12

The Void

The front of the saddle rubs against my right hip, causing me to wiggle and lean into Jerrick. In my pain and out of a need for comfort in what could be my last moments, I pretend that I am here by choice and Jerrick is someone I could trust.

His body is muscular and wide enough to circle me in, providing me warmth as the side of my head rests on his chest, hiding my winces through our passage into Biala Forest and closer to Palaena's border.

The further we trek from Axidoria, the more distinguishable the differences are between my cursed winter and Aiyana's season. Aiyana's weather is light and delicate in the forest, my observant eyes noting the areas kissed by her nature and killed by my touch.

My heart constricts, seeing the harsh ice and dead trees showing no signs of life all because of my powers.

The thought of dooming animals as much as my people makes my skin crawl.

The crisp breeze blows against me, drying some of the blood that has soaked through. Small shivers reverberate through me but none for Jerrick.

The damn man is so fucking warm it pisses me off.

As if he senses my irritation at his perfection, he hums under his breath, breaking the silence between us as we rock in and out of sync on the saddle.

I glance at him, and my vexation takes deeper root at his chiseled jaw, the perfect scar, the small dimple coming to life as he glances down. How could I—

"Something amusing you?"

I dart my stare from Jerrick, knowing I got caught but hoping my blush doesn't surface. Damn him and his good looks.

His gaze bores into me, and I squirm further into myself.

"Oh, come now, what else do we have to do with our time together?" he asks, trying to antagonize me more.

"I'd much rather ride in silence than be stuck speaking with you."

"And here I thought we were getting along so well."

"We do not get along. Your family killed mine," I spit.

"Says who?"

His denial only furthers my own beliefs. But I cannot predict what he will do if I piss him off. All I do know is he charmed me, killed a priest, fought my fiancé, and kidnapped me. He very well is capable of killing my family.

Him and the entire wretched Mikkelson line.

To keep from goading him, I bite my tongue hard, drawing blood. I hate my inability to protect myself and my stupid reliance on him to stay alive.

If I knew how to harness my abilities, I could protect myself.

And if you knew how to harness your abilities, your people wouldn't hate you, and you wouldn't be in this mess to begin with, Tove.

Jerrick weaves his way through Biala Forest as night sweeps across the sky. The light from the sun diminishes, the trees clear, and a cloudless sky illuminates the white glow of the moon.

With the temperature lowering, the wind picks up, swishing and whirling around us, and more shivers take hold of me the longer I remain on horseback.

Not even the heat emanating from Jerrick can stop my teeth from rattling and my exhaustion from tugging at me.

The horse slows to a quieter walk as Jerrick says, "We need to camp for the night."

I nod curtly through trembling teeth, and he guides his horse down an unworn path leading to a small clearing in front of a cave.

I look at Jerrick.

"It'll keep us warm and keep us away from any creatures here in the forest," he says.

The closer we get, the more I shake uncontrollably. It is dark outside, but the cave itself is a void.

My anxiety rises as Jerrick halts the steed and dismounts from behind me, removing all I had for warmth.

"What if something is inside?" I blurt.

"Am I to believe you are worried about me?"

I know my face is contorted with worry, alongside the pain and coldness, but Jerrick's warm hand squeezes my legs, sending heat into my chest.

Jerrick guides us into the cave.

The moonlit night is bright enough to provide us with minimal light, and there is a slight chill, but nothing compared to outside.

He gestures his hands up to help me down.

"This is probably going to hurt, but you can't scream. We don't want to alert beasts," he warns, emphasizing the last word.

Fear and the impending pain make me hesitant about dismounting, knowing my shoulder won't be the only thing hurting. The blood loss is evident even through my drained body and wheezing breaths.

I secretly hope I could pass out again just to skip the agony of getting off this horse.

I attempt to rock my hips off the horse's side. Pain sears through me as I lean forward, but Jerrick grips my waist, pulling me away from the steed, allowing the least amount of contact with my back.

It still doesn't prevent the misery exploding.

I muffle my scream by biting my lip hard enough for copper to coat my tongue. Nausea roils in my gut and in my chest, and I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to avoid vomiting. The fight is unbearable, and I hurl to my left, barely pulling away from Jerrick in time.

Dry heaves stick as I wobble, fighting to keep the bile from coming out. But even my own body loses control.

Jerrick holds me by my sides, keeping loose strands of hair from falling in front of my mouth.

My skin is an inferno, yet the sweat on my brow is cold, and the tremors refuse to abate. It's freezing in the forest and in this cave, but I am confused by the sudden heat. I internally plea for this to stop.

"Don't look," I manage to wrench out hoarsely. Bile escapes as my body begs to crumple. "Please."

This is another embarrassment for him to keep score of and throw in my face at a later time.

But Jerrick is silent, holding me steady.

Whether he holds me for minutes or hours, I don't know, but when the nausea subsides, I am spent. I want to rise and push myself through the waves of exhaustion, to show I am alright, but my knees give out.

Jerrick catches me before I scrape up my legs from the rocks on the ground, putting my weight against him and tenderly guiding me into a sitting position.

I hiss through each movement, dreading this endless cycle. I exhale, trying not to be loud, but I am so fucking drained.

My head is reeling. My throat is raw. My legs are throbbing.

And I am still in my wedding gown. My torn and bloodied wedding gown.

A tear falls down my cheek as defeat sinks in over how my wedding day turned into a disaster.

I can't stop sniffing, the sound of it echoing in the cave, while wishing for my bedchamber—wishing for Betina—wishing for Niko.

Jerrick notices me slumping, and he eases me down on my left side.

The cold floor crashes against my body, but the second my head is braced on something, I exhale a small shudder of relief.

Jerrick's footsteps tell me he is walking away, and only then do I fall apart.

I wish I wasn't here.

I wish I knew what my parents thought of this predicament.

Tears stream down my cheeks as Jerrick's approach earns a gasp from me as something touches me. I flinch at the contact, bracing for pain—

"Relax, it's only a blanket," he says.

I nod silently, too tired to fight him and grateful the night is shielding me from his scrutiny.

But Jerrick lowers to the floor, and when he faces me, the damn moon grants us enough light to see each other.

I blink away my tears as he studies me closely, the woolen blanket granting me heat. I want to relax, but I can't with him analyzing my every move. I grunt and wiggle, trying to find a way to hide my eyes.

Jerrick shifts closer, combing loose strands of my silver-blonde hair away from my face and forcing me to halt.

I want to revolt, but his touch is warm and tender.

"I'm not here to hurt you," Jerrick whispers.

I scoff. "Not here to hurt me?"

My eyes flash with fury only to be met by his own.

Jerrick withdraws, shifting himself into a comfortable position as he exhales an exhausted command. "Sleep, Frostbite."

Frost escapes from my fingertips, winter beaming on the light air that expands from my lips.

I wish I could stop sprinting away, but I break through the courtyards, and I keep hurrying beyond my home.

A kiss plants itself in my core, blossoming into more swirls of ice, which drifts outwardly from each step that touches the semi frozen grass.

Wind blows my hair out of my face as I come to a hard stop at the lake, relief flooding me.

I marvel in awe as frost from my feet hardens the lake.

CRACK!

Dread anchors me down as the cracking noise continues more harshly—more brutally—more violently.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

"NO. Please. STOP!" I plead.

"Frostbite, wake up!" a voice screams.

I blink awake to meet the man leaning close to me.

My kidnapper.

My enemy.

I try to push him away, shrieking from moving my damned right arm.

"Easy," Jerrick says as I scan my surroundings, seeing I am still in the cave.

The wool blanket feels constrictive with Jerrick holding my side. My brows furrow at his proximity, hating that he saw me in my most vulnerable state.

I hide my torment. But mostly in avoidance of his stupidly beautiful eyes that are the same color as my own.

"Do you have to be next to me?"

"Well, you did ask." He smirks.

"I did not!"

"Oh, I must've misheard you, then."

The richness of his voice coats my skin in goose bumps as he releases me, rising to retrieve something from his pack.

He tosses it, letting it collide with my face.

"Ow." I awkwardly attempt to rub the tender area.

Jerrick sighs and saunters toward me.

He lowers into a squat, dropping a few small pieces of dried meat and nuts into the palm of my hand. His scent is lighter, mixed with the dampness of the cave, as I place a nut in my mouth, crunching down softly.

"We have a lot of work to do," he grumbles.

"There is no we," I bite back as I swallow another helping of food.

Something dark lingers beneath his gaze, wicked enough to make my skin crawl.

"There's been a we ever since our parents decided to play with fate," Jerrick says coldly.

My eyes widen. "Our parents?"

He heaves an annoyed sigh, pinching his brows. "Sweet Makers, stop pretending you don't know anything."

"What are you talking about?"

He waves me off in dismissal as he rises. "Never mind. Let's get on the road before we tackle another problem."

"What. Are. You. Talking. About?" I ask again, anger lacing each word.

I wait for his reply, but of course, he decides to stay quiet, packing up the woolen blanket before coming back to reach for me.

I scoot away from him, wincing in pain. I am not going to let this slide. I need to know what the fuck he is talking about.

He tries again, and I wiggle out of his touch. His face flashes with anger as I contort mine into seriousness, waiting for him to bite.

The muscles on the side of his jaw tic, and I know I've got him.

But he surprises me when he shrugs, turns, and goes to mount the horse without me.

I panic. "Where are you going?" He can't leave me here!

What kind of person kidnaps another, just to leave them to die simply because they want answers?

Jerrick turns his frame to the side, lifting his brows. "Do you want to come with me?"

My jaw works, watching the sunbeam beyond the cave, illuminating the asshole like the deity he is.

The psychopath smiles viciously. It is cruel, meant for me to realize I will meet my demise if I do not go with him.

I am not the one in control here—he is.

Letum damn him, this cave, and my fucking shoulder.

"You aren't leaving me here," I demand, the reminder to live ringing clear as a bell through my mind.

"I'm not?" he asks knowingly, using my injury and helplessness against me.

Fucking bastard.

I am not going to die. Even if I beg the Makers to let me reunite with my family, I cannot leave Niko and my home at risk from this monster.

The frigid winter is better for my kingdom than being left in the hands of Palaena.

If playing along with his whims allows me to live and get to the bottom of what he meant, then so be it. I clench my fists, everything in me trying to not spew a remark that could make him truly leave me to die.

"Please take me with you," I grind out.

He leans back, laughing in feigned joy, and jumping off the horse to approach. "Oh, I am so glad you chose right, Frostbite!" He extends his hands yet again.

I wiggle and grunt through each breath. "Stop calling me that," I snarl, torturously rising with Jerrick's help.

I haven't been standing for a full minute as the world falls out from under me. Swaying side to side, my weight slips enough for even Jerrick to scramble to help me remain upright.

You can't die when he hasn't answered your questions, Tove!

My brain runs in circles despite sleeping through the night. Trying to push myself and be coherent, I grunt through the entire painful experience, pulling in my shoulder as Jerrick and I make it to the horse.

But as exhaustion sweeps over me again, I swear there are two Jerricks holding onto my leg. I huff a laugh at both of them.

"There are two of you," I remark faintly.

"Fuck," Jerrick mutters as my head lolls.

The person before me blurs and disappears, and suddenly, I am on the horse, a force guiding me to lean into Jerrick's embrace.

My mind is spent, the few steps of walking disintegrating my emotions and feelings toward my captor.

Or were there two?

I can't remember anymore.

"I feel cold," I warn the two blobs.

Jerrick puts his hand on my forehead—it is so warm. Relief tugs at my lips over the heat coming off him.

"You're burning up," one of the two blurry people comments.

"Jer—" I try to say, but I am freezing, and my body is so heavy.

I blink as everything grows darker.

Warm cologne and leather mixes into the air. I lean into a solid cushion, faintly aware of the memory from a few days ago. That was such a different time, filled with dresses, wine, and dancing.

And a handsome man that rubbed my hand in circles in the same way my sister once did.

A glimmer of a smile twinkles against my lips at the thought as I settle, eyes closing and black dots pulling my consciousness away.

A melody played with the soft, tentative touch of keys on my piano dwindles in the back of my mind.

"Mmmm. Home," I hum, rubbing my nose into the warm pillow, hearing a low, rich chuckle repeating in my mind.