15

This is a First

Holding Mother's mirror, I run my hand over it in three circles, projecting my reflection to my chambers. The image ripples and glows as my old room comes into view.

My heart remains hopeful, taking what could be my last chance of seeing Betina or Niko before Dorit returns in a few hours to help me get ready for the ceremony tonight.

"Niko? Betina?" I speak into the mirror, only met with silence.

I grip the stem of Mother's mirror tighter, trying for their names again, once more met with nothing. Irritation swims over my features, and I go to sever the connection but halt when a door opens on the other end, a voice calling for me.

"Hello?" the smooth, baritone voice asks.

I whimper, weeping through pure joy. "Is that you, Niko?"

Footsteps sound, and the image of my chamber is filled by Niko's loving gaze.

"Tove! Sweet fucking Makers, you're alive!" He holds the sides of the mirror.

I croak out a sob, unable to stop myself from touching his reflection. Wishing he was near, I bring my forehead to the mirror.

"Tove, the arrow—" His eyes turn from relief to tortured, filled with tears that are pleading and remorseful.

I lift a hand to stop him, shaking my head as my own tears fall. I don't want to think about that damned arrow. I just want to be here with him.

"I'm okay, Niko."

He swallows thickly as a single tear cascades down his cheek.

Taking in his appearance, his amber eyes are dim, riddled with bags, and his hair is disheveled while his face shows signs of a beard.

"When Betina told me you had your mirror with you, I thought you might try to reach out. I've been worried sick, thinking the worst—" He pauses, looking around my profile and noting my new surroundings. "Where are you?"

I turn, taking in the bedchamber around me. A lush black blanket hugs the sheets on the bed, and light traces of frost crest across the tall arched window beside me.

I swallow thickly, hesitant over relaying the bad news. As I rub the stem of the mirror, the jagged edges of the engraving massage my palms.

I brace myself for his fury and meet his amber gaze.

"Niko." I bite my lip, knowing my heart is going to break in telling him this.

It is already breaking the longer I look at him.

"Tee, tell me where you are now," he demands, each word desperate yet full of anger, not toward me but to the man who took me on our wedding day.

Niko's protectiveness is driving the demand behind his tone, but it does nothing to stop the shredding in my chest.

I grimace. "I-I'm in P-Palaena," I whisper.

"What?" he bellows, and I wince.

He steps away from the vanity, his fingers running through his hair as he paces. "I'll kill that bastard—"

"Niko," I call, trying to reach him through his spiraling thoughts.

He is willing to risk anything to find the best solution. He faces me, coming into view with anger expanding from his amber irises.

"I am coming to get you, Tee. I am going to call the banners and come for you."

"Niko," I breathe with warning.

"I am going to. Tee, I know it will take time. I will go to each village and call the banners, have them march to the castle and train under me."

His emotions falter momentarily, noting the change in my demeanor. Calling the banners risks upsetting the Makers.

"Or not. I could come and get you myself right now."

Another reason why war has never happened is because monarchs could never predict what abilities the other had. It would be a gamble to fight to gain more power, only to be usurped by a monarch more powerful than anticipated. And regardless of success or failure, a ruler would still invoke the Deities' wrath.

I scrape my lips against the edges of my teeth as I contemplate my options, knowing, deep down, if I ever want to return home, Niko is right.

This is the only option.

There were witnesses to my kidnapping and the death of my priest at my wedding. That should count for something and help Niko get support in organizing an attack.

I rock my head back to the ceiling, noting the framing around the bed as I send a humble prayer to Alora, begging her for mercy in the afterlife for the path I am about to go down.

Leaning against the pillows, I fold my robe over my body as I try to justify hurting others. I hate that the guarantee of my return home, being with Niko, and protecting my kingdom all boil down to a battle.

I don't want this, yet I can't help but exhale my thoughts aloud.

"You cannot come here alone, Niko. I don't know what threats lie here. There is too much at risk if we show up unprepared. And if Axidoria is going to march into another kingdom for a fight, I want you and my bannermen prepared."

Niko stiffens at my declaration, his emotions clearly rushing his decisions more than his logic, and I need to guide his intentions strategically.

"Winter will spread more in Axidoria, so take this time to gather men and train. We can set forth in the summer when it is warmer, and that should give me enough time to handle everything here."

Niko scratches the side of his cheek, a muscle ticking in his jaw as he thinks over my plan. He falls into pacing again.

When his steps falter, he turns and raises a brow. "Wait, what are you going to do?"

Hesitating momentarily, I reply, "I am going to marry their king."

Niko's eyes widen, recognition dawning. "The man who kidnapped you is the King of Palaena? And you are going to marry him?" Niko fumes, anger lacing each word.

"Yes."

"Tee," he breathes, "you can't marry him."

Tenderness leaves his breath and fractures my heart. It cripples me knowing we are so far apart, and I can't embrace him and comfort him.

I would hold him and lather him by kissing every inch of his body. I pray he knows it is him I want, and no one else.

I meet his gaze, assuring the finality of this decision. "I have to. They showed me a marriage decree drafted and signed by my mother."

Niko grimaces at the thought, disbelieving me, but I press on, "Trust me, I didn't believe it at first either, but her signature was there."

Looking through the reflection, the tension in Niko's jaw works. The despair in my chest grows, even as I try to offer a fragment of hope.

"They are hiding what really happened to my family. So, while men train for a battle, I'm going to learn what I can and follow through with my other arrangements."

Jealousy ripples down Niko as he stomps toward the vanity mirror, smacking his hands on the table. "What else did you agree to?"

I swallow thickly, not knowing if Axidoria could make this work or not. "We agreed once we marry, I'll help set up trade between our kingdoms, and the king would train me to wield my magic."

"But, Tee." Niko sighs, the hope draining from him. "I don't care about trade or the winter your magic caused. I care about you."

His soft words torture me as I face his amber eyes, wishing he were here to hold me.

"I know you do," I say softly, the pain of everything breaking my heart. "But I have to do this. I have to find answers while I am here. And there has to be a way to remove my magic or melt the ice. That way could be here. You know how difficult it has been to learn and understand my gifts without any resources at home."

"Have you already married him?" Niko asks, betrayal stinging in his question.

I shake my head, and his shoulders relax until I add, "It's happening tonight."

Niko is silent, his face reddening from the tears he, too, is shedding. He touches the mirror, and I brush it with my fingertips.

We stare silently at each other, wishing to be in one another's embrace but instead are being thrown into an Oblivion of Palaena's making.

A long exhausted sigh escapes from Niko's lips, and he rubs his eyes softly.

Realization breaks my heart that Niko may not want me after I've been married to Jerrick… Is he getting ready to tell me that?

Niko's head remains downcast. "I understand honoring the agreement your mother drafted, and I understand harnessing your abilities, but Tee—" He looks up, jealousy simmering behind his eyes.

His throat bobs once.

He exhales a promise burning deep in his gaze. "Helping the future of your kingdom isn't going to stop me from coming to get you. I'm going to kill that man for taking what is mine."

The thought should make me feel sick. Instead, it pulls a wicked idea of what Jerrick will be like as a lover, but I don't dare voice that.

I don't want to give myself to a stranger, but consummation comes as part of the marriage arrangement.

I know that.

Niko knows that.

And even Jerrick knows that.

But despite having to share a bed with Jerrick, I can't help but seek reassurance Niko will still want to be with me after all of this.

I squeeze the mantle of my mother's gilded mirror, holding on to the hope of his declaration. "You—you'd still want me? Even after marrying—and being—with another man?"

A lift of his features, one of the first I've seen in over a week, appears, and my heart skips, seeing the desire flash behind his eyes.

"I want you right now."

His voice lowers, deep and sensual.

The desire from his statement has my thighs clenching.

"Y-You do?" I ask, my heart rate increasing as those golden eyes simmer with the promise of pleasure.

He nods slowly, his hands bracing the mirror. "I want to fulfill every fantasy I've ever had of you."

I glance around, unsure of how he intends to fulfill such a declaration.

Embarrassment has me stating the obvious, hating to dampen his mood while also hating myself for saying it aloud. "B-But you aren't here."

"Yes, I am," he says, tilting his head to the side with a sensual smile.

His mahogany hair moves with him, and he shakes it away from his face. "And I want you to take your clothes off right here, right now."

"Let me have this."

My mouth falls as arousal thickens Niko's voice.

The blood in my veins turns hot and heavy underneath his gaze, and I bite my lip.

Niko licks his lips, a hand drifting down to rub himself. "Deities, I want this with you so badly."

Niko's words drive me into glancing around, a cold sweat breaking along my brow as I search for something to rest Mother's mirror on. I find a few candlesticks and grab my emptied chamber pot, carrying Niko with me as he palms himself.

"Sweet Makers, I wish that was my hand," I confess.

His eyes meet mine. "That's what I'm imagining and have imagined ever since we met."

"Deities, same," I admit as I brace the mirror against the chamber pot, as well as the candlesticks, giving Niko a full view of me and I a full view of him.

I'm breathless as we study each other, unsure of what to do next.

Niko seems to feel the same because he says, "I never imagined our first time like this."

I nod, my words running dry, not knowing what to do—what to say. All I do know is I would love to be chased into ecstasy.

Staccato notes flutter in my pulse as I sit, my hands clammy and sweaty as I rub them up and down my thighs.

Niko braces one hand against the mirror, his other still rubbing himself through his clothes, and I itch to see the fullness of him.

The thought has me clenching my insides.

"Lean back, Tee," Niko commands.

I do what he says, dragging my dressing robe up the length of my legs.

"Open your robe. Let me see you," he urges as he leans into the mirror, his lips almost kissing the glass.

I keep one hand on my leg, bunching the fabric up around my hips as I drape my sleeves down my sides, revealing my breasts.

Niko chokes out, "S-Sweet Makers."

I bite my lip again, a little shy and embarrassed, self-consciously almost covering myself, but Niko hisses, "Deities, please touch yourself."

His words run straight to my pussy, wetness forming between my legs.

My center is free from my dressing robe, the open air cold, enticing my desire more.

Niko watches me as I rub my hand up the column of my legs, down to my apex.

I moan with delight, imagining Niko's touch.

"Good," he says with a lift of his lips. "Now pleasure yourself."

I insert one finger and gasp, my chest tightening. When my head lowers, I gaze at Niko watching me, studying me. I bite my lips again underneath that hooded stare.

Power creeps along my spine. But not my magic. A different sense of power. One that has me wishing, wanting, needing to please him as he pleases me. It leaves me hungry for more, and I rub my clit.

Niko moves his hands faster than I can follow, the length of him popping out from his trousers as he lowers them to his knees. His shirt covers his cock temporarily, but he lifts it over his head with one hand, intent on keeping one wrapped around his hardness.

My mouth waters at the sight of him shirtless and broad. Muscles curved and shaped into perfection, with hair covering his chest and down his toned stomach and even further.

Pleasure oozes from me when Niko licks his lips, twisting his cock in his hands as he pumps himself.

"Fuck, I want to taste you," I moan.

His shoulders tense, leaning into the mirror for support as his head falls down. His red hair covers his face, but I pay no attention to it, my eyes refusing to vacate his nakedness.

All for me.

I shudder in pleasure, my own arousal thick at the thought of being on my knees for him.

"My cock wants it just like this." Niko shows me the movement, his eyes meeting mine as he adds, "And then you can suck me dry."

I nod, committing the lesson to memory. "Yes, I can do that."

"Pinch your nipples," he commands.

I do as he instructs, closing my eyes and reclining against the chair, my head falling back.

Lust coats his entire face, driving him to buck his hips. "Fuck," he groans as his hand remains wrapped around his cock.

I pinch my nipple harder, my hips bucking.

"Yes," Niko breathes heavily, the sound of my wetness the only thing filling the room.

Niko grunts, but I am too preoccupied with grinding harder into the lounge chair.

"Are you close yet?" Niko asks through the sound of his own pleasure filling my ears.

I struggle for words as I insert another finger, moving my hand from my breast to rub my clit as I pump my other in and out of my pussy.

"Mm-hmm," I hum, concentrating on myself.

I open my eyes, catching Niko's ragged, distraught breathing. But his strokes match my own hands.

Niko bites his lip, and I stutter through my own buildup, my stomach muscles tightening.

"Fuck," Niko growls, eyes shutting.

Seeing him getting there keeps me going.

"Yes," I pant, watching him struggle to remain upright.

Niko loses control, chasing his own pleasure. He grunts, his moan deep and satiated, the sight of him coming drives me to orgasm.

"Fuck," I groan, my hands leaving the center of my legs, falling to my sides in exhaustion.

"Yeah, something like that," Niko adds.

I rub my hands on my robe then rest one on my head, my eyes still regarding the ceiling as my breath evens. Movement has me glancing up to Niko cleaning himself with a towel, pulling on his trousers, and finding his shirt.

I study him as he bends and retrieves his tunic.

His muscles flex in the light as he faces me, giving me one final glance of his nakedness before covering back up.

I take that as an opportunity to pull my robe over my body, leaning forward and taking the mirror with me to my bedside.

Part of me wishes we could stay in this beautiful moment, but I am asking him to do a lot while I remain here—married to another man.

"Thank you," I whisper as he faces me. "Thank you for letting me have this with you before—"

"Tee," Niko raises a hand, cutting me off.

His eyes drift to the floor. He runs a hand through his hair, sighing and glancing out the window.

I remain patient, knowing there is a lot at risk not only for my kingdom but for us.

He meets my gaze. "I know what tonight means for you and—their king," Niko spits, his eyes squinting with disgust.

Weight clamps down on my chest, hating that I have done this to Niko and that my hands are completely tied right now.

"But…" Niko continues, and his anger shifts into tenderness. "But I will always want you. I will always need you. Nothing will stand in my way. I am coming for you."

I close my eyes and nod, grateful to have Niko as mine and mine alone.

"I want to be with you, Niko," I sniff, unable to help the tears forming and falling down my cheeks. "This is all but a test for our relationship and for Axidoria. We will call the banners, and I will find answers and learn more about my magic. I will find my way home to you and save our kingdom."

His handsome features illuminate, and a lustful thought sends shivers down my spine.

We watch each other, chests rising and falling, hands reaching to touch the reflection.

"I know you will do just that, Tee." He grins, pure and filled with hope.

The perfect image to cling to while I remain here, and he remains in Axidoria.

"If I have to call the banners, I won't be able to see you as often. Sweet Makers, it is already arduous being your proxy while you are gone," Niko says, changing the conversation.

Calling the banners is a strenuous task. Niko will have to trek to each village during this winter, facing some heavier iced-over areas than others. Many of the nobles will join the call, especially because they prefer Niko to me, and the prospect of having a future king will instill hope for our people.

"I know I won't," I say, steering him and his mood into better spirits. "But I trust you. You are my fiancé and my royal advisor. Think of this as practice for the real thing when I get home."

Niko nods, and I know he can handle it. He has already done so much more than a proxy before, and this time, he has our engagement and witnesses to solidify his claims and the call.

"How is everything, though?" I ask.

Niko shoots me a warning look, and it drives my need further.

I wait for him to concede.

He takes a seat in front of the vanity, and I don't know what to brace myself for. "Since you've been gone, there have been reports of new areas seeing frost and ice appearing without any warning. And Ulrik Albertsen is trying to gain the favor of enough nobles to go against you and the crown's wishes."

Rage thickens my blood, building a wall of fury around me. Winter, Ulrik, being stuck here, and forced into a marriage I didn't want.

"He is going to regret that," I vow.

"Tee, we still need him for trade."

I roll my eyes, hating how he is right. We need Ulrik for trade because he helps keep Axidoria's funds full enough to pay other kingdoms for resources we have depleted. I can't wait for the day I'll be able to remove the thorn in my side that Ulrik Albertsen is.

"But when I said he is trying to, he is trying and failing." Niko laughs, knowing I fell for it, and shrugs. "What can I say? The people love me."

I give him a knowing look with my eyebrow raised. I'm met with his grin on full display. While I want to smack him and scold him for teasing me, I can't help the small tug of my smirk, the Niko I have fallen for peeking through our predicament.

Annoyed but in happy defeat, I appreciate having such a man in my life for myself and for my home. I touch the reflection, and I wish with my entire heart to have him here beside me, facing this together instead of apart.

It will be hard, but in the back of my mind, I pray to the Makers there is a way to avoid a fight and save my kingdom from my own magic.

"I miss you. So much," I confess.

He smiles again, sending my heart skipping a beat. "I miss you too, Tee."