Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

LUNA

I crack an eyelid open, and as the light filters through the blinds on the patio doors, it takes me a moment to realize where I am. At Zach's, wrapped in his sheets.

The last thing I remember was him pulling me into his chest and snuggling me from behind, but we did nothing more than that. The ache inside me wanted to kiss him so badly. His heavenly scent enveloped me all night, and it's highly doubtful that it being the best night's sleep of my entire life is coincidental. I wonder if he felt the same way or if, for him, it was simply sharing a bed as friends and out of convenience. Probably the latter.

Don't let yourself get wrapped up and carried away, Luna. Look what happened last time you tried to kiss him.

But this morning, his side of the bed is empty. I can hear movement coming from the kitchen, so I whip off the covers and swing my legs around, grabbing a tie from the nightstand and throwing my hair up into a messy bun.

I pad through to the kitchen, where I find Zach making a fresh pot of coffee. All the while, he's tracking my movements as his eyes ascend my bare legs.

"Ah, that smells good," I say, climbing onto one of the stools at the counter.

The heated look in his eyes makes it hard to know where I stand with him. One minute, I know I'm firmly in the friend zone; the next, he looks at me like that . A look I know isn't reserved for his friends.

Clearing his throat, he grabs the pot and raises it slightly, offering me a drink. "Sleep well?"

I smile sleepily and stifle a yawn. "Better than I can ever recall."

Setting a cup in front of me, he automatically adds the two sweeteners he knows I like. "Yeah, me too. Turns out you don't snore, but you do steal the covers. Just so you know."

"Oh, is that so? And I was just about to compliment you on giving great snuggles." I take a sip of the piping hot coffee and eye him over the rim.

His eyes darken slightly at the flirtatious tone I can't seem to help. "I aim to please."

Determined to break free from my fantasizing and ultimately futile trance, I set down my mug and slap the countertop, sliding off the stool to make my way back to the bedroom. "Well, mission accomplished because I'm rested and ready to paint that bedroom of yours. But first, I need to grab my things and head back home to get changed. I'm desperate for a?—"

But before I can get any further, I feel a hand gently tug at my arm, pulling me back until I flip around and crash against his chest.

I look up to find Zach's eyes hooded and searing straight through me as heat pools in my core.

Jesus.

He brings a hand under my chin and for a long moment, he stares at my mouth before he wets his lips on reflex.

"Zach, I, it's okay. We agreed to carry on as we were. I'm okay with that."

The biggest lie ever.

"Are you, Rocket? Are you okay with it? Because I'm starting to think I'm not."

Butterflies swarm my chest, and dizziness invades my head as I struggle to remain standing. His admission washes over me in a frenzy of need. I can't find words to explain how I feel. I simply stare up at his gorgeous, masculine face and chiseled jaw.

"Fuck it." His lips crash down against mine as he kisses me with a level of passion I didn't think was possible. Our height difference is soon countered as he hauls me up into his arms, and I immediately wrap my legs around his waist, feeling how hard he is beneath his sweatpants.

I'm pulsing, throbbing, desperate to feel and explore his body. There have been years of crushing on him from afar, and now he's finally kissing me with everything he has. It's overwhelming in the best way possible.

He pulls back slightly and then sets me on the counter, coming to stand between my parted legs. The collar of his training shirt is so big it hangs over one of my shoulders, and all I have on underneath is my pink spotted underwear. My peaked nipples are visible as they press against the cotton fabric.

"Fuck. You taste so fucking good, and you look like a dream dressed in my shirt."

His thumb traces along my bottom lip before his mouth crashes against mine once more. His tongue sweeps across the seam, and I part for him until his large, calloused palms are cupping my face, dwarfing me in size.

He's delicious.

Breaking from our kiss, he gently strokes my cheek. "What do you want from me, Luna? Because right now, I don't know what I have to give. But I know whatever that is, I want it to be with you."

I know his toxic relationship with Amie has left him broken, unable to trust and start anything serious with anyone else. But I also know keeping him at arm's length hurts even more. It's unbearable when he looks at me like this.

"I want you," I say without hesitation.

He smiles against my mouth as he places a soft kiss on my lips. "In what way do you want me? Be specific."

Our chests are heaving as we pant and gasp for air. "I'll take whatever pieces you can give me today, and I hope that one day, I'll have enough to make you whole."

I watch the column of his throat work as he swallows down my words. "You're so fucking special, you know that? I don't want to hurt you." He drops his face to the crook of my neck. "I don't know if I'll ever be whole again. Or ready for someone else."

"You will, and I know you won't hurt me." I think we both know there's a chance he might, but after weeks of torture, that's a risk my head and heart are willing to take.

ZACH

Every vow I've made to myself disintegrates with each pass of my lips against hers.

It's hard to remember why I thought it was a good idea to stay away from Luna Johnson. The way my body reacts and molds to her tells me that there can never be anything wrong with this feeling.

Except I've been here before. Throwing myself into something headfirst before I've even had time to think things through, and this time, it's Luna's heart on the line.

I want to haul her into my arms, march her to my bed, and keep her all to myself for days. I want to know all the ways her body can wrap around mine. I want to fuck her hard, slow, from behind, with her on top. I want to take her in every way she'll let me.

But if I do, I might as well throw a hand grenade right into the center of our friendship and watch as the bonds we've built blast us apart, and all for what? To satisfy my need for her. I'm terrified I'll never be able to give her what she deserves, and that's the fucking world. Not a broken-up shell of the man I am now.

Life fucking sucks sometimes. Jon might be right when he says I have feelings for her—the way her lips light me up is a testament to that. But that doesn't mean the stars have aligned. I know she wants more, and I know her gentle soul will take everything I can offer, and like hell if I wouldn't hand it over gladly.

"You're in that head of yours, aren't you?" she whispers softly.

Still standing at the counter between her legs, I press my forehead against hers and nod. "There are so many potential complications. But also so much I want to say and do with you."

She exhales slowly, and her breath feels like a warm blanket to my worries. "I'm not going to hurt you."

I know. At least, I know not deliberately and never like Amie. But how many broken hearts started out with the best intentions?

"You can trust me, Zach."

I squeeze my eyes shut as I absorb words I've heard a thousand times before, the last being from the woman I was sure I was going to marry. Far more is riding on what I have with Luna. Amie was a stranger before she was my girlfriend, but Luna? She's already a part of my world I could never live without. "If we do this... if I pick you up and lay you on my bed, our friendship will never be the same. I can't lose you."

"Then don't lose me."

My heart races wildly as I consider everything working against us. "I live nearly three thousand miles from you. Do you know how intense the hockey schedule is? Aside from these three months of the offseason, I barely get an afternoon to myself. If I'm not in Seattle, I'm on some team plane across a different part of the country. You deserve to have someone present in your life. Too many people are absent when they should be hanging on your every word. I want to hang on your every fucking word."

She shifts slightly on the counter as my hands fall to her smooth, bare thighs, and my fingertips dip under the hem of the old shirt she wears like it's worth a million dollars. "That's just logistics. I know it will be hard, but?—"

"You don't know how hard , Rocket. I'll never see you. Look how often I see my parents. Plus, my life looks very different in Seattle to what it is here." I take another deep breath, knowing however I put what's coming next, I'll no doubt deliver it badly. "I can't deep-dive into something. I'm a fucked-up mess, and I need to be better for you."

"There's no one better for me."

Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, I know that's not true. "He's still got feelings for you."

She balks and pulls back from my touch entirely; the loss feels instant and ice cold. "Who's got feelings for me?"

"You know who. Luke."

She scoffs. "Are you serious? We broke up over a decade ago."

"You might be over it, but I know a struggling guy when I see one, and he's still into you."

She crosses her arms protectively over her chest, just as she did that night when we first kissed, and I reach up and pull them apart, wrapping them around my waist. I know I'm sending all kinds of mixed signals, but right now, my actions can't seem to override my messed-up mind. "It's bro code. I'd be moving in on a friend's girl."

Her voice is sharp and tinged with frustration. "I'm not his girl anymore. In fact, Zach, I'm not anyone's girl. I'm free to be with who I want, free to see who I want. This bro code stuff is bullshit."

I place my hands on the cold counter on either side of her and lean forward, my forehead resting against her chest. "I get that I just... I don't want to hurt anyone."

She brings her hands to the top of my head, sliding her dainty fingers through my hair. "We can't be responsible for everyone's feelings all of the time. He knows why I split with him, and he knows we can never go back there."

I kiss the edge of her jaw because, apparently, I can't keep my hands off her. "What happened? I know it ended just before college. He was torn up."

"I ended things with him because I knew I wanted…"

"Knew you wanted what?"

She shakes her head. "Never mind."

"Knew what, Luna?"

Removing one of her hands from my hair, she places her soft palm against my bare chest, her touch spiking my pulse. She pushes me back and drops down from the counter, looking up at me. "It doesn't matter."

"It does."

"No, it doesn't. And just for the record, I never want to hear about ‘bro code' again. I'm my own person, and things ended years ago." She looks around at my partly redecorated beach house. "We're running out of time before the end of summer, and you only have six weeks before you need to be back in Seattle. We need to get moving."

I wince slightly. "Actually, I have five weeks left here in total. I need to be in Whistler for a week with the team on July tenth."

"See, no time at all." She reaches up and pats my shoulder, pretending like these past ten minutes haven't affected her when I know they have. I hope they have, because I'm a fucking mess. "Now, I need to head back home, grab a shower and fresh clothes. Then I'll be back to paint your room in that cheerful shade of gray you insist on."