40. Bronwyn

40

brONWYN

As we drove to the store, I gazed out at the city...and realized I was seeing it with new eyes. Thanks to Radimir’s explanations of the Bratva and the other gangs, I knew why that skyscraper got planning permission, but that site had lain derelict for over a year. I knew why the mayor would be re-elected and why the unions would get the pay deal they were pushing for. I knew why certain neighborhoods were dangerous after dark and others weren’t, despite being within a few blocks of each other. I’d grown up in this city but I’d never known the shadow world that existed beneath the normal one, a place of backroom deals, money and violence. It still scared the crap out of me, but…I felt sort of privileged, to be one of the insiders. And I couldn’t imagine going back to being oblivious.

Last night had been terrifying. But it had also shown me that Radimir and his brothers weren’t the same as the other gangsters. They only killed when they had to and when I thought about how Gennadiy, Valentin, and Mikhail had risked their lives to rescue us, it gave me an unexpected warm glow. I’d never had brothers or sisters and ever since I’d lost my parents and Baba got ill, I’d felt like I was on my own. Now I’d gotten a tantalizing glimpse of what it was like to be part of a family.

Tomorrow, I’d actually join that family. I’d become Mrs. Aristov. I should be happy.

But as I worked away at the store, a cold dread started to creep through me. I thought back to when I’d stood on that freezing riverbank, sobbing my heart out because I had to marry him. Now everything had flipped around. I loved him. But the more I thought about it, the more I was sure he didn’t feel the same way. Why should he? He’d been forced into this marriage, too. And he’d have said something by now, right?

The dread built all day. Then, at closing time, Radimir arrived to pick me up. I locked the door and my eyes fell to the sign Jen had made to cover us for the next day: Closed due to Wedding, with little wedding bells...and suddenly, realization hit and I wanted to be sick.

The wedding had started out as fake, just a way to get a marriage certificate. But while I’d been busy falling for him, it had become real, even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself. That’s why I’d done as he asked and planned a big wedding. Somewhere, deep down, I’d known I loved him and I’d thought it was going to turn into some fairytale happy-ever-after where he loved me, too.

I let out a little moan, staring at the sign in horror. I’m a fucking idiot. And now, while Radimir and everyone else just went through the motions, I was going to be there in my wedding gown trying to smile while inside, my heart was breaking because of course he doesn’t love you. It wasn’t a fairytale, it was a nightmare.

That night in the penthouse, I watched sadly as Radimir prepared to leave. He picked up his bag and the suit carrier that held his wedding suit, then stopped when he saw my face. “You do want me to go?” he said. “It was your idea: you said I’m not meant to see you, the night before the wedding.”

I nodded quickly. It had been my idea that he go to Gennadiy’s house tonight: I’d mentioned it a week before, when I was in a golden haze of wedding planning and traditions...and before I knew I was in love with him. “Yep,” I said, forcing my voice to be light. “Go.”

He frowned, looking concerned, but left. I went over to the window and a moment later, I saw his car drive away through the snow. And then I spotted another car I recognized, parked across the street. Valentin! Radimir hadn’t been willing to leave me unguarded, even for one night, and even through the pain, it made a smile tug at my lips.

I tried to distract myself. I double-checked everything was ready for the wedding: it was. I made a sandwich but couldn’t face eating it. I tried reading but couldn’t concentrate.

I finally decided to turn in, even though I knew I wouldn’t sleep. But there was one thing I had to do first. I knew I wouldn’t be able to persuade Valentin to go home but I wasn’t going to leave him sitting in his car all night when it was below freezing. I went out into the street and told him that he could guard me just as well from the couch in the penthouse, and after he’d gotten over his embarrassment at being spotted, he agreed and came upstairs.

I stretched out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. How did this happen?! Tomorrow should be the happiest day of my life but it had been twisted into a cruel joke. I was going to have to pretend all day and Radimir would think I was fine because it’s all just fake but really… And God, I’d have to keep it together in front of Jen, Sadie and Luna, why had I invited my friends?!

I wished I hadn’t fallen for him. A fake wedding I could have handled but this, being the only one, meant something to...

I didn’t want to make a noise because the door was ajar, and Valentin was right there in the next room. I closed my eyes and let the tears spill silently down my cheeks .

What’s worse than being forced to marry a monster?

Falling in love with him. And thinking he’ll love you back.