Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

LUNA

I wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of painting the porch this morning, but it definitely comes with benefits.

Benefits that include a shirtless Zach Evans, my car, him lying on a creeper so he can slide underneath, plenty of tools, and an oil change. Go figure. Suffice to say very little painting is getting done. It's amazing how useful sunglasses can be, providing an excellent opportunity to pretend like you're focused on one thing when you are entirely distracted by another.

"She's all set." Zach rolls out from under the car and rubs his hands down his ripped and now oil-stained jeans. Riding low on his hips, the deep set of his v is on full display.

How many ways can I break my car over the next two weeks?

Dropping my paintbrush, I head over to check out his handiwork.

"It was a simple fix in the end. The seal on your head gasket was spent." He points to what must be the gasket. "I replaced it. Your car was leaking oil everywhere." He rubs his tattooed hands on a white rag.

I don't think I've ever been as turned on.

I lower my sunglasses and pull my bottom lip between my teeth. "That just went completely over my head, I can't lie. But thank you."

He runs a rough hand over the scruff on his jaw and smirks at my flushing cheeks. "Something affecting you, Rocket? Look at it as penance for walking around here in tiny bikinis and shorts for the past seven weeks."

Before I get a chance to reply, I'm scooped up and set on the now-closed hood. Looping my fingers in the waistband of his jeans, I pull him closer. "The house is almost complete."

"I couldn't have done it without you."

I smile up at him, knowing time is running out this summer. School starts back in a couple of weeks, and by that point, Zach will be in pre-season training. "For what it's worth, I really enjoyed it. It's been the best summer ever."

Something flashes through his eyes, but I can't pinpoint the emotion. "We still have some time left."

I want to spend every minute of that time with him, soak in every second, and imprint every memory as deeply into my mind as possible. But letting my heart overtake my brain is dangerous, and for the first time in my life, I know I need to hold back. The realization hits me hard and fast, right here at this moment. I feel like I'm falling through the floor.

I'm flying without a net, and when Zach inevitably returns to Seattle, only to be surrounded by women, I need to be prepared. I'll go to the gala; I'll be his date and spend time with his friends. But I need to pull back, and I need to do it now. I know my heart has fallen as far as I can let it go, and the tether to rein it back in is at full stretch. My gut doesn't lie, and it's telling me I've gone as far as I can go.

I let go of his belt loops and sit back on my hands. "I have to focus some of my time on schoolwork and class prep now."

His full lips press together in a thin line. "Why do I get the feeling that you're pulling back on me."

If I pretend like I'm not, then he'll call me out on it. He knows me too well. "I guess because I am."

"You don't need to, Luna." His hand flies up to cup the right-hand side of my face.

I press my palm over it and lean into his touch. "I do." Tears sting at the edges of my vision, and on instinct, I push my sunglasses back up my nose to cover the evidence.

But Zach pulls them off completely. Searching my eyes, he slowly nods his head in understanding. I wonder if that's because he feels the same way, or if he's simply giving me what he knows I need.

"Where do we go from here?" he asks, strain pulling at his voice.

I hadn't given it much thought up until now, when the realization that I need to step away hit me like a ten-ton truck. "I'll come to the gala with you, and I'm looking forward to meeting your friends. But I can't sleep with you anymore. I can't share a bed with you again, and we need to go back to being just friends, nothing else."

Each syllable rips at my throat as I push the words out that need to be said. I need to protect my heart and, in doing so, maybe his too.

"Fuck, Luna. Where's all this coming from?"

"You know where. At the start of this summer, you made it clear that this had an expiration date. That if we got involved, it was just for now. I took what I could and dove in with both feet, but you head back soon to your very different life and a career you've worked so hard for, and I have a promotion in mine to pursue. For once in my life, I have to listen to my head."

I feel like I've just drawn a pistol and shot myself clean through the chest. The pain is welcome though, reassuring me I'm making the right decision—if I carry on down this route, it will be a thousand times worse when he inevitably leaves.

I imagine if I could see that pain, it would look something similar to what's behind Zach's eyes. "You don't have to come to the gala. But damn it, I want you to."

"I want to. I want to support you and your foundation. We're still the same friends, remember?"

He takes a step back from me, and I slide off the hood. "Yeah, Luna. Nothing's changed."

Felicity

Okay, ladies, we're three days out from Operation Get Glam For The Gala.

Kate

I have the cocktails covered.

Felicity

Excellent. I've booked us in at three boutique stores to try dresses. Then over to The Golden Ivy for lunch, then cocktails. On the afternoon of the gala, can we all meet at mine and Jon's for hair and makeup? I booked a beautician because, personally, anything beyond mascara and lip gloss, and I'm out of my depth.

Kate

You know I could've helped you.

Felicity

I know, I know. But there's nothing wrong with a bit of pampering once in a while.

Me

I second Felicity. I have no clue what I'm doing. Even at thirty-one.

Kate

Well, you know I've always got you girls.

Felicity

And we love you for it!

Kate

Okay. I'm just going to come out and ask. What's the score with you and Zach?

Wow. Kate doesn't hold back. Kind of refreshing, and somewhat familiar…

Felicity

Side note, Luna—she's always this direct.

Me

We're just friends.

Kate

Uh-huh. Are we heading down the same route as Felicity and Jon? History repeating itself. If we are, just know I was exhausted the first time.

Felicity

You can talk.

Kate

I'm sorry, you'll have to be more specific.

Felicity

Luna, just to fill you in. Kate has the hots for Jensen Jones, otherwise known (specifically and exclusively to her), as JJ.

Kate

That was last year and before he was an asshole with that slutty redhead.

No offense to redheads (Luna).

Me

He cheated on you?!

P.S. None taken.

Kate

No. We'd have to be dating for that to happen, and I can confirm we are absolutely NOT dating.

Felicity

She's totally over it as you can see.

Kate

I am. Anyway, whatever. Back to Luna and Zach…

I love them already.

Me

Honestly, only friends.

Felicity

So, Jon's been talking shit. I swear to God, he fancies himself as some sort of dating agent.

Me

Huh?

Felicity

My crazy fiancé. He seems to think you two are destined.

Kate

Can I just step in here and say that Jon was a fuckboy twelve months ago. Set eyes on Felicity and chased her until she fell head over heels. He now thinks every relationship is like this.

I laugh, hard.

Felicity

There are no lies in the above statement.

I'm finishing up packing my bag for a three-night stay in Seattle when there's a knock on my door.

Heading down the stairs, I know exactly who it is just by their knock.

"Hey, darling." Mom pulls me into an embrace as soon as I open it.

"Hey." She barely ever comes over, so her just showing up like this takes me by surprise. I have an hour before I need to be at the beach barbecue. I would pass it up, but since Zach will be there, I'm not.

It's been weird this past week, staying away from him when we've lived in each other's pockets for most of the summer. On the occasions I've stopped by to help him finish up the house, I've sometimes felt like he wanted to say something about us. I know I have. I know I've wanted him to take me to bed again. I've wanted him every minute he hasn't been holding me. I thought that ripping the Band-Aid off meant the pain was harsh at first but would quickly die down. So why does it feel like it's getting worse?

My mom breaks my trance by waving a hand in front of my face. "I'm here with the wine and snacks." She picks up a grocery bag and waggles it in front of her.

"Oh, yeah, that's really sweet, but actually, I have to go out in like an hour." I look down at my watch and wince. "More like forty-five minutes."

Her face drops. "Oh, I thought maybe we could catch up. Maybe tomorrow night?"

I wince, again. "I'm in Seattle from tomorrow until Sunday night before school starts back on Monday."

"Oh. Why?"

I turn and walk through to the kitchen, and Mom follows after me. Opening the wine she bought and handing her a glass, we take a seat at my kitchen table. "I'm going to see some friends."

"Friends?"

Yes, Mom, I do have some.

"Yeah, well, through another friend."

She takes a sip of her wine, a puzzled look across her face. "I didn't know you knew anyone from Seattle."

"He's from here but lives there now."

"He? Who?"

I shrug and turn my back, heading toward the refrigerator and pull out the salad I prepared for the barbecue. "Zach Evans."

I swear I feel a spray of chardonnay as it hits the back of my neck. "As in the NHL player? As in who you went to school with?"

"Yep," I say, coming back to join her at the table. I touch the back of my neck to check it didn't actually get sprayed with wine. "We kind of re-connected this summer, and he invited me to attend the annual gala for his hockey foundation."

"How long have you been seeing him?"

"I haven't. We're friends."

"Okay, I'll rephrase. How long have you been sleeping with him?"

"I'm not."

She cocks her head to the side and throws me a look all mothers seem to have mastered, a look of please .

I down the rest of my wine in one gulp. "I stopped sleeping with him a couple of weeks ago. I took a step back. We're at different places in our lives, and he's just out of a bad relationship. Something more wouldn't work, especially with the long distance."

No matter how amazing it could be.

She raises a brow. "You're wise. Take it from a more experienced woman. Men break your heart in exchange for sex."