CHAPTER TWELVE

RILEY

Golfing was bearable only because Kendall and I had our own cart and didn’t interact much with Jackson and Walker. I made Jackson believe it was because I wanted him to have time with his brother.

During the first four holes, I caught Walker glaring at me too many times to count. It wasn’t until the sixth hole that I noticed his shoulders relax, and by the twelfth hole, he actually smiled at something Jackson said.

Jackson is a charmer. He’s successful not only because he’s incredibly intelligent, but because he’s a people person. He’s likable, kind, and funny. More than anything, I want the brothers to rekindle their relationship, and I worry it won’t happen with me in their lives.

Kendall elbows me in the ribs and I pick up my fork, swirling my fettuccine noodles with my fork. “At least pretend to be happy, Riles. Twenty-four hours of pretending, and then we’ll figure this out together.”

“I’ve ruined his life.” I glance at Walker, who’s sitting at the far end of the table, and when our eyes meet, he quickly looks away.

“He can’t take his eyes off you,” Rowan whispers.

“Because he hates me. Kendall, I lied to him from the beginning. I was so happy. We were so happy. And now...” I lower my hands to my belly.

Taylor and Rowan joined us for dinner and have helped take some of the tension out of the air. Taylor has been questioning me with his knowing eyes for the past hour as well. There’s no doubt he’s picked up on the tension between Walker and me. Jackson is too blinded by reconnecting with his brother to notice.

Somehow, we make it through dinner. When Jackson orders another round of drinks, I set my napkin on the table.

“No more for me.” Not that I’ve had any alcohol. I still haven’t told him about the pregnancy. He’ll be ecstatic...until he learns who the father is. I ease my way out of the booth and Kendall and Rowan follow.

“Our bride-to-be needs her beauty sleep.” Kendall loops her arm through mine. “You boys stay out of trouble tonight.”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t want the groom to hook up with a random woman and have a one-night stand the night before his wedding, would we?” Walker tosses back the rest of his whiskey. “Although, since I’m single, there’s nothing stopping me. It’s not like I have a secret fiancée tucked away at home or anything.”

My chest shudders as I hold back my tears. He’s not a cruel man, but he’s being intentionally cruel to me, and I deserve it.

“Good night,” I say to Jackson and Taylor before turning and bolting out of the restaurant.

“Easy, girlfriend.” Kendall pinches my arm as I punch the up arrow on the elevator. “If your quirky behavior all day isn’t enough to have Walker questioning your relationship with his brother, you running away from your fiancé the night before your wedding without a goodnight smooch will surely do it.”

“Oh, shit.” I cover my face with my hands, and when the elevator doors ding, Kendall pushes me in. Not too gently.

Rowan and Kendall guide me to our room and help me change into my leggings and the sweatshirt I borrowed and never returned to Walker. I hide my hands in the sleeves that are way too long and wrap my arms around my middle.

Yeah, I’m that pathetic that I’m wearing my ex-lover’s sweatshirt the night before my wedding. And tucked away in my belly is his baby. I sit on the uncomfortable sofa, unable to stop my tears.

I have no idea how long I sit there, moping in my sadness, tuning my best friends out as they attempt to comfort me. Eventually, Jackson and Taylor join us. I stare past them, hoping and fearing Walker is with them.

“Honey.” Jackson takes a seat next to me and pulls me into his side. “I’m not that much of an ogre, am I? I mean, I’m not expecting you to fangirl all over me, but it’s bursting my man pride a little that you’re so worked up over our impending nuptials.”

Kendall clears her throat. “Riley has some news to share with you.”

I scowl at Kendall, who shrugs and picks up her purse. “Row, Taylor, and I are gonna shut down the bar downstairs. You two lovebirds need to have a serious heart-to-heart before the I Do’s tomorrow.”

Before I can beg them to stay, they’re gone.

Jackson gives me zero tenderness as he pokes my shoulder. “I thought we were done with the secrets. Tell me what’s going on, Riley. You were off yesterday, and today you’ve been...I don’t even know. Is it my brother? Did he say something to you on the patio when I was with my father? Whatever he said, I can fix it. You don’t have to spend any time with my family if you don’t want to.”

That’s the problem. I want to. Not with his parents, but with his brother. I close my eyes and tears squeeze out.

“Honey.” He takes my hands in his and pulls me into his arms. “You’re freaking me out. I thought we worked through this last week. Are you still hung up on your well-hung stallion?”

“Oh, God,” I moan into Jackson’s chest.

“You talking about the guy you’ve been banging or the man upstairs?”

Keeping this from Jackson is only going to make it harder to tell him later on. I sniff back my tears and keep my face averted from his, mumbling into his chest.

“I’m pregnant.”

“Holy shiz balls.” Jackson grabs my shoulders and sits me up, forcing me to look at him. “As in a-baby-in-your-belly pregnant?”

“Is there another kind?”

“I’m going to be an uncle?”

I snort and choke out a cry at the same time. “Yeah.”

“You know I’ll be the best daddy uncle there is. Does your stallion know?”

I swallow the pain of the lies I’ve been telling Walker and shake my head.

“Are you going to tell him or wait until our five years are up?”

My chest shakes again and the uncontrollable tears fall down my face. “I don’t know what to do.” Hiding the truth from Walker will mean keeping Jackson from his brother.

“Hell, honey. You’re a wreck. Tell me what it is about this guy that has you so hung up. I’ve never seen you wrecked like this over a guy before.”

I have to tell him. Everything. I close my eyes and take two calming breaths. “It’s...Walker.”

“My brother? What did he do? I haven’t seen him utter a word to you other than those few minutes I left you on the patio.”

“It’s him.”

“Him?”

I lift my chin and open my eyes, staring into Jackson’s sweet, blue eyes. He’s blissfully ignorant, which is one of his many endearing qualities. For as incredibly intelligent as he is, he’s a dunce when it comes to reading women. Which is understandable.

“My stallion.”

“What about your stallion? I’m lost.”

I lift my hands to his chest and play with the buttons on his shirt. “My one-night stand. My long-distance guy. My stallion. The father of my baby. It’s Walker.”

Jackson blinks slowly as if he’s trying to get sand out of his eyes. “My brother? How did you even meet him?”

“I’m guessing the reason he was in Rhode Island that night was to go to our engagement party. After we, uh, hooked up, he must have changed his mind.”

“And he came back to Boston to see you.” Jackson runs his fingers through his hair, which is uncharacteristic for him. “And you two fucked like rabbits.”

I nod.

“And he got you pregnant.”

I nod again.

Jackson’s mouth breaks into a grin. “So I really am going to be an uncle.” He squeezes me in an excited hug.

“Seriously?” I push him away. “Do you understand how this complicates everything? He’s going to do the math and figure out the baby is his. He already thinks I’m a terrible human for cheating on you before our engagement and again this past week. Days before our wedding. I don’t want to be the rift between you two when you’re finally reconnecting after all these years.”

“Good point.” He scratches his chin and his smile fades. “You’re in love with my brother.”

I open my mouth to protest and choke on air before I can deny it. “I’m not in love with him.”

“Lust is a given. Serious like. Major like.”

“In case you didn’t notice, your brother despises me.”

“He could have outed you. Told me about your affair. I wonder why he hasn’t. Is it to protect me or to protect you?”

“I don’t know, Jackson.” I rub my flat stomach. “Eventually, he’s going to find out. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.”

“You mean the world to me, Riley. You and Taylor are my life. I want Walker to be part of my small inner circle as well. I’m going to figure out a way to make this work. I’ll take care of it. I promise.” He kisses the top of my head and lifts himself off the couch. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Before I can protest, he’s up and out of my hotel room, leaving me alone with my guilt.

“You’re going to take care of it?” I say to an empty room. “How the fuck do you plan on doing that?”

I ’m glad Jackson talked his parents out of a rehearsal dinner last night. Why people need to practice walking down an aisle, especially when they have a handsomely paid wedding planner guiding them along every minute of the afternoon, is beyond me.

“You’re gorgeous, Riley.” Rowan dabs her eyes with a tissue then continues with the final touches of my makeup.

“Thanks.” I haven’t looked in the mirror all morning. I don’t care how I look in the puffy princess dress Lydia Bankes and her stylist picked out for me.

The layers of tulle and sweetheart neckline are not my style. Not that I have any clue what my wedding dress style is. This is the only dress I’ve ever tried on, and it was only after it was selected for me and the tailor needed me to put it on so she could alter it.

“Wow. So much enthusiasm.” Kendall sticks another bobby pin in my hair and wiggles the tiara Lydia insisted I wear around the poof of curls.

“I just want to get this day over with.” I sip my peppermint tea and stare out the window.

“Jackson will take good care of you and the baby,” Rowan soothes.

“I know.” I’m not worried about being cared for. I should be more grateful for the life changes I’m about to have.

A bedroom bigger than the size of my apartment in Jackson’s penthouse, rent paid for Boston Strong, no more financial stress, and a baby growing in my belly. I have everything most women dream of. Even a loving and supportive husband.

My hands go to my stomach again. If only Walker was a one-night stand. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting him.

“You promised to have the bride down in fifteen minutes. That was sixteen minutes ago. We’re on a timetable,” Natasha, the wedding planner from Hell, scolds Kendall and Rowan.

“Down girl. She needs another minute. Besides, the show can’t start without her anyway.”

“It’s okay.” I slide off the stool and skim my hands down my dress. I refuse to look into the mirror, not wanting to see the sad, broken reflection.

I’ve worried about Walker all morning. Did he go back to San Francisco? Does he hate me? Did I destroy any chance he had at rekindling a relationship with Jackson?

“You two bridesmaids need to get downstairs. I’ll bring the bride.”

“We bridesmaids have names,” Kendall huffs. “And the bride is Riley. Treat her like the goddess she is and not an animal you’re herding off so you can cash your paycheck.”

Natasha curls her lip. “I thought her name was Margaret?”

“Strangers call her Margaret, so I guess, yeah. That’s who she is to you and all these other schmucks.”

I love my friends for having my back. Without them, I’d be on the floor drowning in a pile of tulle and tears.

The next ten minutes go by in a blur. I vaguely remember watching Rowan and Kendall walking away, their pale-yellow dresses flowing behind them. The three of us don’t care for the color, but it’s Lydia’s favorite so I let her do what she wanted.

Yellow and white flowers, a ridiculously expensive and heavy bouquet of calla lilies, peonies, roses, and dahlias in my hand weighs me down as I put one foot in front of the other. Thankful for the veil that shadows my face from the three hundred strangers who stare at the stranger about to marry the CFO of a Fortune 500 company, I keep my gaze focused on the blanket of white rose petals scattered on the aisle in front of me.

I barely register Jackson standing three feet across from me, instead staring down at the shiny black shoes that probably cost more than two months’ rent.

The minister drones on, and at some point, Jackson reaches for my hand, squeezing it until I look up at him.

His soft, blue eyes give me a sad smile as he leans in and kisses my cheek. “You’re stunning, Riley.”

“Thanks.” I scan his face, seeing nothing but love and adoration for me. Jackson is such a good man. He works so hard and is doing everything in his power to make me happy, and here I am embarrassing him in front of his colleagues and business partners. “You look really nice too, Jackson.”

He laughs and skims my cheek with the back of his hand before pinching his chin. “I love you, Riles.”

“I love you too,” I hiccup through my impending tears.

The minister clears his throat. “We’re not to that part yet.”

A few people in the front rows who can hear us chuckle, assuming our love is so strong we can’t wait for the vows.

At least they’re buying the show we’re putting on. I want to glance around to see if Walker is here, but I don’t trust myself not to break down and cry if I see him.

When the minister asks Jackson to repeat after him, Jackson takes a deep breath and squeezes both my hands. I stare into his eyes and try to read the sad smile he gives me.

“I love everything about you, Riley,” he starts.

The minister clears his throat again. “Um, did you write your own vows? This is why we like to have a rehearsal the night before.”

Jackson ignores the minister and tilts his head to the side as he studies me. He lifts our joined hands and kisses my knuckles.

“You’re my best friend. My confidant. My joy. My laughter. It all belongs to you. You know more about me than almost any other human being. My love for you is strong and deep, but...” He takes a deep breath, kisses my knuckles again, and lowers our joined hands. “I can’t marry you.”

I barely register the collective gasps from the church as I try to catch my own breath. “You...what?” I gasp.

Jackson closes his eyes for a few seconds before he opens them, and for the first time, I see hesitation. Fear. Insecurity. He turns to the packed church and takes a deep breath.

“Riley, Margaret Riley, is the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, and I’m proud to call her my best friend for the past decade. And I hope we have decades more of friendship, especially after today.” He glances at me, then at his father, then at the crowd. “I can’t marry her because...because I’m gay.”

“Jackson.” I clutch at the front of my dress and gape at him. I force myself not to look over at Taylor.

“Sweet Jesus,” Kendall curses behind me.

“I won’t make Riley suffer through a marriage with me when I can’t love her the way a husband should love a wife. I love her with so much of my heart though. And I trust that those of you who work for Bankes Incorporated, and those of you who do business with us, continue to see me and the company as the top professionals in the field. My sexual preference has nothing to do with the top notch work we do for you. It shouldn’t interfere with any friendship I have either, except with the one who was to become my wife. I only hope she can forgive me for humiliating her in a way like this. On her wedding day, when she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“Jackson.” Tears fill my eyes.

He gives me a smile and a wink and threads his fingers with mine before addressing his wedding guests again. “If you’ll excuse us, my best friend and I need a few minutes of privacy, but you’re all still welcome at the country club to enjoy bottomless drinks and food. Please, celebrate friendship and love today in our honor.”

He’s sacrificing his inheritance, his relationship with his father, and possibly his place in the company by releasing me from our verbal contract. He’s doing this for me.

I close my eyes, not caring about the dark rivers of mascara that are surely making tracks down my cheeks.

He’s releasing me. Freeing me.

Only I’m still trapped in the bed of lies I’ve made and slept in.