31. Charlie

CHAPTER 31

Charlie

I was standing at the kitchen window when I heard a knock at the front door. A quick glance out the sliding door showed that Patrick was still working on the lawn, his headphones in as he made passes over the grass. It was barely past ten in the morning, and I'd only been out of bed for fifteen minutes. At first, I ignored the knock. But when it became more insistent, I figured I had no choice but to answer it.

The only people that would be pounding on doors this early were either police or religious solicitors. And considering I hadn't committed a crime that I knew of, it was bound to be pamphlet toting converters. I braced myself to tell off the worst kind of people as I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Instead of Mormons, I was greeted by Phoenix. He still had his gym shorts on, a backpack thrown over one shoulder, and very rumbled hair that told me he'd bolted out of bed to get back here so early. And he held a coffee in each hand.

"Nix," I said, my stomach twisting nervously. I hadn't gotten a chance to really think things over from the day before. He'd only been gone a few hours. "You're back early."

"Yeah," he replied, combing his fingers through his hair. "I… I guess I missed you."

It was cute and it made me smile. So, I tried to push aside the nerves, and I invited him in. As soon as he was inside, he dropped his backpack and we both went to the kitchen.

"These might need to be warmed up," he said, placing the coffees on the counter. "I made Tony stop for them back in Eugene. I didn't realize that was the closest coffee shop."

"That's what microwaves are for," I said, dumping them both into large mugs and putting them in the microwave. "But you know, we have a little shop here in town. It's not a big chain, but they make decent coffee." I glanced back at him as our drinks began to reheat. "You must've had to get up pretty early to get back here so soon."

"Yeah. Tony was kinda pissed about it," he grinned. "But I wanted to see you. Especially after yesterday. I felt like we left things on a weird note."

"It wasn't weird. I just…" I took a breath, trying to collect my thoughts. "It's just a lot really fast and I need some time to process."

"Oh. Of course." He turned his gaze to the backyard, trying to hide his disappointment. Catching sight of Patrick, he stepped up to the glass, his mouth hanging open slightly. "Did you know there's a draft horse in your backyard?"

"Yep. That's Patrick."

Nix turned to me, a look of shock on his face. "What?!"

"You heard me. "

He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. "That beefy motherfucker is Patrick ?!"

"Regretting not giving him that blowjob in high school now?" The microwave dinged and I pulled our drinks out, sliding a mug over to him. "That could've been yours."

"Pfft. I don't fucking want him." He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring out the window. "I don't even want him now. He's not even cute."

Nix was fooling nobody, especially not me. He sounded like a petulant child, trying to trick everyone into thinking that he didn't find Patrick insanely attractive. Truth be told. I found Patrick fun to look at as well. But it never went any further than that in my head. In fact, the moment I realized it was him that I was looking at and not just some faceless hunk, all interest sorta died away. The only person I ever wanted to sleep with was Phoenix.

"Don't let his boyfriend Tyler hear you saying that. I won't stand up for you in that fight."

"I still can't believe he's gay."

"He literally asked you to blow him, Nix."

"Teenager hormones," he scoffed, waving his hand dismissively.

"I guess you won't mind if I invite him in then since he's not gay and won't steal me away from you."

Nix tried to stop me, a look of disbelief on his face. But I was already pushing open the door. I waved to Patrick and a moment later the mower came to a stop. He pulled off his headphones and headed over, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"You want some coffee?" I called.

"If it comes with ice, sure," he nodded. "It's hot as fuck out here."

"I've got the AC running too. Come on in." It wasn't until Patrick and I stepped back inside that I gestured to Phoenix. "I think you two probably remember one another."

Nix stood there with his arms crossed, glaring at Patrick. Meanwhile, it was Patrick that hunched his shoulders, acting shyer than I'd seen him in a long time. I couldn't help chuckling to myself as I went about getting Patrick's drink. Their little tiff was a nice distraction from the looming questions about our relationship that Nix wanted answers to. It was a nice change of pace to not be the most anxious one in the room for once.

"You know, you don't have to do the lawn today if it's too hot," I said, handing him a cup that was mostly ice with a splash of coffee. "I really don't care that much about the grass."

Patrick lifted an eyebrow. "You literally pay me to take care of it though."

"Only because I hate doing it."

"Uh-huh."

He just smiled, knowing that it may have started out that way, but the reason I kept him on was to support his business. He knew I didn't have a lot of extra money, but supporting him seemed worth it, especially since he put up with me. "

"I don't mind getting a little sun anyway," he continued. He pulled at his shirt. "Although this thing is gonna have to go if it gets any warmer."

"How about you leave your shirt on," Nix growled, still glaring at him from the other end of the kitchen.

"Ignore him," I said. "He's just jealous. "

"I am not!"

"He thought you were hot before he saw it was you and now he thinks you're gonna steal me away from him or something."

Nix's jaw fell open as he tried to form a retort. But Patrick and I just laughed.

"I've got my own man at home," Patrick said. "And he's more than I can handle sometimes. I don't need another one. No offense."

"None taken," I nodded.

"So, you two are together now?"

That question wiped the smile right off my face. Suddenly I was anxious again, all of those feelings bubbling back to the surface once more.

"Yeah, we are," Nix replied before I could answer. "So back off."

Patrick just smiled, not threatened by Nix in the least. "I see you haven't lost any of that fire you always had. That redhead stereotype is strong in you."

"Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?"

"Nix," I said, my patience wearing thin with his constant machismo. "Shut up."

His chest deflated instantly, his expression shifting to surprise at my tone.

"Nix and I are just friends," I said, turning back to Patrick. "He wants more than that and I'm figuring out if I want that too."

"Oh. Well, I hope you figure it out," Patrick said, looking a little uncomfortable with the sudden tension in the room. "For the record, I always figured you two would end up together. It just seemed… inevitable I guess."

"We'll see where it goes," I said, shooting a glare at Nix. "And if he can behave himself around my only friend in town."

Nix hung his head, looking pretty ashamed of himself. I probably been a bit hard on him, but it was early and he was already causing a ruckus with his false bravado. I didn't need him to protect me from the world or other men. I wanted him to be at my side as a partner, not a guard dog.

"Well, practice makes perfect, right?" Patrick offered. "Why don't we have a game night or something this week?"

Before I could say anything, Nix nodded, lifting his gaze once more.

"I could do that," he said, sounding eager to prove himself. "I'm here for a couple more days, so we'd have to do it fairly soon."

"How about here tomorrow night? Does that work for you both?"

Again, before I could answer, Nix did for me.

"Yeah. And bring your boyfriend with you. Maybe if I meet him, I'll finally believe you're gay and not just some horny teenagers." Nix grinned as he stepped over to Patrick, holding out his hand. "Sorry for being a dick… I just… I guess I haven't processed some stuff yet."

"No harm done," Patrick replied, shaking his hand. He polished off his coffee and sat the cup on the counter. "Well, I better get this lawn done. I've got at least six more to do today before I can go home." He glanced up at Nix, giving him a wink. "And I'll make sure to keep my shirt on , okay?"

Nix chuckled. "Thanks."

"See you tomorrow night then!"

Patrick left through the slider, going back to his mower. Nix, on the other hand, stood at the window smiling, looking pretty proud of himself. He turned to me, searching for approval. But all he found was panic.

Their entire exchange would've been adorable if not for the fact that Nix just invited people over to my house without asking me. It wasn't just people I knew either, but a total stranger as well. Sure, Tyler was Patrick's partner, but I didn't know the man. It had taken me six years to even let Patrick into my kitchen for a drink. And now that Nix was here, I was supposed to host an entire game night and still be able to function.

"I'll be right back," I said, my hands shaking as I headed to my bedroom.

I didn't want Nix to see how upset I was. After all, his invitation was a totally normal thing to do where friends were concerned. People got together and hung out sometimes. So, instead of making him feel bad, I went into my room and closed the door behind me. Leaning my back against it, I slid down the hard surface until I came to rest on the floor. I forced myself to take a few deep breaths, concentrating on my breathing.

If I wanted a future with Nix, I had to be able to work through these things. I couldn't be a mess every time something unexpected happened. When Nix was around, unexpected was the norm. That's the way it was when we were kids and from what I could tell, that hadn't changed at all. Not to mention his career was erratic and lacked the measured consistency of an office job. So being anywhere near him meant that there wasn't going to be a plan ninety percent of the time. The thought terrified me, but I forced myself to breathe through it.

I wanted a relationship with Nix. I knew that in my heart. But I'd been trying to give myself time to come to terms with it and all the change that entailed. However, it seemed like I was going to have to make a decision faster than that. Life wasn't going to wait for me to get my shit together. Broken or not, if I wanted to be with Nix, I had to push through the discomfort.

And that's exactly what I was going to do.