24

The Food Tray

Given my tardiness, I hurry for the kitchens to say hello to Ophelia and Cordelia in hopes of taking my breakfast on the go and even bringing some to Jerrick. I cannot recall him eating any time since we started meeting in the library, and I pray to Alora he will not reprimand me for being late.

Perhaps he'll also take the food tray as a peace offering.

Even though it crushed my mood to see Niko angry and jealous, I still stand behind my reasoning for believing Jerrick. And deep down, I pray I can save my kingdom, heal, and find my happy again with my husband by my side.

I hold on to that wish, pushing through the corridor of the kitchen, smiling when I catch not only Ophelia and Cordelia, but Dorit as well.

They work and converse in comfort, stopping short when they see me.

"Tove!" Cordelia beams, drying off her hands with a towel and rushing to embrace me.

Ophelia and Dorit carefully put down the dishes before they, too, hurry to me.

Ophelia's arms wrap around me as Cordelia still holds me. Appreciation for hearing and seeing their visible joy at my presence warms my chest, feeling as if they truly see me as a person.

Stuck in their embrace, I eye Dorit, signaling for help, but she braces her hands on her hips, shaking her head with amusement.

"You're running late," Dorit states as the two women break apart from hugging me.

"I know, I know. I should have taken you up on waking me."

The pit in my stomach deepens from my deception.

My time with these women might be enjoyable, but I don't belong here. I belong in Axidoria with Niko.

My intentions for not having Dorit wake me this morning were pure, though. I wanted to let her have some time for herself. Her assistance and company are one of the few things I value in Palaena.

She, Ophelia, and Cordelia have been my support during my dark days here. I can only thank Dorit for introducing me to the two women that one crisp morning where we all visited late into the afternoon.

"Have you eaten yet?" Ophelia asks.

I shake my head. "I was hoping I could have a food tray made so I may take it to the library for myself and the king."

Cordelia's green eyes twinkle with mischief. "A picnic for you and the king? How romantic!" She clasps her chest, twirling in a circle.

I level my gaze on Cordelia. "It is nothing like that."

Dorit wiggles her brows, the three of them snickering. I sigh.

The three women love to tease, and I often find myself joking alongside them. Clearly, today, I am the brunt of their antics.

I roll off the taunt, my tardiness the bigger concern.

Ophelia presses her lips to stifle another laugh as she grabs a tray. Cordelia gathers breads, cheese, dried meats, and a bottle of wine.

I smile when they extend it to me, along with their wishes of luck.

But Dorit stops me before I can go, adding a few sugared solstice pastries to the dish. Her observance of my love for sweet treats leaves me beaming.

"Thank you."

As I approach the library, my pulse quickens, and my heart hammers in my chest. It is a feeling I have experienced more recently on my way to Jerrick. The time spent in his company reminds me of the man I met in Axidoria, where talking with him felt refreshing.

But being late today might crush even that small blessing.

I square my shoulders and turn, bracing my back against the doors to push and let myself in. When I face the room, Jerrick is reclining in his chair, nose deep in a text.

My entrance pulls him away from reading, those glacial blue eyes and his scar alive with intrigue. I lick my lips, preparing for an explanation, but Jerrick scans me from head to toe, stopping back on the food tray.

His full face comes into view as he lowers his book, lips ticking up. "What do you have there, Frostbite?"

Heat punctures my skin as I try to not react to the nickname. I swallow the tightness building, counting myself lucky he is asking that rather than pointing out my lateness.

I cough before gesturing to the food tray. "I notice you do not eat while you are in here, and I thought it could help."

Jerrick's features soften.

It catches me off guard, so I add in my regret. "I also brought it as an apology for my lateness."

He arches a brow just as my stomach growls.

I stiffen, mortification setting in as Jerrick's and my own eyes widen at my hunger voicing its misery.

"Clearly, you also brought it because you were hungry," he teases, and I relax when his dimple appears through his devastatingly beautiful smile.

Jerrick breaks into a fit of genuine laughter, a deep rumble that vibrates in my bones.

It draws a blush across my face at the pureness of it, and I let my own join his. The surprise fills him with something more humanizing, making me realize I am, no doubt, one of the very few his mask has slipped around.

The mask of a ruler, the mask of a killer—the mask of a monster.

My heart aches as I realize it's me looking at myself through a mirror. The thought is laced with a sharp fracturing of ice, forcing me to pinch my eyes and shudder.

When Jerrick's laugh eases, he catches me just as I gather myself. But when he stands, he places the book on his chair, approaching me.

The thoughts I had have me arching away when he nears.

The amusement in his features dissolves quickly, and he stops midstep at my movement.

Jerrick cocks his head, confusion furrowing his brows. From his softened gaze, he looks apologetic, and that pang of guilt from earlier slams against me as I look upon the King of Palaena, the two of us having so much to apologize for.

Him for deceiving me and kidnapping me.

Me for my tardiness, when it should have been an apology for being so mean—so rude.

Both our actions are justified in our own minds, and right now, seeing Jerrick, I can't help but wish things were different.

While I have every intention of going home, I don't want to hurt anyone. And maybe if I took myself beyond my own thoughts, I could have seen his perspective earlier.

He, too, is burdened by his gifts, and I should have been more understanding.

If I had, maybe we both would be inclined to help one another. Maybe we could have made the best of our situation and worked together instead of against each other. Maybe we could have struck true peace, and there would be no need for Niko's plan.

Kindness might be something Jerrick does not experience with many, and I should have been offering that sooner. I should be offering pleasantries I already share with his brother, Dorit, Cordelia, and Ophelia.

And as I study Jerrick, the wordless thought of apology feels thick in the air.

"I'm sorry—"

We stop ourselves after speaking in unison.

I cinch my mouth shut as Jerrick's eyes widen. But it vanishes quickly, replaced by the softness from earlier. My heart stutters at this man, who's offering me more than he has with his mask lowered.

I could give him that too, at least.

I smile kindly, and he visibly relaxes.

Jerrick gestures to the food tray. "May I?"

I bite my lip and nod sheepishly. "Thank you," I say, marveling at the tenderness he is offering.

He inclines his head, returning to his seat, and I join him. He opens the bottle of wine with ease, filling the two glasses and passing me one.

I reach for it carefully, my hands shaking from this uncharted territory.

Jerrick's softened gaze studies me, and when our hands graze each other's after touching my glass, calm sweeps over my body.

I lift the cup to my lips, savoring the drink despite its harshness.

Palaena really needs to stock its castles and taverns with Axidoria's wine.

Soon, Tove. Soon.

I am surprised when Jerrick reaches for the sugared pastry first, a little hurt he will be eating one of the few on the tray.

He catches my expression and asks, "How did you know these were my favorite?"

I huff a laugh. Dorit, the little sneak, helping me smooth things over with Jerrick. Ever the protector, she is.

I grab one for myself and take a huge bite.

Jerrick arches a brow, but my eyes squeeze shut as I blush, working through the solstice pastry and swallowing it with a grin still on my face.

"I didn't," I say.

If Jerrick was showing me himself without a mask, I could at least offer him the same vulnerability—I have more in common with him than I realized.

The heavy mantle of Snow Queen and grief lay thick against my shoulders, but those lighten as the mask I wear shifts in the King of Palaena's presence, showing Jerrick my love for sweets.

"I just knew that they were mine."

Jerrick and I started the habit of discussing our reading. We took turns summarizing what we read, allowing our eyes a brief rest.

I would immediately forget everything I just finished absorbing, but information was easier for him to retain.

He was always quick to engage me in conversation, forcing my brain to turn and think.

Conversing with Jerrick during these moments was easy and enjoyable, reminding me of when we first met at the Celebration of Spirits.

And at the end of each day, I'd drag my feet up the stairs, mentally exhausted.

Dorit would occasionally find me asleep in my clothes from the day prior, and even communication with Niko and Betina was the last thing on my mind.

On nights I managed some energy, I would try to see their faces and give them updates. But the second I would see Betina asleep in the reflection, my heart would pinch with guilt and defeat, not wanting to disrupt her, no matter how badly I wanted to converse with her and Niko.

Some days, like today, Jonas joins us in the library so all three of us can be part of the meeting. Jonas is exuberant and ecstatic, our conversation fluid and natural.

"Finally, I will get to have a taste of the wine you brag about, Tove," Jonas muses after receiving letters from Axidoria confirming the transfer.

My heart lifted when I saw Niko's signature, a small glimpse of home bringing me cheer today.

I chuckle with Jonas, his teeth gleaming.

"I promise once you have it, you will need more," I tell him.

Jerrick scoffs beside his brother, and I brush off his typical behavior whenever Jonas and I go off topic during meetings. His nose is stuck in a book as he plops a cube of cheese in his mouth.

The food tray, a daily occurrence now, usually lasts a few hours, but with Jonas present and hosting a meeting, the food was scarfed down in an instant.

I linger on Jerrick's mouth as he eats the last kernel of food. His blue eyes flick to mine, a hint of a smirk tracing along his lips as heat scorches underneath my skin.

Jonas asks, "Promise we will all try it together?"

"Dorit and I already have an agreement but adding you in to the celebration would be a delight."

Jonas wiggles in his seat, earning another grumble from Jerrick. The brothers ignore the other, comfortable with their differences and similarities.

"Maybe we can have more delivered before the ball," Jonas suggests. "Which reminds me, what colors were you thinking of for decorations, Tove?"

I purse my lips at the question, contemplating the layout of Palaena's castle and decorations.

My favorite part of planning celebrations is choosing the colors to blend and complement. The majority of the castle has warm and rich tones, which can be hard to pair with other tones.

I have a few in mind that could work, but instead of choosing, I ask for Jonas's input. "What colors do you think would be good?"

Jonas opens his mouth, but Jerrick interrupts, "Black."

We turn to Jerrick, surprised he is voicing his opinion, the two of us knowing he would much rather be reading.

Jonas and I share a suspicious glance.

Jonas asks, "Just black?"

The King of Palaena shrugs, turning to the next page of his book. "Why not?"

I quirk a brow, not understanding his motives behind suggesting anything in the first place.

"We could do black and red?" I suggest, offering up the other color I had in mind.

"Oh! With touches of gold!" Jonas exclaims, shuffling a few books around on the table to grab a parchment for notes.

He scribbles down ideas quickly, muttering to himself.

I rest my hands across my lap, catching a few of his words such as fabric, veal, musicians, masks.

"Yes, yes," Jonas sings as he continues to write. "The vision is coming to life. We will need to send out invitations that you both will sign. We can hire extra staff from the villages, and we'll send for extra barrels of wine."

"Do not forget that extra staff means extra cooks, too," I comment, knowing Cordelia and Ophelia will need help in the days leading up to the event.

Jonas points his quill at me. "Yes!" He jots down more notes.

I am about to add another suggestion when Jerrick stops abruptly, rising from his chair.

Jonas and I look up at Jerrick, his jaw locking in steel determination.

"I should have known you two would be talking for hours," he grumbles under his breath, placing his book down and heading for the door.

Alarm has me looking at Jonas, not understanding what we did wrong. We have had meetings before in the library, and today should be no different.

Jonas calls to his brother, "Where are you going?"

Jerrick halts, his body stiffening. Concern has me studying his body language, an apology on the tip of my tongue.

Jerrick relaxes briefly, and peers over his shoulder. "Hunting."

His eyes find mine. His irises are blown out, but he blinks once, a flash of softness peering through his tense body.

Through gritted teeth, he says, "Everything you need to read is there. I expect a report when I return."

As Jerrick leaves, my rebuttal dries out.

Glancing around the room, I try to think back on anything we might have done that could have caused such vexation from Jerrick. I come up short.

Jonas sits calmly, unbothered by his brother, still jotting down notes.

"Why did Jerrick just now decide to go hunting?" I ask, unable to help myself.

Jonas's brown eyes flicker with hesitation. Instead of answering, he asks, "What do you know about his curse?"

"Not much."

He hums to himself in contemplation, the quill resting on the parchment and no longer moving. Jonas places his notes to the side, bracing his forearms on his thighs as he leans toward me.

"Well, let's just say he gets especially moody when his urges decide to fester," Jonas quips.

I'm unable to hide my amusement from his choice of wording. "That would explain a lot," I reply, an understanding of Jerrick's mood swings clicking into place.

Jonas bellows. "Yes, though he does need to be better about apologizing when he is moody."

"You and I definitely align there." I grab a book from the large working pile while Jonas resumes making notes.

I barely open to the cover page of the text before Jonas adds quietly, "I am sorry you have been the target of his mood swings."

Looking up, genuine sorrow etches across his furrowed brows.

He takes a long breath, sighing deeply and explaining, "I swear Jerrick means well most of the time. It's this fucking curse that plagues him day in and day out, and I hate how others are affected by it beyond him." He reclines against his chair, our conversation clearly something that weighs heavy on him.

I rest my hand on Jonas's knee in comfort, and his brown eyes find mine. "I am sorry you, too, have been a casualty of his moods. You handle your role in being a brother, a prince, and a royal advisor in stride. Jerrick, I am sure, is more grateful for you than he ever will admit."

Jonas waves my words off, trying to mask the stress he carries.

It is like seeing my own situation play out in front of me. Their relationship has me understanding and knowing how vital Jonas is to Jerrick, just like how important Betina and Niko are to me—how Dorit, Jonas, Cordelia, and Ophelia are becoming important to me, too.

Jonas may not get the credit he deserves from his brother, but that doesn't mean I won't voice my admiration for him. Even though I am still a little suspicious of their motives, it has been evident from the beginning that Jonas is an excellent advisor.

I tighten my grip on his knee, directing his attention back. "Jonas, do not wave this off. You deserve to know how amazing you are. You deserve to be appreciated." His brown eyes are lined with tears, and I smile softly, placing a hand over my heart. "I appreciate you and your company."

A tear runs down his cheek, but he whisks it away as the library door opens.

I look up, eyes widening when a man enters wrapped arm in arm with Dorit, the duo snickering quietly.

Jonas's entire mood shifts at the sight. "Viggo!" He stands quickly, hurrying toward the two with his arms wide.

The man perks up, his boyish features reddening at the sight of his partner. The red is stark against his dark-bronze skin, and it stays plastered on his cheeks when Dorit steps away, allowing the two to kiss and embrace.

I beam at the love shining between the two of them, my heart full and heavy at the sight.

A bleak chord of longing strums in my gut, wishing I could have that. To be loved by someone I love and to have that feeling never dwindle, even through the bad days.

Jonas pulls away from Viggo, holding his face before acknowledging Dorit. My brother-in-law turns to me, gesturing to his partner.

"Tove! This is Viggo," Jonas sings pridefully.

I stand, inclining my head in greeting. "A pleasure to finally meet the man Jonas talks so much about."

Viggo turns bashful as Dorit and Jonas grin. Viggo awkwardly side steps his partner, his hands fidgeting at his sides before bowing.

His unruly brown waves cover his face as he says, "An honor it is to finally meet you, Your Majesty."

Viggo's stare stays on mine, and I smile gently, understanding the shyness of meeting new people. I have an urge to befriend him as I have Dorit, Ophelia, and Cordelia.

"If you ever feel inclined to, you may call me Tove," I reply to Viggo, the same offer I extend to any staff.

But here, in Palaena, I do not know why I want to prevent others from calling me the Snow Queen. The uncertainty still has me gesturing to the table, seeking to be different from what rumors claim.

"Please, join us?" I ask.

Dorit occupies the seat next to me as Viggo follows his partner, hand in hand.

Viggo sits where Jerrick was earlier, and Jonas returns to his original spot.

Dorit glances at the heaping array of books, rolling her eyes with exhaustion.

"Please tell me this is the already read pile," she says, pointing to the stack Jerrick and I are working through.

"It's not," I tell her.

She sighs and leans back, crossing her arms.

Jonas and Viggo chuckle under their breaths.

Looking between them, I gesture to the books. "You three could help me, you know?"

Dorit snorts and waves me off. "No, Viggo and I have tasks to do. We only stopped by when we saw the king leaving the castle."

I flick my eyes to Jonas in hesitation, unsure how much she and Viggo know about Jerrick's curse.

But Jonas nods, a sign that they know enough.

I still choose to keep Jerrick's movements and actions to myself.

Jonas steers the conversation in a different direction. "Tove and I were just discussing plans for the celebration as well as the first of many planned deliveries of wine."

Dorit lights up at the mentioning of wine. "You did? Don't tell me I have to wait for you, too, in order to try it."

All three gazes flick to me, and I shrug, unable to help myself as I speak. "Unfortunately, you do."

Dorit puffs. "Dammit, I wanted to sneak extra away."

A chuckle escapes, and I stifle it with my hand. "Do not fret, Jonas and I are already working on having more for the party as well as stocking it, too. Once everyone tries it, I'm afraid you will not wish to go back."

"I'll say," Jonas remarks. "That is quite a steep promise, Tove."

I smirk. "It's a guarantee, Jonas."

Jonas and Dorit wiggle their brows with delight.

My eyes meet Viggo's, and he grins bashfully.

From what I have heard about Viggo, he is shy. I do not want to push him out of his comfort zone, so I smile in return before leaning back and reading late into the night.