40

Seeing it is One Thing

Jerrick and I make it home as the sun sets. I remain leaning on my husband as we step past the threshold, guards dispersing quickly, fetching Jonas and Dorit.

Staff members pace through the halls. Some carry vases, fabrics, linen, candlesticks, sacks of food, and I barely track where each one is hurrying to.

An exhaled grunt beside me is startling and when I look up at Jerrick, his entire demeanor has turned dark and lethal. His features harden, jaw clenching, with a vein pulsing in his throat.

Tentatively, I touch his chest, drawing his focus away from others.

I still.

Jerrick regards me with darkness painted with pure rage, hatred, and loathing. It's a side of him I have never seen. His pupils are dilated, the black taking over the icy blue of his irises.

Hunger flickers in his eyes as I mouth his name softly. Jerrick's movements are slow, and I hiss when he digs his fingers into my arm, clutching it tight.

The entire hall is quiet, and I swear time has stopped. Footsteps come from the right of me, but I refuse to move under Jerrick's studied stare.

A gasp escapes, and those footfalls, too, halt.

Dorit rasps, "Tove—"

Jerrick growls—actually growls—at me before moving his stare to her.

I turn to not only Dorit, but to Jonas and Viggo coming into view with more staff and royal guards walking through the entryway.

All eyes are transfixed on Jerrick altering in front of us.

Jonas and Viggo raise their hands to calm Jerrick. When Jonas reaches Dorit, he elbows her to do the same.

She hisses, earning me a tighter squeeze from Jerrick.

I stiffen in response to Jerrick's hold, trying to be unaffected. When I meet his gaze again, I understand what this is.

I glance at Jonas once more, noting the subtle bow of his head.

Jonas guides Dorit back a slow, tentative step.

I can't do much for the others, so I force my attention on my cursed husband. I call my magic forth, hoping I can control it.

Jerrick notices the flicker of power from me as it sends his own forth in defense.

"Don't even think about it," I warn him when his magic tries to crawl up my frost-covered arms.

His eyes flash. "And what if I do think about it?"

Each syllable is gravelly as frost manifests on my hand, remaining on my skin but not touching his.

Whatever his magic or curse is doing builds a wall over his chest.

I focus, trying to harness my emotions and all thought into not hurting him but bringing him out of this rage, trying to distract him as he has done for me so many times.

His jaw clenches, arm tightening around me, and the pushback sends my magic outward from my hand, frost appearing on him.

I inhale a sharp breath. "No!" I yank my hand away as Jerrick watches the frost on his skin.

He lets go of me as the frost on his tunic turns into ice, growing.

I clutch my chest as staff members around us gasp.

No, no, no.

It's happening all over again.

The thought and panic are short-lived as Jerrick closes his eyes in concentration, his hand holding the impacted area.

The ice disintegrates.

A breath escapes Jerrick from the effort, and when he meets my gaze, the blue in his irises take over. He blinks a few times, regret furrowing his brows as he takes a few steps away, his eyes conveying a wordless apology.

Turning to all staff members, he commands, "Nothing to see here. Move out!"

The staff jump to attention and resume their tasks.

The scene around me changes as Jonas rushes to Jerrick and Dorit runs to me.

She holds my shoulders, checking every angle as my stare and Jerrick's remain fixed on each other.

Jonas and Jerrick speak, and although I am unable to hear, I can tell the conversation is not important because Jerrick waves off his brother, stepping back toward me.

He leans in and kisses my cheek.

Dorit's protective grip tightens around my wrist as Jerrick drags his lips to my ear.

He whispers softly, "Please forgive me. I have to go. I'll return as soon as I can."

My husband leaves without any more explanation, leaving me breathless despite everything that just unfolded.

Frost thrums down my arms, and I look to see a light chill expanding from my hand. I concentrate on eliminating the sensation, hoping since the danger is gone, my magic will recede.

The ice numbs my fingertips momentarily before my power drains, sucking itself back into my body, pouring into each vein as heat returns.

My frost is silent again, and all I can think about is Jerrick.

"I have to get to the library," I say.

Jonas and Dorit share a glance with each other before turning back to me.

"H-How did you do that?" Dorit asks.

Looking back to where Jerrick left the three of us, I feel a pang of longing to go after him and help him as he has helped me so many times.

I shrug, understanding he needs time alone.

"I have no idea."

Dorit steps closer to me, voicing a reasonable suggestion. "Let's get you changed first, though."

The scent of the forest hits me, the slight dampness of fabric mixing with pine needles and a small tinge of bodily odor. I scrunch my nose.

"Right."

My mind races as I bathe. I replay the day's events, my muscles aching and exhausted. At first, I thought the trek back home from the forest was what tugged at my tired body, but it was more than that. It was how Jerrick had only been gone for a few hours, and I couldn't stop worrying about him.

Missing him.

I let out a long drawn-out breath before standing to wrap myself in linen and exit the bath. I enter my chambers and rest against the soft plush mattress as Dorit fiddles with my hair.

I remain quiet and still, unable to banish my concern over how to help Jerrick while also wanting to give up and sink into this bed and sleep these next few nights away.

More time without Jerrick means fewer eyes helping me break his curse.

I have an idea to ask Dorit about, but when a glimmer comes from my mother's mirror, I turn and watch it carefully, seeking to reach Axidoria.

Maybe Niko and Betina have not left yet.

When Dorit grabs a brush from my vanity, I take the opportunity to pick up the mirror and hold it close. A ripple runs through the reflection, a secondary one coming from the crack that happened when I first came to Palaena all those months ago.

I say, "I can finish dressing myself, Dorit."

"Are you sure? I can—"

"I'm fine."

She flinches a little at my higher pitch, but I soften it in reassurance. "Sorry, I just—I need some time alone, please."

She slackens her shoulders and bows. "Call for me should you need anything," she says, turning away.

I incline my head, watching her close the door to leave me alone. I don't move, focusing intently on Dorit's footsteps walking down the hall, allowing no one to listen in on my room.

Once it is quiet, I hurry and pull clothes on from my wardrobe. I rummage through each item of clothing, opting for a day dress instead of my now preferred cotton tunics and leather trousers.

If Betina or Niko saw me in this… Sweet Makers.

I need no distractions from them if I am going to get help.

I tremble as I move, suppressing it when I grab the mirror, circling its frame three times to channel a connection. It blurs momentarily, my old chambers in Axidoria coming into view with no one on the other end.

I slide against my mattress in defeat, sinking down on the rug beneath me. Gazing into my rooms, books are stacked and papers are scattered across both nightstands near my old bed. I have the urge to speak, but my throat runs dry.

"Betina?" I ask, jolting when something crashes in the background. "Hello? Are you okay?"

A feminine voice grumbles. The shuffling of papers mutes her words, making it hard to hear.

"Betina?" I call out, pleading to see her.

"I'm here," she shouts through the slamming of books stacking against each other.

I angle my head, trying for a possible glimpse of my friend, but I'm too impatient. "Betina, please, I need to see you."

She stumbles into view, looking exhausted. Her undereye is darkened, and her natural aura feels missing.

My heart splits at her hardened scowl, but when it softens, my hope remains.

"Tove," she whimpers, the crack in her voice tightening the guilt in my chest.

"I'm so sorry," I say.

Tears form when she gasps a smile. I pant my own relief, the two of us breaking into a sad laugh. But mine dies knowing everything I've put her through.

"Hey, hey, hey, now," Betina consoles.

It does nothing to help the wave of stress crashing against me. I catch myself as I regard my closest friend, grateful she is there but confused as to why she is not already traveling.

"Is Niko with you? Why aren't you on the way? You—you sent your invite acceptance?"

Her head tilts as she gazes upon me with sympathy. "No, Niko isn't here. And I couldn't go. Not after—"

"Not after what?"

She watches me warily. "Not after what I found."

The hair on the back of my neck rises as foreboding sinks deep into my bones. I clear my throat.

"What did you find?"

She pivots, walking toward a stack of books. She grabs one and faces me.

"Remember how you wanted me to investigate?"

"Yes," I tell her, eager at the possibility of her finding answers about my father and mother.

"Well, when I went to ask our priests about past criminal archives, I spent a while researching, trying to find any assassination attempts or any traces of evidence your mother may have gotten wind of. But I came up short, finding nothing correlating to your father. I only found logs of what criminals were arrested and prosecuted for."

I frown and my shoulders slump. "Oh." I avert my gaze, trying to not show my disappointment with her investigation.

"However," Betina says, drawing my attention, "I kept combing through the criminals, hoping there could be a connection, and I found a few names that were very familiar."

I sit up, leaning into the mirror. "What family names?"

Betina's throat bobs. "Albertsen."

I knew it.

She adds, "And Drost."

My heart stops, my own doubt voicing itself. "Just because they are an ancestor doesn't mean Niko is a criminal."

"I know, but that didn't stop me from asking him about it," Betina admits.

"You what?"

She wears a scowl in defense. "I'm not the one he is mad at, Tove. It wasn't hard for him to admit his uncle was convicted of murdering someone, and your mother had him cursed."

Shame creeps in.

My mother and father hurt his family, and he still showed loyalty to the kingdom and enlisted in the guard. My heart aches, knowing how much I've taken advantage of his kindness and love for Axidoria.

"He never told me," I whisper.

"Nikolaj only told me he looked for a way to break his uncle's curse when he was investigating your father's disappearance after you stepped into your role."

I massage my forehead at that confession, hurt Niko kept what happened to his family from me. Maybe that is why Niko encouraged community servitude rather than execution, like many of the other kingdoms. But Niko keeping Mother's cursing ability secret twists in my gut. He, the priests, and the retired royal advisors all kept that from me.

But I remember how cut off I was when I dismissed everyone. Even if Niko told me, I doubt I would have even been receptive to it.

Each revelation is heavy and weighs down on my body. I shake my head, wishing Niko was here to talk to.

He was trying to look out for me, even when I didn't know it.

"Nikolaj told me he couldn't find anything, but I asked him what he researched, and that led me to investigate your mother. I thought if it was something you could know, it might help him not be as angry at you."

"He told you?"

She nods, stepping closer and clutching the books to her chest. "I thought, since I wasn't making progress on your father, I could help you help Nikolaj with his uncle. If we found a way to lift the curse, maybe he'd be willing to hear you out about your plan."

"But Niko is already on the way, Betina. I can't help him now!" I drop my head and release a long exhale.

My plan was never going to work.

"But you can. And you can help the king, too," she says.

I blanch. "Wait. Why would you want me to help Jerrick?"

"Because Nikolaj convinced my father to go with him, to fight."

The stinging news draws the air away from me, horror gripping my heart. "What?"

The walls close in as I rub the ache in my chest, my mind racing and heartbeat thumping loud in my ears.

Niko is not standing down. Thump.

He is still mad. Thump.

He is too far down this path of revenge. Thump.

Betina says, "Nikolaj still plans to ambush the king the day after the ball. But I know you can convince him otherwise."

There is determination in her eyes, but I don't know what she means. If he didn't listen in the past, I don't know what else I can do.

"I already told him to stand down. How else am I going to stop him?"

Betina opens the book, turning a few pages, then stops to read aloud. "All curses cast by Queen Asta of Axidoria were created and recorded as punishment for criminals instead of execution. Each criminal was promised a chance for the curse to be lifted but only through the queen, herself. Queen Asta left instructions for future heirs to lift curses cast on criminals if she dies before a criminal redeems themself."

She stops and looks up. "It goes on to say, ‘For a monarch to know how to break a curse, they must read it alone. Then and only then will the rest of the curse be revealed.'"

I blink in disbelief as my mouth falls. "Did Niko ever hear about this?"

Betina shakes her head. "No. No one has checked out this book since your mother. It is prohibited from being read by anyone other than royalty."

I arch a brow. "How did you get your hands on it?"

Her cheeks deepen as she shrinks inward, pressing her lips tight and using the book to conceal herself.

"Betina?" I press, and she blurts her explanation.

"I may have spent a few nights with one of the keepers to learn where it was located, and I may have borrowed it."

"Betina!"

"I know, I know!" She waves it off. "But how could I not look into it? If it is only readable by royalty, it has to have something! And I was right!"

Blinking in astonishment, I'm baffled she wasn't caught. I press my head against the mattress in relief of one thing but not the other.

Betina, no doubt is expecting me to scold her more, yet I can't be mad if she has answers that could help me not only with Niko but, finally, with Jerrick.

The thought sends my heart sputtering at the prospect of seeing Jerrick no longer burdened by his curse.

"I have to read a curse alone to see the end of it?" I ask.

She inclines her head. "And then it should tell you what the person needs to do for the curse to lift."

I huff a startled laugh. "This entire time, he really did need me." I rake a hand through my hair, stunned by my mother's choices and intellect. "We've been missing a piece of the puzzle."

"Tove, you need to tell Nikolaj about his uncle when he arrives at the ball. You need to break Jerrick's curse, come home, and help his uncle."

I bite my lip, our argument still sore and heavy on my heart. A thickness builds in my throat, fearful of ruining my relationship with Niko all before I even had a chance to experience it.

"I don't know if he will even listen to me. You didn't see him, Betina. He was so angry."

"He loves you," she tells me as tears form and slip down my cheek.

I glance away, licking my lips as I try to think of a response and hate my own hesitation.

How will we win each other's trust back?

"Don't you still love him?" she asks.

I care about Niko. He has always been there for me. I have pined after him for years, yet when I needed him to listen, he let me down.

We have let each other down.

"I-I—"

"It's okay if you don't."

"No, it's not that." I hesitate for the right words but draw up short because I think of Jerrick instead of Niko, comparing the two as I did when I was trying to find a suitor in Axidoria.

"Then, what do you mean?" she asks.

"It's just… he's so different from—"

"From the king?"

I dip my head, looking down at the floor, ashamed to even admit it.

Betina will not judge me for my feelings. She has always been unfazed whenever I find myself offering deeper and more intense emotions. It is one of her greatest qualities that I miss being around every day.

"I don't want either of them hurting the other, even more so now that I have realized Palaena is not an enemy," I confess, pulling my knees up.

"I built so much resentment for Palaena and everyone here for years. But even when I was kidnapped, I still did not want to hurt anyone. I never wanted a fight, but Niko convinced me it was my only option. It wasn't until I could find no evidence of their involvement with my father that I knew I needed to call off the fighting. And when I did, Niko lost it, believing I was doing it for Jerrick. I care about both of them and just want there to be peace."

"Maybe they can fall in love with each other." Betina wiggles her brows.

I laugh. "Wanting to fall in love yourself?"

But when I look at my friend, a blush blooms along her cheeks.

My eyes widen with questions.

"Have you met someone?" My own smile grows at the possibility.

She looks around before shushing me.

I squeal in delight as realization dawns. "Is it the keeper?" I ask, delighted and grateful for a change in conversation.

She bites her lip, and I grin.

"Tell me everything!" I demand as I pull the mirror close to my face, as if to intimidate the story out of her.

Betina quirks her brow and braces her hands on her hips. She pauses to peer out the window, the moonlight highlighting her features before she faces me once more.

"Go save our kingdoms. And when you do, I will tell you everything when you come visit."

I exaggerate a groan of disapproval. "You are such a tease."

"Don't need you to go chasing after them." She winks.

I roll my eyes in amusement, her love and aura peeking through her exhaustion. A twinge of pain clatters against my heart, knowing I've done this to her, and she has delivered, giving me a chance to help everyone.

The miracle I have prayed for.

"Betina, I don't even know how to thank you for this and for everything. Love you."

"Love you too, Tee." She waves a farewell, her grin bright and genuine. "Now, go. I'll be here when you come back."

A tear falls down my cheek, and I close my eyes, nodding. I have to wait a little longer to see her in person, but when I do, I will tackle her to the ground.

I swipe my hand once over the frame, severing the connection, and the image of Betina's smile fades away.

The moon shines into my room as I put my mirror on my nightstand. I study the night momentarily, taking in a moment of peace before hurrying down to the library, determined to set my sights on my marriage arrangement.

Running down the staircases, I debate visiting the kitchens but decide not to once realizing Cordelia and Ophelia have turned in for the night.

When my steps lead me into the library, I stride over to our designated spot, moving books and ledgers around in hopes of finding the marriage agreement. I'm berating myself for never considering reading it all the way through.

When none of the scrolls look familiar to me, I flop against the cushioned chair as footsteps creep in behind me. Turning with the hope of seeing Jerrick, I am surprised when Jonas comes into view.

I lift a brow in question, and he shrugs.

"Jerrick asked me to check on you while he was gone. Since you weren't in your rooms, I figured you might be here," he says.

I stand and rush to him. "Do you have the marriage agreement?"

Concern etches his features. "It's in Jerrick's study. Why?"

I hesitate, choosing a half-truth that could work in my favor. "I never read it thoroughly. I was hoping if I did so and revisited the curse, it might help," I admit bashfully.

Jonas's eyebrows shoot up as he huffs a laugh. "Come on, sis"—he gestures toward the door—"I'll take you to his study."

"Thank you." I grin, even though the guilt gnaws at my gut as we leave the library.

Jerrick's study is on the second level of the castle, and as Jonas opens the door, my breath catches at the essence of Jerrick in this room.

I walk in, my hands brushing against the chair I sat in the first time I was here, realizing I hadn't been in this room since that day. Hints of his cologne are in the air, and heat builds in my chest at the memory of him holding me earlier this afternoon.

Not once was I afraid. I only wanted to help. Even though my magic could have killed him, it was enough to catch his curse off guard, allowing me the chance to get the Jerrick I know back.

The door closes behind me, and my posture shoots up.

I remove the thought of Jerrick as Jonas approaches the desk, moving around piles of paperwork.

He grabs a scroll-like parchment that looks to be my marriage agreement.

Jonas extends it toward me, and I open it, looking upon the cursive handwriting at the top before skimming to the bottom.

I mutter, "This is going to take a while."

Jonas comes around the desk and pats my shoulder. "I'll leave you to it, then."

Looking at him, I smile before turning my attention to the document. I use my finger to hover over the top of the page for good measure, where I really need to read will have to wait until Jonas leaves.

And as soon as the door to Jerrick's study closes, ink drops of blood manifest on the sides of the paper. I stare in awe as the blood inks itself into letters, scrambling down the parchment and forming words underneath those etched in the curse.

I scan over the remnants of the spell, drifting to the beginning, reading it thoroughly and finding the final piece to break Jerrick's curse.

Ivan, oh Ivan how you've betrayed me,

killing my love 'cause you were consumed by jealousy.

Ruling two kingdoms filled your heart with greed,

as punishment for your actions,

I've placed a curse on your legacy.

Your kin will become the bringer of death,

turning on you first when I draw my last breath.

You'll be forced to watch from beyond the grave,

Knowing your kingdom is failing

due to the choices you've made.

But if your son so chooses to learn from your mistakes,

Only in faithful consummation with love

will then the curse break.

I slouch against the chair, pinching the bridge of my nose. Tension and exhaustion take over my body as my thoughts run.

Mother had every intention of ruining Palaena. She signed not only King Ivan's death sentence, but Jerrick's as well.

He never would have had a chance to break his curse because she orchestrated us to marry.

Arranged marriages hardly ever turn into love, especially when it is with an enemy kingdom. And there is not even the possibility that he loves me, especially when he finds out everything I have kept from him.

Love is built with trust and respect, and I've done nothing but withhold information from him. But Jerrick doesn't strike me as someone who loves.

He cares about others, yes, but love? I've seen how he keeps everyone at a safe distance. I try to do the same, but he excels at it.

My heart breaks at the revelation.

He has to be in a faithful relationship and in love.

Maybe this new information will convince Jerrick to divorce me so he may give himself a chance to break the curse. It would be a strenuous process, but it gives him the freedom to remove the need to kill.

He would divorce me happily then, right?

We have good relations with all the kingdoms, and they all would authorize it because the world would shift back to what it once was. And if we divorce, I return to Axidoria, keep the peace and trade routes, and get to be with Niko.

If he still even wants you, Tove.

My thoughts do nothing to ease my heavy heart.

"Deities, Mother!" I shout up to the ceiling in frustration at everything she has done.

If she had told me and allowed me to help, maybe we could have researched our home for clues about my father's disappearance. Instead, she put blame on Palaena and set herself on a path of vengeance without any concrete proof.

She left me an entire kingdom to take, but I don't want it.

I don't want it when there is a perfectly capable king already here.

I run my fingers along my hair in guilt and pity for the trials Palaena has been through, all because of my mother. My insides twist in guilt, frustration, and worry as the burden of everything sinks in.

Not only do I have to convince Niko to stand down but also inform Jerrick of his only chance to break his curse. Both conversations are tied to feelings and emotions, and I have a strong sense that neither of them will take the news well.