sounds so perfect on your lips, baby.

Pure dread crumbles me to the floor, and suddenly, it's all but obvious why his pictures were in the dark, why he needed to use the flash. My eyes crawl to the door on the farside of the bathroom, which now feels hauntingly quiet. I wait for a sound, a creak of the floorboards, anything to signify a presence.

A minute later, I'm halfway convinced I'm imagining things, until goosebumps scurry across my skin. A taunting voice laughs behind the door, boasting with delight yet painfully strained.

"No need to be shy, Jules. Imagine how much fun we'd have if you let me in next time."