21. Blake

21

Blake

My arms feel like dead weights and even though I'm ecstatic seeing Luca vibrate in his nest, Luther's shirt clutched in his hands, I can't move. I don't even know what happened. This morning, I felt a little off but it wasn't anything to worry about. By the time we were at the station, I was having a little trouble breathing.

And now?

It feels like I've been drugged.

While Luther had Luca, Grayson told me just how much more serious this entire situation is. That it isn't just about high-stress situations but about how my Omega biology handles them. An Alpha or Beta would just remove themselves from the situation or push through. An Omega isn't so lucky. They want to please everyone around them and they want to be loved, cherished, fawned over.

Which means that when I'm met with a high-stress situation, I tend to push through rather than step back.

One of many reasons why I don't ever tell my Alphas that I feel a little bit off.

I don't want to fail them.

Strong arms band around my waist and drag me into a lap, Luther nuzzling my cheek before dipping to my neck. Luca smiles wide at us before weaving Luther's shirt into the nest and running off to help Grayson, no doubt to drag him back over here faster.

"How are you feeling, love? No lies this time."

"Tired."

"Why didn't you say anything? Blake, I won't think of you any differently if you need to step back. It's still your company, your baby but you can't keep pushing through. Your body can't take it. I've watched you pass out more times than I can handle and it has to stop. You're taking the rest of the week off."

"What?" I try to sit up when Luther growls at me to stay put. "There's a project and-"

"And I can't trust you to tell me when it's too much. You'll work from here but the moment Grayson or I tell you to pack it up, you'll listen. Quentin mentioned that feeling faint is one of the symptoms and that if it happens too often, we'll need to go back for a few more tests." Luther kisses just below my scent gland and I sigh, fighting the relaxation that comes from his touch.

I don't know why I need to prove to my own fucking Alphas that I'm enough, that I'm okay. And then I realize I'm not trying to prove anything to them. I'm trying to prove it to Luca.

Soft giggles escape from the kitchen, Grayson's voice carrying over as he playfully yells at Luca to stop stealing pepperonis. I can only imagine Luca flitting around like a damn bird, swiping ingredients and stuffing them into his mouth like he did in college. Luca was always a nightmare to cook with. Either he was stealing food or he was yelling at everyone to get out of his kitchen so he could cook.

I hope I see many more days like that.

"What are you thinking about, Blake?" Luther shuffles me around until my back is against his chest, his thighs on either side of mine. He bows his head a little further to kiss the bite on my shoulder, my body finally giving in. His purr starts up as his arms wrap around my stomach, Luther patiently waiting for me to answer.

"I wanted to be Luca's safe place. The one he could run to but I can't even manage myself. It hurts to know that I'm not enough." I've always known that Luca would need my Alphas and that has never bothered me. But to know that the bond between Luca and I could very well contribute to my heart problems pisses me off.

"Blake, you are Luca's safe place but that doesn't mean you have to be invincible. You're allowed to break, to fall apart, to have bad days. Luca built his very first nest because he found you safe. That safety doesn't come with requirements to be perfect. Hell, I'm not perfect and neither is Grayson." His hands start to move, one of them slipping under my shirt and splaying across my belly, the other moving higher to settle around the front of my neck. Held like this, I'm completely Luther's. "For the first time since we met, I'm going to ask something of you. It's going to be difficult but I want you to try."

"Yes?"

"Be our Omega. Whine for what you need. Throw temper tantrums when the food isn't right or when we mess up the pillows. Give us those dirty looks when Luca doesn't know how to tell us something isn't right. Let out the part of you that you've denied for so long."

"I don't know how to do that. I also don't want to be that. Are you asking me to come off the heat suppressants?"

"Blake, no. You told me how your heats make you feel and I would never subject you to that. However, I'm asking you to enjoy being an Omega. You'll still own a company and Luca will still be here but I want you to relax, to stop fighting your biology."

"I'm not fighting-"

Luther chuckles as he pushes me to my feet and then directs me to my nest. I'm about to ask what he's doing when he merely walks in and pulls a shirt from where I put it. I stare at the gaping hole in my nest before glaring at my Alpha. He continues, removing items until my breathing picks up and my hands fist at my sides.

"Just say it, Blake. What do you need?"

"Nothing. Why are you moving everything?"

"Tell me what's wrong first."

"You're… my nest. Why would you destroy it?" The heaviness of what Luther is doing finally sinks in. I used to think I didn't fucking care about my nest, that it just needed to be fluffy and full of my Alpha's scents. That's not the case at all. I just avoided every Omega instinct so I could push through my career without the extra burdens.

Luther hands me a pillow and I cling to it, unsure of how to move forward. I told my Alphas that I didn't care about things and most of them truly don't bother me but there's so much that does. Messing up my nest doesn't sit right with me. Something tells me to fix it immediately, to fill in that gaping hole. But it's the other things I've never voiced, that I've told myself I didn't need that are suddenly present.

Moments when Luther or Grayson would immediately shower after sex, rinsing off my scent and smelling like whatever body wash they used.

Days when they brought me food but didn't stay to eat with me.

Times when I successfully completed a project or wrapped up an upgrade and Luther didn't tell me how proud he was of me.

They're all stupid as fuck thoughts and in my position, it's hard to believe that I'm not being selfish if I were to ask for those things. Luther remains silent, letting me think through everything and come to terms with my own designation. He wants me to embrace who I am, what I am but I've been denying that side of myself for so long.

My attention flits between Luther and my nest as I let my Omega take over and tell me what I need. I reach down to swap out the pillow with a few pieces of clothing woven into the outer perimeter, my nest falling apart as I do. My heart constricts at the destruction but there's a reason. I return to the living and step up to the edge of Luca's nest, wondering where I fit in.

Grayson shows up with a cookie sheet of square pizza slices, Luca bounding in behind him with beer and Diet Coke. I'm still standing there when Luca tugs me inside of his nest. "You brought reinforcements," Luca giggles. His eyes sparkle for the first time in a while and I almost forget the circumstances for why he's here. He presses his lips to mine in a sweet kiss before I kneel in the middle and start handing Luca shirts and pants to add to the space.

This time when I look up at Luther, he's smiling, watching the both of us. I'm proud of you, he mouths to me. My cheeks warm. I love you, Alpha, I mouth right back.

Because I do.

Despite the shitty circumstances, I'm going to give in to my Omega instincts. The ones I've told myself are bullshit. If my Alpha wants me to lean, I'm going to try.